#severe depression

[hannahinspace]

[phoebecatesl0vr]

"When you miss school you miss 32.5 hours of education per week" yeah.. and when i dont do that i miss 32.5 hours of being snuggled up in bed with a hot waterbottle and various medications as i drink hot chocolates/coffees watching house.

God forbid a teenaged girl with multiple chronic illnesses wants to take care of herself physically and mentally </3

[alex2xander]

Shout out to all the tumblr users dealing with daily fatigue and severe depression.

Respect to those who have medium and high support needs who need assistance with bodily functions.

Love to those who cannot safely leave their bedrooms or home due to the pandemic and lack of societal support.

Care to those who spend the majority of their life online because this is the only way they can socialize with the outside world

There are so many of us trying to make it day to day. I love you and you're not alone in this.

I love you people who have to be carried, lifted, or escorted in mobility aids to do daily living tasks

I love you people who depend entirely on your cariers and personal aids for every function

I love you people who haven't been able to shower in over a week and therefore have tangled or matted hair and body odour

I love you people who have been wearing the same clothes for over a week

I love you people who dont have the energy to get out of bed to use the bathroom and need to use diapers or a bed pan

I love you people who havent been able to cook their own meal in months

I love you people who have piles of dirty clothes and trash scattered around their room

I love you people who uncontrollably drool on yourself and your property

I love you people who have slowly lost mobility and function over time and are adjusting to their new life

[marionmabelle]

depression is crazy because i could be in paradise and i would still rather be rotting in bed

[siren--squid]

Update, aid needed.

I got kicked out of my bedroom and all of my furniture is being removed and taken away from me as well. This includes my bed. Currently, I've been sleeping in the living room in a sleeping bag that doesn't even belong to me, squeezed on our very uncomfortable very tiny couch.

I will be allowed back into my bedroom once I can afford new furniture to put in it, it's been deep cleaned, and thoroughly sprayed for spiders and bugs. For three or four years, I'd been living in a depression room with zero help to keep it livable and safe - clean. I had my trash can taken away, Im not allowed a trash can in my room, I was told to stack my trash and that someone would help me take it out and that never happened. I was completely unable to handle how much had been building up with me only being able to carry and take so much at a time. At points, I was suicidal just because of the state I was living in. My mom was the only person to try and help, but she was always in and out of hospitals and she's equally disabled. Hardly anything ever truly got done at all, my room was Bad.

Im capable of cleaning and keeping a space clean and safe, I have been trying for years. Every single time I got a resource that was helpful, or an aid, or even a trash can or just a simple bag - it was taken. I know myself, and I know myself well enough to know what works and how to do it. At my father's house, I had my own bedroom too, I kept it clean. I had a system that worked, I had aids and I had help, living here? With my grandparents? I have absolutely nothing.

My partners came to visit for a vacation just a few days ago, on their final day here with me they helped get my room to a safer state. The level of help and cleaning that was done is so much more than I've ever received since I've had a bedroom, (I only got a bedroom after turning 16) it's amazing and I am so so very thankful. I love these people so much. Unfortunately, the cleaning had unearthed many many different types of spiders that I cannot identify, and I got kicked out of the room and everything is being taken away and either thrown out or repurposed. My tables are being taken and used in the living room, for example. I will be allowed back into the room and allowed to "prove" that I can follow a cleaning system, if I can buy new furniture and things like a trash can on my own.

I have no money to spend and very very little savings. My family waited to tell me this until after I had spent my money on this vacation, on merchandise for the concert we went to, until I got down to just having my emergency savings - which is barely anything at all. Not even enough to reliably buy food, thank god my mother has been buying food for me using her foodstamps or else I'd be struggling in ways I don't think I'd survive.

I am in need of help.

I am a near 24/7 wheelchair user with several severe physical disabilities that make every little thing harder and harder, I know what my capabilities are and what I can achieve. My grandfather does not understand this and will not listen, any time I have asked for a simple accommodation like just a trash can it's been denied and I've been called an embarrassment. This time, Im getting a chance to prove myself if I can obtain all of the items myself. Which, I cannot do in my financial situation.

My Ko-Fi is open for art comms, donations, and memberships. On top of this, I've made an Amazon wishlist (I wish it was not on Amazon but this was the easiest way I could think of) for the items I am trying to get. If I can make enough money to buy these items, or if anyone is willing to help out in a major way and purchase it from the list, my life will become much safer and easier to live. And I will be eternally grateful for it.

Bedroom Wishlist // Wheelchair Items

Ko-Fi Link

[chemicalcxnsumer]

i am psychotic, not a psychopath. if you view me as something deserving to be locked away, fuck you. i can't control my disorders. i am not an unloving creature, i have feelings, i have emotions. just cause i am labeled as something potentially hurtful, doesn't mean i can't seek treatment and be a genuine person. i am a person. i can be saved.

[hannahinspace]

i am tired of existing and being a person. i am not made for this world.

[theworldoffostering]

How is DH doing? Is he better?

Unfortunately, no. ECT was next on our list to explore. We sent all of his records over before we left for Mexico and they called back the following Monday (we were supposed to be seen on Wednesday), and they said they were no longer taking new patients. That was strange because we had talked to them like five times the week before.

He has no income coming in which is not sustainable. He hasn’t worked since January, but his job paid him out his contract which means his last paycheck just came in last week. He refuses to do anything his therapist asked in the last three years, like create a schedule for himself, commit to a specific household task, etc. Nothing.

Our 15 year wedding anniversary is this week. I’m pretty close to calling it, but I feel awful walking away from him. I really love him. I also despise living like this.

On a side note, his only biological sibling got divorced this summer, and she and her spouse were married longer than us. The sibling has major substance abuse problems and is back in rehab but only to avoid jail time (sibling violated probation so checked themself into rehab rather than showing up for court and facing probable jail time). Sibling doesn’t believe they have a problem. DH is similar in that he doesn’t believe his behaviors are a problem. Like, the man isn’t out there pounding the pavement looking for a job. He doesn’t see not working as a problem. Or perhaps more accurately, he knows he should work, but that isn’t motivating enough for him to do anything about it.