HOW TO BE HAPPY: A Brief Guide for Citizens [Part 2 of 4]
( Since there was such a positive response to the first part, I’ve gained a second wind and am here to provide part two! I did find a typo in the handbook, but I left it in the transcript as to preserve it as is. )
CULTURAL ACTIVITIES IN WELLINGTON WELLS
THAT ARE SURE TO DELIGHT
What can you do for diversion in Wellington Wells? Why, just stop outside your door, and you’re sure to find some fun.
MARIONETTE THEATRE.
The Simon Says Society mounts occasional marionette shows on the Rorke’s Drift Bridge. These shows began in the 1940s with the amateur performers Sholl & Danlip, though our town’s marionette tradition apparently dates back to the Tudor era.
OUTDOOR CONCERTS.
Enjoy the musical stylings of the Tunnel Rats Octet every week in Mrs. Chippy Park. Admission is free, although gratuities are appreciated. Pop star Nick Lightbearer also performs regularly, though locations are kept secret until the day of the event, to prevent throngs of lady fans from swarming the venue.
ARCHAEOLOGICAL MUSEUM ( GARDEN DISTRICT ).
As previously noted, people have been enjoying life in Wellington Wells for centuries. Normally archaeologists must painstakingly dig for evidence of these past eras, however the recent bombing in the Garden District has fortuitously created craters in which one can see multiple layers of history without any effort.
JOURNALISM APPRECIATION DAY.
We Wellies love our newspaper, The “O” Courant. Every spring we celebrate this journalistic treasure by folding it into paper hats and into paper boats that we sail down the river.
FINE DINING.
Wellington Wells is currently enjoying a culinary boom. Our victory gardens overflow with delicious produce, and trade from across the river is brisk. As a result, new see-and-be-seen hotspots seem to open every week. There’s no need to settle for good old beans-on-toast anymore - though, of course, we do still love our B-on-T.
SPORTING FUN!
Wellington Wells has a number of sporting events - such as cricket, croquet, lawn tennis, and fencing - that villagers can watch or participate in. Whilst Wellington Wells no longer plays teams from other villages, we still enjoy our rousing Croquet Team Fight Song.
Still looking for something to do?
Wellington Wells has a variety of clubs you can join.
THE ROSE SOCIETY.
The Rose Society is a gardening club. It does not currently have any actual garden, but plans are afoot for a lovely botanical park once co-presidents Clive Birtwhistle and Harry Plantagenet can agree on whether to grow white roses or red roses. If you would like to join the Rose Society, please submit your genealogy (ideally 10 generations or more) to either Harry or Clive.
THE JACOBEAN SOCIETY.
Do you adore Uncle Jack? Do you like wearing jaunty red hats? Of course you do! Why not get together with your follow Jacobeans for trivia nights, lectures, and watching the telly? Club suppers feature the latest Uncle Jack recipes from “That Tastes Delicious - What Is It?” Join the fun!
THE REFORM SOCIETY.
Do you wish to better your fellow man? Perhaps you wish to be improved yourself, but need to guiding hand. Madame Wanda’s new Reform Club is for you! An invitation from a current member is mandatory, but rubber suits are optional.
NICK LIGHTBEARER FAN CLUB.
Our local pop star’s fans get together every week to both write and answer fan mail. “It makes sense to keep the letters all in one place, to save on postage,” says club president Penelope Snug. Membership is open to any attractive female who has not yet been married to Nick.
THE GEOGRAPHICAL SOCIETY.
Wellington Wells is an area of surprising seismic activity. If you sometimes feel that locations are not where you thought they were, it’s not your imagination. Things really do move around! The Geographical Society keeps track of all our to-ing and fro-ing, in addition to sponsoring Treasure Hunt Tuesdays.
THE SIMON SAYS CLUB.
We Wellies love to do as we’re told! The Simon Says Club ( formerly the Foreign Visitor Welcome Committee ) hosts daily games in Mrs. Chippy Park. The games are free, all are welcome!
WELLINGTON WELLS WALKING TOURS
If you are looking for amusement out of doors, Eric “Crazy Legs” Liddel conducts walking tours of the Village, “Because many citizens have a tendency to get lost on their own.” Why not tag along and see the sights? Do try to keep up with him though, as his pace is brisk!
THE GARDEN DISTRICT.
Once the pride of Wellington Wells, the Garden District has recently fallen into a bit of disrepair, but will soon be restored to its former glory. Plans are afoot for a lovely conservatory to rival the crystal palace at Kew Gardens, as well as for tennis courts and cricket grounds. Meanwhile, the district has an abundance of Victory Gardens. Clearly no one could ever go hungry in such a locale!
THE VILLAGE.
Hamlyn Village is the one of the most scenic in England, and is especially renowned for its lack of rats. One of the most delightful spots is Mrs. Chippy Park. Do make use of the playground equipment there! As Uncle Jack says, “If we don’t use it, who on earth will?”
WEDNESDAY HILL GHOST WALK ( SEASONAL ).
Of course ghosts don’t really exist, but isn’t it awfully fun to pretend they do? Some of your fellow Wellies enjoy dressing up as ghosts and jumping out to say Boo! When they ask for your immortal soul, you’re supposed to ask them for sweets in return. It’s all part of the game!
THE PARADE.
The Parade is where the posh and powerful mingle. Many government offices are headquartered here. The Parade also host monthly festivals that are open to the public ( though you are advised to “dress to impress.” )
PARADE DISTRICT CALENDAR OF EVENTS.
The Parade District hosts a brisk schedule of events that are sure to delight! The island is easily accessible, and events are open to all.
January ——- New Year’s Pajama Parade
February ——- Minor Royalty Coronations
March ——- Kilts Parade and Scottish Dancing
April ——- Old Possum’s Cat Costume Competition
May ——- May Pole and Summerisle Weenie Roast
June ——- Gemini Twins Parade**
July ——- Lawn Tennis Championships
August ——- Uncle Jack Lookalike Parade
September ——- Scone Festival
October ——- Jack-O-Lantern Parade
November ——- Baker Street Mystery Theatre ( in the round )
December ——- Sit on Santa Jack’s Lap!
** Alas, Wellington Wells only has one pair of twins and one of them has recently passed on, but Janice Smith-Smythe does so enjoy her big day. Please come and cheer her on!
When you look good, you feel good!
The posh parade pohh-bahs are hard at work to help you look your best!
CLOTHES MAKE THE MAN. INDEED, NAKED PEOPLE HAVE ALMSOT NO INFLUENCE ON SOCIETY! - UNCLE JACK.
SO MOD!
Want to know the latest fashion, kittens? You could people-watch in the Parade to see what the smart set is wearing, or you could simply subscribe to SO MOD. This magazine will keep you from ( gasp! ) wearing polka dots out of season. It also serves up a heap of dishy gossip. Meow!
HAPPY MASKS —
THE LATEST TREND!
Put on a happy face! Style-setter Davey Hackney has designed a mask that permanently turns your mouth into asa smile! “For the moment,” Hackney says, “these masks are quite pricey and only for the smart set.” However they’re sure to catch on with the common folks eventually.
( Hackney grimaces at the thought: “Then I shall have to wear something else on my face when that happens. Perhaps a shroud.” )
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