Asbestos Cowboy

I'm Lee He/Him i just hope i dont die in a terrible hot air balloon accident

[acebycircle]

flying through detroit this weekend so let's hope i dont get the pants-shitting virus and end up banned from delta air lines for causing a poop disaster on a crj-900

[theehorsepusssy]

[acebycircle]

when it comes to the concept of "supernatural" in my story, only two things are true:

Blucifer isn't a supernatural entity, and he isnt a hallucination. Blucifer just Is.

Baseball magic is real

[brainscrewz]

tbh if someone just handed me a pressure washer and set me loose in the streets i would go into a trance and just start hosing shit down indiscriminately. it's not a question of how much i could clean, but how long until i get hit by a car and die

[acebycircle]

got mosquito bites on my hands while photographing fireworks so i took some benadryl and while taking the suggested dosage on my box my father informed me that he can only take 1/4 of that dosage bc just the 1/4 of that is enough to knock him on his ass

so i guess im about to find out if ive inherited that from him

[acebycircle]

im fine. there's something wrong with him.

[acebycircle]

got mosquito bites on my hands while photographing fireworks so i took some benadryl and while taking the suggested dosage on my box my father informed me that he can only take 1/4 of that dosage bc just the 1/4 of that is enough to knock him on his ass

so i guess im about to find out if ive inherited that from him

[acebycircle]

i have yet to fully define the reasons why i am immune to talk therapy, but over the past 2 years or so it's become very evident that locking down the specific mentality (in regards to mental health and life in general) that i did after giving up on therapy was a good thing even if it was probably one of the reasons that therapy doesnt work on me

it really is just "it ain't gonna get better, but it's gonna get different" but not even in any sort of like, profound, way. just by statistics, every day is going to be different. thats how it maths out. every day cant be the same bc there's so many variables involved that it literally isnt possible for everything to be the same, there isnt that much order in the world. its the elimination of positive/negative connotation is nearly everything.

that was pretty important in even just accepting the fact that therapy doesnt work on me and i needed to just move on with my life. for a while i got stuck with the idea that it was somehow possible to function Better when really i just needed to find ways to function Different. its also part of reframing my approach to mood. which a therapist might've gotten to but i'd have to go thru like 10 more of them just to find the one that'd get there bc my thoughts dont happen coherently as evidenced by how long this ramble is. really just, its reframing "i want to feel better" to "i want to feel different". for a long time my goal in life was just "be happy" but it's changed "enjoy whatever it is that im doing" and that's been a whole lot more of an achievable goal. "better" or "happy" are fucking impossible to identify when you've been dysthymic for years and fundamentally exist somewhere near schizoid. change is a lot more actionable when the metric is "did i enjoy this? would i do this again? what would make me want to do it again?" and i can acknowledge that it is absolutely not normal to need a post-mortem questionnaire for everything i do but i dont have the gift of identifying my own emotions!!!!!!

nothing is bad or good! nothing is better or worse! it's just different! it's always gonna be different! explaining this makes me feel even more insane than i am but i am a weird little freak of a man and thats just how it is!!!!!!

[acebycircle]

me, over the course of two years: i dont really enjoy doing theatre work anymore bc i dont like being creative on someone else's terms, i think i'll keep doing the few low-key school gigs i already have and not take on any more work

me, seconds after coming to that conclusion: i should get into stock photography

[acebycircle]

looking for a song that was on a dr who 8tracks playlist in 2014-2015. i remember almost no lyrics, or really what it sounded like at all, but it was from the late 90s/early 00s, sort of industrial-adjacent i guess, i think the lyrics mentioned something about rain?? my first thought is always R.E.M bc the music video or album cover was very brown like the music video for "Losing My Religion" but it isnt that

i also dont remember if this was a playlist i just saw or one i made, and if its the latter, im never finding that fucking song again

[phaeton-flier]

Dark Souls set in NYC

[archacovercosine]

[acebycircle]

i dont think my requirements for a car are all that specific, im mostly concerned with cargo space

but i absolutely cannot drive a car with fucking buttons to shift gear

give my a goddamn stick to put my hand on or im gonna start tearing apart the upholstery with my fucking teeth

[viralfrog]

[dragongirlbunny]

[acebycircle]

just gotta say. i think i gotta start booking even longer layovers on flights, cuz i had a genuinely good time just peoplewatching in Denver Intl

[yorgen-sh]

[sayhelloanimalfriends]

this is the first time in my life i thought oh i hope there’s music

[xalatath]

Interested ✅️

[acebycircle]

looking for a specific file in a NAS and i havent found it yet but i did find this file from 2021 named "gorbachev's Tyson crispy chicken strips.png"

[beautifuldiscs]