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@activelymindful
No hate to you beauties out there in the tublrverse
but why doe anything about being old on here come with half naked chicks. I just want to meet people my age and make friends. Any old boring farts on tumblr? I am old, not spicy or sexy, just here to journal and maybe make a friend or two.
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆
I feel ...my whole life has revolved around how I feel. And I have always been so worried about pleasing and keeping everyone else happy and supporting everyone else in their goals, that I have had very few goals in my own life. I have completed even less of those.
I have reached a point in my life where I don't even bother setting goals. Life gets in the way. Work, kids, someone is sick, the car gets stolen, I have a class assignment, I have to work overtime, I need to do laundry and clean. Something always gets in the way and I just don't feel like doing the thing that would help me have a better life. Why does it matter? If I do it today 2 weeks from now I will be off track, messed up, and still haven't found any consistency.
How do you create goals and stick to them. I wonder how much of this is because I am a woman and the house work is defaulted to me. The kids defaulted to me for most of my life as a mother and even now when I am away from them I can't break the habit of I have too much responsibility I cant do all the extras because no one else will do the rest. I have to do the work and If I feel like it after all the have tos then I can do something for myself.... Thing is I never feel like it.
I want to lose weight but I cant find the motivation knowing I will just fail any way.I will just fuck up and I'm tired of caring.
But how much more successful could I be if I had the focus, drive, and energy to set goals and plan my days like all successful people do? How much of it is ADHD symptoms? How do people plan their days and life not get in their way??
I feel....
Too much. I can barely function. Knowing there is a genocide. I fear FOR the Palestinians. I worry and cry for them. I am angry but I can only allow so much anger as it is swallowing me up. How can I go about daily life here with the rest of the world in shambles? The Congo. ... it's just so much. Then my meaningless life worries seem so small but even larger than normal being placed on top of the anger and fear burning in my heart. Physical knot it my chest its so hard to breathe. I want to scream but I can barely speak. One of our cats passed away this week. My stepson had to go to court because he was mugged, and now this morning I wake up to my car being stolen for a second time. I want to live in the forest alone. I hate capitalism. I hate politics, I hate the state this world is in and I don't want to die but I don't want to be here for any of this. I am helpless and hopeless and powerless to do anything that makes a difference in anyone's life. Im frozen and broken with the death on my screen. My heart aches for the mothers who lost their children as I think of my own so far away from me. My heart breaks for the babies in shock shaking and alone with no family to comfort them. The lovers who lost their other half. The children who will no longer laugh. It's all so much and I want to turn away from it all but I can't. Why should I be allowed to live a life like normal while those around the world suffer and die? What have I done to deserve the ability to go and lay in the grass and feel the warm sun on my face without fear of bombs raining down on me? Why am I here and all those precious souls there... dying, afraid, hurt, broken?
They found my car but didn't call me until after they towed it…. I hope I don't have to pay any towing fees.
I feel....
Too much. I can barely function. Knowing there is a genocide. I fear FOR the Palestinians. I worry and cry for them. I am angry but I can only allow so much anger as it is swallowing me up. How can I go about daily life here with the rest of the world in shambles? The Congo. ... it's just so much. Then my meaningless life worries seem so small but even larger than normal being placed on top of the anger and fear burning in my heart. Physical knot it my chest its so hard to breathe. I want to scream but I can barely speak. One of our cats passed away this week. My stepson had to go to court because he was mugged, and now this morning I wake up to my car being stolen for a second time. I want to live in the forest alone. I hate capitalism. I hate politics, I hate the state this world is in and I don't want to die but I don't want to be here for any of this. I am helpless and hopeless and powerless to do anything that makes a difference in anyone's life. Im frozen and broken with the death on my screen. My heart aches for the mothers who lost their children as I think of my own so far away from me. My heart breaks for the babies in shock shaking and alone with no family to comfort them. The lovers who lost their other half. The children who will no longer laugh. It's all so much and I want to turn away from it all but I can't. Why should I be allowed to live a life like normal while those around the world suffer and die? What have I done to deserve the ability to go and lay in the grass and feel the warm sun on my face without fear of bombs raining down on me? Why am I here and all those precious souls there... dying, afraid, hurt, broken?
No hate to you beauties out there in the tublrverse
but why doe anything about being old on here come with half naked chicks. I just want to meet people my age and make friends. Any old boring farts on tumblr? I am old, not spicy or sexy, just here to journal and maybe make a friend or two.
Samhain Altar Ideas
Correspondences for October 31st 🎃
☆ crystals - obsidian, carnelian, onyx, tourmaline, smoky quartz
☆ photos and/or belongings of passed loved ones or ancestors
☆ candles - black, white, orange, purple
☆ food - pumpkins, squash, turnips, corn, pomegranates, apples, cider, wine
☆ foraged - fallen leaves, chrysanthemums, marigolds, acorns, black feathers
☆ incense - calendula, cinnamon, sage, rosemary, clove, mugwort
☆ imagery - skulls, cats, bats
☆ deities - cerridwen, demeter, persephone, lilith, anubis, hecate, morrigan, odin, osiris
Source
May we hear our ancestors, may we listen to what they have to say and allow it to guide us on our way. May they find peace and rest in the afterlife. The end of the year is upon us. May we all reflect on the lessons learned and prepare ourselves for the new year. Merry Samhain to you all.
Tonight is a night to call out those who came before. Tonight I honor my ancestors. Spirits of my fathers and mothers, I call to you, and welcome you to join me for this night.
My mom was more kind to my friends and random women than her own daughter, they were victims and I was just me
It has begun
I had my intake appointment with a psychiatrist regarding ADHD. I have to gather some medical information from my primary doctor and have 1 additional appointment then she will prescribe me medication. She said once I have my ADHD under control she will work with me on my anxiety and PMDD as needed as well.
I'm finally, at 39 years of age, getting the help I have needed my whole life. It is scary because what if it changes nothing, what if I still struggle and fail and fall apart? But what if it works? and I have fought myself into burnout exhaustion for 39 years ..when I didn't have to. ...
my toxic trait is thinking I can learn something I’ve never done before like play guitar or crochet in 2 hours or less and if I can’t it’s simply because I’m just not good at it
Witchy Friends-Healing Vibes
So I just wanted to send myself out into the void and see if maybe I find my people. I am 39 that's about all I can tell you about myself. I am in the process of creating who I want to be. I have spent too much of my life looking for who I am that I have given up finding that person and I am just going to create who I want to be.
I want to be a person who is patient, a teacher of any knowledge I have to share. A person who no longer gossips no matter how right my assessment of the person may be. I have only recently been aware that I have become a gossip. I want to be in-tuned with myself, and nature, and be healthier because of it. I am working on my diet and exercise and trying to take better care of myself. I am starting back at the beginning with lists to make myself check off that I have indeed actually brushed my teeth and drank some water.
I adore nature, forests, running water, star gazing, and the sound of crickets at night. I become memorized by the sight of lightenin-bugs and I am a Carolininan woman living in the big city of Philadelphia. I am glad I am here, I have learned and grown so much in the few years I have lived here but I do miss home. I am glad to be away from those who spent my life suffocating and keeping me small. I miss the big open spaces filled with trees and fields and the feeling of being alone.
I am a squismallow, squishable, funko pop, and unicornio collector. I enjoy playing cozy games on my switch when I have time. I spend a lot of my time currently focused on my school work. I am enrolled at the local community college and will hopefully graduate next semester! I read comics and self-growth books, as well as learning about witchcraft. I am proudly a member of the TST (The Satanic Temple).
I have spent the last few years really isolating myself from people. I have become fed up with the amount of work I would put into a friendship for it to always be one-sided. I have been hurt and angry for so long but I feel as though working on myself I am starting to become ready and open for finding my people. If you have read this much I applaud your patience with me and I am grateful. Please feel free to follow and say hello. I am ready and willing to receive the friends I have been so dearly missing most of my existence.
“I over-analyze situations because I’m scared of what will happen if I’m not prepared for it.”
— Turcois Ominek
Exhaustion
I am so tired of my being tired of ruling my life. Things I want to do and I am not capable because I am exhausted. I am tired of coming home so fucking exhausted I can't be fucked to eat dinner I meal prepped. I want junk and nothing else will do in that moment of cravings of an exhausted, burnt out, melting down adhd (possible audhd) I just want to throw a hissy fit and cry. I want to come home and do something for myself besides Doom Scroll. I want to have the energy to get my classwork done. Energy to go for a walk. Energy and desire to fucking eat a healthy meal. What the hell would I be doing if my boys were with me? I don't think I would be able to function. I would be having anger meltdowns and losing my shit.
