half of the forest was haunted
that’s what we used to say think know
looking back though it was all haunted
i am thinking, knowing, telling you that we carried the haunting with us
into the forest, from it
in our pockets, laced into our shoes,
wrapped around the slightness of our fingers
it follows
in dappled darkness and brightest noontide
i can almost touch it back into the silver slip of moon
the curve and crease of your smile
i can sense it in the subtle slide, set aside for later
for keeps, to play over when i need a lifeline,
a draw into dream and sleep, a wayward way back into before
a touchstone, my hand reaching
the softness, the baby-fat, the smallness of a curve
a step too soft to write itself into story
even with its existence as sure as my own
dropping to my knees in the forest unseen
i am not memorizing this path or identifying plants
i am not calling them by name or marking my way
i am almost lost, even though at certain angles,
ordinary reminders of houses remain
visible in the sunlit beyond
i am not seeing further than this circle of trees
my focus frozen into these subtle boundaries
we are not deep enough, so i must keep my layers on
and i do — though in my mind i am dressed in air and light alone
there are rules, and they echo
as i ignore them over and again,
go within, and court the lostness
if we make friends you will shed what makes you scary and scared,
like leaves and coats and the petals of apple trees
cycles softer than snow, falling slow
i am here wearing a costume,
this fabric that consumes the reality of my skin
yet any fairytale witch knows it is impossible to hide what lies within
layers upon layers with velvet cloaks
and still we glow
and so i hold the forest as it holds me
both haunted and dear
because nature is full of dualities
and i have never identified as a single way forward
so let my imperfections and my complexity be my beauty
if such a term exists in such a way that i can claim it
this is a test
like once when we found the very edge, where the haunting began,
joined hands and together stepped over under, through
like a dance
as if the moment were choreographed
and so the question is, did you shiver?
did you listen to the winter woods?
the way their whispering comes down to us
like a forest snow, feather ice, touch me gentle through the razor air
the rub and rattle of wind, rushes between their branches
grown closer to cloud than to our reach
and it is eerie when, in the middle of that music,
the air beneath is all stillness against us
and in the contrast we watch the woods work their way through
feeling what we cannot
standing grounded, ankle deep in ice
i wonder what you feel think know
as i radiate the snowy cold,
rose apple cheeks, sugar bright
we are searching out our spirits in this seance of pines
hold my hands beneath their greenery
and there is the sense of presences and pulses
a surround of sleeping trees, still exchanging stories underneath us
and i keep stutter stumble falling
just from standing
my balance questions itself, toes catch, roots hold, my knees bend
back to falling in the forest
and i find myself breathless at the bottom
swallowed in the earthen corridors of countless rabbit holes
trying to track my way back in the absence of a magnet pulling north
the snow helps
though i still get my footsteps confused within the web of other creatures’
they ramble on
and i weave my way out
earth grass snow, numb fingers
attempting to hold on, my hands in your hands
and did you look back?
do not break the circle now
here nothing can touch us
the forest fingers unforgotten
stayed into the roar and ramble of air beyond our backs
there is no going back
and i speak this protection over us and into the snow pressed tracks
this surround, this orbit of others
the ones leading into the past, the future
forward and back, rocking gently heal to toe,
they appear around us
the rabbit deer robin-red-breast onward
our paths, pulses, hearts marked
held and haunted, we gather ourselves into this here
and focus forward, melting away what remains of fear, of trembling
have i ever told shown you how my teeth chatter-rattle?
i need to stop holding it, let the energy fly
in raindrops and forward floods, gently into mist and fog
we see only what is ours,
and i am missing my daydreams, my moreness, my you
then and now, at once
so speak the spooky stories into my truths
the ones that can pull this place back
give me the shivers safely, scare away the fear
so that even when the thaw is upon us
the forest is all still here
i am repeating myself
do you remember?
did you swallow the answers?
you cannot pass further unless you speak them right
i can wait, am waiting, have been
here, wary and warm, amused
unassuming, all by myself
i do so dislike tests
extra credit if you know my name
if you remember
if you spit the answers into the secret snow
and don’t burn your fingers touching too much truth
sizzle-crackle-fire-glow
and this keeps becoming something different
so i breathe life into the change
rearrange what i can, transform,
emerge wanting more
