Dear Men Writers
Lesser known facts when writing women:
High heeled shoes don’t become flats if you break the heels off.
The posts of earrings aren’t sharp.
Nail polish takes a long time to dry and smudges when wet.
You can’t hold in a period like pee.
Inserting a tampon is not arousing or sexual in any way, ever.
Feel free to add your own.
- Bras leave red marks on the skin under and around boobs and it is a magical experience when taken off.
- Make up can take anywhere from 5 to 25 minutes depending on how skilled you are.
- Taking hair out of a ponytail after wearing it for hours does not make it perfectly straight when it comes down.
- Hair when wet sticks to the skin it no longer flows, idiot.
-When women with long hair kiss, turn around, do anything, their hair falls in the way.
- Stockings are itchy and tear like wet paper bags.
- Pantyhose, tights, leggings, and stockings are each different. - Waxing hurts and leaves red skin for a while afterwards while shaving leaves stubble - Most can’t run in heels unless they have been VERY worn - Insecurity in appearance doesn’t mean “buy me a drink” - EVERYONE HAS DIFFERENT TASTES IN EVERYTHING
-Having large breasts sucks. It sucks beyond belief. If a garment happens to fit your large chest, odds are it won’t fit the rest of you. Underboob sweat is real and terrible. Bending over for extended periods of time will tweak your back out. Running can be painful due to boob turbulence. Bras are hella expensive. Big breasts are not fun.
Putting a tampon in isnt a quick bend-poke-done kinda deal. It involves cubicle yoga, messy hands, numerous curse words as you realise it isnt in correctly and have to take it out and start again with a new one.
Yes to all of this. But also:
If her hair is in an updo, one does not simply remove a hairpin to send her hair cascading down her back. No. If her hair is an updo, it will take at least an hour and an extra set of hands to remove the 137 bobby pins that are holding her hair in place. Furthermore, there’s probably a can’s worth of hairspray in there, intended to withstand category 2 hurricane winds. There’s no cascading happening here - the best you can hope for is a misshapen nest of hair to clump and poof unattractively in the back while it still remains flat against her scalp.
Either I am not female-ing right, or y’all are nuts.
I don’t know that the fuck kinda magical full face makeup yall are doing but if I want to do my whole face that shit takes like half an hour at LEAST Here we go, in depth makeup addition!
Eyeshadow takes me around 30 minutes to an hour for a three tone blend of colors that looks nice, neat, and professional with no smudges and vibrant tones for something simple just to add shadows and lighting to my eyes it’s about 5 to 10.
Eyeliner(no wing) can take as little as 2 minutes on a good day and up to 10 on a bad day. Smudges are a nightmare. (winged) can take from 5 minutes on a good day to 15 to 20 on a bad one. Matching both sides is hell
Foundation(no contour) takes me a good 5 to 10 minutes as someone who has the routine down when I first started doing it it took me a good 20 minutes to get it all done. contouring can take another 10 to 20 minutes
Eyebrows take me around 2 minutes but if I need to pluck or reshape them it can be up to half an hour spent on them.
Lips can be anywhere from 2 minutes if just applying regular lipstick and lip liner to 15 minutes for more complicated things like the fading look with multiple colors. depends on the day as well
Fake Lashes can take about 6 to 15 minutes per pair applied and bottoms can take another 10 minutes. Getting the glue everywhere is common and you usually end up with a washcloth covered in spots of glue where you cleaned the cap of the glue or where you got some on your finger and had to wipe it off.
to wash it all off takes about 15-20 minutes
