Actual Zodiac Quotes

Quotes from the signs, as overheard in a high school.

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The signs as quotes from a Latin class (as tweeted by @_APLatin)

Aries: “wait, we've had crossbows this WHOLE time?”

Taurus: “deponents give me trust issues”

Gemini: *shoves tissues up nostrils* “people say it’s hard to take me seriously”

Cancer: “add that to the list of people who died in the bathtub”

Leo: “ganymede was a really lovely boy”

Virgo: “good thing Caesar only knows 10 words”

Libra: “just because you eat your children doesn’t mean you’re a bad guy”

Scorpio: “I don’t trust Greeks, even when bearing gifts. YEET.”

Sagittarius: “sugar is like salt but different”

Capricorn: “i dream of silence”

Aquarius: “that really effeminandos my animos”

Pisces: “the exam is tomorrow and i still don’t know what a subjunctive is”

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Shout out to that one time my teacher told the class not to muck around with the surgery knife in biology and I ( a cancer) immediately stab myself with it and proceed to not mention it.

[astrology-sighs]

the most true to their signs things my friends have said/done

Aries: “buhhh i have a headache i was yelling too loud…..”

Taurus: “yeah i came home from work yesterday, saw my mom trying to seduce my stepdad and decided overtime was probably the best route”

Gemini: “like she’s super smart and i want to hate her but she’s really nice so i can’t?”

Cancer: “hell ye i’m the fun cousin when i’m not sobbing in my kitchen”

Leo: “DO YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME SON I’LL FIGHT RIGHT HERE” *trips over a desk*

Virgo: *hears about something* *becomes an expert about the thing literally overnight and probably knows more about the thing than whoever came up with it* 

Libra: “things have been ok, family stuff is kinda str- ANGELO IF YOU LAY A HAND ON MY DOG I WILL CUT YOU”

Scorpio: “i mean i haven’t killed anyone yet so…. success?”

Sagittarius: ‘why do you talk to me im so awkward and uncomfortable’  “omg no it’s ok that’s how you know we’re related”

Capricorn: “aw no you’re not ugly you’re like…. a solid 7….”

Aquarius: *texts back after 2 months* “psst do u still want to marathon a:tla”

Pisces: *recieves a compliment* *gets down on one knee* “marry me”

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It's a rolling backpack, it just lost its wheels.

Capricorn while dragging his normal backpack along the floor behind him

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a Sagittarius called me hot today and I was like...k...true

Leo

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sophomore year i had a teacher who was always very high-strung and very loud. like, obscenely loud for a class that early. he was always banging on desks and literally sliding desks across the classroom and one time he propped a desk up at a very precipitous angle and just left it there during class until it came crashing down. just very high-energy overall, only ever spoke in a shout.

when i found out he was a virgo with an aries moon i was unsurprised to say the least

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I'm just trying to draw Shaq

Gemini

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dude doesn't this look like Spongebob's grandma?

Gemini (overheard in a study hall)

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Teacher: (on the phone with an administrator) Libra, it's for you.

Libra: tell her I have ~the stuff~.

Teacher: He has "the stuff."

*pause*

Teacher: (to Libra) ...Yeah she says she needs to speak with you immediately, you need to go to the office right now.

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Scorpio: I wish I could be as perfect as you (to a Leo)

Aquarius: no one could ever be as perfect as her

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Scorpio: *phone starts playing a video in the middle of class* “sorry, that was Donald Trump”

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You’re a creep. I’m gonna slam the door in your face and throw a pumpkin at you.

Virgo Sun/Aries Moon teacher

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Oh my god, I'm a genius. The Soviet Union could've used me.

Leo, in history class

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One time I was having a chill and normal conversation with a Pisces and a Sagittarius and all of a sudden, literally out of nowhere, the Sagittarius asked us what he could do to "become a better person." He was so sincere I A. loved the self-awareness but B. was like boy if that ain't the most ninth house thing.....

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The signs as things my orchestra stand partner has said/done

Aries: "We're going to have to do a line of rosin to get through Brandenburg for a third time"

Taurus: [after being playfully poked by the first chair viola] "I will break your fingers"

Gemini: *walks into class with a handful of mustard packets* "I regret this already"

Cancer: [conductor gets frustrated at us for not playing correctly and storms off] "How tasteless would it be if I played a wah-wah sound effect right now?"

Leo: *relentlessly roasts the first violin section at every chance he gets*

Virgo: "I hate when I'm trying to make music and then I play a B-flat"

Libra: "There is glitter ALL OVER my ass!"

Scorpio: *staring off into space* "I want to kick a hole in the wall"

Sagittarius: came in with a huge bruise on his face and when I asked what happened he simply said "gun"

Capricorn: [Conductor after a run-through: "What measure was that that we got jumbled up at?"] "That was the whole thing"

Aquarius: called the cops on himself at a restaurant because he thought someone had stolen his phone and wallet but really they were just at the bottom of his bag

Pisces: "When my brother was five he was detained at the airport because he had the same middle name as someone on the terrorist watch list."

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Scorpio: goes flying across the room on a spinny chair (laying on his stomach) when the teacher had turned his back to the class to write something on the board, slams his face into a desk, screams and falls down. The teacher turns around, marker in hand, to find the class silent in shock with our hands over our mouths staring at the one student laying on the floor with a broken spinny chair on top of him.

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Dog food tastes like soy, death, and feces.

Libra