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It's been over for some time now and I never imagined myself drinking the pain and sadness away.

Lost in empty bottles

What you don’t know is that I still giggle–fourteen months after you broke up with me– whenever I tell people stories about you. Stories about how we were as a couple and how we were as friends. You also don’t know that not a day passed without you popping in my head. I wanted to talk to you so bad even if it meant relapsing of feelings possible for me. I don’t really care anymore. It happens. It will happen. And I am done. I am done getting hung up on you. I am done telling stories about you to people who constantly remind me that all I am holding on to are fading memories of a person who does not exist anymore and a love that is long gone. I am done losing sleep and getting consumed by the unnecessary thoughts of you and your lingering ghost. You will probably never know any of this, but I am done. I am done fighting for a love that will never be good enough for you.

is this good bye?

When the one that got away comes running back to you, your first instinct would probably be to open your arms and welcome him back wholeheartedly. You think he’s there to stay for good which makes you fail to see what his motives really are. You are blinded by all the things you could have been that you thought of when you were apart. You might even grab every damn chance you get just to be with him and hear the music in his laughter along with the spark of electricity that still remained even when his love is gone. Your failure to see the truth will eventually wear off and you’ll start to see things with a new pair of eyes. You will start to realize that maybe the universe allowed you to be in each others’ lives not because of a second chance at love, but a second chance to have the closure you deserve. You need to bury the bad memories, the broken promises, and the pain, but keep the lessons learned. After all, closing the door to the previous chapter of your life makes another chapter possible. So when the one that got away comes back, you do not open your arms—or your heart—to him. Instead, you open your eyes and see through his facade; not everything that comes back is meant to stay in your life.

You cannot heal unless you let go.

I don’t just go around telling people I’m not okay because I don’t need anyone’s pity once they know how far I am from feeling ‘okay’

26 Things I Wanted To Tell You

a. You told me you’d never leave.

b. You made me believe that you’ll love me no matter what.

c. You lied when you said I was worth your time.

d. You broke every promise you made.

e. Hundreds and thousands of stars are not enough to count the shattered pieces of myself.

f. It took me six months to stop crying myself to sleep.

g. I stopped physically torturing myself but emotional torture is a different story.

h. Seven months is all we had and that was enough.

i. It took me eight months before I got the courage to stand up again.

j. I think about you and ignore the feeling that comes along with it 9 out of 10 times.

k. We tried. We always did. And we always failed.

l. I used to look for your face everywhere I went.

m. I had a never ending list of unanswered questions.

n. You took a piece of me with you and I want it back.

o. Why does the spark of electricity remain but your love gone?

p. I lost myself in fear of losing you.

q. You are the best and worst thing that ever happened to me.

r. I don’t want a do-over with you. Not again.

s. It’s been 3 years but I still can’t write about anything else.

t. I don’t think you deserve the precious things I write.

u. I still want you to be happy despite the venomous words you told me.

v. You didn’t have the balls to give me the proper closure I so deserved. You still don’t.

w. Your ghost still lingers around sometimes.

x. Get out my system. You’re worse than a flu.

y. You shattered me when you left and that is something that takes a long time to forget.

z. I’m done.

Don't you dare look for him—or even his shadow—beside you because you won't find him there. You won't find him anywhere near you because he's gone. He left, remember? He's long gone.

Stop disappointing yourself.

All those places shouldn't mean anything Not until we walked together with our fingers intertwined, Under the blanket of stars that twinkle above us Which reminded me of how your eyes did the same when you looked at me Forever ago Now that you're gone, All that's left are the ghosts of you Lingering in places That shouldn't mean anything to me.

Getting rid of ghosts isn't as easy as deleting your phone number

I miss you But I guess missing you Is not enough For you To want me back Again

Will I ever be good enough for you?

All I can remember are the good times. The ones I thought I have forgotten are resurfacing. It's addicting, you know? Remembering it all. We might not have been the perfect couple–or I, the perfect one for you–but we were so good together. I was so good when I was with you. I rarely remember the bad times; not even the pain and that tinge of sadness that came along with you. I only thought about how you made me feel intoxicated. You were the inhaler that kept me breathing; something that I thought was a remedy. It's been a long time and I still suffocate by just remembering how it all used to be.

you left me suffocating the day you walked away

I probably miss how things were back when we knew each other too well Back when his hands knew its way to my body when his silence did not feel empty at all, Or his presence did not feel like I was walking with a ghost. I probably miss how we used to be But I don't miss him No, not at all.

Or maybe this is just what I tell myself

Maybe I refuse to completely get over you because I’m terrified that getting over you means I am accepting this tragedy we’ve become.

"Find someone else," they said. "There are many other fishes in the ocean," they said. "So what if there are many other fishes in the ocean," she said. "If the one I want has already been caught by someone else?"

You're the one that I want

In that brief moment you put your arm around me, it felt like everything was back right where it should be. I felt like I was back right where I should be.

Almost home

You might feel useless and unimportant You might feel unappreciated by the ones you truly love You might feel worthless when your best isn’t good enough You might be misunderstood in this world full of judgmental people And you might be tired trying to figure out your place in this world. But remember that even the best painters take their time creating their best painting And you are God’s best painting We all are. Even the best artworks take time to find someone, even just one, who could see the beauty in it. You are an artwork. An artwork waiting to be discovered.

I miss you so damn much and I haven’t stopped thinking about you and wondering if you’re doing okay.

It’s 2am and here’s another night I’m tempted to leave you a message, reminding you how long it’s been since you asked me to be yours; Here’s another night when I lay in bed staring at my goddamn ceiling contemplating whether I should give you a call and tell you how I feel after all these years.

This too shall pass

You are a completely different person now and my mind can't handle the thought of me slowly fading away from your life.

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