Abiah Khen

A place to pause, wonder, and discover Jesus in Scripture, stories, and the beautifully ordinary ❤︎ Check out my learning hub: Abiah Khen learns.🐳

[abiahkhen]

Jesus Be the Name (Cover)

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Copyright Disclaimer: All rights to the original song belong to their respective owners. This cover version is an interpretive performance and is not intended to infringe upon any copyrights. No copyright infringement is intended.

Original Song: Jesus Be the Name

by Elevation Worship

Written by: Steven Furtick, Tiffany Hudson, Davide Mutendji, Mitch Wong ©2025 Music by Elevation Worship Publishing / Original Wong Publishing / Bell Music Publishing CCLI # 7268962

Support the Artist: https://youtube.com/@elevationworship?si=1Flohk-XXhCXOgQ-

The album cover was edited from the art work of Project Made New.

IG link: https://www.instagram.com/p/Dac6aD-CYyi/?img_index=6&igsh=a2NnNnY2b3FjeDJs

[abiahkhen]

Confession of a Closeted Nerd

I'm in a season of getting to know myself again. Not because I've changed into someone new, but because somewhere along the way, I lost the courage to be who God created me to be.

For years, I became so busy trying to please people especially the people closest to me that I slowly edited parts of myself just to fit in. Looking back, that scares me. What if the real me is so different from the version people have always known? What if they don't like her?

Lately, I've been trying to reconnect with the things that once made me come alive.

Books.

Writing.

Psychology.

Learning.

Playing the keyboard.

Singing.

I'm not trying to become someone else. If anything, I'm trying to become someone I abandoned years ago. Maybe that's why this season feels both exciting and heartbreaking. It's like introducing my younger self to the person I am today and asking, "Do we still belong together?"

Can my past still speak into my present?

Can the little girl who loved learning still find a home in me?

One thing I've been studying lately is Critical Thinking by Tom Chatfield. To be honest, my brain feels rusty. I can tell years of mindless scrolling have trained me to consume more than to think. Even while reading, I catch myself reaching for my phone or chasing whatever random though decides to interrupt me.

Ironically, that's exactly what happened while I was reading. I ended up on Tom Chatfield's website and found one of his articles about fake news.

One thought stayed with me. He argues that fake news isn't just about people believing lies. Sometimes, it's about people no longer caring whether something is true as long as it confirms what they already want to believe. When truth becomes less important than attention or emotion, we're no longer searching for reality; we're simply feeding our preferences.

That sentence lingered in my mind. Not because of politics. Because of me.

I realized I've spent years dumbing myself down just to make other people feel comfortable. I loved books, ideas, asking questions, learning random things, but I kept those parts hidden because I didn't want people to think that I was trying too hard or acting smart.

So I played smaller. I laughed off the things I genuinely enjoyed. I convinced myself it was humility. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was fear.

The strange thing about pretending for so long is that eventually, the mask starts becoming your face. Fake it till you make it? I guess I really did become someone else. Not overnight. Little by little.

And I grieve that. Not because I missed becoming "successful." I grieve because I wasn't faithful with what God entrusted to me.

The curiosity.

The love for learning.

The desire to write.

The mind He gave me.

Maybe that's why I'm reviving this blog. Maybe that's why I'm reading again. Maybe that's why I'm letting myself enjoy nerdy things without apologizing for them.

I'm not trying to make up for lost time. I'm trying to be faithful with the time I still have.

I can't help but feel heartbroken for my younger self. I betrayed her, didn't I? All because I wanted people to approve of me.

But maybe the harder question isn't how I lost her. Maybe it's...

How do I welcome her back?

How do I let the younger me and the present me sit at the same table and finally make peace?

Starting over is harder than starting for the first time because now I know what it cost to stop.

Abba,

Can I still begin again? Can You redeem the years I willingly gave away? Can You help me find the parts of myself I buried beneath other people's expectations?

Would You hug that little girl for me? Tell her she doesn't have to earn anyone's approval anymore. Tell her she can stop performing. Tell her it's okay to ask questions. It's okay to love books. It's okay to fill notebooks with thoughts no one else understands. It's okay to be a nerd.

Because You are the One who made her... wonderfully, fearfully, and intentionally.

And You never asked her to become anyone else.

*Photo by Ánh Đặng: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-lying-down-and-reading-book-16392181/

[abiahkhen]

I Messed Up. Again.

I told myself I would never do it again.

I have people who keep me accountable, friends who love me enough to ask the hard questions. But this time, I couldn't bring myself to tell them.

Because how many times can someone say, "I won't do it again," before those words start sounding empty?

I'm supposed to hate this sin, so why do I still love it? Why do I still crave it sometimes?

You've rescued me from my Egypt, Lord, so why do I keep looking back? Why do I keep wanting to return to the very place You delivered me from? Why do I find pleasure in the very reason those nails pierced Your hands and those stripes covered Your body?

Lord, will I ever be free from this bondage?

Please heal me. Please hold me. Please remind me of what is already true.

Holy Spirit, preach the gospel to my forgetful heart again.

It is finished. Jesus has already won. He paid for every one of my sins--past, present, and future. He is praying for me even now.

He still loves me. He still chooses me. He still calls me His own. He has declared me righteous. He has justified me. And You, God, are not finished with me yet.

Lord, help my unbelief. Help me fight the good fight of faith. Teach me to trust that You are not only forgiving me--you are transforming me. Help me love what You love and hate what You hate.

Help me uncover myself, so You can cover me. Lead me to truly repent and live a surrendered life to You, Lord. Captivate my heart with the beauty of Christ until sin loses its appeal. May I fall so deeply in love with You that obedience becomes my joy and not my burden.

And when I stumble again, remind me not to run from You in shame... but to run to You, because You are already waiting with grace. You said in Your Word that Your goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. I am holding on to Your promise, Lord God.

*Photo by Lucas Pezeta: https://www.pexels.com/photo/crop-person-in-dirty-sneakers-3772357/

[abiahkhen]

'Ἰησοῦς

ישוע

[abiahkhen]

Blaspheme of the Holy Spirit

While reading John 7, God taught me what blaspheming the Holy Spirit really is: to be with Jesus every day, hearing His Word, and still not being transformed by Him.

How stubborn these people must be... to harden their hearts through and through even after encountering the Lord and Savior face to face.

These people were with Jesus daily, trying to trap Him with His own words. They saw the miracles. They heard the hard truths—truths that aligned with the Scripture and the Law. If they truly sought God and loved Him, they would’ve recognized that Jesus is indeed the Bread of Life and the Living Water.

Remember, it's impossible to abide in Christ and not be affected by Him. Your heart must be so hardened that His love can no longer break through. You keep resisting the truth, redemption, and freedom He lovingly and graciously offers.

You don’t want any of it.

You don't want Him at all.

[abiahkhen]

"People do not drift toward Holiness. Apart from grace-driven effort, people do not gravitate toward godliness, prayer, obedience to Scripture, faith, and delight in the Lord. We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance; we drift toward disobedience and call it freedom; we drift toward superstition and call it faith. We cherish the indiscipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation; we slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism; we slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves we have been liberated."

― D.A. Carson

[abiahkhen]

The Curse of Being an Empath

This one’s for the empaths who’ve been so good at showing up for others, they stopped showing up for themselves. This is me, trying to find my way back.

Sometimes I catch myself asking--who am I, really?

The me beneath the masks and mirrors.

The me that’s not bending or blending for anyone.

I grew up tuning in to other people’s moods like it was second nature. Reading the room. Anticipating their feelings. Doing what I could not to hurt them. But somewhere along the way, that habit got blurry.

Am I being kind because I genuinely care?

Or am I just scared of what they’ll think if I’m not?

There’s a thin, almost invisible line between being an empath and being a people-pleaser. One comes from love; the other, from fear. And most days, I’m not even sure which side of the line I’m standing on.

Sometimes, I care so much I forget what I actually feel.

Or worse, I can’t even recognize it anymore.

Don’t get me wrong. I want to be there for people. I want to listen, encourage, sit in the silence with them and let them know they're not alone. That they’re heard. That they matter.

But when I disagree, I hesitate.

I get scared they’ll think I’m against them.

That I’m judging them.

That their feelings don’t count.

That’s not it at all. I just want to offer another perspective.

The “what if.” The “maybe.”

I hope they’d pause. Consider. Not shut down.

But I realize now--I’ve been a coward.

Too afraid to say the harder thing.

Too afraid to risk being misunderstood.

And I wonder… if I had spoken up back then,

Would I see myself more clearly now?

Would I know what I truly want?

Would I finally recognize the real me?

Love her, even?

Not try to erase the parts of her that don't match the image I think I’m supposed to be?

It hurts.

It hurts to admit that I’ve abandoned myself for so long, I don’t even know how to go back and find her.

Some days, I look in the mirror and see a stranger staring back.

I don’t know what I want.

I don’t know if the good I see in myself is actually real, or just survival mode dressed up as kindness.

What if I’m not that person?

What if I’m just lost?

*Photo by Ismael Sánchez: https://www.pexels.com/photo/reflection-of-woman-s-eye-on-broken-mirror-2282000/

[abiahkhen]

We Looked to Him—and He Came Through

“I sought the Lord,

and he answered me

and delivered me from all my fears.

Those who look to him are radiant,

and their faces shall never be ashamed.”

— Psalm 34:4-5, ESV

Today, my Abba answered a long-standing prayer for our family.

After years of silence, my relatives finally reconciled.

It may sound simple on paper, but this is a big deal for us. The falling-out affected everyone. Growing up, my cousins and I were used to seeing our aunts and uncles laughing together during Christmas, birthdays, and reunions. Their bond was something we thought would never change.

But then… it did.

They stopped talking.

Wounds deepened.

And reconciliation felt impossible.

It was painful to watch--not just because of the broken relationships, but because something special we once had was suddenly gone. And for years, we carried that silent ache as a family.

But God.

our God, who sees.

our God, who heals.

our God, who reconciles His children.

Today, He moved.

He softened hearts.

He stirred humility.

He made forgiveness possible.

One by one, walls came down, and my family who once couldn’t be in the same room are now finding their way back to each other. They even hugged and cried tears of joy!

Indeed, I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good!

This isn’t just a testimony of restored relationships.

It’s a reminder that God doesn’t ignore the quiet prayers we pray for years.

He hears. He prepares. He moves even when we don’t see it yet.

And today?

He let us see it.

*Photo by Sóc Năng Động: https://www.pexels.com/photo/close-up-of-handshake-in-sunlit-park-32887428/

[abiahkhen]

How I Fell Down a Shakespearean Rabbit Hole (Thanks, The Sandman)

I sat down to watch The Sandman, not expecting to be pulled into a Shakespearean wormhole. But here we are. This is how one scene, one line, and one smug face led me to explore the world of A Midsummer Night’s Dream—and why I’m not mad about it.

If we shadows have offended,

Think but this, and all is mended:

That you have but slumbered here,

While these visions did appear;

And this weak and idle theme,

No more yielding but a dream,

Gentles, do not reprehend.

If you pardon, we will mend.

--Robin Goodfellow

I was watching The Sandman Season 2, Episode 3 earlier when I stumbled upon a scene featuring Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

Now, I haven’t read the play, so I couldn’t fully appreciate what was going on. I felt the magic, sure, but I just knew I was missing out on all the clever winks and nods to the original.

Personally, I think scenes like that hit so much harder when you actually know the pop culture reference. It’s like being in on an inside joke--you get the humor, the wonder, the full sparkle of what’s being portrayed in a modern setting.

That’s when it hit me: I can just ask ChatGPT for the gist of the play and even request the explanation to be engaging and fun (because I refuse to be bored by old literature). How awesome is that? Suddenly, I’ve got this new way to dive into classics that always felt out of reach. Even better? I’m thinking of asking it to quiz me or suggest fun activities to go deeper, challenge my brain, and sharpen my critical thinking skills.

Anyway, I quoted Puck’s words because--wow--they struck a chord. So beautiful, I had to save them to my little cloud palace.

And now I get why Morpheus’ face became sullen when Puck broke the fourth wall (just learned this expression also, I'm so happy). It’s like he knew exactly what Puck was hinting at--that Dream can mean wildly different things depending on who’s dreaming. It can be chaotic, confusing, even dark... but it can also be a warm escape that holds your mind together when reality is too much.

*Photo from https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1608578298i/56220058.jpg

[abiahkhen]

You Are Not That Special (And That's Actually a Good Thing)

Yep. You heard me.

You are not that special.

The world doesn't revolve around you (shocking, I know).

You're not the star of a reality show that everyone secretly tunes into.

People aren't obsessively watching your every move, waiting for you to trip and fall.

Why?

Because they're too busy cleaning up their own messes.

They're juggling deadlines, dreams, disappointments, and dinner plans.

They're not lying awake replaying your awkward moment from last week--they're replaying their own.

They're not dissecting your outfit, your stutter, or that thing you said three Tuesdays ago.

Truth is: no one's watching you that closely.

Not because you're invisible or unworthy--but because they're human too.

So take a breath.

Wear what you want.

Speak up.

Mess up.

Laugh out loud.

Dance offbeat.

Because the pressure you feel? Most of it is just... in your head.

You're not that special...

and wow, what a relief that is!

But here's the twist:

Even though the world isn't revolving around you, the God who made the universe still sees you. Still knows you. Still cares, deeply.

And not because you're accomplished or you're good.

But because He loves you--faithfully, constantly, completely.

"When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?" --Psalm 8:3-4, NIV

So no, you're not the center of the universe.

But you are known and loved by the One who holds it all together.

And that, my friend, is a kind of significance this world could never offer.

*Photo by Rahul: https://www.pexels.com/photo/person-s-left-hand-open-wide-1276357/

[abiahkhen]

[abiahkhen]

• The image of the invisible God (Col 1:15)

• The firstborn of all creation (Col 1:15)

• The Creator (Col 1:16)

• The Sustainer (Col 1:17)

• The Head of the body--His Church (Col 1:18)

• The beginning of everything (Col 1:18)

• The firstborn of the dead, the first to resurrect and live forever (Col 1:18)

• 100% God, 100% man (Col 1:19)

• The Mediator (Col 1:20)

*Background Photo by Alberlan Barros (https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-man-standing-under-a-starry-sky-9991619/)

[abiahkhen]

Jesus is Lord and Savior.

even if people do not believe it.

even if they refuse to acknowledge Him.

even if they deny His existence.

He remains the God of the universe,

the Alpha and Omega,

The Word in the flesh,

The Truth.

[abiahkhen]

Talent is perhaps, a curse for those who possess it. It's an inescapable curse. Here stands a genius potter. If that genius potter grows weary of the world and seeks to turn away from it, how can one stop them? When money and fame have lost their allure, how do you persuade a genius? --Maybe Meant to Be

It's harder for someone like me--an ordinary person--to even figure out what I'm good at, unlike those who are naturally talented. I have to work twice as hard just to develop my skills.

Then, if I finally succeed, only to realize all is vanity (like in Ecclesiastes, right?)... how painful would that be?

To spend my time, energy, tears, and effort on something I might eventually grow tired of or no longer love?

To reach the end and realize that all my sacrifices had a limit?

What now?

Do I start over again?

Time keeps moving. I'm not getting any younger.

Can I still begin again?

How?

*Screenshots from https://www.webtoons.com/en/romance/maybe-meant-to-be/list?title_no=4208