Downward Spiral
Luhan allowed Jimin to support him, in fact, he was beginning to realize he liked being in his arms. Affection starved didn’t begin to cover Luhan’s condition. Orphaned, raised by a man who treated him like an apprentice and not a child, sheltered from many people and things and situations. He’d come to work in South Korea three years ago and that’s all he’d been doing; working. He’d never had a kiss that he could recall, he hadn’t been hugged in years and he’d never had that fluttery “crush” feeling that he heard others talking about. As he grew older and Hyunsik was the only person around him, he’d convinced himself that he was in love with him. It wasn’t until getting to know Jimin that his feelings had begun to falter.
Hyunsik promised him over and over that he would be coming to Korea as soon as it was safe, but there were always setbacks. He hadn’t seen him a single time since he’d left and it was only after they’d separated that he’d told Luhan they could “be together” once he returned. It gave him hope and it made him work hard…but Luhan wasn’t sure if that was what he wanted anymore. At first he’d been very cold to Jimin, like he was with everyone, but Jimin was so warm and sweet and attentive that Luhan couldn’t help but let him get closer.
He sat down on the edge of the bed, doe eyes watching as Jimin’s cheeks flushed due to his question. He didn’t understand why, but he suddenly felt a bit shakier, but not in a bad way. Jimin was really very attractive, which was something else Luhan was growing to realize. He’d never had a “type” before. He didn’t care about looks. He cared about how he felt about the person…but Jimin certainly was pleasant to look at. He wasn’t good looking in an intimidating way, like Woobin. He was cute, especially when he smiled, but once Luhan had noticed Jimin biting his lip and it had given him such a shock that he had to look away. He could be sexy sometimes too it seemed.
Still, it was Jimin’s personality and demeanor that he found himself mostly attracted to. He was immediately reassured when Jimin that he wasn’t going anywhere. Luhan leaned back slightly, his heart starting to beat faster when Jimin started to unlace his boots for him. In his rush to keep himself composed until he crossed over into his apartment, he’d completely forgotten to take them off when he desperately ran for the bathroom.
There it was, the fluttery feeling again deep in the pit of his stomach. He had to acknowledge it now because it just kept happening. And he wanted it to keep happening. He was still shaken from the night’s events and as always, felt lonely. He was vulnerable, but it wasn’t Jimin that was taking advantage of the situation; it was Luhan himself. He knew if he asked Jimin he would stay with him. He would take care of him and he selfishly wanted to experience that.
Free of his shoes, Luhan pulled his legs up to his chest, looking over his knees at Jimin since he still knelt on the floor. Jimin had asked him if he wanted a drink, but he had a different request entirely. He hesitated to speak and he knew it probably seemed obvious that he wanted to say something because Jimin was staring at him with anticipation. Luhan felt his cheeks growing hot and he turned his head slightly, resting his cheek on his knee.
“Would you…would you mind sleeping in here tonight? I just…don’t want to be by myself,” Luhan asked softly, daring to peek at Jimin from the corner of his eye.
Jimin had been willing to do whatever he could to make Luhan feel better. Well, there wasn’t really ever a time that Jimin wasn’t ready to do whatever Luhan asked of him, but that’s beside the point. He waited expectantly for Luhan’s request but he was caught completely by surprise from his answer. Jimin could feel his cheeks immediately grow hot. His mind plunged itself into the gutter and honestly he was so glad that Luhan had no way of knowing what he was thinking.
Jimin couldn’t keep from smiling, sheepishly reaching up to rub the back of his head. His heart was beating so heavy in his chest. This was a huge step, even if it wasn’t to the extent that he hoped for. It had been enough to just be sleeping in the room next to him for the last while. Even if they couldn’t share the room, Jimin had just been happy enough to be close to him and feel like he was better able to protect him, but this was a huge step forward. There was still a massively large hurdle in front of him before they had any chance of getting together, Jimin knew that, but now it seemed a little more possible.
Jimin knew Luhan was waiting on him to reply and if he lingered too long that Luhan might suddenly change his mind. “Of course, hyung,” he replied, his voice wavering with a hint of nervousness that caused Jimin’s blush to deepen. He cleared his throat and got to his feet, offering Luhan a more reassuring smile. “I’ll go make sure everything is locked up while you get ready for bed,” he offered. As much as he would have loved to stay and help Luhan with that as well, he didn’t want to try and push things too far when it was going so well.
Jimin left the bedroom, checking the locks and turning off the lights, unable to shake the nervous feeling in his stomach. There was a part of him that just wanted to ask Luhan, but he kept worrying that he might change his mind. He was embarrassed enough as it was already and he didn’t want to come off looking too eager. Still, he didn’t want to pass up the opportunity by just assuming that he couldn’t. He gently tapped on the door, giving Luhan a chance to stop him if he wasn’t quite ready yet. When he didn’t get a reply, Jimin nudged the door open and peeked in.
“Hyung, do you have an extra blanket to put down on the floor for me? Is there anything else you want me to get for you?” he asked, trying very hard not to get his hopes up that Luhan would insist that he sleep in his bed with him instead of on the floor.
