*long post alert... continues in comments* So THIS is what one year... one honest, scary, open, loving myself, faults and all, year... of being SOBER looks like. Was it easy? Not going to lie... it wasn't the worst year I've had trying to pull my life together. The last 5 years were way harder because I wasn’t ready to face myself. Not my life, my struggles, MYSELF. We’re our own biggest critics, and I hated myself. The difference between this year and previous years, is that this year I wanted it. Honest to God, willing to do whatever it took, to love myself enough, talk about it, wanted it. And I had the support of so many people. Five years ago, only a handful of people knew I was struggling. I wanted it that way. I wanted to keep up my image of happy, everything is fine, don't worry about me and my problems image. People have their own struggles. Why should I burden them with mine? WOW was that the wrong mindset. Let me tell you! So I went into this year embracing my recovery, and talking about it. Not to the whole universe, but to a good 1/3 of it. It's funny, you really find out who your friends are when you're dealing with something like addiction. And let me tell you. I have AWESOME friends and AMAZING family who never doubted me, even when I felt like the worst human being. They know who they are, and I love you all to pieces. Not one person judged me, they SUPPORTED me. Checked in on me, and loved me unconditionally. Addiction is horrible. There are so many nastier ways to describe it, but I’ll keep this G rated. It’s that abusive relationship that you want to leave, but can’t. It {insert drink or drug of choice} beats you down, tells you that you’re nothing, that no one loves you… you shouldn’t love yourself, you’re a horrible horrible human being. But they’ll be there for you forever. It makes you believe that it’s going to be there for you. So you stay with them. Till death do you part. Literally if you aren’t careful. But it’s lying. And then when you break up, it’s the worst, saddest break up. And it takes a long long time to get over the breakup and learn to live life on life’s terms. But it is possible. (at La Crescenta, California)
yousharknotpass
janainaart
areudirty
titsay
vaporwave
dailybridgerton