Bro i'm trying

22

[risingingemini]

If I could be an artwork it would be a Hiroshi Nagai painting

[violentoffender]

[eric-coldfire]

[incoherentchanting]

my favourite part of baldurs gate so far is the stardew valley grandpa showing up to eat cheese in your camp and tell gale that his ex gf wants him to kill himself

[leftoversl1ce]

Jack O'Connell - Sinners (2025)

"When you dance with the devil, the devil doesn't change, the devil changes you."

[scribefindegil]

Nothing like reading the germination instructions for non-cultivated seeds to make you appreciate how easy it is to plant vegetables

[scribefindegil]

Most vegetables: yeah just throw the seeds in the ground and keep them from drying out, it’s fine

Some cultivated flowers: these can be tricky! nick the seeds with a knife and soak them in water for a few hours to improve germination :)

Wild plants (actual instructions I just read i SWEAR i am not making this up): soak the seeds in sulphuric acid for 3-6 hours, wash for 15 minutes, layer them in moist warm sand for 120 days then move to the refrigerator for 90 days before planting. alternatively, you could try setting them on fire!

[1st-1]

[thatorangedog]

oh god – i can’t believe you’ve done this nintendo

[chasecharmer-deactivated2018101]

so remember that worldbuilding website, notebook.ai, that was goin around and everyone was so excited, but it turned out you had to pay a (frankly outrageous) subscription to access any of the best tools? 

well i have exciting news: World Anvil. 

here’s what you get for free: 

yeah. all of them. double what notebook.ai offers for pay. yeah baby.

i’ve only been using this site for like half an hour, but i am in LOVE. please check it out and consider supporting the creators if you can! 

[memedocumentation]

The memes of 2017

(N.B. The months below offer only a loose means to put the memes in rough chronological order. Some memes may have started earlier, but Meme Documentation just aims to give a rough outline as to when the memes became popular.)

January

Hollywood sign meme

Bernie Sanders giant tweet meme

brother, may I have some oats

Salt Bae meme

Bye Bye Man meme

i lik the bred meme

Meitu meme

cash me outside how bow dah

punching Nazis meme

yaint meme

February

Roll Safe meme

confetti meme

blinking white guy meme

cope meme

Oscars meme

wot in tarnation meme

whomst meme

expanding brain meme

whoppy machine broke

pix2pix meme

“Shooting Stars” meme

March

this is the future that liberals want

student athlete meme

how Italians X meme

Meryl Streep yelling meme

playing from another room meme

come see the ocean meme

mess with X-o you get Y-o

April

horse friend meme

cuck comic meme

Spotify playlist meme

I’m weird meme

bone hurting juice meme

John C. Miller meme

thrussy meme

online millennial meme

he protec but he also attac meme

May

ordinary people creative people meme

avocado toast meme

mocking SpongeBob meme

sleeping Shaq meme

shidding and farding meme

cracking open a cold one with the boys

Sixpenceee Heals meme

covfefe meme

Russian cat meme

June

do you take constructive criticism?

oh, worm? meme

gay Babadook meme

one thicc bih meme

the floor is lava meme

“Fireflies” meme

all women are queens meme

this post can be reblogged by anyone

buenos dias Mandy meme

not you meme

Woody Collective

classic gaming emotion meme

how to talk to short people meme

boneless meme

do not interact meme

pee your pants meme

July

Aaron Paul screaming meme

nothing but respect for MY president

Tumblr, we need to talk

dancing hot dog meme

me talking about X meme

sometimes things that are expensive are worse

powder that makes you say “yes”

Glee defense meme

swear jar meme

hewwo meme

frog in Tom Holland’s mouth meme

right in front of my salad meme

hey there demons meme

widdle toesies meme

August

are you slappin meme

understandable, have a nice day

piss jello meme

haha just kidding but that sounds like something someone on here would say doesn’t it

so… chunks, huh? meme

fancy font meme

you are already dead meme

country girls make do meme

Crash Bandicoot “whoa” meme

I don’t know X and at this point I’m too afraid to ask

Dobby pussy indulgence meme

I am a X looking for Y meme

man checking out another woman meme

Rick and Morty copypasta

none but in yellow meme

deactivate your almonds meme

all my shirts are disappearing meme

fellas, is it gay meme

X can’t come to the phone right now

September

thanks for coming to my TED talk

wake me up meme

force-feeding cat pills meme

jock–nerd/prep–goth meme

millimeters of bone meme

unnecessary footnotes meme

“Big Enough” meme

that’s pussy babe meme

slutty slutty years meme

Hotel Mario meme

inhaling seagull meme

domesticated clown meme

Elf on the Shelf meme

maid café meme

monkey haircut meme

October

eat the child meme

it’s true but he shouldn’t say it

homeboy is going to like get it meme

warn Markiplier meme

grain entrapment meme

I diagnose your with X meme

oh you haven’t heard? meme

then perish meme

November

forbidden snacks meme

types of headaches meme

horny on main meme

why are you booing me? I’m right

gay–bi–lesbian/distinguished–functional–disaster meme

triple gay meme

my bike got stolen recently meme

petting dog meme

Safari tabs meme

pretty/bitchin’ meme

women be shopping meme

karma got its kiss for me meme

the girl reading this meme

McDonald’s chat meme

December

Slothful Jeremiah meme

“Put Your Head on My Shoulder” meme

not valid NSA agent meme

elf practice meme

“I Will Survive” meme

requesting bitcoin meme

I eat bees meme

I put arsenic in the wine. And the pasta.

Americans be eating cheesed burger

Earth-chan meme

start off your new year right meme

there in the 5th row stands meme

before 2017 ends meme

Cartoon Network schedule meme

tsuchinoko real meme

shirtless Kylo Ren meme

this is a gays only event meme

the sound this image makes meme

Peasley rant meme

why would you say something so controversial yet so brave?

small but knowing clown meme

aphobe block list

[madcat-world]

Punishment of Sins- Envy - Gaël Giudicelli

[nuka-rockit]

New Vegas: "I survived because the fire inside me burned brighter than the fire around me."

Also New Vegas: "Nobody's dick is that long, not even Long Dick Johnson, and he had a fucking long dick. Thus, the name."

[thebibliosphere]

I’ll never not be amused by the fact that I can drop the words “crucifix nail nipples” into a conversation and some of you who have been with me since the livejournal days will join me in the flashbacks, screaming and crying all the way.

[hadanelith]

I require context. Because this is a very interesting start of a story, and now I need the rest of it. Could I get a link, or a summary, or something? Pretty please?

[thebibliosphere]

All right buckle the fuck up kids, it’s the year 2012 and I’ve just been handed what should be an easy editing gig by my senior editor. It’s a vampire erotica story because one of the final Twilight movies is about to come out, and everything is vampires. Everything. I haven’t edited a single thing in months which isn’t about vampires. I am ready, I can do this. So I open the file and notice there’s a typo in the title, which really should have been my first inkling that something horrendous was about to go down, but you see I’m not quite dead inside yet so I carry on, bushy tailed and bright eyed with my faith in humanity intact. It’ll be dead by page 24, but I don’t know that yet. I’m just editing one more vampire boner fest.

The MC is a girl who we’ll call Sue. Sue is a Good Girl™, Sue is Not Like Other Girls™, she is pale and awkward and a virgin and has somehow managed to find herself a Bad Boy™ for a boyfriend. We’ll call him Dickhead.

Now Dickhead as previously stated is a bit of dick, he tries to pressure Sue into sex because he knows she is The One™ but he loves her really so it’s okay. Except it’s not okay because Sue is a Good Girl™ and holding out till marriage which he’s fine with except he’s got such a bad case of blue balls that one night walking home an attractive stranger lures him into an alley with the words “hey stud” and he follows, dick out before she’s even finished her sentence. Well turns out that was a mistake for Dickhead because she’s a vampire, but not just any vampire, a Dick Biting Vampire. So what started out as a skeevy blow job behind a club that he’ll feel bad about in the morning, turns into him being bitten on the dick and drained of his life essence and left for dead. Except DBV fucked up and now he’s a vampire. Are you still with me? Good, cause it’s about to get weirder.

Realizing he is now an abomination, Dickhead flees, becoming a creature of the night and feeding on animals rather than humans to repent for being such an asshole in life. Sue meanwhile is heartbroken, but carries on valiantly with her life and goes to bed each night crying for the loss of her One True Love™ who she would do anything to bring back. Well guess what Sue, Dickhead never really left you! He’s been “instinctively protecting her from rapists” by hiding out on her roof and fighting hobos who try to get to her open window via the fire escape for months now. Because that’s not fucking terrifying at all.

Upon learning of his predicament and how it happened, Sue can do nothing but blame herself. Oh if only she’d let him touch her secret places, then perhaps all of this could be avoided! Meanwhile Dickhead is having another dilemma of his own, realizing too late that his vampire powers have given him super senses and now he can smell her blood and he can’t decide whether he wants to get with her or eat her. And I don’t mean in the French sense. But he is strong! And over comes his base manly vampire instincts and neither rapes not kills her. Hurrah! And this is so romantic that Sue gives it up, but not before she launches into a theory about how in all fairy tales, True Love saves the day, so maybe her magical pure vagina that has never been touched by anyone, not even her, can bring him back to life. So Dickhead being a dickhead agrees and rips her clothes off, but not before he takes one last moment to marvel at the beauty of her purity, because he will never again look on her again and know she is Pure.

If you’ve only vomited once by now, I applaud your resolve.

So they hop on the good foot and do the nasty, except she is literally so pure in spirit, her flesh burns his. And I quote you from memory because these words are burned into my soul: “her breasts bit into his hands, like crucifix nail nipples tearing at his flesh, but he did not care because he loved her so and couldn’t stop”

This phrase haunts me. I dread that it will be the last thing I think about on my death bed and my last words will literally be “god fucking dammit” as I die, carrying that mental image with me into the afterlife. My own solace is in knowing that I inflicted it on other people too, like @ahzuri who is somehow still with me after all these years.

When the magical burning sex fails to heal him and leaves her bruised, battered and broken with “a dainty blue bells of bruises around her secret flower” (I am genuinely quoting this, I could never make something as horrendous as this up without being on acid) Dickhead leaves. Yeah. Off he fucks, leaving her to the mercy of the hobos at her window, and into the night to be the true monster he really is. But wait, there’s more. Remember the dick biting vampire? Well turns out she has figured out she made him into a vampire and has also been stalking HIM and is totally jealous of Sue, so tries to kill her. But again Sues Purity saves her, because sex before marriage which was done out of True Love is not a sin, so she is still a spiritual virgin and I’ll be honest, I started drinking heavily at this point and it’s all a bit of a blur.

A fight ensues some pages later after Dickhead returns, realizing the mistake he has made. And he rescues Sue from the Dick Biter, but not before he assaults Dick Biter, and calls her a slut for luring innocent men into alleys cuts her heart out by cutting her breasts off, at which point i screamed “THAT’S NOT HOW YOU REACH THE HEART” and my brain short circuited completely and I have no idea how it ends because I realized there was 30 pages left and my soul couldn’t take it. I emailed the chief editor like ?????!!!!!!????!!!!!! and the book was immediately pulled from the work line and the author dismissed from the publishing house. Turns out she was a friend of a friend and that was how she got the manuscript past our entry levels for requirement.

And that’s the story of how an author sent me death threats for over a month because I stopped her shitty vampire porn from ever seeing the light of day. You’re all fucking WELCOME.

[thebibliosphere]

Sorry to bring this searing back into your lives fam, but I feel it’s worth noting that people are tagging this as an “ancient relic” of tumblr text posts and how they’re so happy they see this every year and like guys, I hate to tell you this, but uh, this post is only six months old. I posted in on March 3rd 2016.

It only seems like years because every time you see it you age five years.

[izzyhill]

[camiekahle-deactivated20190815]

THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN

[macncheese-blog]

I’VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND THIS FOR SEVEN YEARS

DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT IS TO ?????

[grey-wardens-archive-deactivate]

Dragon Age II loading screens.

[cannibalcaprine-deactivated2024]

masks and helmets that hides someone's face in such a way that they become the face themselves my beloved

these are all creatures to me

[ancient-debris]

Angel of War, angular and strange, gleaming silver and gold, Angel of Wonder, pure and one-eyed, looking to stars new and old, Angel of Harvest, simple and hidden, bring nature's sweetness to all, Angel of Health, mysterious and fine, beacon when life starts to fall, Angel of the Deep, crooked and cage-like, guide us across the sea, Angel of Solace, protect us from evil, lead us to where we are free.

[virtualtoybox]

BORN TO FORGET

WORLD IS A BLUR

I Am Memory Issues Man

410,757,864,530 FORGOTTEN PRECIOUS MEMORIES

[bobacupcake]

playing erdtree with my pal we get invaded by someone named "Drip Inspector" and im like "waitwaitwait. ok lets just pose leaning back to back and wait for them to show up maybe our outfits will be so good they wont kill us"

so we wait until they show up and then they get reaaaal close to us . and then pull out their telescope and start circling around us and zooming in for a good 30 seconds. then they clap, use the "wonderful" and "youre beautiful" prattling pates, and jump off a cliff. invader vanquished

[bobacupcake]

[demilypyro]