red

warning: very much a rant account, expect feeling and trauma dumping

[acytidiot]

tw: suicide

btw this is another issue but if I'm unable to move to new zealand, I might take my life. I have no future here, and I never will. getting the fuck out of this country is my last hope, my last chance at a life. I've fucked up my chances here too much.

i need to leave. before it becomes illegal for me to even fucking exist here. my phone is actively listened into by the government, because they've investigated me in the past

I need to get out.

[acytidiot]

FUUUUUUUCK for once I actually like someone, but I'm terrified. idk how to like, hit on someone? I mean I know they'd probably like me calling them cute, I'd just have to find the right chance. but that's kinda rare

+ ill probably be moving to their country in like 2-3 years and it'd be awkward bc like they're kinda helping me because they've lived there their entire life, and are helping others, and I don't wanna like confess to them and ruin my chances to move

+ we're all in one friend discord server, and I don't want things to become mega awkward if I confess I like em and they say "nah"

might be fucked

[acytidiot]

also there's a reason I hide behind a mask of myself, whether that be a png tuber, my vtuber model, I'm fucking ugly and I don't wanna risk like this person seeing me and getting rid of me the second I reveal my true face.

it's also, I hide my true emotions. all the time. only people who know me irl know a small bit of what I'm feeling, and even then I lie to them to make them feel better. what if I reveal how I truly feel inside about everything, and they hate me for it? for me not being the person they thought I was.

I'm not ready, and I doubt I'll ever be, but I'm lonely, and I want to be with someone,- to help me through problems, to be a shoulder to lean on, and I don't want to ruin my chances. they're funny, cute, have nearly the same sense of humor as me, but also they're way more talented than me.

what if they think less of me because I'm worse at everything. god.

[acytidiot]

FUUUUUUUCK for once I actually like someone, but I'm terrified. idk how to like, hit on someone? I mean I know they'd probably like me calling them cute, I'd just have to find the right chance. but that's kinda rare

+ ill probably be moving to their country in like 2-3 years and it'd be awkward bc like they're kinda helping me because they've lived there their entire life, and are helping others, and I don't wanna like confess to them and ruin my chances to move

+ we're all in one friend discord server, and I don't want things to become mega awkward if I confess I like em and they say "nah"

might be fucked

[acytidiot]

how do I get jacksepticeye to see this

[acytidiot]

extremely basic sketch of the birthday feesh!

happy birthday!

[audarcy]

Found several packs' worth of pokemon cards strewn across a target parking lot and took a pic to show my friends without realizing how much my outfit elevated the scene to "aftermath of a wizard duel"

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

hello tiny friends i keep in my pocket. tell me something I will find humorous but vaguely annoying

[zkriiwewe]

Everything you see isn’t the colour you see it as. It is instead every colour EXCEPT the one you see. You perceive that colour due to that spectrum of light bouncing off the object and going zoorp into your eyeballs.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

ok this does genuinely piss me off actually

[ailithnight]

Your eyes also see things upside down but your brain flips it rightside up again.

And y’know how goats are known for having those horizontal eyes that twist around in their sockets so that they always see parallel to the horizon? Human eyes do that too.

[the-clouds-are-talking]

oh no this is much worse

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

this is so much worse

[theeverdream]

More body weirdness ahead:

What’s really worse is that some people can control it. So that they ask you to stare into their eyes and then, with their head completely still, you can see them rotate their eyeballs.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

*rolls my eyes at you and then to your horror rolls them AGAIN*

[yr-tiktok-mom]

[b0nkcreat]

my phone isn’t charging even though i plugged her innnnn dramatic ass bitch. YOUR PUSSY IS FILLED! WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT

[b0nkcreat]

Can you stop bouncing and moaning on it 😐 please for the love of god

[b0nkcreat]

i see now that i shouldn’t have made this post on tumblr. specifically.

[acytidiot]

dogman is peak trans icon

[callmebliss]

Y’ever read something and have understanding that has eluded you interminably suddenly stop, curl up, and snuggle neatly into a fold in your brain because a new way way opened to it?

[macleod]

I've seen this passed around a few times, and I have one thing to say:

It's online. The book was carefully and wonderfully recreated online by hand. You can find it here. The entire book is this easy.

calculusmadeeasy.org

[callmebliss]

TIL the highest honor is to be consigned to the processing vortex

[acytidiot]

warning, massive text wall about my feelings.

God I'm fucking lonely. like it's unbearable. I haven't been in a relationship for roughly 9-10 years now (do relationships before you're 12 even count?), and I yearn for one. but the issue is that, not only is my social anxiety fucked beyond belief, but like nobody would even like me that way, and that's not even a joke. I've not met a single person who has even felt that way about me, and it's seeming more and more so that I never will. Hell not even online, not a single person has felt interested in me. and then there's the issue where I'd struggle to figure out if they're messing with me or if they're genuine, and if they are messing with me (which it always is), that ruins my self worth even more. my family constantly makes fun of me about this, which ruins my self worth even more. everytime I'm sad and there's nobody to help me, that ruins my self worth even more. there's no one and there's never going to be someone. and anytime I'm interested in someone, they either hate my guts after I say so, or they're dating someone else. this has been one of the worst emotional hurdles I've yet to get over, the feeling of there being no one, and I have no clue how to get over it. and every day it seems more and more like I never will. I don't know what to do. and I doubt I ever will.

[acytidiot]

so like what's the deal with weed? like I don't get it. I don't like the smell, I once ate an edible brownie on accident and didn't like the high, I just don't get it. but then again I don't get stuff like smoking or drinking either. I also just don't get coffee. doesn't do anything for me besides the downsides, and it's super fucking expensive

[stupiditydx]

self-portrait

[acytidiot]

wait, you're not a cat? wtf man I'm friends with a non cat?

[stupiditydx]

self-portrait

[stupiditydx]

i hate when this happens

[stupiditydx]

I liked episode 3, also kinger is awsome