acceptance pending

the [fictional] story of a seventeen-year-old girl looking for acceptance.  finished. for the whole story, start here

[acceptancepending]

Final Author’s Note

Hi followers!

Just wanted to say thanks for reading this story. (If you haven’t read the whole thing, you can read it here. If you didn’t realize it was fictional, um, oops, sorry. One of the themes is supposed to be the kind of blurriness between fiction and reality, but zero idea about if that came across.)

I started writing this in July 2013, which was the summer before my senior year. I wrote it at least six times, in at least three different ways. It started off as a murder mystery (this story, not my senior year), I scrapped that part of it because it was way convoluted, and a lot of the cool things that could have happened couldn’t happen organically, but I’m sort of satisfied with the end product, given that I was just like “F it, I don’t want to think about this story anymore, I just want it out there.” 

I hope you all enjoyed it. If I ever write anything of, like, real significance, I’ll post it here? Or let y’all know somehow? Probably? 

Again, thanks for all the kindness and support!

Sincerely,

MEEEEE

[acceptancepending]

is everything a completely fictional story?? or is this based off your life?

Thanks for reading! Just wanted to respond to this. (Not as Moira, by the way.)

Definitely 100% fictional. Or like 97% fictional. 

I applied to college two years ago, and the “AP Group” is based in part on some of my classmates at the time.

Like Moira, I’m half-Asian, used to work in a Chinese restaurant, have parents who are not married (divorced), and can’t speak a lick of Mandarin. 

Unlike Moira, my dad is not a secret, I was not abandoned, I was not my high school’s valedictorian, and the closest I got to being in a school play was pit orchestra.

Much like Moira, I tend to find much more comfort in fiction than real life. 

Generally: The story isn’t based on my life, but Moira is kind of based on me.

[acceptancepending]

merry christmas

my present to myself this christmas is this:

i’m letting myself out of my box and getting off of tumblr.

which means talking to people in real life about real things, even if i’m afraid that i’ll disappoint them.

which means unlocking my heart to the people that i love and that want to love me, even if one or both of those things could change.

which means being myself, whoever that is, even if i’m afraid i’m not good enough.

which means realizing that i am good enough.

this is my christmas present to myself, 

and i accept.

[acceptancepending]

serious q: why is your theatre friend such a bitch?

she’s not. she’s me, under different circumstances. 

[acceptancepending]

tbh i feel like no one will give a shit about the url, so don't worry, everything will be ok????

it’s hard to tell because it’s winter break and it’s not like anybody is messaging me like “wtf moira” because we’re in high school and we’d rather talk behind each other’s backs than risk confrontation, but who knows if they’ve read it? and more importantly, who cares? (me. still. but i’m trying.)

theater friend has a LOT of facebook friends but very few actual friends, so i don’t really know how many of them actually read her facebook and care about what it says and click on all the links. 

[hot-chocolatey]

it bothers me in high school musical that we never see the actual school production? like the climax is the callbacks we don’t even get to see how Troy and Gabriella do in the actual production

[acceptancepending]

lying lesson nine: just don't.

[acceptancepending]

five facts

thanks to @studying-my-life-away for tagging me.

now i have to find five facts that i haven’t already told everyone on the internet.

1) i call my mom “mama-san” even though she hates it and thinks it makes her sound like she runs a brothel. i don’t really know why i do it. i think the joke is that i’m not asian enough to even get that right. 

2) i’m half-chinese and half-white and very uncomfortable about my appearance, because i’m tall and freckly and large-nosed and people ask me “what are you?” all the time. when i was a kid, i’d answer with, “i’m a human!” and my mom thought that was so adorable until she realized that i meant, “...as opposed to a giant.” so she sat me down and said, “listen, they’re not questioning your humanity...”

3) we had a cat when i was six. he ran away. i named him stitch.

4) i’m afraid of calling people “my best friend” because i don’t want them to hear it and go “oh my god, you must be pathetic, i don’t even like you.” but i’m trying to be better. evidence: friend1 is my best friend. 

5) i didn’t get into stanford, but i’m okay with it. 

i tag @chasingcollegedreams @samihateyou @inejsghafa @elianoreriirii @futurecollegiate

[westwoodbullet]

If you love someone,you should let them know.

Finally Coulson&May HUG in this show！They‘ve been through so much,betrayal,losing someone they loved.At least,at this moment,they got each other.

[acceptancepending]

texts to friend1

me: hey.

me: i'm sorry about everything i said.

me: and i'll apologize for real in person.

me: but i'm going to open my stanford decision and it would mean a lot to me if you were here

[quakesource]

everyone who terrifies you is sixty-five percent water, and everyone you love is made of stardust (insp.)

[hiphopocliedes]

a darkened auditorium with 264 silent people in the seats. on the stage, me, sitting on a stool, lit by a spotlight, the only light in the theatre. i hold up a photo of my cat, 10 people applaud, two or three hold up photocopies of the same photo, the rest do nothing, watching, waiting. 

[creativereadingfanfiction]

I love this description of tumblr.

[acceptancepending]

You ever see somebody ruin their own life?

[acceptancepending]

hello classmates.

i’ve been awaiting you.

go ahead, read it all. 

ready the tar and feathers.

i’ll be here, waiting

and not caring.

[acceptancepending]

theater friend posted my tumblr url on facebook

i “like”d it.

[acceptancepending]

Me singing Defying Gravity: And nobody in all of Oz, no wizard that there is or was is ever gonna briiiIINNNGG MEEEE DOOOOOOOO[I hope you're happyyyyy]OOOOOO[look at her she's wicked. GET HER!!]OOOOOOOWWWWWWWWN. BRIIIIIIING MEEEEE[no one mourns the wicked]EEEEEEE DOOOOOOOOOO[so we've goooot tooooo briiiiiiiiing heeeeer]OOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWNNNN. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA[doooooooooooooooowwwwnnn]AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

[acceptancepending]

theater friend is going to expose all of my secrets on facebook, but i got to be sandy and i didn’t mess up.

everyone’s going to know that my dad’s alive and they’re going to know that he left us and they’re going to know that i lied about it, but my mom saw me act for the first time and said i did a good job.

they’re going to know that i don’t know about stanford, but grasshopper was there and so was his mom and they gave me flowers and my bio teacher said, “you know he dragged me here every night because he was so sure you’d be here?” and he didn’t even look ashamed.

they’re going to know i’m a liar they’re going to know i’m judgmental they’re going to know that i’m a bad person, but it’s okay, i’m okay with it, because i made them smile. not moira-as-a-joke, or moira-as-valedictorian, but moira-as-moira (as sandy).