ethereal dreamer @acultoftrees - Tumblr Blog

I can't write a book, so I'll revive a dead blog instead

For the past few months now, I've been toying with the idea of writing some kind of autobiography. Not out of any kind of narcissistic self-fellating "look how awesome I am" delusions, but from reflecting back on the last 8-ish years, how I went from an insecure teenager to a married man successful in their career, 1200 miles from their hometown. There's so many moments I think back to that, in a vacuum, don't make sense how that person became who I am now.

So I want to start writing out some of the wild ride I've been on, since high school, finding my real friends and hobbies, riding through the pandemic, dropping out of college but still landing in my career. I can't figure out a way to structure it into any kind of cohesive chaptered book, though, so I'm going to pivot this old blog into a "stories from my life" type posting. Maybe you'll read this and find it at least entertaining, or maybe nobody reads this and it ends up being a digital journal for myself, or for sociologists to discover and start psychoanalyzing two of my selves, a decade separated.

There's bound to be lots of cringe shit in the archives of this blog, and I don't intend to delete it. Those posts were made with in a very turbulent period of my life, with emotions, feelings, and desires I could barely understand myself at the time, so this was my way of coping, in a way running from and trying to turn my problems into something else instead of facing the (valid!) criticism of my peers. Yet, even their criticism lacked an understanding I am blessed with in retrospective - yet-undiagnosed autism. Through that lens, suddenly my entire life, as far back as I can remember, makes perfect sense! Perfect sense, with the sole exception of why nobody had ever asked the question earlier.

Anyways, I'll start posting things here as I feel like writing them. If you followed me and considered me any kind of friend nearly a decade ago, I'd love to hear from you again! I'll be watching my messages here occasionally, but Discord is still the best place to message me (my username is "chairwastaken" - long story, I was drunk playing Jackbox with friends...)

I thought of you guys today

Looks like the last time I posted was before... Everything. Since then, I’ve job hopped a few times, moved back home, built up my hobbies, bought a new car, moved out on my own for *real*, and I guess got engaged too? (And yeah, the world ended, but let’s take it step at a time.)

So I moved back home with my parents literally the *month* before I’d get laid off from my job at the time (as previously mentioned, at an arcade as their service technician). I ended up spending the time in lockdown pursuing my DJ hobby more, as well as gaming. (I finally get why everyone here loves Animal Crossing!) The unemployment bonus took a while to come in for me, but it managed to get me out of debt and onto stable footing. I left the arcade I was working at after it reopened due to harassment from customers, and job-hopped around for a few months before landing back at another arcade in a management position. During that time, I ended up asking the lovely woman I’ve been dating for the past almost 4 years to be my fiancee. (She said yes! No, no wedding plans yet. I’ve still yet to get her an actual ring 😅) I would then proceed to get an offer for my first real salaried, 8-to-5-with-weekends-PTO-and-insurance job as a service and RMA technician for a German transportation company, where I continue to happily work today. It’s enabled me to properly pursue my hobbies, interests, and personal projects, and even more recently, moving out into my own apartment. No roommates - just me in a 1-bedroom apartment in a reasonably nice area.

I also continued to build some of my first real adult friendships into the relationships I have with them now, and I’m happy to call my best friend as such. We hang out practically every weekend.

I’ve also managed to catch the 2020 virus twice. So glad I’m not working in the public sector anymore, especially as a new pox seems to be coming up in numbers.

3 years is a pretty long time, so there’s a lot of stuff I’ve skipped over, good and bad, from seeing Glitch Mob live to the rocky times my fiancee and I had during the pandemic. If you’re close enough to me that you’re relieved to see this post, I’d love if you could follow me on twitter (at) ftzdaisuki or reach out to me on Discord (chair#6385). My DMs are open, and even if we haven’t talked since I was in high school I’d still love to rekindle friendships, if nothing else to catch up and see where our paths have taken us!

So yeah, I’m alive and doing well. I hope you are too, because, to quote a game I was part of the Fandom of here in the day:

Despite everything,

it’s still you.

oh hi I’m still alive

so I don’t know how “organic” Tumblr’s reach to its followers are (or really how many of you were actually stalking me for content) but I figured I’d give a life update

so I’m almost 21 now, moved out of home about a year ago but probably going to move back soon because DEBT. started working as an arcade service tech and I love it! might even get a big promotion around summertime!

I started DJ’ing as a hobby (follow my soundcloud!) and I’ve played a couple sets at my friend’s parties (if you’re in Chicago on Valentine’s Day weekend, hmu).

I’ve been dating this delightful girl for a little over a year now, and while it hasn’t been fully smooth sailing (we’ve both been going through some big struggles), we’re both happy with each other and really that’s all I could have ever asked for.

mental health has gotten better - I’ve managed to work my depression down to just a cyclical energy lack, no more suicidal thoughts! anxiety still comes and goes (been dealing with a bit of deja vu or just home-but-not-home feelings that are hard to describe, but I know those’ll fade)

I’m a bit more active on Twitter than I am here so if you want to keep up, follow me there! (I’m also on Facebook but ehh)

anxietyproblem

If you can relate to any of these posts, follow us @anxietyproblem

then why the fuck even bother showing me this @staff

taahko

last night one of my campers was like “well i lost one of my shoes in the swamp today” and i said “oh no!” and she shrugged and said “its ok. shoes are just objects” and damn. they really are

taahko

today a completely different camper with scratches all over her legs was like “every step hurts me” and i was like “oh that sucks!” and she shrugged and said “well, you know, pain is a temporary emotion”

daniel-oneiroi

the next gen have achieved either peak buddhism or peak nihilism

thelovelybones124-deactivated20

I’m sorry if I’ve ever been that toxic person in someone’s life &/or hindered anyone’s growth. Even in the smallest of ways

zoh-gaeru

Is it too little to ask that people PLEASE stop putting posts of actual drugs in the lsd dream emulator tag… That’s Not What This Tag Represents and also it’s just really uncomfy seeing that kinda stuff

fuckyeahlsddreamemulator

I’m just wondering what percentage of my block list is people who clog up the LSD: Dream Emulator tags with drug garbage…

Also: Shoutout to the people who’ve asked me, a stranger online blogging about video games, where I could help them score real life LSD. I mean, what the fuck, buddy.

theawesomeadventurer

happy anniversary to godiwishthatwereme.jpg

kill-witches-get-bitches

this will forever and always be my favorite Madoka Magica related meme

iraffiruse

Technology then and now

cookienun

at first i thought it was the same number then I noticed it said GB and damn

camwyn

As one of the tech review magazines said a few years ago when the first 32 GB micro SD cards came out, “At last it is possible for a single human being to accidentally swallow all of the data collected by the Apollo Program.”