Cemetery Drive

Anna. 32. NO MINORS https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines/ 🖤TW This is a place where I can show my true feelings and various internal miseries. I’m not trying to promote others hurting themselves. Art in profile photos does not belong to me. Pro science, choice LGBTQIA, BLM✊🏾

[acutabovetherest]

READ ME BEFORE ENTERING

Do not enter if you are a minor, MAGA, homophobic, transphobic, racist, bigot, think pedophilia is okay or a nazi

CW: depression vent blog* with strong themes related to death

BIO: My name is Anna. I am a 32 year old queer person. I live in the United States and I hate it here. I want to die but I also don’t want to hurt people. I use this space to vent about all my internal bullshit and my ongoing tug of war between wanting to put myself out of my misery and not wanting to destroy my loved ones. I still have happy moments and genuine connection. But the pain and bad outweighs the good. I’m so tired and grieving.

Playlist that will be played at my Celebration of Life: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1PhgWuCMwcZZQygTl8ohfz?si=ZU91xnDUT6Ge_NzecIR33g&pi=Hxd9CewXQAiEI

🪦

*WHAT YOU MAY ENCOUNTER HERE:

- Repetitive declarations of unhappiness & wanting to unalive myself

- Griefposting and regret for my best friend who unalived himself

- Shame and guilt posts

- discussion of self harm and mental illness

- Autassassinophilia/ Erotonophilia every once in a blue moon

- Random mental health posts that may include encouragement or gratitude to my supports and feels incongruent with the rest of the blog but is accurate to my dialectical brain

- maybe like 6% of content is political

- Grief and depression spiralposting

- General shitposting

I don’t tag everything but here are the ones you’re most often going to encounter: #annavent #annnashare #depression memes #cw this is a depression vent blog (or some variation) #i should be euthanized

🪦

ASKS: Open

DMS: Closed, unless in preexisting conversation

People are often under the mistaken impression that I want to die bc I’m lonely & need human connection. That is not the case. I am blessed to have a support system. I wish I could die without hurting them. Please don’t reach out begging me to stay. I appreciate the kind sentiments but I already have enough conflict & guilt. Thanks.

🪦

Welcome to my blog, please consider your own mental health when visiting. 🫶 Anna

[acutabovetherest]

I have two wolves inside me: one is suicidal and the other is horny

[acutabovetherest]

READ ME BEFORE ENTERING

Do not enter if you are a minor, MAGA, homophobic, transphobic, racist, bigot, think pedophilia is okay or a nazi

CW: depression vent blog* with strong themes related to death

BIO: My name is Anna. I am a 32 year old queer person. I live in the United States and I hate it here. I want to die but I also don’t want to hurt people. I use this space to vent about all my internal bullshit and my ongoing tug of war between wanting to put myself out of my misery and not wanting to destroy my loved ones. I still have happy moments and genuine connection. But the pain and bad outweighs the good. I’m so tired and grieving.

Playlist that will be played at my Celebration of Life: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1PhgWuCMwcZZQygTl8ohfz?si=ZU91xnDUT6Ge_NzecIR33g&pi=Hxd9CewXQAiEI

🪦

*WHAT YOU MAY ENCOUNTER HERE:

- Repetitive declarations of unhappiness & wanting to unalive myself

- Griefposting and regret for my best friend who unalived himself

- Shame and guilt posts

- discussion of self harm and mental illness

- Autassassinophilia/ Erotonophilia every once in a blue moon

- Random mental health posts that may include encouragement or gratitude to my supports and feels incongruent with the rest of the blog but is accurate to my dialectical brain

- maybe like 6% of content is political

- Grief and depression spiralposting

- General shitposting

I don’t tag everything but here are the ones you’re most often going to encounter: #annavent #annnashare #depression memes #cw this is a depression vent blog (or some variation) #i should be euthanized

🪦

ASKS: Open

DMS: Closed, unless in preexisting conversation

People are often under the mistaken impression that I want to die bc I’m lonely & need human connection. That is not the case. I am blessed to have a support system. I wish I could die without hurting them. Please don’t reach out begging me to stay. I appreciate the kind sentiments but I already have enough conflict & guilt. Thanks.

🪦

Welcome to my blog, please consider your own mental health when visiting. 🫶 Anna

[acutabovetherest]

Sometimes our options are grippy socks or a toe tag

[acutabovetherest]

Last night I took extra pills / mixed sedating medications so I could go to sleep fast. I wasn’t trying to die and I didn’t take a shit ton. But I knew that if I didn’t make myself unconscious I was going to end my life.

I understand that this isn’t healthy behavior but I kept myself “safe.” I use this term lightly because choosing to stay alive is also choosing to stay in pain and distress. Now, today, I got horrible news and I’m basically fucked. So my risk just went way up and I was clearly barely managing before. I’m concerned these escalations are going to lead to grippy socks or a toe tag.

[noahseby]

theyre going to shoot me out back tomorrow and i will enjoy it

[acutabovetherest]

I don’t want to have to be the one to do it

Suicide is a grim and painful undertaking

[smoothmind]

I am so close to death, that I can already taste the afterlife.

[acutabovetherest]

Tastes like oblivion ✨

[mcnstro]

so yeah basically i’m fucked

[acutabovetherest]

I got some bad news today and I’m not doing very well

Likely be several days or longer for me to reply to asks </3

[acutabovetherest]

Let me go

[acutabovetherest]

Injection day 32 needles into my head 😁

[acutabovetherest]

Trying to overcome rejection sensitive dysphoria is like attempting to close an umbrella during a hurricane.

[acutabovetherest]

I’m blessed to still have good and happy moments. Time distracted from the suicidal thoughts like with playing board games or being with my nephews. I appreciate humor, music, nature and glimmers of hope between the bouts of crying and poor health. In a way it would be simpler if it were all bad.. much easier for me to take my leave. Still I am grateful for the positive experiences and people that I love. The pain is often louder than the good times though. I am constantly on the edge of leaving: a tug of war between life and death leaving me exhausted and weary. One of these days I’ll gather the strength to say goodbye.

[acutabovetherest]

Sometimes I have a feeling of inherent wrongness about continuing to breathe that I just can’t put into words.

Then I think I want to make things right. I think that I can’t fix most things. But I can know I can fix this.

[someonek1llme]

my heart my heart my heart hurts

[acutabovetherest]

I know this is pompous and I’m not that important

But

It feels like my death will bring more balance to the world

Like things will be closer to as they should be

[acutabovetherest]

I wish people could perceive my death as “isn’t it beautiful there is one fewer person suffering?” But then again I also have a difficult time grasping this concept with the deaths of the people I love..

[acutabovetherest]

Last night my hair dresser told me “you look good for your age.” I beg your finest pardon?