ssend help. tgheyre in me brain.
i live off of requests and bullshittin'
main is @saveyourhelplessspite
i will always write for Soul Eater, Final Fantasy XVI/VII, Red Dwarf, and Supernatural on request, even if they arent front and center
I have another suggestion from why-choose. Let's talk about habits. Compulsions. Stims. Whatever you want to call them. What are the mindless little things that Sam and Dean do? Those tiny little habits that maybe they don't even notice, but we sure do (and their brother definitely knows by heart).
- @schizosamwincester
happy wincest wednesdayyyyyyy we have a backlog of these so we'll probably answer a bunch more tonight
that said, you said the word compulsion. dean has A Thingâą with always having a hand on a gun, a knife, holy water (this one goes away over time), or the keys to babyâ the most important things for his survival. if he can't feel them they aren't there. so he always has a hand on them. all the time! hes fine. dont worry. sam just needs to stop asking. he needs the things and he needs to make sure he has the things at all times.
as for less unintentionally "making it worse" habits, always tapping a rhythm somewhere in some way shape or form. its just what he does. metallica, ac/dc, and queen tempos usually, but sometimes its just a mindless hum. he spends more time with music than interacting with human beings, its in his blood at this point.
sams a hair twirler when it gets longer. always twirling his hair, all the time. doesnt even realize hes doing it until dean tells him to stop cause its girly. sam does not stop. its just easy is all, a nervous habit and a background motion habit when hes researching. pen clicker too, dean doesnt get bothered by that one though.
ngl as someone who did watch an embarrassing amount of supernatural I still think they should have both gone to hell when they died. Neither of those cunts are seeing heaven
It looks like somehow I've never solicited teenchesters headcanons from you all? Which is very strange. But also unsurprising because of course I'd just assume I'd already asked. There's so much to say and think about! Obviously I would have asked about it. I wouldn't have just left that goldmine untouched.
But apparently I did. So. Give it to me
-@schizosamwincester
biiiiiiig fan of the idea that Sam's everything starts to become shockingly apparent during his teen years tbh. whatever his everything is, i like the idea that it starts to show up when hes like, thirteen fourteen. and neither john nor dean nor anyone tries to help or acknowledges that something is wrong with him, be it ocd or schizophrenia or alterhumanity or gender/sexuality stuff or whatnotâ a spur into leaving to chase after normalcy or something like that.
however teen!dean to me, and this is purely self indulgent and there might even be canon against it we dont remember, i like to imagine that he tried eating healthy to some extent. just a few salads here and there, something a bit less artery clogging than a burger at every stop, he's getting a bottle of water instead of a can of root beer at a vending machine. to set an example for sam. it all goes to shit the second sam leaves of course, but he tried, and it did work, kids still eating rabbit food and tofu and shit like that.
teen era's a good era to lay out a lot of loose ends that can be picked up and weaved into something or other in S1 is what im trying to say here. all sorts of little habits and the such picked up in the teen years that were dropped or worsened over stanford era and suddenly its S1 and hey dean why are you doing that, and hey sammy the hell are you doing, and so on and so forth.
oh also when dean was seventeen he ABSOLUTELY asked john if they could get flame decal on the impala
Simple prompt this week. I'm trying to get some basic stuff i don't think I've ever touched on. Kissing. Making out. Frenching, even. Talk to me about how Sam and Dean kiss, or your little headcanons about it. (To be clear, it doesn't have to be making out. Pecks are also allowed)
-@schizosamwincester
happy late wincest wednesday!
we're big on the idea that they dont realllllly kiss all too often on the lips, if at all, throughout the entire series. maybe in endverse lucifer!sam kissed dean to taunt him, but thats about it.
i will, however, say that they seem the type to non-on the mouth kissing. all over the body. everywhere. teasing and mocking and to get a free dinner at an oddly progressive diner. or worship style. or along open wounds. tender shit.
Hello, EDS Sam is not a headcanon I've heard before. Please keep talking. You have my full attention
Oh ho!!! Yes!!! đđ
Thank you for your interest!!!
I LOVE the thought of EDS Sam! I've never put together examples I just really vibed with it.
Mostly it's the way Jared as an actor moves that makes me think it. I'd love to imagine Sam with joints popping out far easier than they should. Expert at relocating them and popping them back in. Doesn't even think anything of it, just attributes it to a result of hunting. Dislocations and subluxations (partial dislocations) galore.
He's so tall and his wingspan is huge. That's something a lot of doctors look for in EDS. (Although after years of hearing otherwise, I have since learned that it is not a definitive symptom and people can have EDS without being tall with long arms.) And in additional to being tall, chronic EDS pain is often misdiagnosed as growing pains; not helped by that most of EDS people are tall.
Hypermobile joints is the big one for me for Sam. The way he moves his body is so unique (and a lot of the Jared pretzel sitting poses make me think of that for Sam lol) and he bends his body in interesting ways! Climbing fences or crumpling to the ground - Sam just can pose and twist in really interesting ways.
Easy bruising - now I wouldn't say Sam bruises easily in canon but he sure does bruise often! So! Similar to poor wound healing: Sam's often hurt in canon. I know it's irl why Sam wears a cast on his hand, for example, but that's exactly the kind of thing that people with EDS experience! A 'weird' injury from being tackled that people go 'really? That's how you got hurt?'
Digestive issue - I headcanon Sam with IBS (not as sexy I know) because I think it'd be fun with the way he has food issues + eats a lot of salad + can't eat a burrito without horrible gas, according to Dean.
Now fatigue and chronic pain go so hard for Sam. I LOVE that for him. I always love that for him. In so many ways.
Also. So we see in s1 that Sam can draw a tree pretty good!! (The tree in front of their childhood house.) And later on (Season 3, I think) we see Sam draw a person and it is not so great. Now we can attribute that to him as not being good at drawing people or only being good with source material references (his vision for the tree) OR!!! We can interrupt that as the joints in Sam's hands hurting more that day and his drawing skills (fine motor skills) suffering for it!! (I can be sooo normal about this, I promise.) Or even muscle weakness.
People with EDS often have sensory issues. (Autistic Sam you are ALWAYS on my mind)
Anyways, this wasn't really too specific but I LOVE the idea of Sam with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and apparently I am NOT the only one! @homehauntsyou has some posts about it!
I have realized I'm a little silly. I've been sitting here for ages saying that we need more SPN fics with physical disability in them, like, Jesus is there a serious lack of that... and yet at no point have i asked you all to contribute. So, that's what I'm soliciting this week. Disability headcanons. Both stuff they could feasibly have in canon (hearing loss Dean my beloved), and the completely divergent AUs you may have in your head. Just not mental illness/neurodivergence because a) we have loads of that, let's spread the focus to other stuff, and b) i already asked about that not that long ago.
- @schizosamwincester
happy wincest wednesday :D
Dean with hearing loss of course, but i also gotta vouch that his knees are utterly fucked late seasons from all the driving (i forget who i saw say that first, i think it was 19cats??? maybe??? good headcanon whoever said that). knees seizing up, hips constantly aching, ankles with pins and needles sharp pains on and offâ hes got leg issues. big fan of giving him essential tremors too, hereditary off Mary's side of the family, John was not a fan because of how often it fucked up Dean's shot and made him stutter. it gets worse as he gets older but he still tries to hide it from Sam.
Sam's got hypermobility, he just, he moves in a very specific way that lights up the "this kids got joint stuff goin' down" alert in my brain. chronic pain, stiffness, and mild balance issues all tie into that, find that boy sleeping pretzel style and waking up perfectly fine until he over straightens his leg and its all downhill for the day. i also think he's mildly nearsighted but i dont know if thats worth mentioning here, hes never getting glasses and hes always begging that it doesnt get worse.
basically both of them could do with kinesiology tape and joint braces and a blunt to alleviate the never ending mild aches of chronic pain
As far as I can tell, i haven't actually asked this yet. So. A real basic one this week. What kinks do you think Sam and Dean have? Both ones they share and partake in together, and ones only one of them has. Go wild.
-@schizosamwincester
hmmmmmmmmm. well, for one, Dean's into pegging. he doesn't know he's into pegging because he'd never degrade himself enough to even try it. but he is into pegging. another instance of "he'd never try it but he'd like it" would be any sort of scenario where he gets broken in, be it physically or psychologically, or at least a scenario that puts the pressure him like that. (hey self promo time check out this fic we wrote-) has a mommy kink, NEVER indulges even if he's hittin' it with a dame who could easily be his mother.
as for Sam, Sammy Sammy Sammy, praise kink for one, especially post S1-3. take away his soul and he becomes an even bigger masochist, the kind that bites back to physicality with verbose remarks. i think he's jived with bloodletting, blood drinking, and really anything involving blood since he first learned you could do blood like thatâ it lessens post-Ruby, though. has a daddy kink, almost never indulges unless the guy calls him kiddo first.
both of them, the both of them are into blindfolds but specifically with each other, and especially at the start of it all post-stanford. its almost like its not their brother, its almost like theyre not falling into step with their brother, so on and so forth. after that everything devolves into roughness and a horrible blend of physicality and violence that they call sex or sex-adjacent. yknow.
So. When I first got into wincest, everyone was super obsessed with wound fucking. It was great. Awesome. Sam and dean fingering and licking and penetrating wounds all over the place. And I just think it would be great to bring that back a bit. So this week I'm soliciting talk about sex involving wounds. If you don't have anything for that, feel free to skip, but i figure someone has to.
Also this one is for queer-as-in's birthday so you have to answer because I know you like it
-@schizosamwincester
happy late wincest wednesday!
i fear that all we got for wincest wound sex is pre-demon blood Sam is the one who starts it first, bites just a bit too hard, laps too deep at the wound, doesn't question it when Dean tells him to keep going. alllllll about that accidental press into unknown territory yknow? never with wounds they didnt give each other, thatd be a risk for infection if they pressed their tongues too deep into a gash from gnarled claws (as if what theyre doing isnt already, hypocritical double standards and wincest beloved-).
post-demon blood? nothing with wounds unless it's Dean exacting it on Sam in a weird exsanguination way. im talking deep cuts that Dean licks clean as soon as they stop gushing. if he tastes demon in the blood, they take it from the top, they do it again, until Sam doesn't taste awful anymore. could Dean tell you what demon tastes like? no, god no, but he just knows his brother doesn't taste like that.
post-post demon blood? specifically soulless!Sam from what we've seen? they're back to on par with each other. bloody bites and roughened flesh and spreading the wounds to dig out the schrapnel from a hunt and ignoring the masochistic moans. theres no erotic intent to half of it, its just something they do now because Dean's stint in normalcy threw him off the classic handjob with the brother game. they get back to that eventually, but there's something more erotic to Sam spreading the edges of a wound wide open and feeling along the pulses of a heartbeat to try and pick out the final bit of whatever, Dean can't deny that.
So, for the most part, I have set the rule for myself that I'm not allowed to repeat any questions until after June. But. It's aromantic spectrum awareness week. And I am militantly aro. So I'm going to make an exception. If you have any arospec headcanons even vaguely related to supernatural. Here's your chance. I am, of course, quite passionate about Dean being aro as hell, but I am not going to restrict this to just that. You can talk about anyone you want... As long as you make it about aromanticism.
-@schizosamwincester
happy wincest wednesday AND aromantic spectrum awareness week, and boy. I'm Glad You Asked Because I'm New In The Brain And Have More Stuff To Say Than Ivory Did (maybe-)
first of all we've already covered that Dean Winchester is aromantic aplatonic allosexual and how so fucking much of Supernatural canon in itself supports that reading. highschool flashback episode for aplatonic and, like, everything else for aromantic allosexual.
one could argue Sam as the asexual afamilial alloromantic to counteract that (and we often did. because its Fun.) but we're not talking about that. my One aro headcanon for Sam Winchester is that he's placioromantic and afamiliality ties into it in some way shape or form. what he had with Jessica was aro4allo plato4romo and not traditional beyond the ways in which they presented it to the outside world. yknow.
soulless!Sam though? fully aromantic and repulsed. once everything settles back into a shifted sense of normalcy Sam does not get back his placioromanticism and finds repulsion with his own repulsion of romance. torture him tuesday wednesday-
every single one of the angels is aromantic, Ivory talked a lot about this "all the angels are aspec" thing but. and this is kinda tangential but not really. the only angel that isnt aro, ace, apl, asen, etc, is Gabriel. this makes sense and i need you to trust me when i say this because ive lost our posts explaining why it makes sense for him to be allo-everything. fuck. anyway what was i saying right yeah. all the angels are aromantic.
Castiel is the only angel that isn't suptillic and instead demi all around. to me.
Mary's also aroallo, both for Just Trust Me reasons and for Dean angst reasons. one of the cupids did say they put in a lot of work on making sure John and Mary got together, how else am i meant to take that other than "at least one of them was aro" and iirc Mary comes back...? we didnt watch that way but ive heard she's even more aro in her resurrection arc. so.
we would also like to argue in favor of aroallo Ash, our argument is that its fun and feels right (and also i am aroallo rural trailer park trash and he has the right vibes for me to throw that on him). as does aroallo Bela, it fits quite nicely. we had like one other one where our only reasoning was that it felt right but i cant remember it. hhhhhhhhh what was it.
and Lisa Braeden is aro too, obviously. she doesn't know she's aro but she is. this i know to be true in my heart.
Everyone loves summer wincest fics and headcanons and using that as a backdrop, but what about winter? Do you have any winter ideas or fics or headcanons?
-@schizosamwincester
these guys fucken EAT IT every single winter. undeniably. without a doubt. they are doing everything they can to prevent slipping and bailing out on the ice during a hunt, and yet, every single year, they totally biff it. this i know to be true in my heart.
this is less sam and dean centric, but in my heart of hearts hunting is lesser in the winter months in snowy states on account of how easy it is for whatever theyre hunting to hunt you back. snow tracks and lack of camoflauge and imagine a monster with heat vision in the winterâ its just so much more dangerous all around. of course, the worst of the worst adrenaline junkies do it. but i like to imagine that theres a general census that only those with a severe death wish are willing to shack up in the snowy states in december/january to hunt beasts that come out in the winter and are perfectly acclimated to it.
oh also, one must imagine the Sam and Dean drinking instant hot coco or store bought apple cider in the back of The Impala huddled for heat late into the night. its cold. they should be in a hotel. but this is all that they can manage. drinking cold hot coco and trying to ignore the fact theyll have to turn off the heat soon because of fumes. arguing about who gets which flannel for a blanket and whatnot, yknow.
final note is that Dean would love skidoo'ing and Sam would love snowboarding or skiing
So. I just realized today. That after well over a year of doing this. I, the person whose url is literally schizo sam wincester. Have not actually ever asked for mental illness and mental health headcanons. And I know you all love that stuff. So that's this week. All the fun angsty mental health stuff. Yeah actual diagnoses but also if you don't have those in mind, we can talk about trauma and suicide and panic attacks... what fun!
-@schizosamwincester
happy wincest wednesday!
i harp heavy on Dean's suicide safety song being Don't Try Suicide by Queen, so i feel obligated to mention it outright. thats his distraction song. i think Sam just deals, idk how else to describe it but he just deals, the wave rises and drops and he does not touch any guns the entire time because he'll do it if he does, won't he? yes that ties into my ocd!Sam headcanon, that boy has ocd.
biiiiiiiiig fan of adhd!Dean, it clicks into my brain nicely. like, yeah, Yeah. i dont have much to say on it but yeah.
Sam has social anxiety disorder to me, which, bit of projection there, but i do think it ties in neatly. paired with ocd headcanon... deadly combo. everyday of his life is torture as is but this makes it worse. it peaked during stanford era and since hopping back on the road with Dean it's gone down exponentially because A: hes back with his brother, and B: he only has to uphold normalcy for short bursts of no more than 12 hours on a good one. it gets worse again when Dean starts to see him as a monster because of demon blood.
additionally Dean never recovers from the fucken, uh what episode was it. the episode where he gets given the disease that makes you die of fear. he's getting anxiety spikes frequently after that over the stupidest fucking things, to me, all internal of course and almost never showing externally. but boys got a rabbit heart in general to me and that just made it so much worse.
hm what else do i have,,, i have thoughts about Sam being a freak weirdo that eats bugs 'n shit but idk if thats relevant to the current discussion. regardless i do like to imagine that he picked up the habit full kilter again after demon blood, that or he entirely stopped. one or the other, no in between. either way Dean takes it as a "good" sign that hes moving on in some sort of way.
now if ya follow me on Ao3 you know what this one is about, big ol trigger warning for implied underage prostitution
----------------------------
âI was fifteen,â Yura bluntly states to keep the silence from stretching on too long. âBarely fifteen.â
Arthur snaps up to lock him in eye contact. âWhat?â
âI dunno.â A weighted sigh. âFeel like yâshould know.â
âKnow what?â
âHow old I was.â
âYuraââ
âWhatever it doesnât even matter.â
Arthur catches the waver on his tone.
âLook.â
Arthur waits the entire pause for Yura to speak again.
âMoneys money.â Hands instinctively raise to his throat. Usually covered in popped collars and scarves. âAnd it works even if it kinda screws you over.â
It takes a minute for Arthur to figure it out.
âYou were a prostitute?â His voice is strung up and tense, almost cold.
âAm, I am a prostitute,â Yura roughly corrects.
âYouâre sixteen.â
A shrug. âAnya needs food.â
Arthurâs stomach twists up.
âAnd I gotta keep my skills in check for when I get a girlfriend, or a boyfriend.â He raises his eyebrows, a slanty smirk, both directed at Arthur. He revels in the red flashing to Arthurâs cheeks at the notion. A bit of a barky laugh. âIâm yankinâ ya man.â
âWhy are you telling me this?â
âI need you to take care of Anya for me this weekend, alright? Just cook her dinner and help her study a bit.â Yuraâs voice is tense, strained.
Arthurâs almost too scared to ask why.
âMost of the time itâs me and some other kid who go out looking for easy marks,â Yura explains. âTonight the other gal I usually work with is too sick, and I need money.â
A beat.
âJust make sure Anya eats, alright?â
âYuraââ
âI might not come back and sheâs fine with that, so, do me a solid, man. You owe me.â
i am BACK on my Reno and Zack bullshit, watch for Zack death
-----------------------------------------
âI donât associate with first class SOLDIER scum.â
Renoâs words cut right through Zack.
Fierce and sharp and true.
Heâs said it since they first met. Since before Zack started to reek of sterile medical equipment and MAKO. Since the day that Zack got upgraded to SOLDIER. (Reno kept moving the goalpost of what class he didnât associate with, though)
Zack just stiffly nods as everyone else watches.
They had all thought Reno was changing. That maybe there could be harmony between Turk and SOLDIER beyond whatâs mandated lest you lose your job. That for a hot second the most unruly one had been tamed by Zack, Zack with a penchant for being so easy to love by all.
Apparently not.
âNow fuck off,â Reno bit out.
Zack doesnât.
âDid you not hear me? Donât make this any harder than it needs to be, Zack.â
The first name drop in itself is a sign of... Something. Zack doesnât know what but it has to mean something. Right?
âYeah, sorry, Iââ
âDonât.â
-/-/-/-
Zack sleeps alone.
He always sleeps alone.
The only difference is that he falls asleep on time.
Reno was right.
His bunk really does smell sterile and medical and unwelcome, usually the burnt cinnamon Reno wears covers it up. Not anymore though. It never will.
All because Zack is first class.
Heâs exactly where he wants to be yet heâs never felt worse.
-/-/-/-
Reno brushes past Zack in the hall.
He doesnât say anything.
He just keeps walking.
Zack goes ramrod straight.
Anyone else would be told off for it.
He lingers without meaning too and questions are shot at him that he can barely deflect.
-/-/-/-
âHey, pup, think fast.â
Zack perks up.
He catches a can thrown at his face.
âReno?â
âYeah, you didnât get one today. Your guts are still settling after the final MAKO injection. Donât go off your usual meal schedule and fuck âem up.â
âWhy do you, how do you...?â
âDonât ask.â
A nod.
âAnd for the record, this never happened. Youâre still first class SOLDIER scum, and Iâm still a Turk. Understood?â
Another nod.
âGood. Meet me tomorrow at our usual spot if you want to hang out again.â
âI thought you didnâtââ
âZack Fair do not test me.â
âGot it!â
-/-/-/-
They sit in silence for the most part.
Itâs still nice though.
âI have a reputation,â Reno starts.
Zack nods.
âI donât associate with SOLDIERâs for reasons. Youâre no different, but you are.â
âI am?â
âYeah, youâre a dumbass.â Reno ruffles Zackâs hair as he speaks. âA lovable one, even after the MAKO brain drainâification got goinâ on. Usually makes âem go insane or lose everything they are. Fun stuff.â
A quiet hum. Fear, maybe. Or relief.
âYouâre fine though. So donât go dying, ya dolt.â
âI wonât!â
-/-/-/-
First class SOLDIERs die before they make it to the good parts of life more often then not.
Itâs how things go.
Itâs why Reno doesnât like to be buddy buddy with them, any of their ranks really. They could all be sent on a suicide mission any day thinking theyâll win âcause theyâre SOLDIER. Turks know theyâre disposable. Theyâre human through and through. And humans drop like flies. But not SOLDIERs.
Still, it stings to soar over the battlefield where Zackâs last mission was, looking for his body.
Hojo wants to keep the remains, inspect them, and then erase him.
Reno wants to get to the dog tags before theyâre melted down alongside the ones of every other fallen SOLDIER. Merely another âxâ on a list of alphanumeric sorting systems for the SOLDIER classes. He wonât let everything be erased.
The body is still warm when he reaches it.
Warm with the pulse of MAKO, not the pulse of blood.
hhey so black star and soul dynamic. throws this at you.
--------------------------------
Black Star hasnât trusted anybody since Tsubaki died.
It shouldâve been him.
He shouldâve went first.
Weapons outlive humans, always, and forever. Itâs how itâs always been. Itâs how itâs always meant to be.
But sheâs in the dirt and heâs standing above her grave. Soul is standing beside him. He doesnât say anything.
âLeave me alone, man,â Black Star barely forces out.
He almost trusts Soul. Just enough to let his voice come out weak instead of falsely strong.
Soul doesnât move.
Thereâs a tense beat, opening his mouth to speak. Nothing happens but a slight exhale.
âIf you need it, I have a spare room you can borrow.â Soul leaves out the part that itâs his old room. He hasnât sleep in it in years. Not since Maka died. Her bed is his now. (it doesnât smell like her anymore, but if he lies to himself, he can say that the bed still warps to how she slept)
Thereâs no answer until Soul is leaving.
A hushed, âThanks.â
An equally hushed, âNo problem.â
-/-/-/-
Black Star sleeps in Soulâs bed.
It smells like laundry detergent and cheap body spray. It lacks the way a Weapon smells. Polish and metal.
The sheets are comfy.
He hopes Soul doesnât get mad at him for dragging rain water and muddied pantleg cuffs with him. Marring the cleanliness of the sheets. Black and red, just like Soulâs blade.
Itâs both the best and worst heâs slept since Tsubaki died.
-/-/-/-
Thereâs still no trust between them. Not like there used to be. It was fractured when Maka died. Itâs been fully severed since Tsubaki died.
The same Kishin egg took both of their partnerâs souls.
They should kill it.
Soul simply laughs at the suggestion.
How on earth could they kill it? They have no resonance. Soul is a scythe and Black Star is an assassin. It could never work.
Still, they both want to see it dead at their feet.
Especially because Kid hasnât killed it.
Heâs not Kid anymore though.
Heâs just Death in the same way that Tsubaki and Maka are just dead, inevitable.
-/-/-/-
Soul canât be offended when Black Star refuses to eat the food he cooks.
He just leaves the burner on low. Tells him where to find the food. Doesnât tell him that he needs to leave.
He offered a bed.
Heâll offer his home.
Itâs too quiet when thereâs only one person in the building. Too silent. It isnât much louder with Black Star, but there are footsteps that arenât Soulâs. That in itself is more than enough of a change to prevent stagnation, to keep grief from turning to poison.
-/-/-/-
âJust hold my hand.â
And Black Star does, his own shake. Theyâre bare, rough with callouses, lacking the gloves. Itâs better this way, to try and find a resonance, no matter how weak to start.
Soul grips tight, palms sweaty.
Itâs been so long since he did this, since he tried to find resonance with someone new. Death has always known how to resonate. Heâs good at that. He has to be to utilize a death scythe.
âReady?â Soul asked.
A fierce nod.
âCool.â
Black Starâs knees fall out from under him as soon as Soul is in his hands. Smooth metal. Still near perfect because Maka always wore gloves. Faint grooves where her fingers lay.
Heavy.
With grief. With regret. With sorrow. With pain. With everything awful in the world.
Itâs a different weight compared to when they were idiot kids trying to two v one Death.
âYou good?â Soul asked. His voice resonates in Black Starâs bones as he tries to pull himself back up again.
Another nod. âIâm good, just gimme a second.â
Black Star lodges the flat edge of Soulâs blade into the ground below. Clawing his way back up to his feet. Itâs funny. Soul balances just fine on his own despite being so weighed down with it all.
Itâs a start, Black Star decides, being able to hold Soul even though he canât swing him around like a proper Weapon is a start.
They need to increase their resonance.
âI can turn baââ
âNo! Just, just let me try.â
-/-/-/-
Black Star nurses the residual ache of a dislocated shoulder in his own home for weeks.
Soul brings him home cooked dinners every other day. To make sure he doesnât starve. Fried fish. Grilled cheese. Stews and soups. Mainly stews and soups actually, he lets Black Star keep the leftovers. Theyâre easy to heat up, doesnât require a full range of motion to do so.
They donât talk while they eat.
And still, Soul has to eat first before Black Star will start.
Thereâs still the rift.
He wonders, distantly, if this is mending it. If this will help their resonance. If one day they will be able to kill the godforsaken thing that took both of their partners from them. Or if it will be for naught. If they will end up partners without cause or purpose aside from the next mission.
Soul snuffs most of those wonderings from his mind, though.
Heâs more worried on whether or not Black Star is pushing himself to deterioration instead of healing as he works through his exercises for recovery. A list designed by Stein to make sure they wouldnât be so boring that Black Star simply wouldnât do them. Just interesting enough to risk overworking himself if gets too into it.
-/-/-/-
When Black Star brings Soul a homebaked tray of cookies, Soul trades him back his suspicion.
âCâmon man, I swear theyâre fine,â Black Star bites out, âTheyâre not even that complicated.â
Soul still doesnât give until Black Star has one.
âSee?â
Thereâs a tender beat.
Soul can see it dawn on Black Starâs face. How obnoxious it is. That he was doing the same thing.
âOh.â
âYeah.â Soul reaches for a cookie as he speaks. âYou mixed the dough too long by the way, the colors off.â
A roll of the eyes. âScrew off and enjoy it.â
Soul does, even if the taste is a little bit wrong.
At least they arenât raw.
-/-/-/-
Black Star gets in one swing before he has to stop.
God, Soul, Black Star fears heâs mirroring the grief. It messes them both up. The unpacked and unspoken and untouched grief of Makaâs death. He just moved on.
But itâs still in him.
Weaving through his body in every form.
The only difference is that nobody can tell unless itâs all been condensed down to when heâs a Weapon.
Their resonance is getting stronger, though, the wavelengths are starting to match.
So what if it is grief thatâs letting them resonate?
Black Star doesnât care.
They just need to resonate.
Aside from Death and the twins, theyâre nearly the last ones left of their grad year.
Itâd be horrifying if they died without at least knowing each other.
-/-/-/-
Soul calls it trust when Black Star wears pyjamas and takes the first bite of dinner.
It is trust.
Trust to be vulnerable and weak and unguarded.
He takes that trust, the responsibility that comes with it, and simply lets it wash over him.
âHows dinner?â Soul asked.
ââS good,â Was all that Black Star answered with.
âAwesome, you should try and find some old Star clan recipesââ
A flinch.
Shit.
âAssassin food is awful,â Black Star said, âItâs all gross and efficient. Itâs fuel.â
A slight sigh of relief that he didnât totally shut down the dinner conversation on accident.
-/-/-/-
They only stay partners after killing what killed their partners because Death said they should.
And because maybe, just maybe, itâs good for them to not be so alone. To not let the absence of a partner kill them. Try and avoid letting the mourning process turn to a slowed down suicide.
They bicker like theyâre stupid teenagers when Death suggests it.
Death takes the synchronized snark as proof that their trust is deep enough for them to be a proper Weapon and Meister duo.
can i get three cheers for fucked women in stem with dubious morals? thank you thank you, written for a january of firsts by @thepromptfoundry, cheers!
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Temnova, when explaining what she does to her more creative subjects, liked to liken the efforts to writing.
Brainstorming.
First draft.
Editing.
Second draft (sometimes).
More editing.
Publication.
She leaves out the part where theyâll always be stuck in the first draft phase. Or maybe itâs editing.
Cut out and cut off bits and pieces. Run tests on samples. Inject them with new chemicals. See what makes them tick.
Hm.
Editing, far closer to editing.
Theyâre never reaching publication stage is what matters.
Piles of scrapped papers build over the years. Replacing pen after pen. Hundreds of erasers and pencils in use. Whatever it takes to get the right results first try.
You can rewrite a paper as many times as needed.
You only get one good test on a mutant before the data becomes impure due to so many factors. Stress. Fear. Chemical imbalances. Further mutation triggering.
Temnova gets a first draft once with every mutant.
She plans to find out how to make use of it best.
Her darling DT001-319 is the closest sheâs ever gotten to multiple first drafts.
woe, togainu no chi moment. just beat it for the first time a few days back lol (somehow got a good ending??? good on me ig), so, fic. written for resetjanuary hosted by @monthlywritingchallenges, cheers!
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It takes three years for Akira to start feeling like itâs actually, truly over.
That this isnât some dream heâll wake up from.
Itâs in the way Motomi doesnât smoke like he used too after Akira urged him for the sake of his lungs. Theyâll both be in the graves early if he keeps it up. It was childish of him to make such a request, wasnât it?
But Motomi obliged.
He barely developed as much of a smokers cough as he could have if he kept going. Even if recovery from whats already there is yet to set in. Staying hydrated is all he could do to recover from it.
He did.
Akira hasnât woken up screaming or in a cold sweat in months. It lingers in his peripheral. The fact it could happen again.
Unlike before the thought doesnât quite consume him.
Heâs just aware of it.
And he can live with it.
His shoulders drop at Motomiâs voice in a new area theyâve never been before, stress evaporating. It used to never happen, then itâd take days, then hours, and now just a voice. Progress. In Igra his shoulders never un-tensed.
