ABDL Adventures

Diaper Training in Seattle, WA Hit me up any time :)

[abdlbaron]

Well, I figured it'd be fun to post an update.

I spent a couple years wearing 24/7 or close to it, and now I'm wearing about half the time.

I got a lot of good advice & I use better skincare products than when I started.

Wearing silly or childish clothes is something I do maybe 60% of the time.

I've got some great little friends & I spend more time doing things in person than I used to.

I'm almost 40, but a coworker said he thought I was in my 20's. So I'll take it.

All things told, life goes well. Maybe I'll try to post more often.

[abdlbaron]

3-29-2022

It's been a minute since I've updated.

I've been digging through a lot, trying to challenge fears, and reframing things. I also had a session with my hypnotist where we took a nagging voice in my head and gave it a new job: reminding me to stay mentally regressed.

For most of the last month, we've been adding mental regression to my training goals. What I mean by that is focusing on my sensations & feelings, being fully in the present moment, and giving up control of myself, of others, and of my continence.

It feels amazing to really dig in & feel every tiny thing about life. Instead of moving quickly & being numb, I'm slowly savoring everything both good and bad.

I spent half an hour watching a plum tree in bloom, and it filled my heart. I could write pages about the illicit relationship I had with a grilled ham & cheese sandwich.

It has been good to explore this more, and make it a daily habit.

[abdlbaron]

12-20-21

Positivity has been hard to come by lately.

I've been working on being more in touch with my feelings, but I didn't expect to feel sad & worn out all the time. It kinda sucks, and it let's me know that I need to make changes if I'm going to be sustainably happy.

I guess the biggest thing going on right now is that my therapist & I are going over taboo stuff. Like, the various specifics about littlehood, and the things I have a hard time talking about.

Lately I've been backsliding in how much or what I can tell others, and losing progress sucks. Usually, I take a lot of notes and try to be prepared.

Instead this time we're setting aside the next few sessions for spontaneous & open conversations about difficult topics. We had been using the last 5 minutes of each session to cover this stuff. Now I'm trying to fill an hour off the cuff.

I'm not sure what we'll go over, or how I'll fill the time.

Maybe more talk about dismantling my adult facade?

Maybe my want for some kind of intensive, or faster treatment?

Or maybe none of that at all.

I don't know, but I can say that I'm excited for it. It'll be good to open up a bit more & try to be less avoidant.

[abdlbaron]

11-24-21

A lot has been going on, so here's the basics:

I took a road trip to visit my mom & her side of the family dressed like this. Wearing a tykeables onesie, overalls, Dry 24/7 diapers, and with my pacifier clipped to my outfit.

We talked about my decisions to stay in diapers, wear little clothes, and be more silly & have more fun. When we parted, there was lots of "I love you," "I'm glad you're making positive changes," and "Good for you, choosing happiness."

I gave them permission to tell people if they want, but nobody expects it to come up.

I got called cute by two random folks and got a couple other compliments on my outfit while road tripping. At age 35, it's nice to hear :)

So, yeah.

It was a pretty good visit. I think the main key was presenting it all as positive steps I was taking for my own happiness.

[abdlbaron]

11-13-21:

It has been about two weeks since starting my IEP project with my therapist, and I want to talk about it. It's a plan for diaper & little training this year, with measurable goals and built in accountability.

The first goal is for me to show up as a little in daily life and accept my role as a little.

The second goal is for me to be less overwhelmed & overworked.

The third is for me to accept my need for diapers & make them an everyday part of my life.

So, my therapist and I sat down & came up with measurable Objectives.

One example is: Wear diapers at least 90% of the time. I'm allowed 3 cheat days each month, but if I use one we have to talk about why so we can work on it.

Another example is that I have to have X conversations a week about my diapers or being little. This has helped me open up a lot already and it feels great.

[abdlbaron]

I'd say that today was a success.

I went to the hypnotherapist and we talked about a lot of things. I gave her background on diapers, past relationships, etc. It wasn't easy telling her, and I had to stop & start a couple times.

I wasn't expecting her reaction to be as understanding and positive as it was. She was like "Yeah, it makes sense for you to wear diapers."

So next week we'll dig in on the hypnosis part & try to address some of my ingrained negativity & pent up emotions around diaper wearing.

Fingers crossed!

[abdlbaron]

Having a relaxing day in my new hedgehog kigu. It's warm & comfy & easy to feel little in. Ofc, I'm in a Dry 24/7 diaper too!

Monday is the big day where I run my plan past my therapist and start diaper training again. This time, we're adding little activities to the mix and it's about working littleness into my daily life. By the end of the session we'll have some measurable goals to work on.

This Thursday is a trip to a hypnotist. Our game plan there is to make it easier to play & be little while establishing incontinence as a normal everyday thing.

[abdlbaron]

10-13-2021

Planning a new diaper training regimen with my therapist. Thinking to start November 1st, and go from there. At that rate, I'll have been diapered 24/7 for 8 months out of 12 this year.

[abdlbaron]

6/1: Wrapping Up with the Urologist

I figure this would be a good point to give another update. I've been diaper training since December & there have been good outcomes so far. I'd say I'm comfortably in the Overactive Bladder category of wetting.

After finding out that I can't handle catheters, that prevents me from getting a stent or a sphincterotomy. Which is a shame. That's months worth of working with this Dr. down the drain.

So, the options he gave me are: 1. Continue physical therapy & bladder training, 2. Try new meds, 3. Start botox injections to the wrong part of my bladder, or 4. Stop treatment & try something else.

Today I sent him a message saying that I'm going to spend a couple months acclimating to diaper dependency. Specifically, no longer paying attention to when I wet and only changing my diaper at specific times. The goal being to build up the habit & normalcy of it.

I haven't gotten a response back yet, but I think this will be the end of my interactions with a urologist.

I will be continuing diaper training with my primary care provider, psychiatrist, and therapist. Without the eventual need for specialized treatment, it doesn't make sense to keep up with the urologist too.

That said, there have been good outcomes and this was worth my while.

[abdlbaron]

4-23-21

Made progress today!

Today my urologist agreed to proceed with catheterizing me for a week or two, so I can do a trial run & see if incontinence will improve my quality of life.

I'm excited because this opens the door to further treatment down the road, and it means that we effectively skipped a couple steps.

Heck yeah!

[abdlbaron]

4-15-2021

I may've mentioned before that I'm on muscle relaxers so I can go more often. Well, that's because some past stuff left that area constantly tight. Like a muscle that's always contracted & sore. Naturally, that has made going all the time and diaper training difficult.

To help with this tightness problem the clinic is teaching me a bunch of stretches, and part of that is having to stretch out my bottom 3 to 5 times a week. The clinic suggested I pick up some medical dialators, and here's the set I'm working with:

I'm currently a size 6. The old me would think it's a laughably small 1 inch toy.

I used to have a partner whose favorite training method was "the new toy is going in now. Bite the sheets because it's going to hurt." I know I've taken close to 3 inch diameter toys before, but this is really different.

It's strange, this focus on comfort and feeling completely at ease before going up in size.

It's... nice to now be experiencing butt stuff that isn't violent or causing injuries. And it's difficult remembering all the badness. And it sucks to feel fragile.

But, this is an important step toward healing & getting over scars from the past. This is one way where training is helping me heal & get better.

At the end of the day, this will help me with my goal of diaper training.

[abdlbaron]

Feeling cute, might delete later.

[abdlbaron]

3-30-21

Today makes a week of doing bladder retraining with the clinic. Their breathing exercise helps with going more easily, and double voiding makes sure that there's nothing in my bladder so it can get used to being empty faster. I've been noticing needing to go every 1-3 hours, so progress is being made.

When I go in today they'll measure the strength of my bladder & bowel muscles, then give me a more tailored plan. I'll update after the visit.

Update: turns out my butt is 5-6 times more tense than it should be due to past trauma to the area. The clinician wants to focus on relaxing before doing any muscle training. I guess I'm a clinically confirmed tight ass lol

I'm a bit nervous about tomorrow's meeting with the psychiatrist. Yesterday we officially sent her the letter asking for help with behavior modification.

We went with a short & to the point explanation that diapers improve my quality of life, but I need help overcoming my resistance to them.

2nd Update: Well, she didn't get my letter. So I have to wait a month before talking to her again. It feels like a wasted opportunity. We did talk a little bit about my diaper training. Her big takeaway this time was "Some people need more help than others. If someone needs diapers to be comfortable in society, then they should wear them."

Next visit we're increasing my dosage of Abilify. Before that I'm supposed to spend the month working on skills to sort & engage with strong emotions.

[abdlbaron]

3-23-21

Today was my first visit with the physical therapist. I followed directions & showed up in a pull-up and ready to exercise.

This first visit was pretty much an hour of bladder & bowel questions, and assigning some reading & homework. To make it easier to talk about she brought up that she has treated people of all ages with all kinds of bladder issues.

On the plus side, she recommended I wear a level of protection I'm comfortable with during visits. Back to diapers it is!

Next week will be biofeedback to check the muscles in that region, and find out the most suitable treatments going forward. It might just be habit building, or it might involve taking steps to weaken muscles.

Well, progress is being made!

[abdlbaron]

3-14-21

The next two steps of my diaper training are coming up, and I'm excited for them.

In a little over a week I'm set up for weekly physical therapy at a clinic. In no time that should help me build the habit of wetting. It should also help because I'll be held accountable for my diaper training progress. It'll be interesting using their app to track exercises.

The longer term thing is that I'm sounding out further treatment options with my psychiatrist. The goal being to get over the remaining shame & fear surrounding my diapers.

So far we've got two ideas:

1. Try out incontinence with a temporary shot, and spend that time getting used to it. To do that I'd ask her for a letter of support for getting a chemical sphincterotomy. So far, I know that botox is a 9-12 month trial run of incontinence. More research might find other options.

2. Spend time in a structured environment where staff could help me see diapers as no big deal. Turning my diapers into a normal and routine thing would help a lot. It could also give me the time & structure to retrain my bladder.

...and that's all my progress for now :)

[abdlbaron]

3-1-2021

It has been about a month & my diaper training project continues.

The urologist I'm working with has me on a muscle relaxer for my bladder & pelvic floor. He still wants to go slowly, dialing in the exact level of incontinence I need.

We are in the process of choosing a clinic & physical therapist to do bladder training with.

Mentally speaking, I asked my psychiatrist for help acclimating & building the habit. She has me taking a med to make my emotions easier to sort through & has me spending time diapered in front of the mirror every day, going over everything good & likeable.

Socially, I've let my family, roommates, close friends, and kinky friends know that I'm diapered now. I realized that telling people means having accountability & less fear of being outed.

My partner has me using pads on the furniture at home. Which is embarrassing, but practical.

[abdlbaron]

1-26-2021

I've got my first trip to the urologist coming up tomorrow afternoon and I'm a bit scared tbh.

We have messaged back & forth, and I have been honest. We agree that my reasoning for this is mental health related, and that we want to have me wetting more often.

On the one hand, I'm happy to be taking another concrete step towards making diapers a normal & permanent part of my life. It's a damn good feeling to finally be making progress towards a future that I actively want.

On the other hand, I'm nervous about how it will go. I'm expecting him to ask questions, order tests, suggest some behavioral changes, and not to prescribe anything. But, this would mean getting my foot in the door and starting the ball rolling.

If he does suggest meds or treatment after an intake visit I'd honestly be blindsided.

So... fingers crossed. Wish me luck!

I think I'll wear a confidry like this one on the visit. Might as well start as I mean to continue!