Pages' Misplaced

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Book: Alice in Wonderland & Philosophy Perspectivism & Tragedy: A Nietzschean Interpretation

[Page 153-154; First Line] 'In order to have knowledge or 'truth,' we must first embrace some illusion and falsity.' [Page 165; Last Line] 'tragedy teaches us that life is to be celebrated.' Seeing these lines side by side, the first thing I think of is, 'you need to believe in the little lies, hogfathers and faeries in order to believe in the bigger ones - honour and truth.' I don't think this quote will ever leave my mind, it is such an interesting way to shw the importance of story while also referring to them as 'lies.' It's hard to see any other connection between these two claims. Neither is very intuitive. As the essay is about perspective - it could be an attempt to show contrast. In order to appreciate something, you need to know or understand its' counterpart. You learn more from your failures than your successes is another phrase which comes to mind. You can't accept something as truthful without first looking at all the possibilities. You need to think through the information provided to you and have something to compare it to. Lots of the information about the world we receive young. That is accepted as 'knowledge' unless we choose to examine it. For many, it informs prejudice, religion, what is 'good,' or 'bad,' etc... even how we should expect to be treated by others throughout life, what responses to have if these expectations are not met. This might be what is meant by 'embracing falsity.' Some knowledge needs to be assumed as knowledge 'else we would live in a constant state of paralysis. It would destabilize us. On Tragedy... Though I don't think tragedy teaches us to celebrate - other lessons can be learned through such cautionary tales. The pitfalls a person may fall into - under the right circumstances. Instead of the assertion that tragedy teaches us life is worth celebrating - it shows us what is worth celebrating. What we need to be happy, more importantly, what we don't. [Page 154] 'We are forced to construct a meaningful world in order to survive the chaos and the madness that surround us.' Is this combination of ideas leading to an idea of distraction? The 'modern world' (if you want to call it that) is infinitely good at that but it hasn't lead to a sense of meaning. More like aimlessness. A distinct lacking, lost. If not exactly this then the crutch of rationalization hich as examined in this essay - Ayn Rand & Bioshock - has some awful and somewhat unintended consequences. Humans need to be emotionally connected. That might be what Nietzsche is trying to get at by praising art and tragedy in particular... what would the focus on hardship and tragic circumstances do to people? People learn through practice. You need to practice finding joy, calmness, and contentment. Examples of stories that show smaller lives well-lived. Artwork not fluffy or ridiculously naive but which depicts struggles we all have... seeing them as rites of passage. Proof that you're living out the full breadth of your humanity. To be fully invested in all of its' seasons. Background Nietzsche: 'will to truth - affirmation of life rather than truth being absolute. 'will to ignorance - avoidance of confronting uncomfortable truths. Embracing illusions, lies, or simplifications to preserve psychological well-being, social harmony, or sense of meaning. There is value in seeking truth while understanding that some ignorance is necessary to maintain mental and emotional well-being. What is meant exactly by, 'affirmation of life' in this context?

Embracing Reality including suffering. Do not seek to exacape any aspect of life.

Rejecting nihilism. Creating meaning for oneself through action, creativity, and self-overcoming.

Will to Power. Self-overcoming, personal growth, and continuous reshaping of one's existence in ways that enhance life's vitality. Creative endeavor then leaves a mark on the world. Grow and live your unique potential. Overcome limitations. Can extend to domination over others (political, social, psychological).

Eternal Recurrence. Life will repeat infinitely in the exact same way. Accept life's totality.

Criticizes those that restrict individual potential or perpetuate weakness and hard morality. Seeks to inspire and affirm others; life rather than simply dominating them.

Vitality: Life force or energy that rives groth, creation, and expression. Embrace both reason and emotion. Acknowledge you own role in broader social contexts.

Thoughts: I'm seeing a slightly different spin here to Ayn Rand's ideology. Though Nietzsche embraces emotion. - Art concretizes the human condition.

You don't necessarily have to overcome them but find a way to live alongside it. It's to omuch to expect a person to solve every complexity. Although Nietzsche would see to agree given his 'will to truth/ignorance' dynamic. It does say you would at least not dwell on them. Not really nearly as much similarity to Ayn Rand's framework as I initially thought. Important - Unimportant - Unimportant - Important [Page 154; First Line] 'Knowledge requires leaving some things out.' [Page 155; Last Line] '... to choose, to select, and to simplify what counts as real.' With it stated like this, it seems to imply that nothing is actually 'real.' That it all ies in our choice of perception. Like Nietzsche, I don't much value absolutes. So, in this line of thinking, I would argue that consistent action and thought patterns would be what becomes 'truth.' It is how personality is defined. A collection of habits, action, and thought patterns over a period of time. As we experience, we can always re-examine whether or not or previous adaptations make sense. But practice is what will determine if your change in course will stick. But I'm still not sure what this section of the essay is actually trying to get across. Perhaps just to display the dynamic between 'will to truth' and 'will to ignorance.' [Page 154] 'Nietzsche also looks at the world as a succession of adventures tha to provide us with relief from the boredom of our lives.' From what I understand, particularly withthe idea of 'eternal recurrence' Nietzsche is about embracing every moment of life no matter te emotion or circumstance and to live your life in a way where you wouldn't change a single minutia of it. Adventure - yes. Take action and be who you wish to become... but not for boredom. He wants you to push the boundaries of yourself to forge a life entirely your own. This essay is incorrect here. I do not agree with every aspect of this ideology but the nuanced way it willls you to live and wholly be yourself... that, I can get behind. That would be the 'embrace reality' aspect of the balance of knowledge and emotion. I am surprised at some of the similarities in Nietzsche and my thoughts. But the recurrence thing, I think is a little ridiculous. Cycles are great and are how much of life works but we do not continuously exist. Our energy sink down into the earth to feed a new kind of life. I also wouldn't want to live my life the same exact way... I would like to explore another set of options available to me and see what that version of myself might have become.

[Page 154] 'Our experiences are subject to many different interpreations and no one specific perspective is the correct point of view. Bt in order to form perspective, we need to ignore many others.' This is true and a succinct way to explain how 'will to truth/ignorance works. I will say that while it is technically true how there is no 'true' version of a story, there are definitely more skewed retellings of what happens than others. And that some of which might seem wholly different could both end up being 'true' for each person telling of how it affected them. This demonstrates why I, particularly dislike black and white notions. Life is always a blend of so many factors. [Page 154] 'In this way, we create 'truth' though we convince ourselves we have 'discovered' it.' Is this distinction truly important? I understand that one allows us to acknowledge that it was our judgement and nderstanding that drew a specific conclusion while the other makes it seem as though it was lying there fully formed and realized. We might question our ideas nut not what appears to be complete. Either way, we are likely to draw the same conclusion with the same us and the same information available to us. THis might lead to a moot point with the distinction itself. My other thought is that we create 'truth'(?) Is that the result(?) I think, instead, we create a narrative which allows us to contextualize broader information.

Background: Nietzsche Discovering Truth Mistaken for objective fact. Provides a false sense of certainty. Creating Truth Encourages the role of our own agency. We do create narratives around our lives but in doing so we create what we take as 'truth.' Our conclusions are taken as 'truth.' Nietzsche wanted to redefine the word 'truth.'

Thoughts: I don't see the need to use the word 'truth' when it is subject to and expected to change. Essentially this section means that the frameworks we use to understand the world around us means we are required to discard other ways of processing. This makes what we take as 'truth' relative to the filters we use. It takes the idea further that we should be ready for these frameworks to shift as we experience the world. They are not fixed systems. Rabbit Holes & Abysses In looking for the first and last sentences (topic sentence and conclusion) I am again wondering at the seemingly disconnected way this essay flows. It seems to find the statement that Rick Mayock is attempting to argue around is strewn across a few (or more) sentences or questions that steer away from the main point and focus instead on our assumed stance on truth... I find it confusing. I don't even mean to criticize the writing style as with the tone you know it is building to a toss of the blackboard to reverse all of those statements but, for these analyses, it can be difficult to parse precisely which idea the writer is arguing for or against. Which also means I can't determine if I agree with the presentation or wish to dispute it. [Page 155; First Line] 'Truth is sunject to imterpretations and fluctuations. What if what we thought to be realit were to dissolve beneath our feet?' [Page 157; Last Line] 'We depend on narratives that keep us engaged, keep our attention from wandering.' Here I've reverse engineered the way the writer conveyed his message to find the purpose of it in the first place. So the first one is not actually a direct quote thought it is the focus of this section. It is also largely what's already been discussed. What we understand as wider rules for ourselves, society, expected etiquette, or behaviour, or morals can generally be expected to evolve. They cater to our 'groundedness' in the world but they, themselves could be called into question and aren't set in stone. istory has chaned what thought to be 'good' or 'correct' a thousand times over. We live here and now but what is done later can be expected to e radically different to us. As far as the last line, I believe it to be partially correct. In some background information, I laid out the relationship between narrative and 'truth.' Our narratives create what we understand as 'truth' and we use these as foundations for how to navigate the world... however, conbined witht he idea that it is to hold our attention is where this takes a wrong turn. The purpose of the narrative is to balance our confrontation with the worl's hardships 'will to truth' and protection from emotional and psychological pain that results from living a human lifetime (will to ignorance). We need to be flexible enough to challenge ourselves and our assumptions but provide respite from them at times. To encounter narratives (or stories) which remind us what is possible. That all emotion serves a purpose and enrichens us. Experiencing our humanity in a way that engages us to live as we best see fit. It is so much more than holding our attention though that is a byproduct of this way of existing. I'd also like to ask... where would our attention wader to, if not the life we have to live out? No amount of distraction would alter this simple fact. And merely being distracted hasn't ever given people what they need to call this life living. I disagree with this essay's take on attention but agree with Nietzsche on our need to embrace the agency we are afforded. [Page 156] 'We create adventures to relive ourselves from a life of dullness and indifference.' This is the aspect I disagree with. Stories and adventure or experiences can and do accomplish this but it is an incomplete view of their purpose. They exist to teach us, to show us a different way, or to challenge us. They might even provide us with a new value or way of life we wish to integrate.

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VIDEO Life isn't meaningless, the question is. Initial Thoughts... Didn't notice the first time that it was shot as a conversation between a human being and existence itself personified... That contextualizes it a bit.

Human: 'Why is existence, why are you?' Existence: 'I could ask you the same.' Human: 'Because my parents exist.' Existence: That doesn't explain, I could keep asking why all the way back to the Big Bang leading to, 'because existence began.' And we're back at sqare one.' Heritage does not necessarily provide you with meaning. Belonging is greatly important for us but it will not completely satisfy our sense of meaning or purpose. Especially in the way it is spoken of here. It has nothing to do with the present and, instead with a seemingly endless line of people we likely don't feel a connection to having never known them. There are cultures who do have great records of ancestors but without that cultural experience a person would not hold the same value toward it. Even if they did have immense access. Memory is only preserved for about three generations. After that, it starkly fades from recollection. I was also thinking that a wider familial or cultural identity still only remains a part of you. But it is not you. What factors do contribute to true meaning?

Human: 'I exist to bring my future children into this world.' To bring future children? Really. That is not a reason to live al ife. And you have a life to fill. We are alive for longer than it is necessary for that one consideration. If that were our purpose, why be designed with childhood or formative years? Why be able to learn and grow? To experience all that we do in emotion, story, broader connections... Parenting, guiding, teaching. Those would all be much more well-rounded responses - all of which are required to rear children. And much more human.

Human: 'There's no meaning looking backwards with past all being accidents or fowards as it all comes to an end. It's all for nothing.' Existence: 'You're so smart that you're dumb. Your linear mind won't accept a circular answer. Yet you ask a circular question. What's it all for?' In exactly what way is it circular? Existence here is open-ended either way and that doesn't have to be a factor in a conversation such as this. How everything started out and how it will all eventually end does not need to have bearing us, now.

Existence: 'once something outside of it is identitified, it would be included in the phrase, it all.' That's how it's circular.

Existence: 'You forgot to look in the present. The only place that actually exists.' It's so difficulat for people to figure this out. We've always looked to the past, expecially for answers and save so much of ourselves for 'one day.' All the while forgetting that today is a day on it's own... and you are here fare more solidly. Make 'one day' today. You will be happier for it, I think. Specifically this makes me think of those fancy china sets people used to collect but save for an occasion. They would sit in the dusty cabinets their whole lives. Though this is relevent to any kind of 'special occasion' thing you might be saving.

Existence: 'Do you want existence to mean anything?' It genuinely seems like many don't. In internet culture there are memes created to depict how different generation view the phrase, 'nothing in life matters' (nihilism). But why make the assumption to begin with? People forget about their own agency.

Human: 'How do you find meaning in that? What it's all for - a) every reason b) no reason at all c) for it's own sake. I still feel lost. I want a single unifying reason.' Why would you want one single reason? To be shoehorned into a specific thought? Wouldn't a person just try to escape this new constraint they've built around themselves? I think that any pointable reason would seem as though to open some kind of door that isn't locked or even closed. But you choose not to explore what you might become if you discovered your own abilities. Having an answer wouldn't satisfy what you're seeking. A way to justify passive being. No meaning means you don't need to try anything. There's no point. Having meaning, a concrete answer, as it stands now is not really possible. Not to encapsolate 'it all,' anyway. To find meaning in life you should start with your experiences... what you want out of it. That's why they feel lost, they aren't connecting. Not attributing the conversation to anything they see as important to them. Lie earlier, they mentioned kids but not family, parents but no relation aside from reproduction... it doesn't seem like they have a life and are looking for a way to detach further... rejecting any point. Too afraid to consider who they wish to become.

Existence: 'You're born, there's stuff in the middle, then you die. That's a child's perspective.' I agree that's juvenile a thought to stay stuck in. It ignores a lot of the possibilities that life holds for us. Why does it need to last? We have many stories showcasing the importance of our own finality. How it enriches meaning rather than detracting from it. It does require you to engage.

Existence: 'You really do happen. There are elements to life. Emotions, burnt toast, laughter all of which are threads. Each a slightly different colour. They intertwine and dance with each other into patterns you call stories.' I love connecting life to stories. And human minds are primed and built for them. For a very long time they have been used to communicate so much. Values, lessons, warnings, history etc...

Existence: 'Life puts those threads together. You are only able to see your string in its' entirety.' I'd argue that we can't see our 'string' in its' entirety. Memories are fickle and we are living our live but intention makes up only a small fraction of how our actions play out. But, ourself is the person we do know the most about. Although, even that isn't always true.

Existence: 'You didn't stumble into existence by chance. You were drafted because you were necessary.' This leans toward the idea of determinism. Everything is meant to be type-thing but that isn't what I think, either. Life is a random mess of thing but we diecide how we want to live it. I don't like determinism because I don't believe that all things are meant. more like a combination of circumstance and lack of support which allows unfortunate instances to happen or continue. Some live very tragic lives and I don't think that has to be.

Existence: 'It's relevent to you because it is you.' I don't know about this... The tapestry makes fr an apt analogy but it isn't something that is a part of us. It could be integrated into a life's framework but that would take time and practice. And what would the goal of living such a life be? What tenants would accompany its' thought process?

Existence: 'The experiencer experiences the whole tapestry.' If what they mean are the sum of all that intertwines each moment, then yes. but just because you deal with all the stimuli your 'sting' comes in contact with does not mean you experience the tapestry. I prefer the idea that we are the universe experiencing itself. Living among itself. Learning about itself. Evolving further.

Existence: 'You are everyone but you only experience yourself one at a time.' Very closely related to the idea I mentioned just above. But it is clearly expressed from Existence' perspective here. It experiences all. We experience a singularity of itself. A fragment.

Human: 'As myself, I want to see this tapestry that justifies the suffering and yet I'm never fated to be able to.' How would this justify the hardships of your life? Yes, the way you lead your life and interact with the world has left its' mark but in what way does this make 'it all' suddenly worth it from this person's perspective?

Existence: 'To avoid the predicament you find yourself in. You lack faith in the intrinsic value of both your string and existence iteself. So you go looking for it...' You need to have faith in existence and by looking for meaning you gain nothing? I do think that it is the 'grand narrative' which has left the human without 'good' answers. They would be better finding a way to life life that matters to them by considering likes/dislikes, overcoming challenges, learning about the world they exist in, about the people around them - especially that.

Existence: 'You don't want the meaning of life, you want the meaning of life you can understand.' That's a terrible answer. Of course creatures want an answer to a question formatted in a way that they can compreend. Any other wouldn't be worth anything; only confusing and useless. Existence in this video has answered questions in reasonable ways but here it pretends to be unable to? It has already answered the question earlier.

Existence: 'Meaning as a tool to achieve someting... what is it all for?' When you have faith, you observe it as you would a sunset or a painting? But without you look to use it for something? I see how this would lead to some of the problems I've mentioned already. The painting and the sunset inspire. Charging a person with much - positioned for expression. I still don't think that 'faith' is the right way to put this though.

Existence: 'Life is not a stepping stone to get somewhere else.' This, I do agree with. Be where you are wholly in the moment. Have a presence in your day to day. You will uncover not what you look for but discover the world itself.

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Book: BioShock & Philsophy Author: William Irwin Essay [2]; The Value of Art in BioShock. Ayn Rand, Emotion, & Choice [Page 15] 'Indeed, any project that doesn't account for emotion is doomed.' I would usually begin with the first and last line but for this essay, I think we could use the second section. The first introduces both BioShock and some background information about Ayn Rand. The actual purpose of the essay becomes clear... [Page 16] 'Society benefits most if everyone is free to act in their own mutual respect for ones peers.' Given the capitalist lens that you usually hear about in regards to this game, an essay focusing on mutual respect and the importance of emotion is surprising. What is there to say when you agree with something? It speaks for itself. Not respecting other people and thier personhood leads to breaking down their personhood. You own self-interest eentually sonsumeds eliminating any concern you might have for other people. And failing to account for your own emotions removes you from your own humanity. You may sacrificed so much of yourself that abandoning your ambition seems impossible. You need to have compromised yourself for a reason. Otherwise how would you reconcile with the choices you've made? Acting in an uncaring manner towards others will push them away leaving you only with who you've made yourself into. 'Art concretizes humanities' fundamental view of ourselves and our existence.' I can't help but notice this playing out today. There are many focused on the importance of story in this modern age (though it has always had an important role.) The stories that have been produced are dark and focus on bad people doing bad things only occasionally fort he right reason. That 'good' is nothing but naive.

And, right now, people are afraid of one another. Our visual focal points for society are built on shaky ground or have been behaving in less than worthy ways to be or remain cornerstones of society.

Illness is rampant and a lack of meaning is pervalent. People's view of themselves and others is dismal. And they are only being shown in what we call art today confirms that view of it all.

Art is also meant to say something. To challenge societal norms. The days, we are comfortable in our suffering. Even though it is suffering. [Page 17] 'contemplating artworks teaches us how to integrate our values. this coupled with the earlier statment, "Artists reproduce the qualities of man they think are essential to humankind."' What values have we been asked to integrate lately? There are some shows which value growth like 'The Good Place' whose lesson is, 'people improve when they get external love and support. How can we fault them when they don't?' And that, is an amazing value to stuff a show with. But the majority paint a grim picture and put the worst of what people are capable of up for all to see. Then they attempt to justify it as any other story with reasonable characters with good values and boring. Others beefore me have said that they wholly just aren't good at writing character with different motivations. As a result, we get cynics who haven't been shown how differently life could look. Where trust can benefit you. That love can be simple. It's unfortunate that you have to intentionally seek out stories that have a different message than 'whatever it takes to achieve my goals' type thing. And, 'whatever' means violence, lying, stealing, and often worse. [Page 18] 'the artist would not fear the censor, the scientist would not be bound by petty morality, and the great would not be constrained by the small.' And, 'the economy plummets, scientific progress halts, and the 'parasites' struggle and fail... the world comes tumbling down.' This was a long quote. - the scientist not bound by morality... it is known that those in stem do not have critical thinking skills. It isn't the focus. It is also known that the little bit of ethics classes that are required of them, are hated by them. The thing about that is we have very stark examples throughout history and the studies conducted in the past which drastically highlight a need for these teachings. Ayn Rand herself lived from 1905 to 1982. Worl War II particularly is unfortunately filled with many examples of thics missing their place in society. Do I really need to write more?

Then, for the second part - the world would crumble... how much of society would be willing to enter this utopia? People would be willing, sure but not all. And with the way regular folk are seen as 'parasites' I didn't think just anyone would be brought into the project.

I don't think society is as fragile as they are positing. I mean' vault-tech in Fallout thought, too, that humanity would be completely wiped out. And that's in nuclear wastelands.

Some artists and scientists leaving for this city wouldn't end things. - I assume some rich people would also vanish into this city. To that I say, good riddance, honestly.

'let great people be grate, because in the long run, it's better for everyone.' Often the people who believe themselves to be larger than life or gifted or see themselves as grand - are the people you don't want running things. They make choices that aren't in support of causes or foundations but themselves. And power. The people who want power, want it to be above consequences. I wish this weren't the case but it is - also access to what allows them to suppress the rest. Glaring opportunities due to connection or because of expendable income. Which begs the question, how do you know you are truly one of the greats? It is you who could be mediocre if we evened the playing field. What if another outpaced you? Horror Beneath the Waves [First Line] 'BioShock goes further by playing on emotional responses.' [Last Line] 'Right from the get-go, BioShock is focused no showing us what a horrific place Rapture has become.' Seems to focus on the basis that Ayn Rand's philosophy lacked emotion? And it does. It looks as though you communicate human values and emotions through the realizing of your ambition. But it is at no concern how to get there. How do you have values reflecting the human condition or emotions if your process does not consider them? Moral truth through reason... But rationalizations can become delusional if they are from the individualistic perspective Rand advocates for. ...We feel more due to the way the game is structured. And that emotional attachemtn due to the heightened horror causes and larger reation in us at the end? Is that it? [Page 20] 'Video games are the ultimate form of horror fiction, because they give players agency' Kind of what I was saying. 'Success - weaving survival-horror into the narrative and a criticism of an extreme ideology that's presented' The game looks at the role emotions play. So the game made you truly feel like Jack. It did as much as it could to make the two experiences similar - until it wasn't at all. This added to your emotional role and Jacks. Ryan was designed to be undone by emotion being unable to move ambition across the line Jack (you) presented. And Atlas crafted Jack (you) emotional experience. Emotions are the cause, crux, and experience that drives us forward to play through to the end. The horror, what place does it have? To feel accomplished as we believe, in some way, we are working to end it. [Page 21] 'emotional appeals (horror elements, Ryan's death)' -> Shows yu the outcome of Rand's philosophy as horrific. I'm not sure what point this part is trying to make. Navigating your emotional responses to confirm that Rapture failed. You conclude it as 'bad' ... maybe? Ryan's death can then show you how blind lacking and ignoring emotion can make you(?) While Fontaine (Atlas) teaches you that selfish (unenlightened) ambition sows terror and violence? Althout with the various endings tied to your moral choices, I suppose you decide whether to act compassionately (enlightened) or selfishly (unenlightened). But the point is to show how the ideology is flawed, this very nearly agrees with it. At least on this point. 'Much of the storytelling is explaining how and why thing went wrong.' I suppose this is where we find the criticism. With it being a video game, we ar edirectly shown the 'end result.' Uncovering the history as we see example after example of consequence - we are slowly let in on what was and how it was all brought down.

Why Randians should Celebrate BioShock [Page 21; First Line] 'BioShock depicts Ryan as an objectivist who wrongly dismisses emotions as being opposed to rationality." [Page 24; Last Line] 'It wasn't necessarily Ryan's objectivist views that doomed Rapture, but rather, his stubborn refusal to put people first - before his ideology.' In this ideology, if emotions aren't opposed to rationality then where do they fall? -> Emotions are a product of one's values and rational thought.

They do not motivate action but indicate an alignment with tose values. Indication of judements about the world. Passive awareness. Know what emotions are present but think through the. (Intellectualization - generally not a good long-term process). A good emotion = good alignment; bad emotion = misalignment with values or goals (ambition). Pursuit of values equates to positive emotion and alignment. Emotions informing moral judgements but intellectualized in rationsal principles. Ethical behaviour stems from rational understanding of one's self-interests.

-> I see some worrying problems in this way of thinking.

Rational does mean critical thinking but it is still tied to a single person's long-term goals.

Emotional play a supportive role. But, they are thought not felt. I see a pervasive issue of emotions being side-stepped in this thought bannk. They are acknowledged only to be dismissed. And values are shown through art. But as said before, this prmeval ambition is seen as an artiform. And a person's happiness would be dependent on the values or goals... and it is overly converned with the self with only some reminders to act in an 'enlightened' fashion.

Action determined by values -> you're acting in alignment with values by obtaining your goals. If you are happy, why would you question the morals involved? It doesn't serve what you wish to accomlish! And you are encouraged to rationalize your way out of 'enlightened' principles you may have started with which ask to consider your fellow human beings.

Ryan didn't make a good objectivist, but arguably, Fontaine / Atlas did. He acted ina ccordance with his goals and self-interested happiness.

[page 23] And allowing humans to live lives worth living is the point of Rand's entire philosophy.' Maybe tha tis the intention of her philosophy but it employs some thought processes which could easily be abused and twisted. But I've already given that spiel, so I'll leave that here.

[Page 24] 'BioShock isn't necessarily claiing that Randian objectivism will always ead to horror.' No, but the potential is built into it. One following the ideology would have to make a very pointed effort to be aware of their ethical impact. It also relies on the emotional current informing you of when you are doing wrong to others. Many people do not inherently have that internal reaction. Capitalism and an emphasis on productivity doesn't exactly support that kind of automatic compassion. It wants us to push ourselves well past our limitations. This andthe abandoning of those who are not 'great' kind of shows this inclination as well. These poeple want to be unlimited for their own futuare projection to be unencumbered by those umable to share in their 'goals' and ambition already showing a lack of connectivity with others.

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When Among Crows | Veronica Roth

[Page 1] - Prelude | 'This isn't the forest guardian's usual haunt. He doesn't like it here. Perople come and they scraped the very bottoms of their wallets to build this place and there's nothing magic likes better than the great hollow of a debt. So magic nestled here.'

I am reminded why I was drawn into this book. The writing is somewhat wistful but in an ancient and restrained way. At least with how it introduces the premise.

Magic and debt being linked is an interesting correlation. Not to mention the descriptions give a very good sense of place in the story. Along with it a sense of deep respect with an underlying tension. And that's in the first few paragraphs.

You want to know more about this character and the properties magic like this possesses.

With that, I also want to address part of the synopsis. But I'll put that at the end so as not to spoil this journey.

[Page 3] 'He doesn't recall the man. But since the man stands before him with no apparent motive for deception, the leszy supposes he's to be believed.'

This simple acceptance of the world... is omething. A creature without the need to make a statement of themselves - or to presume anything of others. They reveal their own nature's in due time.

[Page 5] '"A contest. Does he dance? Does he sing?" "No." "He is raised to violence, as all of his kind are," the leszy says. "Perhaps he can weild a bow."'

As I said, he allows them to reveal theselves, in time. He tried skills which bring communities together... yet they were unknown to this visitor - intruder? Likely both on some level.

[The Prelude] - as a Whole It is highly engaging. The creatures are grounded and very interesting. Dymiter, you want to know more about. We learn he was prepared for what he seeks. And we know what that is. As of now, we've nothing else about him that's known. 'Not fearful nor murderous,' is what the leszy tells us. It seems he is an oddity of men among creatures.

He was deemed worthy of the fern flower. But what qualities does 'worthy' mean? What is actually held in his heart? On this night be bared it nakedly and guarded it staunchly.

[Page 13] '"I could guess, he said. "But it would be random." His grandmother smiled. "I told your father you were wise."'

Another thing we learn about Dymitr. And it is another nudge to us relating to his integrity.

[Chapter 2] I want to write about the feel of this chapter. It is an excellent set-up introducing some detail on the story elements touched on in the prelude. There's alos an intensity to the grandmother we are shown in this part. A sense that's hard to put into words.

[Page 16] 'He knows without looking at the bartender that she's not human. He's gotten good at sensing it without seeing it, that undeniable something that he can almost taste.'

This is good foreshadowing. Or maybe simply on theme for how this crafted world works. But either way, it alludes to that idea that Dymitr doesn't quite 'fit' with either established group. A blending of sensibilities.

'Though they have creature cousins all over the world.'

I like this line. Throughout culture's and mythology, there are many creatures and stories quite similar to one another despite little - or any connection.

[Page 19] 'She speaks Polish, but sounds American; someone caught in-between worlds in more than one way.'

How we conceptualize ourselves and how the world labels us will be a definite theme in this book. The exxtra information like this is coming from Dymitr's point of view, basically. His demeanor seems aloof but comments like this make me think something more is there.

[Page 31] In Totality

There's that sense of acceptance. And perhaps a quiet curiosity. Wanting to know more. However it might come across as hyocritical as he isn't willing to give his trust while asking for it.

[Page 32 to 33]

A strength of this author is their use of creating enchanting visuals. Ala showing Dynitr her visions via the illusions she can conjusre is quite visceral.

[Page 34] 'Humans are always talking out of both sides of their mouths.' and 'She's not sure a mortal has ever spoken to her that gently before.'

He continues to confuse them with his countenance. But she was right, earlier - he has the flower that could resolve her condition. Whether he gives trust or not, he shows some concern and proved that he has what he promised...

Now it goes back to what I mentioned earlier... his nature will be revealed in time.

However, he has also shown a certian level of respect. Much more than most of his kind... I guess that's enought in this context.

[Page 35] 'there's an air of carelessness about him in general'

It seems the aloof sense I got from him was accurate. Though I didn't think of him as so disheveled.

What his sister said to him earlier makes more sense now... 'I know you. You're acting strange. Tell me why.' At the time this was said - if felt out of place.

Now knowing that he isn't exactly doing the best at taking care of himself, it fits. That could be a change that she noticed in her brother.

[Page 39] 'She doesn't want to think about it anymore... the times that are lost, now.'

Wistful. The emotional undercurrent that runs through this story go deep. And just as it pulls you down into the muck, 'You shouldn't lose hope. Our people never do. We're foolish that way.'

This quality is what makes it my kind of story.

[Page 40 to 44] About Ala

I like the way Ala carries herself. Her demanor. Somewhat shy and yet brazen at the same time. Shy isn't wuite the right word - reserved?

That might be better suited.

[Page 46] 'not uncommon among strzygi in America, where people from all different places have sought refuge... even if not all of them found it.'

These nods to an undertone of disquiet that is felt deep into these characters' bones alight the story floating above it in such a contrasting glow. It is pervasive and makes even regular scenes seem intimate.

It wraps around you as it is them blurring this world and making you a part of the story, too.

[Page 49 to 53] - To the Page Break

The fight happening alongside the calm conversation adds depth to both of them. It is impressive considering it is also a characer introduction. Ala's friend is giving us osme more information about her. All the while challenging Dymitr's assumptions... I only wonder why he tells him as much as he does as readily as he does?

It could serve to show how much Ala means to him. She crought him there and is therefore worth a little weight. But that's also why he makes his relationship to him so clear.

This interaction does a lot and does it very well. And we get to see Ala in action. Accomplish something. It establishes her as capable.

In fact, the entire chapter shows Dymitr following her lead. Relying on her connections... he may have what she desperately needs but it didn't make her less important to the story. She has agency. And I love that.

This is impressive writing.

[Page 60] 'Lidia taps her fingers on the back of the sofa. Her fingernails are filed into neat ovals and painted deep red. She glances at the strzygy to her left, who leans forward to murmur something in her ear.'

It's al lin the use of the little details. Too perfect to be unintentional. It's what makes me love the writing of this book so much.

[Page 69] 'Half-souled beasts.'

[Page 69] 'Ala sometimes wished her moter could soften things for her, just a little. But she couldn't. She didn't know how to live in a world that wasn't straightforward. She had, for all her zmora talents, no patience for illusions.'

I think we need to be show how to regard the world a little bit kindly. A touch more so than it actually is. That is how we would come to know how to cultivate it. In ourselves, for others - if we wish it.

Contrast enrichens our experience in every capacity. Being stuck in the dark and the grime may numb you. And I don't know of any who manage to reain only in happiness.

I'd like to find another word other than 'happiness.'

[Page 79] 'mortals are always devising nonsense.'

Why is this limited to mortals? They may largely be in the dark about the ways of the various creatures hidden in plain sight - but they, too, must share the world. Live lives of their own.

In that regard, do they not share struggle?

The leszy in the beginning of the story makes the cmparison - though brief... what nonsense, then are these other living things devising?

[Page 82 to 83] 'People say there are two different worlds, Niko thinks. Human and not-so-human. But there arent', really - not when it counts.'

This is what I was trying to acknowledge earlier.

[Page 94] 'Thye are taught that humanity is worth. That all resemblance a being such as yourself bears to a human is an elaborate trick, a falsehood.'

Similar to the demons' in Frieren. Althought the show kind of shows how this is true, on some level. Though I believe it is a learned behaviour...

In this book, that opinion is simply incorrect. They are creatures merely living. Sometimes resorting only to suvival. And that means doing some ugly things.

But can you blame them? I don't think so.

[Page 112] '"I am not," Dymitr says, his voice breaking, "an ordinary mortal."'

Tricky. And last I read this, I missed details. Or simply don't remember them. Why would mentioning this cause his voice to lose steadiness? To admit it aloud. I'm sure his family - his grandmother would never allow such remorse for their position, nor hiding from the traditions they are cast in.

These small motions, I find filled with stories of themselves.

[Page 113] 'but now, it signals normalcy. Humanity.'

What do such street smells signal to the others?

A kind of normalcy for them, too. Although the mortal world has different kinds of secrets.

Honestly, Dymitr is closer to the other creatures than to mortals. Keeping what he is hidden. Having to 'blend in.'

- 'When among crows, caw like one,' right?

[Page 115] The Upior

The Upior sound similar to the denizens from The City of Last Chances. If orget what they were called... they were also skinny and gathered in groups.

I wonder if they come from cultual traditions similar to one another...

[Page 117] 'Dymitr told her to go hime. Apparently she didn't listen.'

Why did he expect her to?

[Page 119 to 121] To the Page Break

Niko is one compelling character made stranger by the reaction of those he interacts with. Like Sha, from the funeral home.

I also want to know more about Sha, herself. A brief introduction was not nearly enough.

[Page 123] '"You," Dymitr says, as he lowers his blade, "are not helping me. You are an encumberance. You are a burden." Even Niko can see how the words wound her.

Lowered one weapon only to weild another. Cruelty which is taught. It echoes what I said before about small gestures.

This interaction is impactful. The writing in every instance here is layered.

[Page 132] '"It's never just a name, boy," she says, "Dymitr comes from Demeter, a greek goddess of the harvest. A greek name for a Polish boy. A name of abundant life for a child raised to murder. That... is a special kind of joke.'

Nothing really to say here. It's just a good bit of dialogue.

Though I have thought of somthing... Demeter also mourns her daughter Persephone having been tricked by Hades and living in his realm most of the year... kind of fitting for someone filled with so much sorrow.

[Page 135] 'Suffering isn't atonement."

[Page 142] 'She doesn't reassure him, and he doesn't expet her to. No adult in his life has ever reassured him, not about the dark, or about the monsters that lurk in it, or about the violence of the world outside their walls.'

Likely not about the cruelty within their home, either. Perhaps worse in many ways for Dymitr than his siblings. He was 'chosen' by his grandmother... I'm willing to bet that set him apart from them.

Somehow he found a way to see what connects us. Even if he knew it only by the longing that left him hollow. Something felt can be something followed.

[Page 146] 'It doesn't feel like it's as powerful as it is, but maybe that's just how powerful thing are - they don't always need to declare themselves.'

I likely got this from womewhere but I don't remember when or where but my thinking is that if you need to tell the world how powerful or strong you are, then you aren't actually so.

And that can go with any quality, really.

Confidence doesn't feel the need to prove that it exists. It just is.

[Page 148] 'Her eyes lift to meet his, and for a moment he sees a spark of light there, like a child's delight. It's a feat for a woman who has seen and done so much, to still find room for wonder.'

It's an important thing, to know that the world will never be fully known. To find experience can affect you, so.

Wonder should be cherished. And cultivated. It has the ability to change us. To heal. That is much more difficult than hardhsip. Pay attention to the quiet moments.

[Page 149] 'She tilts her head as she regards him, and it's easy to see the strzyga buried deep in her blood, this way. Baba Jagais niether strzyga nor zmora nor mortal nor wraith, yet she's collected bits and pieces of so many things in her long years that she can, at times, resemble every one of them.'

I like this portrayl. And the way the magic of this world functions. It feels real. Not just possible but a part of this one - were it not a book. Excellent.

[Page 157] 'It woould be easier, in some ways, to hear the pain of the sword's destruction, then to enbrace whatever this is. "Foolish hope, remember?''

That's why it wouldn't be fitting. Or be an end. using the smae logic that you are trying to leave behind as a starting point to a new life would be a continuation rather than a conclusion.

But this, the choice made here, is forcing him to forgfe a new way of being. Not just living. It is a fantastic decision.

[Page 158] 'Ala: rarely unsure,'

The author gives these character descriptions late in the story. I like that as you are able to draw your own conclusions. At first, I didn't think that self-assured described Ala very well. But considering the story a moment - I do agree.

Ala throughout the chapters has been cautious though never skittish,or mousy.

Earlier I spoke of her agency and she doesn't shy away from making decisions and following through.

It's just that she allows people to be.

Reminds me of another description of her we got earlier... 'Gentle enough in spirit to live among mortals but fierce to endure their cruelty,' which does sum up Ala quite concisely.

[Page 163] 'He thinks he could even remember the man's name, if he reached for it, but he doesn't.'

I enjoy these choices. Thought I don't believe that Dymitr gave the leszy his name. Only told him he is a supplicant. I suppose it's possible that rumours spread and the leszy found out from those wandering his usual haunt.

[Synopsis] 'When Among Crows is swift and striking, drawing from the deep well of slavic folklore and asking if redemption and atonement can be found in embracing what we most fear.'

And what they most fear is having to live.

Being required to continue on alongside the choices you've made. Maybe not reconciling them but being a part of the world experiencing. New seasons wrought with emotion - and yes - perhaps consequences for your actions... yet you grow.

You learnt he breadth of what it means to be a living being.

[aclatural-tilt]

Off With Their Heads, Zoe Hana Mikuta

'For the girl's going stranger and stranger.' - Dedication; included in my commonplace book

What's there to say about Carousel's introduction - the books' introduction? It is perfectly chaotic. And also introduces what kind of ghastly creatures the Saints are in one fell swoop. There's so much going on in just a few pages that succinctly wraps up all the frayed edges, cleaning them nice and neat to tuck them away again. The shape of what lies beneath is hidden awaiting prying eyes and fickle fingers to pick at the seams.

'Where, and in what did one, as an individual kind of consciousness, feel the gods here?' - Another inclusion in my commonplace book. --

'In this moment in time, most acknowledged Divinity as the whole tableau of reality, but common practice was to select particular elements as personal gods, to play favourites - picking threads out of fabric, so to speak. The gods were Nature, the Night Sky, and the Winter Season, and Wildfires, and Rot. The gods were forces, Love and Cruelty, and Dreams - but People were forces, too.'

Another Commonplace Book addition. What an interesting concept. This concept stuck itself firmly in place. I considered the idea from many an angle. I narrowed it down to nouns that could be considered gods in this same, abstract way.

Portents is a word i've attached to - even if I forget the sounds fused to utter the word. It's meaning is firmly in my head.

What else lies in me? Perhaps words...

...Grand and ridiculous. Commonplace Book.

Note: Night or evening could be knotted up inside me. But it isn't Darkness nor Light - or even the space they meet.

I'm not sure what it is about the evening air... Perhaps it's some particular suburban trait.

Though darker depths hold a similar settling. A bit more pronounced in its' presence unaltered by human comforts.

[Page 57] 'Perhaps that's what makes her such a delightful creature, wanting nothing to do with the likes of 'us'![

Page 59] 'Ha-what-am I doing - indeed, readers, what the fuck was she doing?' - I've love these 3rd wall breaks.

[Page 60] '...she'd battered away the fear of pain and the fear of anything else and she was sure, Icca must be sure, she did it all on her own.'

There's that word, again. I wonder how many of my stories have it holding so much weight?

[Thoughts] They are both messed but Caro is better off, her acceptance of herself balances her denial of Tecca Moore and all that happened after.

Icca, in her isolation, let her beast grow; all-consuming.

[Page 61] 'Icca was perfectly fine ignoring the shadows that leaned for her, she did not want to be acquainted with them.'

Her apathy is long-lived.

[a continued musing...] Icca corroded. Carousel flew - over Petra's walls. How... fitting.

[Page 62] - That word (sure) is popping up again.

[Page 78 to 79] 'Hattie was cruel and insane and she made a joke of this world, with her experiments, her false piety.'

They (Icca) embrace their various gifts and wish others to do the same. To be grand and ridiculous - powerful and fearsome. I can understand her hating the Queen and being disgusted by those who adore her but why would she be upset with her indulgence in her magic? Her Gift?

[Page 80] '[Caro] was always Cold.'

They both are always cold... a consequence of their abilities or another trait marking their twisted similarity?

Not a shared god, Cold, but perhaps one that clings to them like a cloak. It's pricked bite reflected and mirroring sharp edges. Interesting.

They only share Carnage.

[Page 93] The initial conversation starter with Cheshire is the only bit of dialogue I would criticize. It's just a touch forced.

[Page 94 - the first paragraph] I absolutely love how unapologetic they are.

[Page 95] I wish we knew more about Tecca Moore.

[Page 95 - second paragraph] Entertainment vs survival...

I think they would have ended up in Wonderland but not necessarily because they've done something wicked - not without provocation. They are ruthless and wicked though not wholly senseless.

[Page Unknown] 'Habit, perhaps, to drift toward the bored ones.'

Though not the curious ones... ? The ones whose gaze lingers a moment too long.

Maybe it has to do with Icca's view of jabbowockies and the culled court... to be a pretty pet that is admired

That combined with a hatred of talking.

Maybe... anyway. Curious, to say the least.

[Page 98] The last two paragraphs.

I enjoy these characterized traits. Expectation of one showcasing arrogance or something else and the response being not what they expect giving insight into who the other is.

Characters are supposed to inconvenience each other. Not sure where I read or heard this but it's true. And that is what you find in many interactions, here.

[Page 106 to 108] Other than that initial forced few sentences, Kai & Icca are perfect. Amazement of one another coupled with irritation. It's interesting to watch.

Why does Icca like him? Their banter works but the rest... You'd think she'd be upset at his contentedness with the way things are.

I think this calls back to an earlier page, 'she used to have people for that,' meaning to see her and be seen by.

Some of what she lost is in Kai. And his indulgence in her keeps her coming back.

In this chapter, there's a lot to be known. What is her motivation, exactly?

She was the first to betray. And I think her resolve is the most chaneable.

Caro adapts much better. Throws away yesterday to fully immerse in today.

Icca is the book one. Supposed to be the smart one. And yet, her one emotion has full control over her. To prove herself fearsome... to prove to herself how silly it was to ever be afraid. She showed her hand - she ran. And hates how Caro reminds her of it. Caro did too, sure but it was Icca who was caught.

Anger as a cover for shame and self-hatred. Carousel Rabbit loves herself.

[Page 110] 'Hattie November Khul didn't consider herself much of anything, besides powerful.'

An interesting statement. What does this say about her character?

We don't know something very crucial at this point in the story. the secreat of the Red Queen, the truth of the White...

Without that shadowy knowledge I would say it is a testamet to Quiet. She radiates power but doesn't make known much else.

[Page 112] 'She didn't consider herself an eccentric person,' & 'not like she considered Carousel Rabbit.'

The observer...

[Page 112] 'There were parts of Caro's head that had fused in place.'

Humans are so quick to change.

A distance to being human. Carousel as entertainment and as anchor. A form of being in the world without interacting with it herself.

Carousel as a safety belt.

I'm sure there's more on this later.

[Page 113] 'The White Queen always thought it so darling, that so many thought the palace was haunted when it was only her daughter not wanting to be bothered by people.'

"Go on, now, you unimpressed child. Resume your spectral tendencies."'

A little ghost. This sentence made me like both the Red and White Queen. Mother & Daughter. Mother taking amusement from her daughter's personality and daughter not caring for the opinion. Very real interaction.

[Page 144] 'It'll be alright,' Hattie promised, quietly. 'You'll like being one. More than you like being two.'

Always ending a chapter with an amazing last sentence. A line that brings up so many questions.

A I love hot it is used later in the story.

There's a resonant aura that this line holds. What would it be t omould two creatures together? How could such a horror be enjoyed!?

Her calm countenance that reads as genuine respect, and even beholding, of the Saint creatures somehow makes it all the more anject.

And it is wonderfully done!

'Hattie ignored her. Caro didn't mind.'

[Page 118] 'Carousel had a lot of people in her head.'

[Page 119] 'stop that immediately, Caro thought to herself, and then softened. She did hate to scold herself, expecially in her own head. It was her own head, after all!'

[Page 122 to 123] The conversation continues into her scolding herself and then praising for following through on restraining the questions hse asks...

The writing lends to her chaotic nature. Long winded and circling back on itself. The inclusion of contradicting thoughts - it's quite the feat to make it make sense, seven still.

Also lends to the character, her thoughts and actions flitting and flighty but, ultimately a complete contextual narrative.

[Page 127] 'The night lit up blue.

Caro shot herself outward, That was a gamble, and she didn't care, pushing out the enchantment without knowing if she'd have a crow to land on. But then she was out of her body and in another, twisting through the rare, moon-shot sky, and she expanded her wings.'

Gorgeous visuals. You can see her careening through bleeding that tear-like blue. Luminescence as a lure.

[Page Unknown] 'Icca might wake up and find her gone. She might go looking and see those dug-up holes and get the wrong idea - no, get the exactly right idea, really.'

She damned herself for the thought. Their mirrored thought.

I know how Rabbit could hate herself but would Icca have known she'd done the same, only too late? Their being so entwined that it isn't even a question?

And she had run again.

And wanted to tear up her life all over again because she found a place which watched over her twisted fate.

I don't think I'll ever understand Iccadora.

[Page 131] 'The glass vial of rose draught was cold on her skin, strapped to her forearm beneath the pale green of sleeve.'

Carousel is wearing green sleeves with blue skirt and pink skirt.

Why the same colour?

[Page Unknown] 'She had to be perfectly pleasant. Perfectly focused.'

She had to be like Carousel? That is how she'd talk about herself.

[Page Unknown] 'People were ridiculous people and they lived in their own heads obsessing over the stories of their lives making villains and heroes and religious figures of another.'

As opposed to senses? A focus on them...

[Page Unknown] The people were numb. Valuing the senses...

Shock and awe are what the Queen awakens in them. Be alive - she asks. Watching the creature join the worl anew. Wanting her people to transform their power?

Though she also removed its' impact.

What result is she hoping for?

[Page 157] 'Depths of their despair. Hattie would remind them of such depths, by expressing her own.'

Emotion such as that draws the Saints in. I don't understand what she wishes. It is remarkably entertaining.

[Page 154] 'Unnie's very fucking weird, thought Caro affectionately.'

[Page 155] 'And Caro knew that look on her face - absolute murder. Absolutely fucking not.'

[Page 158] 'It had been down here in this shadowed realm for an entire year, and still it had come out ready to swallow her whole. It should have feared her by now. It should have crawled out mewling at her feet.'

[Page 159] 'She got caught up in the story of it. But storybook creatures did not Saints make, apparently.

[Page 160] '"Roses," murmured Hattie, and it was a surreal thing, her voice. Faraway and curious, "how random..."

A joke perhaps, if Hattie was even able to make jokes.'

Roses were for romantic matters. They could also take to hatred quite beautifully.

[Page 165 to the break on 172] Caro is better than Icca. She's self-aware but too far into it.

And it's not as thought Icca would have ever let it go. Years later, she's the one who sought her out. Repeated it all as it was before.

Behaving a child.

[Page 169] 'I don't believe you, either.'

How heartbreaking a line.

Carouself felt cruel. Her whole world had fallen apart. Icca wanted her to apologize. To feel just as guilty.

I think Carouself thought about killing Icca because she knew Icca wouldn't have hesitated. That she would have made that nasty little mind up and done it.

Carousel followed Icca. But Icca was cooled by Carousel. Drawn out of her Dark and into the world. Grounded into its' functions while playing fantasy in her head.

[Page Unknown] 'Eccentric in her actions, less so in her thoughts.'

She played with a variety of ideas but had a firm sense of who she was. She fixed mind as she once fixed her life to a single beacon.

Yourself is a person, too.

And she found another to be transfixed by. But as a second to the steadying of herself. Her own happiness.

Icca got caught up in the story of it. Senseless. This was about Icca, herself.

Outward processing - Caro never did anything quietly. She spurred on what she already saw coming.

In the story it goes in-depth to how Caro was becoming herself and thinking of herself being all eaten up. And fighting despite deserving it.

And it does the same, a little, with Icca. Perhaps it cuts it because it would be repetitive considering the whole 'same thoughts' each other's mirror thing. But I think it has to do with depth, too.

Carousel was wholly defined by Icca.

Icca simply liked being reflected. A pond to a cave system... Light and Dark require each other - surface level.

Caro is the depths. Burning brilliantly herself if the need for light were a problem.

Carousel truly buried them. Not wholly because Icca was alive but as much as possible. She took the world in as it presented itself. And did with it as she pleased.

Icca paused. She succeeded at becoming a living ghost. Why hold onto that monster? What is that detail trying to tell us about her?

Fear is always chasing her. And she unleashes it forth. A false bravado. Icca leaned into Caro when she was feeling fear. Now taking down Caro may mean conquering her fear via last one standing.

Why take down the Queen? She allegedly killed her mother... no death trace - above the law.

Kai confirms that she's gone on about this before running into Caro at her side but she says it reminded her of Tecca. The White Queen may have been to blame, in part - we don't get the details on this.

Her anchor? She's unsure of herself. The book says so. Fixated on a murderous goal and thinking herself larger than life.

Overcome her fear ending with a circular narrative.

[Page 180 to 181] 'Was Icca brave, as she lay on her back in the Dark, and grinned?' & 'it would have terrified her, more than it was terrifying her now, just that morning.'

An admittance could be gleaned from there somehwere. They've never denied their fears to themselves... but they have snapped bravado into place when around others.

Pair it with, 'Now would be when the hero recognized just how scared they were for the next part, and breathed in the terrible inevitability of all of it, knowing that they must do what must be done, regardless of their mortal fears.'

Her whole thing is overcoming fear. She shouldn't be afraid. they should be - the Queen and her Court. Payment for making the Wards fear. She (Iccadora) is of the wards.

Why hate the jabbowockies who overcame? They are like her - but they may have committed other crimes.

That makes her different. They're deserving. She wasn't.

She's siding with little Icca... and the little wards.

She doesn't see that her grievance is her own.

She's siding with those who may be gobbled up in their beds because fate's Cruelty drifted too close.

She sees herself the hero. And makes Saints just like the Red Queen. Commits the same error as her bloodline, even.

How random, indeed.

[Page 189] 'She supposed that's what the masses needed. Fear. Emotion. They needed to see witches who felt it all, who survived the Saints anyway. Hattie was so bored with the numbness around her. So sick of being surrounded by empty shells.'

Icca drifts toward the bored ones...

There are earlier notes akin to this. Compare them.

[Page 190] 'Hattie wanted for her to grasp the obvious, that Iccadora had come to knock of Hatties' head because she wanted Carousel's attention - her hatred, if not her love.'

Also relevent to our last notes... But a truth or a perspective of Hattie, herself? Hard to tell when she can take the thoughts of others in her minds' eye.

[Page 193] ' "You'll be her hero, you'll be everybody's hero."I'm her fucking villain.'

The Red Queen wants her as a hero but in doing so, Icca would also be everyone's. Icca speaks about herself as a hero. But she wants to be Hattie's enemy, is all.

[Page 195; the last paragraph] In circles, in circles, she goes.

[Page Unknown; a musing] Right. Icca had been given a glimpse at the Queen's nature. At her desire, power, and boredom. At her longing that was fixed to her fascination of Caro and Ica.

That is why her resolve to kill the Queen - and the Red Queen specifically - had be renewed.

it wasn't just running into Carousel and her fervour nor was it her immovability resulting from removal of herself from the rest leaving her stuck.

She found Wonderland in a person. And noticed their shared capacity for the Dark. A divet of it.

Icca saw a sliver of Hatie - the new Hattie. And was terrified for it.

A kind of power that shouldn't exist.

[Page 210] 'She scares me. She should scare you, too. always in her own head touching the things that terrified her. Seeking them out in the Dark of her thoughts.'

[Page 211 to 213] They were supposed to go out together. That is why each other is the only one's allowed to hurt one another. I don't know how they don't see how wonderfully twisted creatures they are.

All of Chapter 28 shows how much they care for one another.

[Page 249] 'And Icca had always liked this, dissolving herself. It was in other heads rather than in her storybooks, now, but, oh, how deliciously familiar it felt. Being somewhere else.

[Chapter 38] A beautiful set-up...

'She pulled back the head of her cloak, over her shoulder to glance back into the shadowed thicket. Her makeup has probably a mess already - of course she decorated - and she liked how it looked. But she could picture it. Her yellow curls cascading wild in the tuck of her cloak, the angle of her cheekbones glazed in blue. Her magic filling the lines ofher eyes and the lines of her smile.'

An amazing visual. And we are just waiting for the horror to commence.

[Chapter 38] 'Carousel knelt down on the green earth, dispelled her Birds, for now, besides her watchers. Now she had at least a minute, before the sickly little dark witch came gliding out from the shadows. This felt right, the stillness before the final fight. Caro dropped her brow to the moss to drink in her gods. They wouldn't mind that she grinned as she did so.'

Another wonderful paragraph to set the scene. And earlier in the book, it said she loved floor time and there are many scenes whcih showcase this.

And it is remarkable how in the moment she is drinking in every detaili of the here and now. A defining trait betweenthe two of them.

Also shown in many scenes.

I love this book.

[Page Unknown] 'Hattie had been trying to decide if she actually existed. It was such a difficult thing to prove.'

It's sentences like this which remind me of myself. Even when I'm conversing with someone - especially when I'm conversing with someone - these sorts of thoughts fuzz the edges of my vision. My focus is drawn in. It narrows and clouds trying to find which fragment to cling to.

[Page 262] 'She paused, mired in two conversations: the one going on in her head and the one outside of it.'

[Page 262] 'Only the gods reigned over her, Logic, she supposed, was one she found Divinity in.'

I don't. It is useful, yes, and solves a great deal of diffciculties - but aside from convenience, i do not see any worthy depth worth kneeling to peer closer.

I'm not looking for convenience. You do not need sense to gain understanding.

[Page 275] 'Every[thing] pinched together was the same nothingness incarnate, over and over again. Void feeding into void.'

[Page 274] 'She didn't want to lose any part of herself but to become undone, to dissolve without moving, just breathe and breathe until she forgot she had lungs and a body, until she was simply being instead of being something.'

This is why I love this book

Something I have tried to understand and tried to embody (likely without much success) was to just be.

It is echoed in that page that fell at my feet, 'to simply observe.'

Probably why it is so difficult to be perceived. Yet I do things to specifically impact others and my environment.

Cany ou do that as a shell?

Is coporeality a shell? Or perhaps that casing is the issue.

To interact without a 'you' there... soemthing akin to a two-way mirror. They see a feflection, you are whatever you like behind a veneer then fastened atop of you.

This book is such an intriguing look into identity.

[Page 296] ' "I'm sorry," Hattie said, but it wasn't entirely true. She wasn't apologetic, but she did think herself sympathetic. She was very much aware of the world they were in. - knew her own throne sevure simply because of the vast sprawl of her magic.'

Power was the only thing being worth so horrible over, the only thing worth anything at all.'

[Page 344] 'Icca knew she'd been the one to run away first. Perhaps she never entertained the idea that she might stop. Surely, she must keep running and running, getting wickeder and wickeder - she must be the villain of this story.

Caro did have a home, here, that she could manage a feat like that and adore it...'

These lines are what make the story and the visceral implication behind them,, I think, are what's lost on people.

[Page 347] **'As if Caro hadn't lain there on the dais afterward, finally ready to mourn Tecca, and found herself coming up with blanks... **

[She then] realized she was mourning herself, instead.'

[Page 350] 'Could it be true that she was done knowing other people and the very last one had been Icca?'

What a question. So she goes back into that nonchalant surety that she built up for herself. How fastened the love she has for herself.

[Page 351] Caro faces what she is afraid of just to prove herself scarier; herself as capable. And how ridiculous it would be to doubt herself.

[Page Unknown] 'No longer tangled up, in each other's gods.'

From Hattie when Caro is no longer intertwined by the petals...

How did Icca's gods affect Caro? Light, Dark, Carnage (shared).

Kai mentinoed Fear and grief as a result of the Saints blurring into Icca.

perhaps they've been entrenched in some crook of her head. Buried them there due to proximity.

[Page 357] 'She tugged the threads; she separated the Saint's blank fury when it began to bleed into her own calm.'

Always careful not to have herself tainted by something which is not herself. How delightful!

[Page Unknown] 'She liked this bit, finding new enchantments, the new ways the world gave into her insistence. Awe was perhaps a better word for it than arrogance.'

[Page 359] 'The cowardice of it made Icca broil momentarily, but then she simmered, leveled out as she remembered how there wasn't much use expecting anything of anyone besides herself. She'd never demanded anything of him and nor had he of her.'

'Which is why, without an ounce of guilt, "Deities. You're a sight for sore eyes." Kai grinned, "You as well, darling." '

Their relationship really is interesting. Earlier in the book Caro asked her if he was a stage, an audience for her... and I think that's an accuracy, to some extent. Icca speaks herself into existence. She needs an external sounding board to become.

Just as Hattie needs to see people react to her to remind her that she is a real, physical thing.

[Page 361] 'a shockwave of power radiated from the Ledger... she must be in two places at once. Beneath the palace by the frigid doungeon shores, but also, also standing on the grassy knolls of the moorlands, head tipped back... to find... the colossal rise of Wonderland Forest.'

A wonderful bit of writing. So visual it sends you tumbling along barely tethered just as Icca is barely there.

[Page 361] 'Wonderland liked to swallow little girls and turn them inside out and outside in, so that they stumbled back out again believing they held the same blood and bones but really, really, there, under their skin, grew roots...'

I enjoy how the author repeats her words to ad emphasis. I'm not sure what kind of emphasis. Sometimes awe=struck or reverent or white-knuckled feral and desperate to grasp - anything. I love it.

[Page 362] 'Now she was weeping at the grief she hadn't realized she'd been carrying around, how she'd only been separated fro the touch of the Dark for a little more than a day, and had missed it so much it ached.'

She hadn't been herself, and she grieved for that brief, black death.'

This last line especially... Wow.

[Page 366] 'Caro had initially been drawn to the Culled Court because of that profound power juxtaposed in such a shell of a girl.'

[Page 368 to 370; To the line break]

It is so rare for a Mother and Daughter relationship to be so genuine. Just there. As a gentle presence felt through both invoked and then through to the reader. It is obvious how Delcorta and November leaned on one another and never asked the other to be more than themself.

Even young Hattie had the confidence to do as she liked. No worry of disappointment. Even when what little Hattie wanted scared her, so, it didn't cause her to cease. But to seek that assured companionship in her matriarch. And that she was or is able to press on despite some hesitation shows that she trusted deeply in herself.

That is the work of a wonderful Mother.

[Page 374] 'I'm not sure where to put all of it. I am not sure where to put myself.'

Throughout the book I've noted many similarities to the Red Queen and Iccadora. This remark is yet another.

Quiet & Dark. Both academics. Both find groudning and safety of exploration in Carousel. Both wish for more vibrancy in others.

Wanting to be reflected by another. Seeking a mirror-shaped person.

[Page 374] 'for now, all she felt was an empathy so carved that it ached. Caro had loved like that, once. Loved so fully that she thought she wouldn't be anything at all if Icca were gone.'

What a difference in that love, though.

Hattie and her Mother soft and sharmed. Adored and their power adorned in affection.

Another the serated edge of commupence. Beguiling each other to reach new heights. Unbreakable fortitude. Crafting their own circle of Sainthood.

[Page 377] Chapter 57

I get it. The answer lies in the top of the page. How... delightful.

[Page 379] '"You could've been one of greats."

"I don't want to be," said Kai, folding his hands in his lap and smiling beautifically at Icca, or maybe the space next to her head. "i don't want to be."'

What do you want, Kai?

There are better ways to know things than how you've gone about it all. And why stay? "I'm hers, now..."

The Queen has been changed forever... is she too wrapped up in his head to move on?

He can feel her influence and ability much more completely than anyone else on account of his abilities.

Perhaps now it is her influence that allows him to see so much more. And therefore, to know so much more.

I feel that could be it.

[Page Unknown] 'Power was the only thing that mattered, and so forward, was the only direction she could go.'

The sentiment she and Hattie share an understanding of. Maybe all of them.

[Page 383] '"Because, because!"'

All those thoughts sure leave her head anytime someone asks her a question.

[Page 387] 'Hattie had tucked Carousel's power within her own, to make it stronger, to make it more divine, and so it was so, ad so it was suffocating Carousel until she would soon be nothing but magic, be no one at all!'

The Queen really isn't herself. She was drawn to Carousel for her fixed natures. For her vibrancy. How alive she was after Wonderland. Why would she undo that which she had been cherishing?

[Page 389] 'This was Icca's realm, and it would be Hattie November Khull's grave. And yet, when Hattie's lips parted to speak, "Oh, what miraculous place is this?" There was godsdamn awe.'

Even when not herself, though, Hattie know's distance from whatever is happening. Still observing. Still random remarks completely unsuited to the situation outside her head!

Despite the newly hosted emotions finding the shape of her form, invading that calm, quietness of her shell.

It's so funny. And Icca is infuriated by it every time!

[Page 391] '"I thought it hatred but it was Mourning."' - Oh, oh.

[Page 392] 'But, Wonderland was attentitive everywhere, really, a curious force.'

[Page 398] 'Hattie had just wanted to test the waters. She'd just wanted to play.'

Other creatures as dolls since she was a child. Kai's condemnation and entertainment of witches' functioning on other planes. Hattie being in awe of her abilities wanting to discover new enchantments... of course she would see it all a game.