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@abeshnie-blog
3... 2... 1... H E R E W E G O . I’ve been accepted to do Bssm Year! I believe it’s the next step for me. If you’d like to be apart of this radical step of faith. Here is my link. https://my.bssm.net/donations/transactions/new?student_binder=503343 Thank you for loving me and my journey. #R E V I V A L
3... 2... 1... H E R E W E G O . I’ve been accepted to do Bssm Year! I believe it’s the next step for me. If you’d like to be apart of this radical step of faith. Here is my link. https://my.bssm.net/donations/transactions/new?student_binder=503343 Thank you for loving me and my journey. #R E V I V A L
3... 2... 1... H E R E W E G O . I’ve been accepted to do Bssm Year! I believe it’s the next step for me. If you’d like to be apart of this radical step of faith. Here is my link. https://my.bssm.net/donations/transactions/new?student_binder=503343 Thank you for loving me and my journey. #R E V I V A L
3... 2... 1... H E R E W E G O . I’ve been accepted to do Bssm Year! I believe it’s the next step for me. If you’d like to be apart of this radical step of faith. Here is my link. Thank you for loving me and my journey. https://my.bssm.net/student_profiles/503343/transactions/new #R E V I V A L
3... 2... 1... H E R E W E G O . I’ve been accepted to do Bssm Year! I believe it’s the next step for me. If you’d like to be apart of this radical step of faith. Here is my link. Thank you for loving me and my journey. https://my.bssm.net/student_profiles/503343/transactions/new #R E V I V A L
3... 2... 1... H E R E W E G O . I’ve been accepted to do Bssm Year! I believe it’s the next step for me. If you’d like to be apart of this radical step of faith. Here is my link. Thank you for loving me and my journey. https://my.bssm.net/student_profiles/503343/transactions/new #R E V I V A L
3... 2... 1... H E R E W E G O . I’ve been accepted to do Bssm Year! I believe it’s the next step for me. If you’d like to be apart of this radical step of faith. Here is my link. Thank you for loving me and my journey. https://my.bssm.net/student_profiles/503343/transactions/new #R E V I V A L
Although describing a 9 month period that felt like years of growth in a few less than a novel is an interesting endeavor. I shall hopefully let you in, behind the curtain of my hearts journey and the main topics of my breakthrough.
Growing in Leadership.
Authenticity. “You are the most anointed when you are the most yourself” - Richard I was given the permission and freedom not only to lead rooms and friends but to lead the way Abby would. I stepped into something powerful when I decided to bring all of who I was while leading, no matter what that looked like. I was radically celebrated and this began the journey of authentic leadership.
Vulnerability. I learned how to lead people from a place of vulnerability. How to be honest with the ones I’m leading and with my own heart. People don’t need perfection, they need someone they can trust. This means bearing the scars and letting your breakthrough become theirs.
Fun! “Laughing with people developes connection as much as crying does” Sometimes especially us deep, poetic, artistic, prophetic ones have a tendency to become very intense. Sometimes leading people looks like having taking joy SERIOUSLY. Going and getting ice cream together and laughing until your stomach hurts. Because Jesus is in a really good mood.
Growing in Love.
This definitely came as a surprise to me. Sitting in my RGP’s (Revival Group Pastors) office one afternoon. He gave us each a minute to list things we love about ourselves, unrelated to other people. Eg. (I love how much I love people)
It was a total shock when, I sat uhmm-ing and ah-ing for a while. I had neatly planned in my head before my turn, what I would say. As soon as all eyes were on me I spat out a few generic answers but even I struggled to believe myself. My pastor gracefully replied “We’re gonna give you another minute with this”. And then “I feel like there is a radical upgrade for you in loving yourself.”
Thus began the journey of loving Abby. Now I know what you may be thinking... What?!? You went to Bethel to learn how to love yourself? Is that even biblical? I’m glad you asked kind friend. Yes. In fact Jesus said “Love your neighbor as yourself” . The word “as” in the Greek means ..... AS. Haha. So I discovered that if I didn’t love myself well, it was really hard for me to love people really well. Or brilliantly put otherwise, my love for people was capped. So I began uncapping the love I let in, from people, from the Father and from myself. A WHOOOLLE NEEEEW WORRRRLLD. Things began to change drastically.
I’d like to end with this thought. Many people have the assumption that after nine months all these new ventures should be neatly tied up and that one should have a grip on it all. Any time people pass me and ask “how was it” ? I feel the pressure to pretend I know it all , but it’s quite the contrary actually. Many of these journeys I’ve only just begun. Because I didn’t go there for A quick fix. I went there for sustainability. Sustainability comes from relationship, and through relationship there is always more to discover , explore and deeper levels of freedom to walk in. I’ve started to love the journey. Be present. And laugh ALOT.
I got more than I dreamed. I saw miracles, got to minister and play piano in the healing rooms. I was also privileged to go on a ministry trip to Seattle which was a wild adventure with opportunities to lead worship, street evangelism, healing services and revival meetings (all my favourite things) .
All in all, it was the most beautiful and fulfilling 9 months and my foundations have been laid in a profound and life changing way.
Caught up in The Fellowship. #retreat #heartwhispers #alwaysclose #melodiousglances (at JH Ranch)
The journey to bethel held many a new foot path and the wildest discoveries I had ever beheld. I was invited to dream, time and time again as the steadfast hope in a perfect Father deepened. Walking into the civic auditorium, I didn't know what to expect, was this for real ?... Was I actually here ? ... Did I just step over the threshold of a "Yes" that began as a courteous whisper, a shy remark but grew into an unashamed roar that I would engage many a war with. As these droplets of moments flooded the wells of my heart, I was met by glory filled frames with smiles that danced upon their faces like sailboats out on the deep blue. As I walked towards my Revival Group, I took one glance and I knew I had found the crazies . The wild ones. The free. The unafraid. The one who prayed for me said that we were each going to get a gift. I asked the Father what mine was. What He said next held a weight I'd never experienced before. "I'm giving you the grace to be yourself" My gut wrenched tears brought about a release in my heart that has echoed throughout the rest of my days that I have been here. "You're safe" "You get to be you" Upon arriving at my first actual class/ lecture, it was as if any memory of the process that held the slightest sting was washed away. The room was filled with the ones who chose to jump, to soar. To dream. I became aware of their journey, some long and hard, some effortless gliding and others a strange sense of awkward momentum that landed them exactly where they were meant to be. The band were having their soundcheck and my heart broke the silence with spontaneous combustions of a deep joy that brought me to tears. It was as if the eagles were circling above , calling us to flight. This is the real I'm living in. This first week I have been met by a love thousands have tried to encompass with strings of melodious words. I have been given something that reaches beyond mere intellect (although there has been a feast on display that demands to be engaged) I have tasted of deep acceptance that I didn't work for, I didn't earn. Our hearts all set on home. We took flight for higher ground. It's amazing when going feels like coming home. The arrival of the birds.
The Choice.
Around the middle of last year I secured a teaching job in China. The job came with an apartment, a salary that made saving look easy and the opportunity to glimpse yet another nation through the eyes of the Father. I absolutely loved the idea of independence (as I did from a young age). The thought of being able to support many of my missionary friends as they embraced all they were called to, would be the delight of my heart.I knew it would also hold many challenges. A WHOLE LOT OF NEW. No “safety net” The support system I had back home would now be in a different time zone and continent. I would have to build everything around me from the foundation that was inside me. But if this is where I was called, my perfect loving Father would have this all covered and would get me through it all as He had with every other daunting venture. The process of preparation alone as well as coming to the place of being ready to leave all I deemed normal was one that produced such growth within me. It had been ups and downs with visa plans AND THEN... It was the day after a team from Bethel , Redding CA had left to complete their outreach journey. Two very special individuals and myself sat in a rugged container that belongs to a vision much bigger than the present (a beacon of light for a community that currently lives on a rubbish dump.) We sat reminiscing about the wonders we had encountered while partnering with the bethel outreach team. Our excitement grew over the thought of Andy joining them in September. I then shared my plans of doing a two week worship course at Bethel called WorshipU in July. My excitement was met with my friends blunt honesty ‘’its a waste, its too short’’ . Followed by ‘Why don't you do bssm in September?” Now I want to make it totally clear that it was by no means merely those words that made the depths of my heart come alive because many had said different things to me about my future and even mentioned bethel before.. but this.. was different. It was as if someone had given me the permission to dream. So I laughed in absolute denial of my trembling heart and put the thought to bed. After days of attempting to iron out the creases in what I thought was my bullet proof plan I started running down every street of possibility. I would jump back and forth between China and Bethel and I felt the the weight come down with full force while everyone asked for updates concerning China.. . Pro’s and cons would certainly not be able to narrow this one down. I was standing at a crossroad not knowing which way to run. Was the desire to go to bethel selfish? Was I just scared of ''roughing it'' in china ? Or , would going to China actually be the easy route, running away from trusting God to provide for me? I have never been one for taking paths of least resistance and I was not about to start now. Whilst trying to weigh up the scales, I just couldn't shake this one thought “why not Bethel ? ’’ . Although I had many answers to that , ie Finances, dishonouring China, Having told everyone that I'm going to China, my parents, my beautiful plan of independence, outward responsibility and many more. None of these reasons seemed to satisfy. After checking out the website and reading through the curriculum, that "this is what I'm born for" feeling came over me. I decided to take the application just for fun. Without telling anyone of course.But even so, There was still a part of me denying myself freedom and getting caught up in the game of 'what ifs'. All my life I have avoided making decisions. This one, no one could make for me. I was scared to death but I knew one thing. If God wanted this for me, He’d confirm it. He’d give me a starting point. He’d speak. He wouldnt leave me in the valley of indecision. What I found was profound in its simplicity. It violated the understanding I had of what living a surrendered life looked like. It was the simple invitation of choice. The notion of a co-labouring, a partnership. A confidence in the choice I'd make and the desires He placed within me. That He'd have my back no matter which road I chose. A Father that is not interested in giving orders but building relationship. This all wrapped in the beauty of a sovereign smile. The natural rhythm of conversation. The all important pause where a response is ushered in. The moment we can choose, Yes or no... And so with baited breath I told my parents, and slowly but surely I began to let people in on the direction I was headed. I cancelled my contract with China They accepted my withdrawal with the most grace. The more I got confirmation the more I began to see how it wasn't such a scary or daunting place to be after all. I have been formally accepted into Bssm year 1. The school starts at the end of August, I need to get my visa and nothing short of a financial miracle to get there. But I am steadfast in hope and confident in the one who holds my world. Wanna Help? Prayer : Connecting and partnering with the right people. Creative ways to serve people. Financial abundance and wisdom in the stewardship. That I'd be a blessing to Bethel whilst I am there. Courage in the waiting. Financial : If you would like to sow into my life and be apart of this adventure unfolding. Email me at [email protected]
#Cambodia #Siemreap
Ywam Adventure - Part 2
... And then Outreach Phase rolled around.
Oh was I in over my head, in the best of ways. Before we left for our outreach ,which was Cambodia, China and Thailand, we had mission prep. I’m just going to put it our there, nothing could have prepared me for the journey that I was about to embark on. So many people gave the mixed response whenever i tried to prompt them for tips clues or glimpses of what I was about to do.
Cambodia
Week 1 - Siem Reap : Taught English in Phlong Village. Went on prayer walks and chatted to the people in their huts.
Diary Extract- ‘’Today we went to teach but were learned far more. I feel as though I have lived a lifetime in one week, a lifetime in one day. Today we prayed for a man and his family. He has HIV. When He heard the gospel His whole face lit up. I know God is going to save His life and use Him mightily in that village. Words from the beautiful Khmei girls still ring in my heart; “ You dance pretty’’ , ‘’Can you be my sister. What I learned? He is a farmer, everything is a result of seeds. We got to sow a whole bunch of them this week. Man looks at the exterior but God sees the heart.”
Week 2 - Battambang : Nations to nations
‘’God doesnt just love you , He likes you - Edwin’’
This was an amazing time connecting with DTS’ all around Asia and worshiping with many different tribes and tongues. The sound was a glimpse of heaven. Reconciliation between nations and a uniting of the children of God brought a freedom that was absolutely profound.
To be continued ...
Ywam Adventure - Part 1
Lecture Phase.
The theme of my Jan DTS ( discipleship training school ) 2016 was ‘’Love that Transforms”. Therein lies the truth of what my experience during these first 3 months were.
Life at base was almost surreal. The surrounding mountains echoing their praise while the whistle of the ocean could be heard from the backyard. The culture of honour and encouragement was not like anything I’d experienced before. Of course it didn’t take long for all our differences to surface, being a completely multicultural people steeped in diversity, but these were navigated with care and mercy always triumphed. For me, being apart of a community that believes the best about you and loves the worst out of you, was healing in itself.
Every week a new topic was explored by a different speaker that left me many a time in awe of my Fathers design. I spent alot of my time drawing aside to process and take in as much as was needed. It challenged my heart and arrested many of my narrow-minded thinking patterns.My identity as a child of God was called out and affirmed over and over again. Going through all my notes, which quite frankly are more beautiful picture poems than anything else and love songs to the Father, I try to pick out a common theme to put into a concise string of elegant words. But what I see instead, is an avalanche of growth. Each section building on the next. I see a girl that let the love of the Father deepen in her heart driving fear and doubt away as she fell in love with his people. There was obviously a wealth of knowledge that was shared during that lecture phase, it was overwhelming at times, but what remained was the beauty of knowing Him more and the immense hunger that comes from realizing how little you know :)
It was a season full of wonder, growth, discovery and deep healing!
The cage has been left open.
A moment or two, Spent in reflection
December 17, 2015
Its important, every now and then to take a moment to take stock of ones heart and deepest thoughts.
Of course doing this frequently can create an unhealthy internalisation pattern that can lead to self-implosion but in this case, the rule outweighs the exception.
As I grow and change, I become more and more aware of the fact that life is an avalanche of moments.
Many people dwell on this fact, they let it consume them. This avalanche overwhelms them and makes them feel small. They are constantly trying to fight this avalanche of time. They put all their effort into the battle against aging and as a result only waste the precious moments they are desperately trying to preserve.
Others find themselves on the other end of the spectrum. Instead of warring against the fleeting moment they wish it away. Ever looking forward to the next new dawn. They never love where they are. Never actually be where they are.
I happen to love the one who designed time. Im betrothed to the King who started the avalanche and still soars above it.
So with all this in mind I begin to spend but a drop of time recording my adventures, deepest thoughts and heart conditions over this past short but significant time span.
There are events in life that come and go leaving small traces of goodness. They shift your course by a few more degrees. I have had many of these moments. But then there are moments that change you forever. These past two weeks have been a compilation of these moments. To say I will never be the same again is an understatement.
You can hear stories upon stories of amazing occurrences. Sparks may even ignite in you while witnessing the passion of those who have dared to walk the road less travelled. But somehow, until you have ventured .. stepped out of the concrete box your mind has known its entire existence, it may never form apart of who you are.
I am forced to become a little more abstract because logical, concrete concepts fail to encapsulate the journey I have been on. I could refer to specific events. Instances that defy the very core of what we have been taught. But the reality is that what truly happened when I ventured to Malaysia , that beautiful place, is far deeper than what meets the eye and face value. I have fallen inlove. All over again. I can never seem to get familiar with His gaze. While in Malaysia , I faced many giants. The deepest parts of my heart were surfaced. But they were immersed in grace.
Living moment by moment relying on His goodness is a position I desire to keep my heart in no matter where I may find myself.
He truly became my home.
For the first few days I was without an instrument. It felt like I was missing an arm. As if I had lost my voice,my song, my way.
But in the late hours in a foreign land, came the sweet whisperings of my Shepard. “So that your identity would never be found in anything but Me” It was a hard road. I longed for a quiet room, a piano and a melodious heart to heart with my dad. But I knew that I could meet him wherever I was and no matter how I did, he would be there. But how did this look practically? I longed for that release.
Nevertheless I layed my Isaac down and held the knife to his throat. This sacrifice was nothing compared to the love I had for my Savior.
That night I drifted away with the anticipation of the overwhelming goodness I knew my Father couldn’t hold back.
The very next day, He provided. There she was. A white piano. A symbol of His love for me. We worshiped there in that music shop , the Holy Spirit romancing people as he always does. It was unexplainable. We brought home a beautiful little ukulele. I had found my voice. In the midst of an atmosphere that desperately wanted to shut me up. It wanted to make sure I never sang again. That I never played another melody. But there. In that place. He gave me a song. On the bus. On the train. We were the FREEDOM RIDERS.
It is quite difficult to describe a work that took place within my very core. It trickles through in everything I do.
It’s the way I walk, the way I talk. Its Jesus
I have learned to draw from him in every moment. Whether im alone with him or in a crowd packed with a million people. In a house where people are with you 24/7 . I have learned to worship myself to sleep in a bus with 20 people .
More then anything . I have learned that He is out there loving people all the time. We should seriously join Him. Once His agenda becomes yours. Every moment has purpose and ever hour has beauty.
We asked for an Adventure.
What. A. Day. God is so faithful. One thing was proved to every heart embarking on this journey. Something undeniable. A truth higher than our best theorems or reasoning's. He is a good father. He is our shield in every situation.