Abroad & Confused

This blog is dedicated to chronicling my 5-month study abroad journey in Germany! Join me for photos, ramblings, stuff about the German culture/language, and more!

[abroadandconfused]

Long time, no see! I started an Instagram account to post some of my photos! If you like travel photography or just photography, this is the account to follow! It’s the same username “abroadandconfused.”

Right now they’re all older photos from my adventures while studying abroad in Bamberg, marching in D.C., and going to Pride for the first time, but as I go on more adventures, you can expect some more current ones.

I post a new pic daily! Give it a look and enjoy!

[abroadandconfused]

Week 22: The End

Before I get into anything I do want to say this: I will be keeping this blog up and will eventually update it again in the future as I plan on traveling more. But for now, this is unfortunately the time where I have to take a long break from both traveling and writing this blog.

With that being said, I do want to discuss some of the things I’ll miss about Germany that I didn’t necessarily think I would miss or even notice them until I returned back to the States this past Wednesday.

1.     Not Having to ‘Small Talk’ – When I was at the bank, grocery store, Rathaus, or other places, I didn’t have to make small talk with the employees. They just got to the point, did their job, and I was gone. This made everything go a lot faster and helped me, a shy person who’s not too good at German, get through these things pretty easily. Now that I’m back, I have to talk about the weather or school or whatever with complete strangers. It’s exhausting and mindless.

2.     Not Having to Acknowledge Strangers – The bus driver, anyone I passed walking back home from the bus stop, etc., I didn’t have to smile or say ‘hi’ and they didn’t do that to me either (in the dorm it was different, but I’m referring to out and about in the city). If you don’t know the person and don’t want to get to know them, you don’t have to because there’s no social obligation to acknowledge them while passing by! It’s fantastic!

3.     Public Transportation – Back here, I have to drive everywhere in my suburbia town. The worst part is my license expired while I was abroad so I can’t even drive. I can’t go anywhere! There’s no bus, train, S-Bahn, U-Bahn, and other stuff! Hell, I can’t even walk because of how spread out everything is!

4.     Dörners – And basically every other foreign food that was in Germany. The Italian food was actually from Italy. The Turkish food was actually made by Turkish people who immigrated there. The Mozartkugeln was fresh as it just came in that morning from Austria. Yes, you can find some of this stuff in the States, but it’s been Americanized: more sugar, chemicals, preservatives, and substitutions. It eventually becomes an American thing more than the thing it was supposed to be in the first place.

5.     Night Clubs & Late Night Eats – Yes, these things exist in the States, but there were more, smaller clubs in the city I lived in with music I could actually sing and dance too, and the entrance fees were extremely low to non-existent. Plus, there open later than American clubs and bars as well as the take away windows and cafes around to feed everyone during and after closing time.

6.     Chill Attitude About Sex, Nudity, Cursing, & Alcohol – Regardless of the language, there was swearing on the radio. Sex scenes, porn films and magazines, and nudity isn’t taboo. And alcohol is so engrained within the culture that I didn’t see as many problems here as I do back at my American university. And for these reasons, resources and information is easily available for people who want to have sex, on a hot day at the beach women can be topless too, and everyone is more responsible with drinking.

7.     The Study Abroad Way of Living – I had free time. A lot of it. This gave me a lot of freedom to party and travel to my heart’s content. Then at the end of the semester, I was still able to pass my classes. Since I’ve been back, I’ve been doing nothing, but working on my senior project and thesis for my last year of school and the semester doesn’t even begin until the end of August! Even when I’m not in school, I doing work. I did sign up for it, but these past 5-months really gave me time to learn more outside of the classroom instead of working so hard I forget what sleep is.

8.     Hiking & Picnicking – Let me explain. Many of the students as well as me and my friends would sometimes just go out for a picnic in the park by our dorm. Or we would go on a walk through this huge park on the edge of the city where there is a pavilion for free shows in the middle. My American university is located in a very small town. We have a woods, but you have to drive to it. We have one park, but it’s tiny and is nothing like a park. I am going to bring this habit with me when I return to school, but I miss being able to do that now.

9.     Everyone’s Patience With Non-Native Speakers & Patience in General – I haven’t run into anyone who doesn’t speak English (which is weird for me at the moment), but there is more patience for that in Europe because it’s something they experience all the time. And they work through it, encourage them, and help them learn. Also things tended to be a lot calmer in Germany. In the States, everything is fast paced again. Deadlines, appointments, “we’re going to be late”, whatever! Everything just seemed to work on an unspoken schedule in Germany where no one really panicked or rushed.

10.  Everything is Smaller & Quieter – When I first landed stateside, I was hit by the size and noise. I did listen to other Americans while abroad and came to the conclusion that we are loud, but wow was it loud at first. And the size of roads and vehicles! And food portions! Like, damn, I don’t remember getting that much food on that big of a plate!

11.  Mineralwasser – I got used to it in about two days of living in Germany and would always order it or buy it any time I was forced to get water. It really does grow on you and it the norm here. Plus, it’s filled with minerals I actually need (and the tap water was cleaner in Europe too—I never had to filter it).

12.  The Architecture – Yes, clearly I will miss seeing the castles and grand buildings, but I’m referring to the orange-roofed houses painted in different colors that seemed to go well with their neighbors. The hidden back paths and winding streets. The older exterior facades and part of the interior with modern looks and technology blended in together. Seeing that from a distance or up-close never got old.

13.  Accessibility to Cheap Cultural Activities – From museums to theatre to weekend festivals, university students actually get huge discounts to all of them (even if they have nothing to do with education or class). And there were many free festivals in the city, at the palace close by, at the castle, and other places that I could go to when I had nothing else to do. This is the kind of stuff I like to do in my spare time so it was great that I could both afford to go and have a lot of thing to choose from—even in the German city I stayed in. The States? Not so much. Students get discounts, but only if it educational. And everything here is a lot more expensive (festival-wise). Sometimes a girl just wants to get together with her friends and watch acrobats, fire dancers, comedians, etc. all weekend! But we don’t have that here (at least where I live).

14.  The Joy of Doing Nothing – I’m not talking about sitting in my room all weekend on Netflix and YouTube. I’m talking about how normal it is for everyone to have time to take a break and just meditate—for lack of a better word. University students sit on the bridge by the altes Rathaus just reading, eating, and/or sipping on a beer. I saw Germans, young and old, just staring out their window at the view in front of them. Or on the bridge at the water. Or, regardless of how busy everyone was, we would get together and picnic, shoot some hoops, and just talk about life. Soon I got into that habit. No I didn’t have the busy work schedule there as I do in the States, but everyone else pretty much did. Yet they had time just to do nothing and unwind. Just like the picnicking, this one I brought back with me. (This sort of goes along with the fast-paced lifestyles of most Americans. Europeans are raised remembering that they need to take time for themselves and to relax. It makes them healthier and happier—as I’ve seen.)

15.  Take Away Food Places – I know these exist in the States, but let me clarify the difference. Most food places in Germany have an indoor/outdoor place to sit and eat. But then they also had a side window you could go to in order to get fresh food you can actually eat while walking. No doggy bag where you take it home and then it. I’m talking the fries in a cone, Dörner handed over to you to eat, ice cream cones, etc. These are extremely popular, cheap, fill you up, and there’s no mess, clean-up, or grand plan to sit and eat. You can just explore while eating with little to no trash to worry about afterwards.

16.  The Rich Greens & Blues – Looking out of the airplane as I flew over the States, I noticed the huge contrast. Over Germany it was lush and green while the States were dry and brown as well as filled with more factories, houses, and roads. The sky in Germany was also a deeper blue and when it was cloudy, the skies were purple, not gray. In this case the grass is literally greener on the other side and I miss that overall vibrancy.

17.  The Weather – The news says that June hit record highs. Well, not in Germany or at least the city I lived in. It was about ten degrees cooler than all the temperatures back in my hometown. And it was windy. So I was able to wear my fall collection the entire time! Here, it’s heatwave city.

18.  Lack of Weird Smells – The airport I landed in was filled with fast food joints. The whole place just reeked of grease. It honestly turned my stomach. I’m not use to that smell anymore and I could honestly just do without it at the moment.

I’m going to leave the list here mostly because I want to leave on a good note. I miss all of these things, habits, and what-nots as well as all of my International friends, but that doesn’t mean I missed the States, my American friends, and my family any less. I’m very happy to be home where I can understand what everyone is saying, properly express my opinion, stores are open longer and on Sundays, and more. However, my heart is in many places now.

I do want to say there wasn’t an adjustment period, but I’m going on 2 weeks home now and I still haven’t adjusted completely. The recycling mentality is still there and I’m determined to recycle more (which is a good thing). I went out shopping the other day and a worker asked me if I was doing alright. It took me a full 10 seconds to reply that I was fine because she spoke English first. My mind was literally trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. I’ve never had my brain hit a wall like that before. I’ve also had to deal with food portions and ingredients. Apples taste disgusting here. And I buy the same kind! But they have no flavor and taste “chemical-ly”. I have to order foods without salt and butter because I’ve gotten sick from it and I never finish everything that’s on my plate because the plate is too big!

Understandably some of these things are a plus, but what I do know is that I’ve gotten really bad cabin fever. Yes, I’ve been extremely busy (that’s why this last post was delayed) with paperwork (my German landlords just don’t understand that my American bank doesn’t have a Swift code of BIC), projects, meeting friends, sewing projects, and trip preparations as well as preparing to return to school in a couple of weeks (where did my summer vacation go). But at the same time, I miss the kind of busy I had back in Germany and accessibility to travel (I know—broken record).

But anyways, I would like to end on a good note.

I am extremely grateful for those who made this possible and came along with me on my journey as well as those who welcomed me back home. I have many homes throughout the world now because my home is never with a certain place, but more so with the people there. And you’ll know that too as you broaden your horizons and travel.

I’d like to thank everyone who followed me on this journey whether you know me personally or not. Hopefully you got some useful tips out of this blog or I was able to help somehow to encourage you to pursue a study abroad experience. Either way I wish you all nothing but happiness in your pursuit for whatever adventure you set your sights on next!

Bis später! Tschüss!

[abroadandconfused]

Week 20: Saying Goodbye

This post is difficult for me to make.

I’m leaving for Frankfurt on tomorrow and will be stateside by Wednesday evening. I’ve mentioned before the limbo of wanting to go home and stay here at the same time, but after having to pack, say goodbye, do all the deregistration paperwork, and attend a Künstler Festival throughout the city this weekend, I don’t want to leave.

I don’t want to leave this experience, my new friends, this city, and the travelling behind, but I have to for now. And that’s hard. It’s so hard for me to leave this place now. I don’t know when I will be able to come back or when I might see my International friends again (if I ever get to see them in person again).

But let me get into a bit of the practical stuff before addressing this on-slot of emotions about leaving. Instead let me just briefly list out what you will most likely need to do (like I did) when finishing up your studying abroad experience in Germany:

1.     Pack and send most of your stuff home in the mail

2.     Make an appointment with the Hausmeister(in) to check out (at least a week in advance)

3.     Clean your room and then clean it again

4.     Do all laundry and pack

5.     Book your plane tickets/check in 24 hours before your flight

6.     Buy your last minute souvenirs

7.     Close your bank account

8.     Deregister with the city

9.     Deregister with the university

10.  Turn in the form to get your safety deposit refunded to your American account

11.  Turn in the form to get your transcript sent to your American university

12.  Meet with your Hausmeister(in) for final room inspection and return keys

13.  Say goodbye to as many people as you can in person

14.  Eat one last Turkish Dörner before leaving

Now you don’t necessarily have to do that last one, but you will eat a Dörner in Germany and you will love it. It’s good for any meal, drunk, hungover, sober, whatever. It’s freaking delicious and I’m going to miss it and it’s easy accessibly as well as cheap price.

But back to what I’m feeling and what you are probably going to be feeling by this point. I’ve made a new home here and many new friends. They’re a part of me as much as I’m a part of them. We have all bonded as International students as well as fallen in love with this city and German way of life. And now that it’s all coming to an end in less than 48 hours, it’s hard to grasp.

For the past couple of weeks I’ve been having trouble sleeping. Partly from exams and partly from all the partying I’ve been doing, but mostly because I’m sad this is all ending. My days on my counter kept getting smaller. Once it got below 10 days, I didn’t even know what sleep was because I just keep feeling this overwhelming sadness.

And you might or will probably feel the same way near then end of your study abroad experience. Mostly because you know that your family and friends back in the States are pretty much all going to be in one place. You can easily hang out with them or meet with them. But with all of these friends you’ve made while abroad? Let me just book a quick plane ticket and hotel rooms for all my friends from England, Finland, China, Germany, Poland, Ukraine, and other places to meet with our friends in Korea for the weekend.

Of course we are in the 21st century and have easy access online with Facebook and texting through What’s App, but we won’t be in Germany bonding over the language and experience. We will more than likely never be in the same city or even time zone together again after this. That’s just the reality of it and that’s what gets to me. Sure we’ll talk online, but we can’t hang out in someone’s dorm drinking and making fun of a German comedy on Netflix. We can’t dance the night away at the Live Club all together. Or get lost in Berlin as tourists.

As we were all saying goodbye to one another, there are still theses promises you do make to one another, however. And I intend to keep mine no matter how long they take. I will see them all again in their respective cities as I want nothing more than to learn about their own countries, languages, and lives. It may not be soon, but I will. I know I will. And I was completely serious when I told every single one of them that if they end up in the States, in the city I’m living in, I’m more than happy to give them a place to stay and show them around.

But that still doesn’t make saying goodbye any easier. Or the once-again-empty shelves and walls any less depressing. Or the knowledge that this will be the last time I will see some of these sights or taste some of this food for a while. Or that we won’t all be in the same place again experiencing this wonderful, wonderful city and University together.

So it goes without saying, but I have cried and will continue to cry even as I’m going home because this city and these people are also my home now. And it’s hard to say goodbye to them and this place. But unfortunately, “all good things must come to an end.”

Yes, I will cry tears of joy when I get to hug my parents at the airport, but before then and a little time after that, I’m still going to cry because I’m no longer abroad.

The important things to remember though are these:  you have a new perspective on the world, made many new friends, experienced the world in ways only some can dream of, learned so much both in and out of the classroom, grown so much, changed so much, and had one hell of a time doing it all.

I was always told to travel while I was young because this was the perfect time to, but I never realized how perfect of a time it is until I was here actually doing it. Until my decade’s worth of stubbornness and work got me here. And I will hurt for a while over leaving, but I lived it and I did it. And I know that this time has only made me more hungry for life and the world around me.

Even with this great sadness and happiness that I’m experiencing from both leaving and returning this week, I am nothing, but grateful for every minute that I’ve been in Germany. Both the highs and the lows. This was, without a doubt, the greatest experience of my life so far. And it only leads me to want to trump that in the future.

But until then, I am going to enjoy the time I have left here with those friends who haven’t left yet either.

To those who plan on studying abroad: You’ve heard it before from your International coordinator or past students, but this will rock your world. It may seem impossible, but there are scholarships and many work opportunities to get here somehow and someway. It’s cliché to say that this experience has changed my life, but it’s only cliché because of how true it is. It’s going to be scary. You’re going to get homesick sometimes. You’re going to make mistakes. And cry. And laugh. And everything, but in the end, you will have nothing, but fond memories, funny stories, and enough throwback Thursday photos to last until your next adventure. But it all starts with you and your determination. You can do it. You will do it. Just do it!

To the wonderful Franken city I spent the past 140 days living in and all the people in it as well as my International friends: “Thank you” is not enough, but it’s all I can say right now because nothing else sounds right. Thank you for everything. Thank you for helping me with language and life. Danke. Danke. Danke. And I will see you all again someday.

To my friends and family back home: I apologize now for all the stories and photos. Please let me know when I repeat myself or when you get sick of hearing them. I don’t want to annoy you all too much. Oh, and I’ve got some chocolate with your name on it too! I’ll see you all soon. And I’ve grown quite fond of hugging now so expect that when I return!

And with that, all I have left to say: Bis zum nächsten mal, Deuschland. Ich vermisse dich jetzt schon.

German Word of the Week: “(das) Schwellenangst” – Right before any big change in my life—like right before I left for Germany this year—I get extremely overwhelmed. So much so that I begin to contemplate if I’m ready for it or if I should back out of it. I did this once before my freshman year of high school when I backed out of the EF Tour to Germany because I just couldn’t handle it. Two years later, however, I eventually did. Fast forward a few more years and now look at me! I had Schwellenangst or the fear of embarking on something new, but I overcame that and I don’t want you all to miss out on opportunities like studying abroad because of your Schwellenangst. Trust in yourself and know that you are stronger than you think you are. You can do this!

[abroadandconfused]

Week 19: Safety First

As mentioned before, I’ve travelled solo a few times during my many long weekends in Germany. The first trip wasn’t so scary because I was in London and everyone spoke English and the city was pretty easy to get around in. However, my multiple other trips to various places where they didn’t speak English/German or have easy to navigate cities led to some pretty stressed out moments. So I might have gone over some of these tips before, but here is a list of tips—particularly for the solo female traveler in Europe—that I’ve learned while traveling:

1.     Study up before going – Print out maps, have a general game plan on where you want to go, locate the hostel, and study the city subway/bus system so you can get around.

2.     Don’t stay out too late – I don’t know about you, but when I’m alone in a foreign country and it’s dark out, I’m a million times more scared than I normally am. If you do stay out late like I did for public concert in Vienna, go directly back to your hostel. And there will be police/security there so hopefully it’ll be safer than a private concert, night club, etc. in a weird part of the city.

3.     Don’t let people know you’re travelling alone – A drunk gentleman struck up a conversation with me in Vienna and started asking a lot of questions. At one point he asked, “Are you travelling alone?” To which I replied, “Yes,” because I was flustered and stupid. I get that lying is bad, but you can always come up with a good excuse in a situation like that for your own safety. “No, I’m with my boyfriend. He just has a business meeting tonight and I didn’t want to wait in the hostel for him” or whatever.

4.     Don’t trust other Americans/English speaking peoples immediately – Just because they’re from the same country does not make you all instant friends you can trust. Be conscious of that. You’ll feel this weird common ground and connection with them just because of the red, white, and blue, but that doesn’t make them safe. You wouldn’t just go hang out with a group of strangers while traveling alone in the States, would you?

5.     When asking for help, stick to the uniform – Whether it’s a museum worker or officer, you can trust them more than strangers. Now I’ve met many, many wonderful strangers who haven’t done me wrong with helping me find my way or translating something, but it could happen. Which leads me to the next point…

6.     Follow your instincts – If you feel like you’re in a dangerous or shady situation or you get a “bad feeling” about someone, follow it.

7.     Use common sense – Ask yourself, “Would I do this if I was traveling in the United States?” Some people go a little too carefree while in a foreign country. Make sure you keep yourself in check and just use common sense.

Most of what I mentioned above does already seems like it goes without saying, but you will get caught up sometimes in the excitement of the moment or romanticism of being in Europe. Belive me, I was there and still am in some ways. I’m not saying, “Don’t have fun,” I’m just trying to keep you grounded.

But beyond the traveling, I also got to experience my first nightclub this week. In Germany no less. How is that possible? Well I didn’t turn 21 until I came to Germany and even before my birthday, I was travelling too much to go to a club with friends. But I digress. I went first on Saturday and again on Monday. I had an absolutely amazing time both times! However, there were a couple scary moments both nights (at least for me).

The first time I went, a drunk German who was the “happy, let’s dance with everyone, everyone’s my friend” kind of drunk. But he was mainly getting too touchy with all the women. Including me. I didn’t mind it at first because it was just like high-fives and dancing, but at one point, I was walking away and he threw his hands on my shoulders and firmly tightened them. This may not seem like much to most people, but for me, I wasn’t going to have it. I ripped his arms off of me with a loud, “Nein.” Thankfully he left me and my friend alone for the rest of the evening, but that was kind of scary for me.

The second time I went, I went with a group of about seven people. And before he DJ started playing around eleven, a couple of my friends were already well passed tipsy. Needless to say, they were totally wasted by the time the club closed at two and we left. I felt obligated to babysit them for the whole night to make sure no one would take advantage of them (they all have boyfriends and many men tried their “luck” with them). Then at the end of the evening, I made absolutely sure that I either walked them home or they walked home with our German friend who only had a beer that evening.

So what’s the point to all of this? Even when you’re not travelling, you have to be careful when you party within the city your studying in (or even just back in the States). Again, it may seem like common sense, but here are some tips I’ve learned when it comes to partying safely abroad:

1.     Know your limits – I get that alcohol takes away those inhibitions, but you need to recognize how many drinks you can or cannot have.

2.     Have a support system – I don’t drink and so I am always the sober friend. I don’t mind this at all. I want to make sure everyone has a good time, but stays safe (all without killing the party). So when you go to the club, make sure you go with one other person who you know will only have a beer or won’t be drinking so you can have that person to say, “You’ve had enough to drink,” or can walk you home at night, or make sure that you don’t end up in a dangerous/unwanted situation.

3.     Know your surroundings – The first time you go to a new club, stay sober and just observe while you dance the night away. I’ve learned how Germans act in night clubs, to expect broken glasses, the vibe of the club, the prices/specials, and how to handle certain situations. Just get familiar with it first so that when you do drink with friends, you understand the crowd and the club.

4.     Have a game plan – Again as the sober companion, I ask my friends if they’re necessarily looking for something that night or just want to dance because I can either be a fantastic wingman (yes, I am confident in that wording) or scare away the guys/girls depending on if my friends are “on the prowl” or not. But this does go beyond helping to get your friends laid or cock-blocking…

5.     Know how you’re getting home before going out – The last bus on a weeknight is at 1.30am. If I miss that bus, I get to spend the next 45 minutes walking home or helping my friends get home too. For me, it’s worth it to dance late into the night, but other nights, I know I don’t want to be out that late. So have that planned. And I always keep my credit card hidden on my person so that if I have to, I can get a taxi in an emergency.

6.     What happens in Vegas doesn’t stay there – Depending on how big the city is and the accessibility to cameras everywhere, just know that you will probably run into familiar faces or have your photo taken a few times. Plus the stories will be repeated about stuff that happened that nights. Let’s just say one of my American friends is known as the “Cow Wrangler” because when she got drunk, she deceived to hope a fence and “ride” a fake, life-sized cow outside of this one business in the city (where she also lost her student ID and had to reclaim it a few days later with much embarrassment). Just saying.

7.     Choose your friends wisely – Beyond being out of the country basically every weekend, I didn’t go clubbing because I didn’t really find anyone I trusted enough to go with until recently. Most of the Americans here just wanted to get completely wasted and do some stupid crap. Others didn’t want to stay out past nine. Others just didn’t like to dance (which I like dancing in night clubs). And I daresay that I didn’t trust some of the friends I already made to go to the club with me. It happens. You just got to pick the right people where you know you’re going to have a good time and feel comfortable with.

I get this is common sense or you’re already a seasoned veteran of night clubs, but it doesn’t hurt to have a little reminder as you’re caught up with the study abroad experience. It’s different, fun, and totally insane (in a good way), but this is still the real world and there are still the same dangers here as there are in the States. This doesn’t mean you should be scared or not go out and have a good time. I’m not trying to say that at all. Go, be free, carpe diem, and just be smart about the choices you make in order to be a bit safer.

German Word of the Week: “(der) Kater” (pronounced [dare] cat-er) – Seeing as half the post was about German nightclubs, this word is only fitting for it (my tandem partner also taught it to me today as we’ve both been celebrating the end of the semester). It’s actually the noun for a male cat. However, it also means the terrible pains you have after a night of excess drinking or a “hangover”, if you will. So the next time you wake up after a night of partying with a sore head, nausea, and/or sensitivity to lights and noise, you have a Kater.

[abroadandconfused]

Week 18: The Study Abroad Limbo

And I’m not talking about a fun party game either.

What I’m talking about is this weird onset of emotions you’ll begin feeling the closer you get to your plane departure back home. And I started getting these weird feelings only about a week or two ago as my countdown approached the “one month left” mark and I know they’re only going to continue as my departure approaches and I inevitably return home.

What I’m talking about are the clashing emotions of wanting to go home and wanting to stay.

Clearly from my past posts through now, I’ve been homesick in different ways. Mostly homesick of the people I miss and Mexican food. I miss them and other stuff that I can only really get in the States. But at the same time, I bloody love Germany. It was a rough transition obviously, but now that I have my feet under me, grown comfortable, and call my dorm room “home”, I love it. The accessibility to history, travel, people, and so much more. I’ve made so many new friends and have growth so much as a person. I live a faster paced lifestyle here as I’m moving more, traveling more, and constantly meeting and interacting with new people almost daily.

And that’s going to change soon. When I return home, I have to get a job and settle down. Reevaluate my finances so I can start paying back my loans and debts. Have classes 5 days a week in addition to the 3 clubs I’m part of and volunteering/internships I’m going to be doing. I won’t be able to take weekend trips anywhere, really. I won’t be able to jump on a Flixbus to visit a new city (or country, rather), “roughing it” in some hostel, swapping stories and locations with fellow travelers, or having interesting interactions with people who don’t speak English.

Even just having to stay in the German city I’m studying in is making me a bit restless. I understand I haven’t explored this city enough (which I’ve been trying to make up for this past weekend and the time I have left here), but there’s so many other places I want to go to before I leave because I don’t know when I’ll be able to return to Europe or leave the States.

So to put it bluntly, I have this impending sense of finality in a way because I worked a decade just to experience this and it’s all gone so fast. And I don’t know if it’ll take me another decade before I can travel for a long period of time or longer or shorter or whatever.

But at the same time, I just want go home. I want to watch wrestling PPVs with my mom again. I want to spend some more time with my dad now that he’s cut back on his shifts at work. I want to take what I’ve learned, grown accustomed to, and love here and go on picnics with my friends. Go hiking in the forest by my University back home (which I’ve never done). Cook the foods I found recipes for. Play the German game Black Stories, watch German movies, and eat German chocolate with my friends and future roommates. But mostly I want to take that sense of restlessness and experience I’ve gained traveling and apply it to the U.S. I’ve never really traveled in the U.S. There are international students here that have been to more places in the U.S. than I have.

But then I really want to explore Europe more! I’ve only just scratched the surface of places to visit here! I still need to see Denmark, Scotland, Finland, Poland, Romania, Hungary, Greece, Ukraine, Turkey, and more! And I want to travel more too! I’ve added Japan, Vietnam, Russia, India, Tibet, and so many other places to my “to travel” list. But I miss my mom’s homemade cooking and spending lazy movie/game nights with my friends in the States (who laugh at my weird jokes)!

And that’s the limbo I’m talking about. I know it’s only going to increase when I get home as there’s another set of emotions that will accompany that. Those, this time, will not be associated with homesickness of either place as much as it will be noticing the changes within you or the lack of changes back home.

What do I mean? When I came here, I knew I would change. And I have. I don’t know how exactly, but I also expect things to change back home. But I know now that when I return, everyone will pretty much be living the same lives they did when I left. The same jobs, living in the same house, etc.

I don’t know. Time has moved forward and it feels like I’ve lived both a lifetime and only a week in Germany. My view has also changed. No longer is my view just that of my hometown or my University town or just the States. The world is so big to me and I have so many more possibilities and choices I can make. And if I fail at one thing, I can do something else. I can’t just think on a small scale anymore.

And it’s strange because I feel and think so differently than when I first stepped off the plane in Frankfurt. So everyone else has to have changed as much as I have during this time, right? The truth is probably not, which is not necessarily a bad thing as it makes it just a little easier to readjust back home. But it still will probably make me (and you) feel a bit uneasy during the time after returning.

But that still doesn’t help you feel this weird sense of emotions that you can’t really describe no matter how hard you try. And I hate to break it to you, but no one is really going to understand those emotions except those who have studied abroad or traveled for an extended period of time. But don’t worry too much as they’re everywhere: at your University back home, on the internet, and maybe in the pool of people you know.

I follow multiple travel blogs with many articles about these indescribable feelings you’re going through or will go through as well as the study abroad coordinator at my school knows these feelings all too well. And I even have a few friends who have gone through this and totally understand what I’m feeling.

And that’s probably why this post makes little to no sense as I ramble on to try and wrap my head around all of this (and the stress from finals this week isn’t helping too much). As the countdown draws closer to ‘0’ I am both excited for and dreading that day. And that’s perfectly normal. A lot of the other students here are feeling the same way. Myself and some of my friends have even said, “I want to go home for a couple of weeks, but then I just want to come right back. But I have to go back to school at the end of August.”

Ay, there’s the rub.

Some call it the travel bug where once you go traveling, you don’t want to stop. The experiencing new cultures, places, people, and more! I have that, but don’t forget that you’ve made a second home here. Just like when you went to college for the first time, you were a scared freshman who was terrified about making friends again, experiencing new things, and growing up, but you did it. And you do or did that here. And just like making yourself a second home and family at college there, you are going to or did the same abroad.

How can you cope with leaving this and returning back home? I don’t really know yet. I’m only just at the tip of the iceberg with the onset of emotions, but some things will just happen naturally like: staying in touch with your international friends, going on small trips back home, and starting to lay the groundwork for your next big travel adventure.

So for now I’m going to have to push these very confusing thoughts and emotions into the back of my mind for now as I have my last two finals this week (having completed one Monday afternoon). Hopefully I get good marks on all of them, but I won’t know until next week. Until then, I have a lot of studying to do.

German Witz (Joke) of the Week: An American friend of mine posted this joke about finals on Facebook this week and I just had to laugh at it. You may have seen it in English on Tumblr or other websites, but here’s the joke in German: “Lerntipp – Mach eine Pause. Steh auf und streck dich. Geh spazieren. Fahre zum Flughafen und steige in ein Flugzeug. Komm nie wieder.” And the English translation: “Study tip – Take a break. Stand up and stretch. Go for a walk. Go to the airport and get on a plane. Never come back.” (And for those of you who are curious about the verb tense of the joke, it’s in an informal, singular you command form. You simply drop the –en at the end of the verb. z.B. gehen = Geh!)

[abroadandconfused]

Week 17: Wait a Minute, School’s Still in Session?!

That’s right. The whole point of the “study abroad” thing is the whole “study” part. I understand you’re getting more of an education with life, love, travel, and yourself, but the whole reason you’re abroad in the first place is because you are attending school. And that reality has smacked me in the face as I just had my first final exam yesterday morning.

Now I understand that I may or may not have said a couple of times that the expectation and responsibility of what you do outside of the classroom is on you. German students, however, will tell you that the homework is never important. Which, in a lot of ways, is true. Most professors will assign homework, but then never collect it, review it, or question if you did it. They just move on to the next lesson.

Why? Because they are giving you an avenue to which you can study to for the rest of the week, but they’re not going to hold your hand. You’re an adult and will have to live with the consequences of the choices you make. Such as for my phonetics class, she gave us each a poem at the beginning of the summer semester and told us to practice reading it aloud at least once a day, every day in prep for the exam. She then would assign us something like, “Make a card matching game to learn how to recognize the difference between the four different ‘e’ sounds,” for that week.

I want to say I was a diligent student and did all of those things, but that would only be half true. How can it be only half? Well the months of March through May, I did do that. During the week I would recopy all of my class notes in different colors, make flashcards, and look over the material for next class. Then I would even take these flashcards with me on my weekend trips to study or read books completely in German to practice my comprehension of the material.

But then the end of May rolled around. Everyone back in the U.S. was off for summer break and the weather started to get more beautiful here. My frequency in weekend trips went up as my classroom productivity went down. I don’t copy my notes anymore and I barely get my homework done before class just so I know what we worked on last class because I skipped last class. I also stopped practicing my phonetics (but I didn’t stop speaking German—I’m in Germany; I can’t just stop).

And all of that culminated into this past weekend. I had already signed up and paid to go on the University excursion to Lake Chiemsee and Salzburg in Austria. Early in June I found out my Phonetics exam would be on the Monday following that trip so I first decided to try to get someone to take my place so I could get my money back and study that weekend only to change my mind and go anyways. But then Thursday, the day before the trip, rolled around and I realized there’s no way I’m going to study if I go.

Even though I really really wanted to go, I ended up sleeping in the next morning and missing the bus on purpose. Subsequently enough I lose the 90 Euros I paid for the trip, spend some time every day being a productive student again, and my parents are now happy that I “remembered” that I’m still in school.

This is only the beginning of exam season as well. I still have 3 more exams in total during the first week of July so this weekend I’m splitting my time with studying and enjoying some of the evening festivities during Uni-Fest as well as watching Germany dominate the European Football Championship.

My point with this whole story is a reminder to balance your time wisely. You don’t have to go to extremes like I did with skipping a trip I actually really wanted to go on or copying all of my notes in color. Studying abroad is all about getting that well rounded education both in and out of the classroom, but don’t forget that 50% of that time and the whole reason why you’re in another country is for that classroom education.

So try not to panic the night or hour before the exam while trying to learn an entire semester’s worth of material. And don’t show up the second to last class after skipping all of your classes the entire semester expecting a review for what you need to learn in one week. That’s just irresponsible. I get you want to travel and party (and I have and will continue to do so), but there’s this thing called a transcript that lists all your grades and credits that you want to transfer back to your university. And if you’re like me who needs to pass all of her classes in order to finish out that German minor she has because the University cut the German program, you might want to put some effort into your school work.

Now after the test anxiety I had and total feeling of failure I’m experiencing after my phonetics exam yesterday (an exam unlike any other exam I’ve ever taken in the U.S.), today is my day of preparation for my long weekend of studying that lies ahead of me (as well as celebrate my birthday with the University production of A Comedy of Errors this evening).

It’s been a bit of difficult transition back into the productive student life here, I will admit, as I’ve gotten use to all the traveling and free time. I’ve been spoiled here compared to how little free time (and sleep) I have back in the U.S. But I am in school and finals have arrived. I have less than a month left here in Germany which is hitting me at the same time as all the stress from finals. But I will address what little time I have left here and the feelings associated with that next week.

Until then I wish everyone who is going through finals during this time the best of luck! We’ll get through this together one exam at a time!

German Song of the Week: Since it’s my birthday today, I have to share a little something about that! There are actually a lot of different German Geburtstaglieder (birthday songs), but this is the one I’m going to share with you all because I remember listening to it in my German high school class (and I just enjoy it). The lyrics are written in German, Spanish, and English. So enjoy! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbcVZaJOItY

[abroadandconfused]

Week 16: “Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby”

Or rather let’s talk about sex, nudity, and dating in Germany. I believe I mentioned a few things in past posts about how Germany is more comfortable with these topics, but I want to go into a bit more detail now about some more observations I’ve made.

Let’s just start with the first and obvious statement: Germans are totally comfortable with nudity and sex. In the department store I shop at, the porn films are right next to the documentaries. No special section behind a black curtain. And nor are the covers censored. Naked bodies and “sexually suggestive themes” are right there out in the open for people to see. In the local book store I frequent, in the magazine section you will find the Playboys and other “dirty” magazines right next to the children’s coloring books and National Geographic. Sex is on TV and in movies too and no one cares.

Then of course there are public pools and bath houses as well as sections of beaches where it’s clothing option. And the Germans are just naked and no one cares! I even saw a German, when I was walking to the grocery store, sun bathing in the park topless while children were playing football/soccer not ten feet away. That blew my mind, but it’s just a normal thing. The naked body is just a body.

And when it does come to sex, there is an education system in place. Unlike the (let’s admit it) poorly regulated and flawed sex education in the U.S., German sex education discusses anatomy, puberty, sexual activity, contraception, homosexuality, STDs, partnership, the process or reproduction, etc. Instead of abstinence only education (like I got), they discuss it and normalize it. Sex is a natural part of humanity and they approach it in that manner.

For these reasons, it’s see as a health concern. Meaning that there are sex toys for men and women in the condom machine in the basement of my dorm. The lingerie store I pass every day when I ride the bus into town has both women’s and men’s lingerie. PDA isn’t that big of a deal either! I’ve seen people making out in the middle of the sidewalk, at water fountains, and even on the bus. And no one bats an eyelash. Everyone knows there’s a line to be drawn (like no public sex, obviously), but there can be more PDA and no one cares because there’s no taboo against it.

So going from the extreme to a little tamer, that’s another thing: PDA in general is not taboo at all. Passion is passion and so you will see everyone from thirteen to ninety holding hands, cuddling in the park, kissing, etc. in public or just with friends or whatever. I see men and women buying flowers for each other in the farmers’ market all the time! Not because it’s a special holiday or anniversary, but just because.

And I’ve also noticed that there still is the presence of being “a man” and “masculine”, but it’s more liberal and less toxic. Like, for example, dads are expected to be equal participants in their child’s life. Pushing around strollers, playing peek-a-boo while watching for the subway to arrive, and more. There isn’t that “the old ball and chain” or special rewards for dads actually doing their job. They just do it because that’s what they signed up for. That’s what they want!

To take it just another step backwards again, let’s focus on the college-aged guys, flirting, and dating in general. German men are shyer than American men. They won’t really approach you if they like you. Someone on FB actually shared a video on how Germans flirt and all it showed was a guy about twenty feet away take a drink of his beer, sigh while looking down, and then take another drink. And that was it, but it’s true it a lot of ways. You won’t know if a German is interested in you romantically most of the time. Their “signals” are ridiculously subtle. Even strangers on the street that you pass and they check you out: it is nearly impossible to figure out if they are checking you out or not. My tandem partner even said she wishes German guys would make a more obvious move sometimes.

When it comes to actually dating German men, I can’t help you much there. From what I’ve seen, they are more romantics compared to American guys and once you two actually get together, they’re going to be very sweet to you, hold your hand, get you flowers, etc. I can only give you those generals based on observations as I have never dated a German while here.

Now every relationship and every guy is going to be different. I understand there are American guys who “flirt” the way Germans do or are just as romantic and vis versa. Do I prefer one nationality over the other? No. I always base it on the individual and our mutual interest in each other. But I will say that I do prefer the sex education program and acceptance of sex and nudity. It’s not taboo, it’s just life. And the female body is not sexualized like it is in the American culture.

But it is interesting to think about dating, sex, and nudity in different cultures. When it comes to this stuff while studying abroad, I personally went into this not wanting to enter into any relationships or anything like that because I’m only going to be here for a relatively short time. This is my personal choice and preference. However, for those who want to “have a little fun” while studying abroad or actually get in a relationship with someone, that’s up to you! Just be safe with the choice you make and know what you’re getting into if you happen to get in a serious relationship with anyone.

If any Germans read this, what observations/experiences do you have to add about these topics in Germany? Let me know!

German Word of the Week: “Schatz” (pronounced sh-oughts) – This is actually one of my favorite German words because it’s just so sweet. I’ve heard it uttered and used by many Germans in the U.S. and here while they’re talking to their significant other:  in normal conversation, after declaring love, flirting, etc. It’s simply a pet name that literally translates to “treasure”. And the hopeless romantic in me just can’t help, but say, “Aww,” whenever I hear it!

[abroadandconfused]

Week 15: Don’t Give into the Hate

I had this whole post planned out about Fathers’ Day, but in light of the events of this past weekend, I just need to talk about this. 

On Saturday, I received news that Christina Grimmie was shot and died from her wounds. Now this is a singer I didn’t know personally, but someone who I have watched on YouTube since she had the poof hair and was singing amazing covers. And for some reason it hurt more than I thought it should. I cried a little on the bus back to Germany. She was only 22. Just about a year older than me and here she was. Gone. I ended up voicing my condolences, but then went on a brief Twitter rant asking, “How many more people have to die before we get gun control?”

Then just two hours later, news broke about the hostage situation in Orlando. And I was just in shock. Then the news just kept updating. 32 dead. 48 dead. 50 dead and 53 injured. No one knew if their child or loved one was okay. Reports of cell phones ringing on the dead bodies of people trying to reach their dead loved ones came out, but the names didn’t yet.

The worst mass shooting in American history.

And I’ve just been so tired for so long since Sandy Hook and Charleston, but this past weekend really hit me hard. I’ve just needed time to digest that this actually happened. 

Now there’s so much I have said and want to say. I’ve talked with both family and friends about everything, but haven’t really talked about it with anyone here yet. I don’t really want to, to be honest. I’ve had discussions about gun control before and shootings, but this is just too soon. It still hurts. And I don’t want to bring this negativity here as I’ve seen too much of it already on every other social media platform.

So this is what I will say:

The support from other Americans, heroes, and the world helps to begin the process of mending my broken heart and the broken hearts of everyone. This is a trying time and I know it’s going to take a lot to heal, but until then let us focus on each other and the love that we show one another. It may seem like a cliche phrase, but we are all connected in some way and have to just love one another and be the best we can be. Easier said then done, but it’s what we have done and what we will continue to do.

Let us not give into the hate or fear.

And if any of my friends IRL or anyone who reads this post and just needs to talk to someone about how they’re feeling and what has happened, please message or call me. 

Please remember that love is love and the good greatly outnumber the cowards. Always keep fighting and always keep looking towards those who are helping in situations like this. We are strong and will not let cowards with a gun keep us from loving and living.

And if you can, please donate blood if you’re in the Orlando area or have a way of donating blood for the Orlando victims.

[abroadandconfused]

Week 14: The Other Side of Facebook

We’re all guilty of it and so I am. I post photos after every trip for all of my friends back home to see and live vicariously through me. And I can understand picking and choosing the best ones because I love looking at everyone else’s travel photos too! It helps me mentally plan where to go next and it also reminds me how far all of us have come (just a bit of sentimentality is all).

But my photos on Facebook fail to really capture everything. Sure, I get the touristy photos that I make fun of, but then participate in, the delicious food I ate, and countless selfies. However, there are large chunks missing from it: the planning, the bad weather, the bus rides, and the boring bits.

I get that even I don’t want to remember those sides of a trip sometimes, but they are important to planning any trip. So to help you plan your next trip, I’m going to go through the boring bits by sharing the questions and stories that didn’t make it to Facebook about my weekend travels.

Planning Your Trip

-       Hostel Research: Which ones are the cheapest? Should I pay more for location? How far is it from the bus station I’m arriving at? Does it have a locker? Is there WiFi? Is breakfast included? Do I have to bring my own sheets? Does it have 24-hour reception? Do I have to check out before 10am or 11am? Should I get an AirBnb instead? And many, many more questions and comparisons you have to ask when looking at hostels. Sometimes the websites aren’t even in English while other times you’ll read the calendar wrong and accidently book through Sunday even though you’re checking out on Saturday. Awkward and no refund for that mistake (hope my London hostel uses that money wisely).

-       Method of Travel: Okay, there is a bus leaving at 6:15pm and I would arrive at 3:30am. There’s a 3-hour bus transfer in Munich. But if I take the midnight bus, I still have the 3-hour bus transfer, but I’ll arrive at 9:30am. Or is someone driving there? I’ll check BlablaCar to see if anyone is offering a ride. –OR- Okay, so there is the 7am departure from Nurnberg airport. I can still go to class then immediately leave for the train to Nurnberg. Then I have a transfer in Frankfurt and will fly into Heathrow. Then I have to take the Tube for over an hour and should arrive at my hostel by a little after midnight.

-       Budgeting: I can charge Prague on my Travel card and have that leaves me X amount left on that card. I’ll leave that and charge the travel and hostel for Amsterdam on the credit card. How much is the public transportation in each city? What currency do they use? Should I hit up my German bank for cash or hit up the ATM upon arrival? I’ll use the German debit card for intercity travel, but take out X amount from the travel card for food and spending. I can exchange what I have left at my German bank. And my limit for spending money is X from the German bank account because I still need to pay rent on the 16th.

-       Sightseeing Research: Where are the museums located in relation to my hostel? Do they have lockers to lock up luggage so I can visit them on my last day? What’s the weather going to be like? How much are the museums? Do they have a student discount? How do I say, X, Y, and Z, in the local language so I can ask a bunch of questions?

-       Maps/Metro: Time to spend an hour on Google looking for the most legible maps and print them out at the library. Then circle and mark the locations I want to visit and their metro station stops.

Traveling There

-       Bus: On the bus back from Italy, a drunk man passed out on me, woke up, and puked right as we pulled into Munich. On the bus back from Paris I was stuck for 14 hours next to a long-legged man who was pinned behind his neighbor who wouldn’t move his seat up so I had to sit awkwardly to provide him with a little relief. He also fell asleep on me at one point and I pretended to be asleep when he woke up and realized it to make it a little less awkward. I’ve also had a woman in my lap on my bus to Vienna and couldn’t move for 12-hours. I’ve also had countless 3-hour bus transfers where I basically changed, brushed my teeth, and used shower wipes at bus stations, train stations, and even a port-o-potty with a bottle of water.

-       Plane: I’ve only used a plane once within Europe and that was my trip to London. It was fun staring down all the business types who were giving me the stick eye, actually speaking German with the Lufthansa flight attendants while they didn’t, and getting to London and back in comfort. However it was expense as all hell, border security coming back in Germany pulled a prank on me (they had 3 officers question me for 15 minutes when I didn’t present my residency permit then laughed if off after the reveal. I almost missed my connection, jerks), and I got lost quite a few times trying to find my terminals (Frankfurt, Munich, and Nurnberg airports are all bigger than you would expect).

-       Boat: I don’t have much to say about this because I haven’t done boat travel as the main source. However, I did travel by public boat in Venice and London. And apparently I’ll be doing it again with a bunch of free ferries in Amsterdam! So just remember it’s always an option and actually quite a cool way to see the city (especially in Venice-ride the public boat from the far end back to the train station; totally worth the 9 Euros for the 1-hour trip).

Living in a Hostel

-       Roommates: You’re going to get real comfortable with your body while getting extremely uncomfortable with your roommates. I had one roommate in my mixed dorm in Vienna sleep in nothing, but his tidy whities. Needless to say, I was a bit uncomfortable, but he didn’t flaunt it and he was on the other side of the room so I blew it off. And at least he wore something. Europeans are more comfortable with their bodies, nudity, and sex because they are! It’s not overblown and so living in hostels will help you with that. However, if my roommate at a hostel tries getting it on while I’m there or tries to steal my stuff, I will learn whatever language I need to in order communicate my feelings.

-       Linens: Sometimes you need to bring your own and sometimes the hostel provides them. They’re basic, easy to wash, and not luxurious at all, but they’re sheets. Make sure to check your bed and that you do get or have new linens for your bed. No one wants to get bed bugs.

-       Unnecessary Costs: My hostel in Vienna was a prime location on the metro and was actually really cheap for it. However, the free breakfast wasn’t free. Well the bread, jelly, Nutella, butter, and oatmeal was free, but if you wanted an egg, a piece of wurst, milk, or orange juice, you had to pay an extra Euro or two for each. And at every hostel I’ve been to, they’re always selling towels, locks, and more and vastly overcharging for them. I understand having to buy one when you’re in a jam (and they take advantage of that), but try to be prepared by bringing your own.

-       Neighbors: Let’s return once again to my hostel in Vienna. My neighbors were a group of Ukrainians on a huge group tour. I happened to be spending the weekend there with them at the same time as the Eurovision final. Needless to say they celebrated at their country’s win and I didn’t sleep too well that night. It happens. It’s just like living in a dorm.

-       Languages Barriers: Again, I feel like I need to reiterate the fact that not everyone speaks English. I ran into a really nice mom and daughter pair in Vienna who only spoke Hungarian and German. That male roommate in Vienna only spoke Portuguese and like 3 phrases in English. My hostel mates in Berlin only spoke varying levels of German, Polish, and Ukrainian. You’re going to meet some cool people, but just remember to be patient and use technology if needed to make sure that you can properly communicate with your roommates (if needed) and be polite!

Exploring the City

-       Getting Lost: Even with Google Maps, I still get lost sometimes. Streets are hidden around corners or you don’t understand the street names or you can’t find the street sign. Don’t panic and don’t “keep going” thinking you’ll get on the right path. It’s better to stop and figure out where you are. And you can always ask for directions from locals or shop owners nearby. But of course I have found some hidden gems and sights by getting lost so it’s a 50/50 experience.

-       More Language Barriers: Leading from the last one and a tip I repeat over and over, always learn the local language for important things. Like when you get lost, at least know things like where are we, where is this, left, right, straight ahead, etc. And sometimes you’re going to have those language barriers in grocery stores and restaurants that few tourists go to. Such as in Paris, we went to an Asian restaurant and everyone only spoke French, but we all managed to communicate. And in Pisa, our waitress only spoke Italian, but thankfully my note card and practiced Italian led me to order properly and be polite.

-       Language Mistakes: I butchered the Italian and French languages, but you know what, I tried. And the locals understood that. I knew the polite greetings, please, thank you, and even tried learning a bit extra so I could make it easier for the French baker I ordered breakfast from every morning or graciously thanking our AirBnb host who mainly spoke French. But even in German, I mess up on sentence order, proper pronunciation, and words. Don’t let the mistakes keep you from practicing and using the language. Just stay polite, calm, and friendly while using it and anyone will correct you and understand that you’re trying.

-       Restaurants: Maybe we should eat. What are the closest restaurants by us? What do they serve? How much is it? Is there anything else? Maybe a café would be cheaper than a restaurant? How much time do we have for lunch? Is there a grocery store instead? Let’s go to some place familiar. No, let’s not. Are we near tourist destinations? It’s cheaper if we get away from that. You only eat vegetarian? I’m allergic to lemons. Let’s make sure we can both eat there.

-       Hidden Fees: I didn’t realize the Tube didn’t open until 7.20am every morning and knew nothing about the bus line. I missed my first bus because I forgot the whole “left side of the street” thing that early in the morning and ended up paying 27 pounds for the Heathrow Express train to make my flight on time. Make sure you add in that buffer cash with your budget and always keep extra notes hidden in your bra or someplace on your person.

-       Grocery Stores: Cheaper and filled with what the locals eat. You can even sneak the food back into your hostel if they don’t permit outside food. One loaf of bread, fruit, meats and cheese, and cookies will last you the entire weekend including the long bus trips. And it’ll only be about 10 Euros average. Worth looking for them!

-       Dealing with Beggars & Cons: Around the different tourist destinations in each city you will run into the people wordlessly trying to get you to sign a petition to help the orphans and donate 10 Euros, those trying to sell selfie sticks and off-the-back-of-the-truck items, the “find the marble under the cup” guys, the city tours, and so many more. Just ramble off that you’re not interested in a different language, ignore them, or just say “no” and keep walking because they’re just trying to take advantage of the tourists.

Traveling Back

-       Repacking & Carrying Everything: In the beginning, I only carried a backpack with me. Now I carry my backpack and purse. The last night of every trip, I always repack everything so that I can still explore the city before heading to my night bus. However, depending on how many souvenirs I buy, I sometimes end up carrying an extra bag with me. Most recently was the extra bag full of food from Paris. Half the food was souvenir food like macarons and meringues, but the other food was for my breakfast and lunch while on the road. Just be conscious of what you need and by the fact that you have to carry it by yourself up and down stairs, on public transportation, and on your main mode of international transport.

-       Bus Transfer Layovers: As mentioned before, I have “showered”, changed, and brushed my teeth in bus station bathrooms, train station bathrooms, and even a port-o-potty. I’ve also spent an awkward 3-hour bus transfer from 3am to 6am in Florence and on bitterly cold mornings in the Munich bus station. It’s long, boring, cold, and a lot of things aren’t open during those times. Be prepared with your own food, clothes, and stuff to keep your mind occupied. And if you’re going to take a nap, try finding a safe spot by officials if you’re alone and set an alarm to wake you for your transfer. But I recommend only napping if you have a friend. Besides that, walk. You have been and will be on the bus for a while and a good stretch of the legs will go a long way to being more comfortable.

I realize this list is very long and I hope you at least got some more ideas as to what goes into a weekend trip while studying abroad. There’s going to be a lot of boring moments, stressful ones, and more in between the Facebook photos, but everything will teach you, make you stronger, and help you be more at ease with yourself and traveling in general. I, for one, don’t get as nervous asking people for help or using a different language. I can also read a map better and can (not master, but) get the hang of public transportation in any city after two days.

Facebook may only remember the highlights, but you and all the people you tell your stories too will see the whole picture. And you’ll change. You may not know how you’ve changed, but you’ll know that you have. Plus, all the “boring bits” are more than worth the places you’ll see and people you’ll meet!

German Word of the Week: This week is going to be a bit different. Since I mentioned the importance of learning phrases in the local language, here’s a beginning list of a few phrases in German! (Please refer to a few translation websites for the pronunciation.)

Nein/Ja – No/Yes

Wo ist…? – Where is…?

Links, rechts, geradeaus, (dieser Strasse) entlang – left, right, straight ahead, along (this street)

Tut mir leid. – I’m sorry.

Ich spreche nur ein bisschen (Englisch). – I speak only a little (English).

Wie viele kostet es? – How much does it cost?

Vielen Dank/Danke – Many thanks/Thank you

Entschuldigungen Sie/Entschuldigung – Excuse me

Bitte – Please/You’re welcome

Wie bitte? – Sorry?/Pardon?/What was that you said?

Guten Tag/Guten Morgen/Guten Abend/Gute Nacht – Good Day/Good Morning/Good Evening/Good Night

Tschüss – (Bavarian) Goodbye

Schönen Tag – (Shortened Version) Have a nice day!

[abroadandconfused]

Week 13: How to Not Be *That Kind* of Tourist

This past weekend I had the opportunity to travel to Paris, France with my Finnish friend! Needless to say, we had an amazing time and I look forward to returning to the city to do and see the things I didn’t get a chance to do this time. However, during my trip I couldn’t help, but keep a few thoughts in the back of my mind. Mostly the stereotypes about American tourists abroad.

Whether we like to admit it or not, Americans hold a reputation of being extremely patriotic, rude, and flat-out disrespectful as tourists. I have seen my fair share of this stereotype confirmed by too many Americans during my travels. However, I also ran into an equal amount of American tourists who prove these stereotypes wrong (which I hope I can include myself in this category). And for some reason when people think of American tourists, they think of them in Paris, France (just watch My Big Redneck Vacation when they were in Paris and you’ll see what I mean).

Beyond that, I have seen some very rude tourists and locals that weren’t American. It all goes both ways. So what gives? How can you not be that guy while abroad? It’s pretty simple really, but here’s some tips to help you feel less like a tourist and also be less of a jerk while abroad (because we’ve all had those moments of stupidity while traveling because we sometimes have those “what happens in Vegas” moments and forget that our actions have effects on others).

-       Don’t practice your vocabulary with locals. I always have to learn certain phrases in the language of the country I’m visiting just to make sure I don’t eat food that I’m allergic to, but I also take the time to learn useful phrases like directions, asking where things are, please and thank you, etc. However, don’t strike up a conversation with locals just say your name, list out animals, and other useless stuff. If you’re going to practice the local language, take the effort to learn the phrases and words you’ll need to know. (This tip comes courtesy of all my international friends.)

-       Don’t leave trash everywhere. I get that it’s not your place and you’ll never come back or other stupid excuses you might use to justify that behavior, but just don’t do it. It’s hard enough preserving a lot of tourist destinations and cities and you throwing your trash on the ground doesn’t help. It makes the place look horrible, more dangerous, and gives locals/the city a headache as they try to keep up with everyone making a mess. You wouldn’t want other tourists trashing your place so don’t do it to anyone else.

-       It’s okay to have fun, but don’t be reckless. In the evening, tourists and locals gather with their drinks and food by the Eiffel Tower to watch it light up and hang out. It was really cool, but I noticed way too many of both parties drinking in excess (this one tiny girl near us, in particular, drank an entire bottle of wine by herself in the 30 minutes they were there). I didn’t stay any later than needed, but drunk people don’t make safe decisions. Drink if you choose and have fun, but don’t let it get out of hand.

-       Just stop stereotyping. “All French people smoke and wear berets.” “All Americans are fat and stupid.” “All Germans are very OCD about things.” Let’s just stop. You’re in another country, be respectful of the people there. Even if you aren’t in their country, don’t stereotype. Plus, don’t stereotype the other tourists there from other countries. All of us are here visiting the same place because of a common interest in it.

-       Don’t eat at familiar restaurants only. I understand that sometimes you get overwhelmed or a craving or you know it’s going to be fast and cheap so you go to a McDonald’s or KFC while abroad. However, you shouldn’t go there often. Like I said before, I have a few food allergies and take the time to learn the local language to explain that. Why? So I can be prepared in case the waiter or shop owner doesn’t speak English. Why wouldn’t they speak English? Because you can find cheap, local food a little further away from the tourist destinations. It’s worth it to eat what the locals eat. (And let me just say, I love French food.)

-       Don’t assume everyone speaks English. Again, learn the useful phrases and words for when you travel to a different country. English may be the common language among a lot of the world and you’ll hear it a lot around the tourist places, but I’ve run into numerous (and I do mean a lot of) people who can’t speak English. It’s makes it a little easier for the person you’re speaking with and it shows that you had enough courtesy to actually learn a little of their language to make it easier for them to communicate with you. Languages aren’t a one-way street.

-       Don’t walk in front of someone taking a picture if you can help it. Sometimes you don’t see it until you’re right in the middle of the picture. It happens and it’s an accident. But if you see someone taking a picture and have more than enough time and space to walk around, then just walk around. Everyone is just trying to take the best picture they can. You wouldn’t want someone walking right in front of your picture so don’t do it to other people.

-       Don’t stop in the middle of the pathway. Just move to the side whether it’s to take a picture or talk with someone you just ran into or whatever. There’s more than likely a lot of foot traffic (with a few bikes) and it just irritates everyone around you when you stop in the middle or block the path.

-       Don’t push, shove, or cut off little kids. This goes without saying, but I was surprised a couple of times by some teenagers and even some adults at Disneyland Paris. Don’t be a dick to kids. Disney is for everyone, but for these kids, this is unbelievable! Don’t ruin their memories, dreams, and inspiration to keep dreaming and stay a kid! And also:

-       Don’t break a parent’s line of sight with their child. On the staircase, in Disneyland, or anywhere, you don’t break their line of sight. That’s a scary thing for both parent and child especially in foreign places. Help let both parties stay calm and at ease and don’t break that line of sight.

Like I said before, this all seems like common sense. In fact, I almost named this post, “How to Not be a Dick,” but you pretty much get what I’m going for here. Everyone is traveling to see new things, meet new people, and make new memories. We all have to remember that and be respectful towards our fellow tourists. But don’t forget that even if you’re only there for a day, there are locals who are there all the time and we have to keep their home clean and be respectful towards them as well. Hopefully we can all profit from our traveling ventures in different ways then!

German Word of the Week: “Sehenswürdigkeiten besichtigen” (please use Google Translate for the pronunciation) – Seeing as this post is all about being a tourist, I thought this week’s word should match. This is the verb phrase for “to sight see” courtesy of dict.cc!

[abroadandconfused]

Week 12: Solo v. Duo v. Group Travel

This past weekend was the first time in quite a while that I actually went on a group trip. The past couple of trips of mine have been solo travels and I’ve noticed quite a few differences between all the types of traveling I’ve done so far. Now I don’t want to say one type is better than the other because they have their pros and cons, but I certainly want to flesh all three types so you can get a general sense of what each type has in store.

Solo Travel - Pros

-       You get to choose where and when to go. And I’m not just talking about what city/country to visit, I mean the museums, change of plans, spur of the moment, nerdy things no one else wants to do, etc. This is my favorite part of solo travel because I actually don’t have any friends here who like Shakespeare or want to rush to the Neues Museum in Berlin just to see the bust of Queen Nefertiti.

-       Meet new people at the hostel you’ll stay at. Whether it’s the roommates or people you socialize with in the longue, you’re going to run into a lot of other solo travelers. You’ll meet some of the most interesting people this way and get some great travel tips as well as have these deep conversations with (essentially) strangers.

-       Develop your own self-reliance, knowledge, and confidence. I’ve only traveled and plan on only traveling in countries I know the language in, but through my solo travel, I’ve learned so much. I know how to read and navigate a map better, learned new phrases in other languages, and so much more. I have also learned to be well prepared and what to expect out of some things. But I’ve also learned that not everything goes to plan and how I can cope with it.

-       Quietly indulge in that “touristy” thing you wanted to do or that five-star restaurant you saw on the Travel Channel once (or what I like to call, the “Treat yo’self” days). There’s something very therapeutic about treating yourself and taking a moment to realize where you are. I’ve had this moment a few times during my solo travels. One of the first times was when I went to see Hamlet alone at the Globe Theatre while more recently was in Vienna when I was eating lunch in a park having ordered it in perfect German. It’s a very cool moment of realization about where you are and how far you’ve come.

-       Have a moment of quiet within the chaos of it all. It’s simpler than how I phrased it. Sometimes it’s just really cool to take yourself to the British Museum or go to the theatre by yourself. The atmosphere around you and the different feelings you’ll go through definitely make it a wonderful experience and a nice break mentally.

Solo Travel – Cons

-       Safety. Generally, you’ll be safe as long as you follow your instincts and use common sense. I once had a drunk German make small talk with me who asked me if I was traveling alone. I lied and said no and that my mom was sleeping at the hostel because she was too tired to come to concert. It was a scary moment for me and I was internally screaming even though he turned out to be harmless. But you never know.

-       Getting lost. If you weren’t for Google maps and the GPS location on my phone, I would have missed planes and buses or found myself in more dangerous areas. However, I have found some cool things by getting lost and have thankfully found some kind people to point me in the right direction. But it still is a scary moment when you realize that you have no idea where you are (no matter how brief that moment may be).

-       Forgetting to eat. This may seem like a strange one, but sometimes when you have another person with you, they remind you that you have to take time to hit the grocery store or a restaurant to eat something. I’ve had a number of days where after going to four different museums, I realized I forgot to eat all day which is not the best when you realize this at 11pm when you return to your hostel.

-       Having to plan and book everything yourself. No matter how much you’ve traveled, you’re eventually going to get conned into a crappy hostel or weird bus times. It’s annoying doing the research and the planning and booking (but it is worth it).

Duo Travel – Pros

-       You’ll be more comfortable. And I mean comfortable with everything: talking to strangers, you’ll feel more safe, etc. I’ve gotten a false sense of confidence in my terrible Italian when we had to ask some Italians for either help or directions. Having at least one other person with you adds a bit of humor to the situation as you can immediately laugh at any mistakes you make.

-       Safety. When I was in Milan with my friend during our backpacking trip through Italy, a man walked up trying to get money out of us. Thankfully my friend quickly came up with a cover story on the fly saying that we were sisters, I didn’t really speak English, and that we were Ukrainian. She talked us out of that situation and for that, I am grateful.

-       More ideas about what to do and a second brain to pick. Whether you’re trying to figure out the map, how the metro ticket machine works, or what to do that day, it’s kind of nice to have a second opinion about what to do or see. And sometimes you’ll find that what the other person wants to do is something you actually want to do, but didn’t know about it. Plus, it’s always cool to see the joy in another person’s face or their enthusiasm even if you necessarily didn’t want to do or see that thing at first.

-       Someone to take photos of you. Okay, I have taken a lot of selfies and even had strangers take photos of me, but it’s nice to have someone with you who can stand with your bags and trust not to run off with your camera. Plus, someone who can actually recognize that this would be a beautiful place to take a photo of you for your parents. (My mom and dad send out a mental “thank you” to my friends who got me comfortable in front of the camera.)

-       Your bond will grow stronger. Most of the times I’ve travelled with one other person, I just met them, but through traveling and all the problem-solving that you have to do with it, you will get closer. Plus, hanging out on overnight buses, killing time at hostels, sharing a bed at your Couchsurfer-host’s house, and other stuff will give you plenty of time to get to know and get comfortable with one another. There’s nothing like getting completely lost in a city you can’t speak the language in with one other person that really gets you building that bond.

-       You have each other covered. It might be talking you both out of a sketchy situation or buying you a water because you haven’t had any all day or one of you actually thought of bringing an umbrella. You two are just going to naturally be considerate of one another so if you forget something, they might have you covered because you are both in this adventure together!

-       An extra set of skills and knowledge. I only speak English and poor German. Sometimes it’s nice to have another person who knows other languages. But then I was the Italian speaking person while backpacking through Italy because I decided to learn some important phrases before leaving while my friend did the navigation and set up a free tour guide in Rome. We each had our set of skills and knowledge that made the trip a bit easier.

Duo Travel – Cons

-       Conflicts. Maybe one person is tired to walking and just wants to take it easy while the other person still has energy to see the rest of the city. Maybe one person can’t decide on a restaurant and the other just wants something to eat. It’s going to happen eventually with whoever you travel with.

-       Conflicts part two. This upcoming weekend I’m going to Paris with a friend of mine. I would love to visit the Palace of Versailles, but it looks like we’re not going to have time because she wants to go to Disneyland Paris. So hopefully I can convince her to go to the Louvre at least. The point is you’re going to have to compromise sometimes with the other person. I gave up going to Versailles for now (with the promise to myself to go there some day) because she’s never been to a theme park. I’m not going to take that away from her! Plus, I want to see her experience roller coasters for the first time!

-       And if you both want to do something different, you have to do it alone. This hasn’t happened to me yet with my travel buddies, but there’s not much of an option. Either you compromise or you have to do it alone. And sometimes you don’t want to do it alone. Like going to a theme park in Paris alone. You kind of want a friend for those kinds of experiences.

Group Travel – Pros

-       Safety. You will always have group leaders, meeting points, information literally given to you, meet-ups, group activities, etc. when you travel with a group. It puts you at a little ease of mind knowing that you have about twenty other people to hang out with, can depend, and know your whereabouts.

-       You don’t have to do all the planning. The hostel and transportation as well as any tours are taken care of. All you have to do is sign up for it and pay the cash. Then you can do the fun part and just plan your free time.

-       You stay at nicer hostels. This past weekend in Berlin finally gave me the best hostel I’ve stayed in so far. It was clean, they actually had a REAL breakfast, I only had to share a bathroom with my five roommates, TVs in the rooms, air conditioning, and so much more. With groups, you get a discount so you can afford to stay in the swankier places.

-       You don’t have to do all the planning part two. Sometimes you have those weekends or days were you don’t want to think about it. You just want to look at the itinerary and say, “Yep. I want to do that,” and just relax as a tourist. There’s no shame in being a tourist as long as you’re polite.

-       Same with the Duo travel, but if you forget something or need info, there are other students who are more than happy to help. Even though we all spoke German at different levels, my roommates from the Berlin trip helped me and each other out. The German student let me use her hair dryer. The Ukrainian roommate told me a couple museums to avoid because they ripped her off. And the Polish students made sure I knew what the tour leaders were saying (they saw I was struggling to understand the fast-paced German and helped me out when I needed it).

Group Travel – Cons

-       Lack of free time. I’ve experienced this in the past and during my semester abroad. The most recent time was in Berlin were they only gave us a few hours on Friday and Saturday to go to museums and see the city. Then on Sunday we only had an hour to explore the palace park at Potsdam and/or eat after our tour and before getting on the bus to leave. I would have appreciated some more free time to go to more than one museum and explore the grounds, but it happens.

-       Having to wait on everyone. I wasn’t allowed to leave the hostel after checking in until a full hour later giving me even less time to explore the city because everyone had to meet in the lobby to see if we all wanted to do something together, etc. I kind of missed the freedom to just leave and do what I wanted right when I wanted it.

-       The occasional awkward moments. I don’t know whether it’s a European thing or just a me thing, but my roommates were very comfortable in their skin. With that being said, I didn’t really appreciate some of the sights I woke up to or walked in on during this past trip.

-       That little bad feeling you have when you don’t have a friend or travel buddy with you. Yes, I did make some new friends on this past weekend trip. It’s only natural to form these bonds with those you travel with. But I didn’t travel within the city with anyone. I was by myself for the majority of the time as everyone else already had a friend or two with them. This I didn’t mind too much because I knew what I wanted to do and just did it. But it would have been nice because the looks of pity from the two student group leaders was kind of annoying as they reminded me that I was alone for most of the group trip.

So as you can see, there’s pros and cons to each kind of travel. My recommendation is to do all three. You may have your preferences, but there are some trips you want to do by yourself, with one other person, or in a group. There are some experiences I’ve enjoyed on my own like exploring London, going to the Globe, the British Museum, and reflecting on myself and my adventures. Going to Italy with a friend of mine and now going to Paris with another has strengthen my friendships and knowledge. And traveling with a school group has allowed me to make a few new friends from my University here and stay in nicer hostels as well as provide me with awesome opportunities like tour the Reichstag for a cheap group price.

One way to travel is not necessarily better than the other. And each will fit a person differently. All that matters is your preference for each trip and finding some sort of balance. It’s up to you to decide which one fits you for what city/country.

But either way: Get out there! It could be as simple as being a tourist in your own city, going to that art gallery you’ve heard about, or driving an hour to that national park within your state. Just go for it!

German Word of the Week: “Stimmt” (pronounced exactly how it looks) – I’ve heard this word used a lot in Austria and back in Germany so I finally gave in and looked up the exact definition and the context to use it in. Coincidentally enough, I was texting my tandem partner making plans to meet up for lunch around the same time. I said: “How about we meet at 11am to finish registering for my residency at the Rathaus then grab a light lunch?” And she replied: “Stimmt. See you then!” So what does it mean exactly? Agreed.

[abroadandconfused]

Week 11: Delayed

Sorry, but there is no post this week as I’ve seemed to run into a sort of roadblock. I’ve had to do a week’s worth of work in the past 24 hours since I’ve returned from Vienna and prep for my next trip to Berlin and Potsdam this weekend.

Mentally and physically I’m quite stressed and tired which has led me to not have anything to discuss or any tips for you this week. I did get some ideas for future blog posts, but am waiting until I get more experience with what I want to write about.

So I’m cashing in my “free pass” for this blog post. A normal blog should be on your desk first thing on Monday. However I am writing to let you all know that I’m fine, alive, and loving my journey. This month is just a bit busier than usual.

Congratulations to those who have graduated university recently and I hope you all have a fantastic summer! Remember to keep moving forward and striving for your own happiness wherever that may be!

I love you all so much and I’ll see you again next week!

[abroadandconfused]

Week 10: The Rainbow of German Recycling

[**Next week’s post (Week 11) is supposed to be published on Monday, 16. May, but instead it will be posted late on Tuesday, 17. May, due to my weekend in Vienna.]

As promised in many posts ago, here is my best explanation at how to properly throw away your trash and recycling in Germany (and a relatively short post). Now each city has their own variations so keep that in mind. This post is purely based on my experience within a Franken city in Bayern.

German recycling was something of a headache at the beginning of my time here. My tandem partner spoke quickly of 4-different trash cans that I needed and some things went in some colored bags and bleh. It was terribly frustrating at first. I still even have my little color coded paper sitting on my shelf by the trash just in case I forget what goes with what color. However, now that I’ve adjusted, I really like this system. It’s more efficient and a hell of a lot better for the environment.

But I say this after living here for 2 months. So here’s the basic rundown of how to separate your trash in Germany:

1.     Green Trash Bag, Brown Bio Bin – Biodegradable Trash

This would include all of your food scraps, banana peels, apple cores, etc. Basically if it is organic material and rots, it goes in this bag.

2.     Yellow Trash Bag, No Bin – Plastic

Wrappings around food, plastic on tech, etc. goes in this one. Make sure that you wash/rinse off things like plastic cheese containers, lunch meat containers, etc. before throwing it away. It has to be clean.

3.     No Bag, Blue Bin – Paper & Cardboard

You can keep your paper and cardboard in a bag, but do not throw it away with the trash. You have to dump it out into the dumpster without the bag.

4.     No Bag, Labeled Tan Bins – Clear, Green, & Brown Glass

Make sure you wash the glass out just like plastic trash. There should be some tan bins (typically) somewhere by your dormitory. Once you find it, throw the glass in its properly labeled bin. They separate it by clear, green, and brown glasses so just look at the labels before throwing the jars anywhere.

5.     Clear Trash Bag, Restmüll Bin (typically blue & green) – Everything Else

Everything from used tissues and used feminine hygiene products to tape to used tea bags and things you just don’t know where to throw away go in here. The weird stuff. If you can’t easily put it in one of the other trash categories, it goes in here.

6.     Cans, plastic bottles, and alcohol bottles can be returned to the grocery store they were bought from for nothing or a partial refund.

7.     Clothing, Shoes, Furniture, & Others

Items like these (depending on how much you have) need to either a) be called in (for large amounts), b) be donated, or c) sold or given away.

For those of you like me who would prefer a list of where things should go, check out this article I found. He’s an expat now living in Germany with his German wife. He put together a pretty solid list of what things go where (because there will be some items you just go, “Wait a minute. That goes in with the plastic?” and he answers most of them).

This person also does a good job explaining the trash system in a little more detail as well and I highly recommend you at least skim through it.

When you’re in public, people don’t mind too much when you only have one public trash can available for different types of trash. However, if there is a public trash can that has its respective separations, separate your dang trash please.

I realize this is kind of short this week, but I’ve been really busy playing catch-up for the classes I slept through this past week and planning a couple of trips for this month. But if you can get anything from this post: Don’t be intimidated by the German trash system. You’ll get used to it and shrink your carbon footprint with it.

German Word of the Week: “Totschlagargument” (pronounced tote-schlog-argument) – Courtesy of Deutsche Welle this wonderful word literally means knockout/killer argument. Like have you ever had a discussion or debate or argument with someone and then you bring up the best point ever that basically wins you the argument? That’s exactly what this is! The killer argument that silences your opponent and gives you the “win”.

[abroadandconfused]

Week 9: Things I Miss & Things I Don’t

This past week has been filled with nothing, but homesickness. Yes, I naturally miss everyone at home, but I want to focus on the things I miss. So to try and deal with the homesickness, I’m going to list it out! Here are the things I miss from the U.S. versus the things I don’t.

 Things I Miss:

Mexican-American Food – There is no such thing as tortillas, cilantro, salsa, or other kinds of ingredients or foods in grocery stores. Let’s just say I’ve had a really bad craving for nachos, quesadillas, and tacos, but haven’t been able to satisfy it due to the lack of anything remotely Mexican here. My parents also promised to send me tortillas in the mail, but then messaged me not five minutes later saying they’re not allowed. If I can find an actual grocery store with the ingredients, I’m taking this weekend to make them myself!

Longer Store Hours – Operating hours are very limited here for everything. Virtually everything is closed on Sundays, by 5pm, and during the hours of 12pm to 2pm. It’s extremely incontinent for someone who only has time to take care of banking issues at lunchtime and has to schedule grocery shopping at a different time each week. Even the school libraries don’t have late hours! Like, WTF?

Community Kitchens/Lounges – All I have to cook with here is a two-burner stove top. That’s it. There aren’t any ovens in this entire dorm. This has severely hurt me as a person who actually enjoys cooking. Here, I can’t do that. Nor are there community lounges. Dormitories are meant for students to sleep and study. No need to be lazy and stay indoors, but sometimes it would be nice just to watch a football game with my neighbors, yeah?

My Small Campus – Technically speaking everything is within walking distance, but some days I’m just completely exhausted and don’t feel like walking almost an hour just to get to the city center. Back in the U.S., I could walk anywhere in no time! (Which was also great for sleeping in on some mornings.)

School Sponsored Events – There are tons of school sponsored events here, but they all involve drinking and clubbing. I like clubbing/dancing every now and then, but how about movie nights? Or a concert? Or something other than that?

Access to American Shows/Movies – Let’s just say I’ve been avoiding certain parts of the internet and have unfollowed a lot of people to avoid spoilers for a number of my shows that are continuing without me. Hopefully I can catch up on all of them in August! Then I’m missing out on a lot of films because most aren’t released in my city and the movie theatre prices are incredibly expensive.

Fellow Nerds/Geeks – I know I said I would focus on “objects,” but I can’t help myself. Where are all the nerds and geeks at here? They’re literally hiding from me or just non-existent. That’s why I went to London alone because I couldn’t find a single person who likes Shakespeare (and I even have British and American friends here). I can’t even find anyone who just wants to spend a quiet evening in and watch Disney movies or Lord of the Rings or something! Like, seriously? Where are my nerds and geeks at?

Instructions/Guidance – If it wasn’t for my tandem partner, I wouldn’t have a clue about what I needed to do. There is an International Office and professors, but they provide zero guidance whatsoever. They’re basically there to make sure that we’re alive and actually going to class. Beyond that my tandem partner has answered way too many of my stupid questions and has helped me in more ways than anyone else has been willing to. I cannot thank her enough for that, but I’m basically left on my own to figure out everything from my residency permit to other important stuff. I’m just thankful for my tandem partner for going above and beyond her role because no one else helps me with these things.

Instant Help – Being across the Atlantic has made it difficult for me to communicate with instructors, friends, and family back home. I’ve fallen into a rhythm now with my family and friends, but it literally takes days or weeks for instructors and offices to get back to me with answers that I need even with technology like email. It gets very frustrating very fast when you know you have several deadlines back home for stuff in the Fall semester, but no one gets back to you until after the deadline. But it something I have had and will continue to cope with for the rest of my stay abroad.

 Things I Don’t Really Miss:

Ridiculously Sugared/Processed Food – I follow a lot of different people on the internet for recipes. Looking at them now, my stomach turns at the thought of eating some of that food. And my body thanks Germany for the upgrade in food quality too. I may still look the same size, but I feel a lot better.

Lack of Travel – This one is very obvious, but I still had to say it. My university back home is in the middle of nowhere. Here, I have easy access to public transportation that allows me to visit other cities and even countries. It has definitely helped me cope with the occasional boredom.

Lack of Diversity – America and many American universities strive to be as diverse as possible, but they got nothing on Europe. It’s mostly because it’s so close together geographically that I’m able to meet all these new people from different countries. It’s kind of refreshing to get all of these different opinions and perspectives easily.

Lack of Reliable Public Transportation – This one is pretty simple. I’ve got buses, subways, trains, and even planes. They are all relatively safe and reliable which allows this lazy, nervous driver to travel more easily.

Grocery Prices – I spend about 7 to 10 Euros a week on groceries and food. That is ridiculously cheap and I’m not skipping out on items either! My refrigerator, freezer, and pantry is packed with a lot of food and chocolate. I make it a game to see if I can get my grocery bill over 15 Euros and have yet to do that. And this is such a relief from an American college student who’s basically survived on nothing, but Romen noodles, peanut butter, chocolate, and pretzel rods for most of her college career (and Tostino’s pizza rolls for special occasions or “fuck it. I’m buying it.” moments).

Lack of Access to the Outdoors – This is partially my fault back in the U.S., but I don’t see many parks or woods. They seem non-existent unless you really look for them. Here? I can’t go one block without running into a huge park. And it’s weird because when you walk through them, you don’t hear or see the roads around you! It’s like you’re not in the city anymore! Now I don’t have these weird moments of odd relief when I finally see a tree or smell flowers.

Lack of Historical Buildings/etc. – I know, I know. America has an extremely rich history. I know, I’ve studied it, but it’s here! It’s literally everywhere! Buildings older than 1776. Floors and wallpaper and artwork and more! I can’t get over it!

Lack of Hostels & College Traveling – This sort of goes along with the lack of travelling as college students and lack of public transportation. We are always told, “Travel now while you’re young! It’s the best time to!” But as American college students, we can’t really unless we have rich parents, win a lot of scholarships, or take out a lot of loans. Here in Europe (besides, you know, governments actually paying for school) hostels and cheap transportation have made it a necessity for college students to travel. It’s in their DNA. So not only are you encouraged to travel, but you are actually capable of doing that here. U.S. has to step up their game.

The Trash & Recycling System – Yes, I panicked way too much about Germany’s 4-trash-bag policy system, but now that I’ve got the hang of it, I love it! My trash doesn’t smell, I don’t have to take it out as often, and my carbon footprint has shrunk. Makes me feel a little better about how I treat the environment. It even has me more conscious about my water and energy consumption as well! Hopefully this will stick with me when I return stateside.

 I realize even now that I will have some of the same homesick feelings about Germany when I return to the U.S. Every place has both its pros and cons. The only way of truly coping with it is to remember and share in both places. Hopefully my parents will be able to send a care package with American stuff I can share here! And hopefully after my time here, my international friends and I can send each other care packages of our own every now and then!

It’s just all about balance and not dwelling on what you don’t have, but instead, working through it! (And I will update you all on my quest to make/find Mexican food.)

 German Word of the Week: “Waldeinsamkeit” (pronounced vald-ein-zam-kite) – This word is overshared online between Americans, but it doesn’t diminish the meaning of it. I chose this word because this is a feeling I felt in the middle of one of the city parks. There were trees everywhere, it was late in the evening, and I was the only one in this park. I wasn’t scared. Instead I felt a peaceful solitude being amongst the green. I can’t wait to feel this again when I eventually visit the Black Forest. The meaning? The feeling of being alone in the woods or woodland solitude.

[abroadandconfused]

Extra: Hamlet at the Globe

For those that are interested this is a somewhat brief, but not really account of my first experience at the Globe Theatre in London. I was fortunate enough that my first time was at the matinee performance of the Globe to Globe tour of Hamlet during its final weekend. It was also fortunate for me that it took place on Shakespeare’s 400th Anniversary!

Like I have said in a past post, I have waited almost a decade to see a Shakespearean performance at the Globe Theatre and, wow, was it worth the wait! The rose-covered gates opened and I presented my ticket with a big smile. I just hung around outside with the rest of the audience as the doors weren’t going to open for a little bit. I got my £1 cushion for my bench seat (totally worth it, by the way) and the sun reappeared just in time! We all shuffled in and the mood was vastly different than when I toured a couple days earlier. There was a buzz through the entire crowd! I found my seat easily and just took way too many photos of the theatre as everyone shuffled in! Then it was show time!

The actors came out and the one who played Laertes introduced the group. As soon as he said, “It’s great to be back home!” we went wild! It was just deafening cheers for a good two minutes. I thought the one actor who played Guildenstern/the Clown/and other characters was going to cry in gratitude and disbelief! For the past two years they have toured the world performing Hamlet in something like 197 countries in all types of venues: corner store markets, Greek theatres, refugee camps, and more! And now this was the first of their final four performances ending their two year run.

And that performance was better than anything I could have expected. The cast was composed of only 7 people with 2 others for stage crew/musicians (there are more as they switch roles every show, but this was the composition for this performance). They performed with nothing more than a few props, instruments, a couple planks of wood, traveling trunks, a green background, and a red curtain. Many of the actors played multiple characters as they would throw on or off one piece of their outfit as well as change their accent to denote a new character. And this worked! They were so good with their mannerisms, movements, and accents, that it was so easy to be invested into the play.

Something that I wasn’t expecting was that this was live theatre and so once or twice a couple of the actors messed up their lines, but easily worked it into the show and moved on with no problem. My favorite line (besides the entire show itself) was when the Clown was proving his skill at acting to Hamlet. Hamlet prompted him with the challenge of someone whose beer is sour! The Clown then proceeded to perform the prompt in several different languages across the stage including English, Scottish, French, and (you guessed it) German. I cackled when he did the German line! I don’t know why! It was just so funny!

The play within a play was hilarious too! The focus was more on mannerisms than it was on dialogue and the Queen did an amazing job during this time as she hilariously “fooled around” with her now dead husband’s brother. Then when they pulled the curtain back to allow the actors a quick change back into Gertrude and Claudius and pulled it back again, the look of shock on their faces left the audience out of breath. I wonder if these actors ever broke their straight faces during a performance?

However, since it is a tragedy, there were goosebumps and tear-jerking moments throughout the show. The lead actor playing Hamlet delivered a softer version of many of the famous speeches, but he was still loud and intense when he needed to be. This change in balance was different from others I have seen and definitely made this Hamlet a more realistic one as opposed to the usual “suidicial-angsty-mad” version of Hamlet actors love to portray. Instead they actually made this Hamlet more rational.

That still doesn’t make up for my feelings with what Hamlet did to Ophelia. And I will admit that the first heart-breaking scene that had me tear up was when Laertes returned and was reunited with his now “mad” sister. That just broke my heart for many reasons. Naturally it broke for Ophelia. This poor girl whom I always felt for when I read the play and always wished she had a better ending. This time, however, I found myself finally seeing Laertes’ perspective a bit clearer. Here was this young man who left for school to make his father proud. Then his father is murdered, he comes home to a barely recognizable Ophelia, then to lose his sister, and be tricked by Claudius (which ultimately leads to his death). Even before making it to the end, both actors upon Laertes and Ophelia’s reunion had me see this and made me overwhelmed with sadness.

Then there’s Hamlet’s death. I will admit every time I hear or read the words, “the rest is silence,” I get hit with emotion, but this time it wasn’t that line in particular (it only contributed to the crescendo of the ending tragedy). Watching this production, they had this wonderful actress playing Horatio and it was Horatio’s reaction to Hamlet’s death, loyalty, and retelling of the tragic end that made me completely lose it. Her phenomenal performance “struck me so to the soul” that I couldn’t help, but cry. Thankfully, I wasn’t the only one crying. Just the painful silence that the actors left right after Hamlet dies was hard to handle. Horatio just held him in her arms quietly sobbing and even Fortinbras who was yelling at the door was silent. Everyone was holding their breath and that pause really helped to let that line resonate with us.

But Horatio didn’t stop there. She continued this hard balance of grief with the last few moments of the play. Her lines were performed perfectly and realistically as she refused to overdo them. Having her tears and emotion more subdued was the right decision in this case. Brava!

And, of course, the Bard never could let the crowd go home sad and so the final jig began. Yet again we gave the actors a deafening applause. They had to come back out four times because we wouldn’t stop cheering and clapping! And this time the actor who played Guildenstern/etc. did have tears in his eyes along with a look of disbelief that we were actually cheering this much for them!

I just hope this was a warm enough welcome for all of the company and I hope they had a blast with their final performances. It feels unbelievable to even play a small role in this monumental two-year, history-making tour. And I’m sure they instilled Shakespeare in the hearts of many through their travels as well as learned a lot from their tour. This was a great tribute to Shakespeare in many ways and I look forward to seeing what these actors get up to in their futures. I also look forward to seeing what else the Globe has in store for future anniversaries!

Until then it’s back to class I go!

[abroadandconfused]

Week 8: Bard’s Birthday B-Weekend Bash!

[Sorry for the major delays. My computer stopped working. Then my internet stopped working. And finally Tumblr saved it as a draft instead of posting it. Now back to this week’s regularly schedule broadcast!]

Holy. Shit.

Of all the words in the English language these two in sequential order are the only way to accurately depict my feelings of this past weekend. I only returned on Sunday and yet it still feels like a dream. I can’t believe it.

Let me start from the beginning.

I woke up Thursday morning in my London hostel after traveling by myself for the first time in my life (mostly because I couldn’t find anyone else who wanted to spend a Shakespearean weekend with me). I had a lot of stuff I wanted to do and little time to do it in. Thankfully it was an abnormally sunny day in London so I changed my plans around a bit and decided to see all the big tourist sites in London.

I first visited the Sherlock Holmes Museum on Baker Street, but only took a picture from the outside before leaving because a) it wasn’t open and b) it was an expensive tourist trap so I was satisfied with only the brief visit. I then went to Buckingham Palace just because it was so close (using the Tube) and decided to wait by the fence for the next hour and half for the changing of the guard. I was really glad I did this because not ten minutes later people flocked in. It was then that I learned that it was the Queen’s 90th Birthday! And before the changing of the guard, I even got to see the Calvary! During the changing I got some great pics, was used as a camera stand, had a woman try and shove me out of the way for a better spot (but I didn’t let that happen), and even took a pic for a kind gentleman in the back who asked me in broken English too. It was really awesome to watch (and the Royal Guard band even played “happy birthday” at the end for the Queen).

Afterwards I spent some time eating an organic, gluten-free blueberry muffin from this hipster stand and continued my day. Next was Trafalgar Square, Big Ben, the Parliament Building, Westminister Abbey, and the London Eye. I then crossed over a bridge to Southbank and walked a few miles down with the goal to see the Tower Bridge and the Tower of London! However, I got side-tracked as I made it to the Globe Theatre. I figured today was the best day out of the weekend to go through the Globe Exhibit and tour the theatre. I went nuts in the exhibit! They even had the original Hamlet Ghost armor used in the first production of Hamlet at the Globe on display! And I learned so much more about cleaning the costumes, some huge events during Shakespeare’s life, and so much more!

Then came the tour! Our timing was absolutely amazing because the next production, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, was rehearsing in the Globe for it’s opening on April 30. We weren’t allowed to talk or take pictures due to rehearsals so our tour guide gave us a talk outside and then we went in. To my surprise and luck, the cast just took a break so I got to take pictures! Then our tour guide stalled us (as well as the other Shakespeare enthusiasts in my tour group stalling with questions) so that we actually got to see part of the rehearsals!

So I got to see Emma Rice, the artistic director, and famous cabaret dancer, Meow Meow, live with the rest of the cast and crew! And Emma Rice is really taking the play in a different direction than past productions. First, it’s taking place in a modern Indian café (from the looks of the set and instruments used). Then, the famous two pairs of lovers will now have the composition of three men and only one woman (and Puck will also be female). From what I saw during rehearsals, it looks like this is going be a mildly contemporary art/good LSD trip through Shakespeare with a little burlesque sprinkled on top. I’m really looking forward to seeing it someday if I get the chance.

But anyways, I walked outside of the theatre after taking a too short of a trip through the gift shop and noticed that a small crew was filming something outside. The actor—who I found out was playing Shakespeare—looked familiar and I wanted better pics of the Globe so I stayed to watch. All of a sudden, a second crew comes over and starts filming. The first crew finishes and so I focus on the new film crew working. And to my delight, the actor in period garb started performing my favorite soliloquy from Hamlet. I was thrilled! I stayed way longer than I should have! And then, I started being filmed! And he started performing to me and the surrounding audience! Fast forward a few more takes and I was on camera every time! I talked with the actor, Anthony, afterwards who told me it was going to be on during Friday’s Good Morning, Britain on itv.

First, the sun in London. Then, seeing rehearsals at the Globe. And now I got to be on British telly! Unbelievably lucky that day!

So I continued on my journey and found the Tower Bridge and crossed over to the Tower of London only to arrive just 7 minutes after closing time so I didn’t get to tour it. I was exhausted so I typed my location into my phone to find the closest tube station only to find that I could take a boat on the Thames back to Westminister to catch the Jubilee line there. So naturally, I took the boat with my Oyster card and made it back to my hostel late.

Onto Friday!

I slept in and headed straight to the Natural History Museum and immediately regretted sleeping in. The line wrapped around the freaking building. It wasn’t too bad though as the line was constantly moving forward and I only had to wait one hour. Once in, I was a child again. I looked at dinosaurs, the evolution exhibit, and explored the volcanoes and earthquakes section! There was more there, but I wanted to move on to the British Museum.

And I didn’t know what I was expecting at the British Museum, but I can tell you that when I walked into the Ancient Greek section, I spent about 5 minutes just trying not to cry. There was so much history within those walls that I’ve studied for a few years now! Roman, Assyrian, Greek, African, American, Aboriginal, European, Egyptian, Japanese, Chinese, etc. You name it, and it was there!

I didn’t need a map and I didn’t need an audio guide. I just wandered the museum for hours (and took a small lunch break, but details). It was so beautiful! The Crystal Skull, Rosetta Stone, the Head of Augustus, usw. I was just in awe. And don’t get me started on the Enlightenment library exhibit.

By the end of this day, I was exhausted. The adrenaline of traveling alone and being in London had worn off plus I was feeling a bit sick from all the dust that my lungs collected in the tube. I was going to call it an early night in prep for the next day, but I ended up running into a fellow hostel-goer who check in the same time I did. She invited me to have a cup of tea and I couldn’t say no to a free cuppa English tea!

We sat in the lounge for about 3 hours just talking. It was awesome! She is actually a 29-year-old recently retired South Korean Air Force veteran who is relocating to England to “start her life over again” with a new job and a Masters’ degree. We ended up talking about different places we’ve gone, festivals, places we want to go to, an English man joined our conversation briefly, language differences, Germany, history, and American politics. Of everything that had happened over the weekend, I do have to say that this was one of the big highlights. Just to easily meet new people and learn about them and their different perspectives and stories, it was priceless.

Shakespeare’s 400th anniversary that Saturday morning greeted me with the sun again, but the wind made it freaking cold. That didn’t stop me from getting to screen 37 of the Complete Walk (The Tempest) nice and early. I was waiting around because they were having some technical difficulties and ended up striking up a conversation with two polite older British women. One went over to talk to some Globe volunteers about the technical difficulties while I made small talk about Shakespeare. There was something very indescribable about being amongst a bunch of other people from six to sixty who all love Shakespeare. One gentlemen even stopped everyone with a Shakespeare quote from the Tempest. We were all very close to start performing it ourselves (which would have been utterly brilliant, if I do say so myself).

Anyways, the other woman came back which was when I discovered that President Obama was currently at the Globe Theatre and that is why the screens haven’t turned on yet (because they shut down the entire walk for “security reasons” or whatever). I thanked them for the conversation and that information and then booked it to the Globe Theater because if none of the screens were working, then maybe I can get the chance to see President Obama. Why not?

I hung outside about an hour and half, bought some expensive water, and watched the Globe Theatre band perform outside. Again, everyone was just talking about the Bard and I was thrilled with my eavesdropping. But then I caught word that the screens were working and was about to give up my current quest when President Obama emerges from the top window of the Swan restaurant by the Globe for pictures. It was very brief, but I rushed over for a better angle which only confirmed that it was the President. Then again he disappeared and I needed a moment just realize that here I was in England and I just saw the President of the U.S. in the flesh. How is this real life?

By now it was too late for me to do any of the Complete Walk before the 2pm show at the Globe plus it started to rain again so I (thankfully) found a Starbuck’s for brunch. I was also happy because I got my chocolate for the Bard’s Birthday (it’s a tradition with some of my friends to eat a bunch of chocolate and watch a Shakespearean production on his birthday every year). Then it was show time!

For the sake of not making this post way too long please go to THIS LINK for a full and way too detailed recount of my first experience at the Globe as well as the Globe to Globe Hamlet performance.

After the play I stopped by the gift shop again and was a kid in a candy store essentially. I had no one to stop me and made some impulsive purchases, but you know what: “By my heel, I care not.” Got no regrets!

I finally spent the rest of my day walking up and down the Thames River visiting all 37 screens for the Complete Walk. Some still weren’t working, but I did get to see most of them. The Taming of the Shrew film was awesome! It had the amazing Eve Best (Beatrice in Much Ado, Cleopatra in Antony and Cleopatra—both at the Globe) with John Light (Oberon in Midsummer at the Globe). Their on-screen chemistry as those characters was brilliant as they performed the first meeting of Katherine and Petruchio. Now that scene has always been filled with sexual tension, but the way they performed it actually showed that both parties were actually interested in each other instead of Petruchio basically having a dominance over her. Eve’s Katherine was equally matched and equally interested in this impending union.

Then there was Cymbeline! I haven’t read this play yet, but Hayley Atwell (Agent Carter) did a phenomenal job as Innogen! The scene was so simple and she gave us a powerful performance! I knew she was a brilliant actor before this, but this just reaffirms it! And I haven’t read King John, King Lear, the Two Gentlemen of Verona, or Henry VI, Part 3 yet, but both of these films made me put these plays at the top of my “Shakespeare To-Read List”.

And of course I loved all the other screens, but for the interest in not making this super-long post even longer, these were my other favorites from the Complete Walk: Romeo & Juliet, Hamlet, Antony & Cleopatra, and The Tempest.

By the time I was done with the Complete Walk, it was almost 10pm and I was shaking from how cold I was. I met a couple more polite British strangers along my walk including a very nice older woman whose husband was acting in a Tennessee Williams production and a family who was taking there eight year old daughter through the Walk because of how much she loved Shakespeare. I enjoyed the walk back to the closest tube station as I took pics of Big Ben and the London Eye that don’t do them any justice by how spectacular they looked. And the next morning I checked out and was back in my dorm by dinnertime.

So again I must reiterate my earlier statement summing up this weekend: Holy. Shit. How is this even real? How did I get so lucky? I met so many interesting people, had a lot more firsts, and can’t believe it all actually happened to me. How have I come this far? How could I have been so lucky to experience all of this this past weekend?

I don’t know how long it’s going to take me to actually believe that this wasn’t some dream, but I will never forget the experiences I had. I will never forget how fortunate I was to celebrate the life and legacy of William Shakespeare in London and at the Globe this past weekend.

Four hundred years and still going strong! Happy Anniversary, Shakespeare! See you at the next one!

German Word of the Week: “Drachenfutter” (pronounced drah-ch-in-foo-tter) – This word has nothing to do with my past weekend. It’s more of a German word I stumbled upon during my countless Google Translate searches while doing homework. This fun word is a noun for the gift a husband buys his wife to apologize for doing something inconsiderate. Literal translation: “dragon fodder”.

[abroadandconfused]

Extra: My Thoughts on Shakespeare (Pre-Departure)

I’ve debated how I would introduce this topic to both my friends and current strangers. I understand a blog post on Tumblr wasn’t how I wanted my friends to hear some of this, but here we are. My plane isn’t until Wednesday night, but I find myself crying tears of joy right in the middle of doing my homework and having the urge just to write this down now.

Those of you who know me know about my love for Shakespeare’s works. I don’t pretend to be an expert and I can’t claim to have read every word of his (yet), but I still call myself a fan. I don’t care how cliché it may be, but I want to explain to you all why exactly I love Shakespeare’s works so much beyond the obvious reasons.

The obvious reasons being that I just love his actual words. His puns, vocabulary, and made-up words. His ability to capture the basic human essence and emotions. His talent to make these serious dramas and yet have all of them filled with nothing, but dick jokes. How his plays can fit to any time period. And I know some of you were forced fed Shakespeare in school, but it was for these reasons and so much more that I love and appreciate the Bard’s works (and you should too).

For me, however, the number one thing I can really thank Shakespeare for is helping me through some of the toughest years of my life. And it wasn’t just him. I have to credit my 7th grade English teacher.

I don’t really want to go into detail about what exactly I went through, but I will leave it at I didn’t understand what I was feeling and going through at the time. There were so many things thrusted on this 12/13-year-old me and I still can’t explain it. It’s all just a distant memory right now, but my English teacher saw what was happening. She never asked me anything personal. Instead she gave me a warm smile and encouragement.

The biggest piece of encouragement was this little play known as Hamlet by this guy William Shakespeare. Now before this time I was never really into reading and I only heard about Shakespeare in passing, but my English teacher—in a very cunning way, I might add—somehow sparked an interest in me to pick up this play and read it. Word for word in the original text and in No Fear Shakespeare form (it was middle school, don’t judge). And to this day, I find myself randomly reciting these lines to myself:

“What piece of work is a man, how noble in reason, how infinite in faculties, in form and moving how express and admirable, in action how like an angel, in apprehension how like a god: the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals – and yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Man delights not me.”

I also have to add in some lines from the “To be or not to be” speech and “the play’s the thing where in I’ll catch the consequence of the king” soliloquy. But the point is, this part resonated with me at the time. Someone put into words what I was feeling. Even though it’s over-performed sometimes, the “To be or not to be” were my thoughts written on paper.

Someone knew what I was feeling and thinking. It helped me to better understand myself. But after that, I discovered so much more about Shakespeare and life.

All it took was one amazing English teacher and this play to help me get through it all. I even performed the “To be or not to be” monologue in a Shakespeare competition. I didn’t rank, but to actually perform on stage by myself was accomplishment enough for me.

Fast forward about 8 or 9 years and here I am. At the doorstep of celebrating the Bard’s 400th anniversary in freaking London. My day is going to be spent watching the 37 plays on the Thames river and, more importantly, watching the first of the final four performances of the 2-year Globe to Globe tour of Hamlet at the Globe Theatre. If you would have told 7th grade me that I would be doing this, I would think you were lying. First, about the traveling to London part from your study abroad in Germany. And secondly, on Shakespeare’s anniversary watching your first and favorite play of his at the Globe Theatre itself.

Clearly a lot has happened since middle school and I am no longer dealing with a lot of things I had to deal with then, but my point is (and I’m tooting my own horn here) I have worked so hard for so long to get where I am in so many ways. And it has been because of the people in my life from my wonderful 7th grade English teacher to my family all the way through the people I have the fortune of calling my friends. And I am so grateful for every single one of you and what you have done for me.  

I have grown so much as a person because of my experiences in life and even on the eve of my plane departure this still seems so surreal. But Shakespeare’s works represent so much to me from overcoming the toughest years of my life to some of my fondest memories of time spend with my friends. The Bard is intertwined in my life. As I move forward in my life, I always rediscover a character or finally read another one of his plays that I can relate to in some manner.

And so this Saturday when I walk the Thames river and finally see a Shakespeare production at the Globe Theatre (something I’ve wanted to do since reading Hamlet for the first time), I am again going to be in tears because I will be thinking about how far I’ve come, how grateful I am, and how much I love everyone in my life for getting me to that moment.

So to the friends reading this online: I love you all so much and miss you all dearly. I want nothing more than you all to be with me in person in London this Saturday, but I know that you’ll be with me in thought. Thank you for making me me. And when I return stateside, I’m make sure to tell you all again in person. :)

To those who don’t really know me personally: It might take years. It’s going to take a lot of hard work. But just remember you will never be alone and you sure as hell need to always keep fighting. Because you are in for a real treat when you finally make it to a place you could never imagine you would get. And remember that there is always someone who cares about you. Sometimes it’s the people you least expect to care that care the most.

Now, if you excuse me, my homework and sleep is going to wait one more moment because I have an email to write to a former English teacher of mine.