Derek, drunk and trying to flirt: You look so biteable tonight.
Stiles, sober and enjoying this: How did you stay single for six years?

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@abnormalsnakelikewastebin
Derek, drunk and trying to flirt: You look so biteable tonight.
Stiles, sober and enjoying this: How did you stay single for six years?
Warm bread 😍😍😍
castiel + text posts (screencaps from @hotncaps)
welcome to the blog! :) try out the spies au tag, assassins tag & maybe the fbi tag? but since you asked for Mr. & Mrs. Smith -
Shot Through The Heart by LunaCanisLupus_22 (12/12 | 64,833 | NC17)
All they’ve given him is the guy’s head shot. And it’s terrible because now he is ridding the world of one more ridiculously attractive, instant pants dropping- take me now, if you please- regulation hottie.
Even if he has a scowl to rival Kristen Stewart.
Or the one when Stiles and Derek work for rival assassin companies and are sent to kill each other. It definitely doesn’t go as planned.
Part 1 of Professional. Assholes. Competent. Killers
we’re catching bullets in our teeth (it’s hard to do but they’re so sweet) by prettyasadiagram (1/1 | 12,935 | R)
Stiles says he’s a Web Developer. Derek says he an Internal Auditor.
They’re both liars, but you can’t exactly tell your significant other that you kill people for a living, now can you?
Mr. and Mr. Hale by Venezia (6/6 | 14,749 | NR)
Stiles and Derek are happily married, they live in the suburbs and their life is pretty normal. Except for the fact that they’re both master assassins who work for opposing agencies. They keep this fact hidden from each other, thinking that their spouse works a normal 9 to 5 day job. What happens when they figure each other’s little secret out and are forced to go after each other?
general assassins/hitman:
Black and Blue by charlotteinlace (50/50 | 209,549 | NC17)
Stiles knows what he should be doing, finding a good Dom and seeing a few dozen therapists. But that shit can wait, right now he’s got a gang to infiltrate and a murderer to find. A murderer who killed his father.
Semblance of Hope by Dexterous_Sinistrous
“Have a drink,” John offered, looking over Derek’s shoulder at the bar. “I know that a certain someone would be happy to see you again.”
Derek turned to look over his shoulder, catching sight of a familiar head of messy hair, pale skin, and moles. The exact person he wanted to see behind the bar.
Stiles.
It had been almost five years since Derek saw Stiles, remembering the last night he saw him. How much of a coward he had been, sneaking out of the room before Stiles could wake. He wasn’t any good—for anyone.
And he knew, more than anything, he didn’t deserve Stiles.
https://twitter.com/mohammadhussain/status/1340439172687998981?s=21
me irl
Imagine being that fish though. Like you're out to eat, hanging with your buddies and just get punched. Like oh yeah, don't mind Dave, he's an asshole.
Reblog if its ok to message you during this holiday season incase Im feeling lonely or out of place during family events because no one should be alone on Christmas
Sneaky shoe-stealing sausage dog
(Source)
A CHONK!
Stiles: Can you tuck me in?
Derek: ... You just handed me a shovel.
Stiles: Yeah, just spread the dirt over me as evenly as you can, thanks.
kinda feel like I need to go outside and be absorbed by fog or somethin. become one with the creatures in the mist. become the physical manifestation of the sound the highway makes in the distance. be my own liminal space. self care, yknow
“Hozier liked”
Because treating people fairly often means treating them differently.
This is something that I teach my students during the first week of school and they understand it. Eight year olds can understand this and all it costs is a box of band-aids.
I have each students pretend they got hurt and need a band-aid. Children love band-aids. I ask the first one where they are hurt. If he says his finger, I put the band-aid on his finger. Then I ask the second one where they are hurt. No matter what that child says, I put the band-aid on their finger exactly like the first child. I keep doing that through the whole class. No matter where they say their pretend injury is, I do the same thing I did with the first one.
After they all have band-aids in the same spot, I ask if that actually helped any of them other than the first child. I say, “Well, I helped all of you the same! You all have one band-aid!” And they’ll try to get me to understand that they were hurt somewhere else. I act like I’m just now understanding it. Then I explain, “There might be moments this year where some of you get different things because you need them differently, just like you needed a band-aid in a different spot.”
If at any time any of my students ask why one student has a different assignment, or gets taken out of the class for a subject, or gets another teacher to come in and help them throughout the year, I remind my students of the band-aids they got at the start of the school year and they stop complaining. That’s why eight year olds can understand equity.
I remember reading somewhere once “we should be speaking of equity instead of equality” and that is a principle that applies here me thinks
I will reblog this every time it shows up on my dash, because, frankly, the world cannot get enough reminders.
do most people on mobile tumblr know you can hold down the reblog button to fast reblog a post to your blog? you know you can reblog things with one click right? please please reblog things if you enjoy them, lack of exposure is killing content creators on this site
Shit Slytherins Say: #243
Ravenclaw: Vents by crying.
Gryffindor: Vents by faking a conversation in their head with someone.
Slytherin: Vents by creating an intricate alternate universe scenario in their head where they are a celebrity on a talk show dramatically explaining the shit they’ve been going through.
If you ever, and I mean EVER think that you fucked something up royally, remember that the organizers of the 1904 Olympic marathon:
- Had zero stations for water on the 26 mile (42 km) course
- Accidentally gave North American competitor Tom Hicks a cocktail made of egg whites, brandy, and actual fucking rat poison
- Had a guy come into the race late wearing a beret and cutoff slacks, sneak into an apple orchard during the race because no food had been given to him for 40 hours, eat rotten apples, projectile vomit onto the track, fall asleep for hours, and finish in fourth place OVERALL because most of the other runners collapsed of exhaustion or injuries
- Conducted the race on a dusty road, which caused so much dust to be kicked into the air that an American runner somehow inhaled enough to tear his STOMACH LINING open
- Accidentally released feral dogs onto the track
- Fucked the other competitors up SO BADLY that Tom Hicks—the guy who ate RAT POISON and was HALLUCINATING the entire run—came in first place