Welcome To My Thoughts

To The bruised And Beaten

[abiteofmythoughts]

Her eyes shimmer like snow coated evergreens on a foggy winter morning, hair that flows with an ombré reminiscent of the leafs in fall.

With a smile that’s warmer than the summer sun you’d never know that her kiss is softer than springs afternoon sprinkles.

If you passed her walking on the street, you’d get a slight whiff of daisies or daffodils and you might even dare think to yourself.

She wears the seasons better than Mother Nature herself.

[abiteofmythoughts]

If you saw yourself through my eyes you’d have nothing to be insecure about ever again…

[abiteofmythoughts]

I think the thing I’m most upset about in this very moment, is that I didn’t give you a hug last time I saw you

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

— Nitya Prakash

[abiteofmythoughts]

I’m not confused anymore, I know you don’t want me. Which is fine by me.

I just have questions, which I know you won’t answer because I won’t ask.

But if I did, these would be some of the questions that follow.

•what were we in your eyes

•how did you truly feel about me

•why didn’t you end it after the first kiss if you didn’t have feelings or why did you wait to form a connection to cut it off

•why play in my face, with my emotions, with me

•what was your real reason? Do you just fantasize the idea of love?

•did you get scared?

Now I realize I’m no Georgia peach in the situation, i definitely should’ve handled situations differently, but truth is I was scared of the inevitable. And I tend to panic when connections I hold dear are on the verge of collapse, so I don’t slow down and think. And I feel like I made things worse than they should’ve been and I’m truly sorry about that.

[abiteofmythoughts]

Hold my hand as you push me away

( @abiteofmythoughts )

[abiteofmythoughts]

I miss you, not out of lust. Or because I’m trying to get in your pants.

But because you bring out the best parts of me, and accept the worst aswell.

You bring me peace and although that’s something I have found on my own, it’s much more enjoyable with you.

I’ll do what ever it takes to be with you, even it that means being without you, because I don’t mind waiting to see the best version of you.

( @abiteofmythoughts )

[abiteofmythoughts]

From her eyes to her smile, from her mind to all the things that keep her up at night.

She truly is gorgeous, mind, body and soul

It may have not ended up the way I thought but I’m glad I got to experience her, for good and bad.

( @abiteofmythoughts )

[abiteofmythoughts]

So what now?

I’m just left to wonder

Left to my own thoughts?

To deal with the loss of someone who was never really mine

I just don’t get it

Why end it like that?

Did you even want me?

[abiteofmythoughts]

Does how I make you feel scare you away or is it trying to deal with why someone would treat you right?

[abiteofmythoughts]

It’s funny because the more I think about it the more i realize that it wasn’t just you that flipped 180, it was the “relationship” its self, myself included. The first time we got together all those years ago it was me that was cold and distant and you chased and chased until u broke, and here I am getting a taste of my own medicine.. maybe that’s what I need to realize, how to treat people who care about me…

[abiteofmythoughts]

I’m slowly loosing myself

Trying to get you to understand that

I love you

But you aren’t ready for that

You don’t think you’re capable or deserving of love

But you are

Because I do

I hope you realize that soon

( @abiteofmythoughts )

[abiteofmythoughts]

I feel like I’m falling

In love

And away from myself

I haven’t cared this much in a long time

But the inconsistency is making me doubt myself

I want to ask you why.

You’re distant and cold

But part of me says to just be patient and you’ll come around

Which choice is the right one?

[abiteofmythoughts]

“And if I could live life again,

I would repeat every mistake,

So long as it leads me back,

To you”

[abiteofmythoughts]

Identity?

The truth is I don’t know how to deal with myself, I have an idea of who I might be. But how can you help someone you don’t know all to well?

I’ve sat up fighting myself over and over about different topics hoping, forcing myself to get better but at the end of it all I’m still the same person.

Yeah I know “Rome wasn’t built in a day” but come on.

[abiteofmythoughts]

I guess if anything I’m just glad I met the new version of her, she reminds me of myself in some ways, she’s resilient, independent and more so than I, very intelligent. She blows me away with how she’s grown and the path she’s on is one for greatness. If she puts her mind to it, it comes to fruition. She truly is a wonder. And I hope she knows it

( @abiteofmythoughts )

[abiteofmythoughts]

Changes;

I’ve been thinking back in time a lot recently about how I manage myself and go about my daily life, and the truth is that it’s all the same. Sure there’s little variation between the days, but it’s all text book. It’s exhausting, but recently I’ve found a bit of excitement, someone who stimulates my mind in ways I haven’t felt in a long time and it puts a smile on my face when I think about it. But the thing is that I don’t think I’ve changed or grown as a person enough to return that sense of wonder. I feel everyday that I’m still that lost young boy struggles to create a coherent and cohesive sentence. I’ll admit it, conversation is hard to do when you’re cooped up in your own head all the time.

( @abiteofmythoughts )