is this a bunker or a shallow grave?

morgan/kit | they/them | 26 white | genderfluid | system | disabled … Either way, I keep holding on to the shovel and rope, digging in the dirt, finding bones, finding ghosts. … [Avatar ID: A pixel art portrait of Rudy, a bat furry with red fur and orange hair, smiling happily.] [Banner ID: Album art from “Coyote Stories” by the Crane Wives. A long-haired woman riding a fake merry-go-round coyote outside a forest at night holds a lantern aloft to her left, revealing ghostly coyotes which surround her and gaze at her with curiosity. To the far left, behind barren trees, crouches a real fox. The woman is clutching a book which says “Coyote Stories” on the cover.]

[actualized-animal]

collectively Kit or Morgan

26 years old, white, (essentially) genderfluid.

I’m a dissociative system, i.e. I meet the criteria for DID, though I only use that label as a shorthand. I am relatively open about my experiences with this on this blog. Personal posts may appear contradictory at different times.

I am a composer, artist, writer, and programmer, currently working on an RPG.

I support the transfeminist, prison abolition, mad liberation, fat liberation, and antizionist movements. I am highly critical of psychiatry.

I don't participate in queer identity label discourse or syscourse. All I will say is that I believe that people know more about what’s going on in their own mind than I ever could, and I would never accuse another person of lying about their experiences.

General content warning for potentially untagged discussion of abuse and trauma.

Check out the soundtrack album I made for a hypothetical RPG entitled Sunspun:

SUNSPUN: ACT I [CONCEPT], by actualized animal

33 track album

If this website finally implodes or I stop using it for whatever reason, I'm also on Bluesky:

kit/morgan fields. they/them. 25 years old. white transfem dissociative system. i'm a composer, artist, writer, and programmer. also a know

I recently had to leave my old home in Virginia and relocate. If you want to help, you can pitch in some spare change on Ko-Fi:

Support actualized animal

Support actualized animal

[actualized-animal]

i’ve never seen polyamory as part of my identity or anything, i just don’t understand why i should only be able to love one person or why that love should prevent me from doing certain activities with other people using my own body that i have autonomy over. i am capable of feeling many things about many people. i do not have a finite amount of love to give

[sapphling]

i just think more people should know that rejecting monogamy is not a big to do or something you need to do mountains of research and planning for and not something you need to come out as doing or dedicate a portion of your identity to. i always say things like this and get people in my notes going "AAAGH but the SCHEDULING and COMMITMENT and i don't even KNOW if i'm REALLY poly" but the thing is that you can just choose not to cram your love for others and your understanding of others' love for you into pre-ordained restrictive boxes kind of at any time & very likely be happier for it. yes yes reblog joke about going and cheating on your partner after reading this, very funny you won one free internet etc

[degeneracygenerator]

marxist exorcist: complex environmental factors have caused your house to exhibit haunted behaviors

[actualized-animal]

i was introduced to less than jake via scott benson, the writer/artist/whatever of night in the woods, which is funny because it means that whenever i listen to anthem and i think “this is the most night in the woods album ever written” i know i’m not just being excessively fandombrained, it’s factually true. the opening track literally ends with the guy going WELCOME HOME, OUTCASTS WELCOME HOME over and over.

i know that scott benson probably listened to this song with his own personal night in the woods AMV playing in his head at least a dozen times. and he was so real for that

[actualized-animal]

i’ve never actually listened to those “rock against bush” compilation albums but i do know that the first one features “the brightest bulb has burned out” by less than jake which has always perplexed me because that song is not explicitly political and not even specific to the bush era. i mean, i like that song, i find it really emotional and touching, but it does not have anything to do with the concept of the compilation.

which leads to this very funny juxtaposition where you have the extremely goofy album art of george bush getting ROCKED OUT by these no-nonsense punks who are gonna stick it to the man, man, and then the song itself is a gentle sentimental ballad about how if youuuuu neeeeeed somewhere to go, i’ll be listening when you call and i’ll be there if you fall off, if you neeeeeed someone to believe in yooou, i’ll let you know i will :)

[lesbx]

they send me to space war even though i’m so freaking small i’m literally just a grunt. they only gave me a pasma pistol. i’m gonna fucking die

[actualized-animal]

he’s built like a brick poophouse

[kitkenk]

really really scary when i see a hornypost involving men actually

[kitkenk]

("tell me when the scary part's over" voice) when does she transition

[beesmygod]

I still think its funny that people take the omelas child as a problem to be solved rather than actually reading the dang thing and understanding that its an interrogation on why an apparent utopia needs to have some sort of horrible catch to be considered realistic by the audience

but without this misunderstanding we wouldnt have some of the worst sci fi writing of all time

[cactusringed]

But seriously though. Learning to draw fat people will make you a much better artist. Understanding how skin and fat behaves and folds in certain poses, and being able to adapt complex poses to fit a fat body (as usually references are with thin models) will help you TREMENDOUSLY. Drawing fat being properly affected by gravity will aid you in ALL figure drawing in the future. Like if you have any sort of interest in drawing humanoid figures (AND furries) you really ought to learn how to draw fat of all kind.

[distant-screaming]

coach put me in. not to make anything better but just change the situation a little bit

[actualized-animal]

going back in time to teach the original punk bands about secondary dominant chords, resulting in all punk music sounding about 30% more similar to j-rock

[actualized-animal]

i didn’t realize how hard i was hitting myself earlier and now my head hurts…

[thethirdromana]

The worst types of cookbook:

The Ottolenghi - it is vital that you use 1g of this very expensive ingredient. It comes from a 500g bag with a one-week shelf life.

The time machine - 15-minute recipe! First, leave to marinate overnight...

The dishwasher - one-pot recipe! Now decant your ingredients and wipe out your pot. And again. And again. And again.

The optimist - cook the onions until caramelised (2 minutes).

The kindergarten teacher - get one nommable little tree of broccoli and bosh that into boiling water. Delish!

The brand names only - ingredients: Ritz crackers, Philadelphia cheese, Cool Whip, orange Jell-o...

The 1950s palate - use one (1) clove of garlic and a small pinch of chili flakes (omit if preferred).

The why bother with a cookbook - to make beans on toast, gently heat a tin of beans and put on top of freshly buttered toast.

[literallyaflame]

i have a secret third opinion about self dx discourse which is “why are you guys treating the DSM like it’s the fucking bible”

[literallyaflame]

the amount of leftists who uncritically support the DSM-5—wielding it online in battles against random individuals who might be “faking” a disorder—boggles my fucking mind. you guys realize that the DSM-5 isn’t the only diagnostic manual on the planet, right? you realize that we place it at the top of the global hierarchy because it’s american, right? has it occurred to you that the APA shouldn’t have so much authority over what counts as a “real” mental illness? has it occurred to you that perhaps there are other diagnostic manuals? in fact, there are dimensional models that don’t rely on sorting individuals into “disorder/no disorder” boxes in the first place. food for thought, lmao

[actualized-animal]

Feel free to ignore, and sorry if this is overstepping, but you seem to be going through a rough time, and I just wanted to reach out as a concerned internet stranger. I don’t claim to understand what all is going on, but even though it’s hard, I hope you stay safe, and that your night (or day) gets better.

Sorry again if this is overstepping.

everything is really hard. i'd say i'm trying but i'm not doing anything. still alive because of inertia. thanks