Wow, that looks really appealing! (derogatory)

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todays bird
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if i look back, i am lost
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Stranger Things
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@adam-is-adam
Wow, that looks really appealing! (derogatory)
Is shipping bourgeois?
Last time I went to a gay bar with friends I went to the bar and ordered a white russian from the twink bartender (I had to scream it like four times because they were playing Lady Gaga kind of Loud) and then watched him struggle to make it for like 10 minutes (no other customers). I can't recall what exactly made him take so long but he was fiddling around for ages dude.
A lot of users on here who claim to be post-structuralist Queer Theorists and who would start a fist fight with Plato if they met him have, for such espoused views, oddly prescriptivist views on language and a downright magical opinion of the words "is" and "real."
ok while we're here. like. it is kinda crazy how fascist frieren is right?
like the straightforward reading of it IS fascist! "look at me a cutesy little (extremely powerful) pastoralist elf who wants nothing more than to live my happy life when these SUBVERSIVES that the REST OF SOCIETY TOLERATES exist!"
it's not even like. being subtle! it goes from like 3 episodes in of "haha cutesy elfslop" to "ontologically evil p-zombies exist in this world and you have to kill them all. full stop" it's not even drawing parts of it! it's the whole fucking hog all the way in all the time!
and like. even past that? it's not good! its literally not good.
That's what I've been saying!
1. It's not fascist, it's set in a universe where what you call fascism (killing ontologically evil entities) is correct and good, as it would be
2. When the demons speak to each other, they are acting
3. It's a good show.
ok so first of all its not good. but im not even arguing if what the elf does in story is correct or not! all im saying is that if like. dan "ideas" olson made an anime to demonstrate how fascist regimes would make media to embody their ideals he would make frieren and like. somehow this is not the first thing people discuss when they talk about it???
I know, it's wild, right? And it happens so fucking quickly, like, what, 4 or 5 episodes before it's literally stealing plot elements from Norman Spinrad's Iron Dream and like, *nobody* really even brought it up for a long time.
And sure, it has uncomfortable and direct links to real life fascist thought, but at least it's done in a way that will make most of the conflicts of the show incredibly boring and pointless and that make you think the writers don't pay attention to their own characters.
Like, if people had reacted to it like they react to Goblin Slayer that's one thing, but people acted like it was a good show for so long!
Also genuinely, objectively the first demon Frieren kills uses language to gather information about what's happened since he's been imprisoned. The later demons discuss what tactics they are going to use against the humans and why certain lies work on humans. If they were just parrots that would actually be potentially interesting on some level, but they aren't.
Frieren's demons aren't p-zombies. They have internal drives towards survival, domination, and little else as far as we can see. But in this they are not so different from Tolkien's orcs or the vampires in Buffy. This is not fascism, the demons aren't trying to subversively weaken society by promoting a distancing from the natural order or whatever. They are trying to invade and conquer. And the proposed solution is not a strengthening of national character or the establishment of a dictatorship but individual mastery of craft.
As always my opinion is that giving the villains interesting motives is a great way to explore deep themes, but it's not mandatory. You can have one-dimensional villains and still tell an interesting story, you just have to focus more on other things. Which is what Frieren does. The one-dimensional evil-ness of the demons is not a big focus of the show, it's taken as a given for the backdrop of the things the show is actually interested in, which is the personal and interpersonal developments of the main cast and some side characters. The demons are evil because "how does this character react to evil?" is an interesting question. Even the fight scenes are mostly interesting because they tell us more about the inner lives of the people we have gotten to know. For the entire magic academy arc the demons are pretty much absent, because the show is just not about them. If you like politics and want to see shows that focus on complicated conflicts without obvious moral valence then Frieren is probably not the show for you.
The demons are evil because "how does this character react to evil?" is an interesting question.
Fundamentally, I disagree with the idea that "How do the characters react to the fact that nits really do make lice" is interesting. I think it's actually quite dull.
I do find it a little frustrating to talk about because people keep fitting it into some kind of generic left-wing objection about "evil races" when my actual problem is that this specific instance is bad.
The other thing is that, I had the same experience @thahxa had, which is that after like a decade of super woke people picking apart every TV show imaginable Frieren just straight-up copies plot points from The Iron Dream and people mostly didn't even bring it up!
I found it deeply disorienting when something that was been sold as a pastoral show about contemplation and relationships suddenly turned into Lord of the fucking Swastika.
PS - My immediate response is that Tolkien's Orcs are different because Tolkien is a better writer who actually knows how to use these tropes but I've never finished Lord of The Rings so maybe I just didn't get to the part where Legolas explains that we need to kill all the Orc babies.
I believe Tolkien's solution was just never to deal with it at all. How orcs reproduce is never explained (Well, I guess actually he came up with multiple explanations that are mutually exclusive and, I believe, none of which involve babies). There are simply no civilian orcs, much less families and children.
Well, apparently there are no civilian demons, either!
The reason the Demons come off as fascist is not because they are inherently evil, or whatever, it's that...
Okay, the first demon we see is kind of just a guy. The next demons are:
An abandoned child which is taken into a village and treated like one of the villagers until its Demon nature inevitably emerges and it starts killing people and has to be put down like the dog it is, like they should have done in the first place.
A demon diplomatic envoy, who trick the humans by pretending that the war caused them grief and loss, when in reality the demon doesn't put the same high price on life as the westerner
They pretend to be moral patients in order to trick others into thinking that they can be integrated into society, when in reality they are always only looking out for their own kind and will betray any society that they are part of the first chance they get. The bleeding hearts who try to act like they are people are simply putting society in danger, so we need people with the strength of character to do what must be done to them regardless of what they say or do.
And, like, sorry, I know that this isn't strictly limited to fascist thought but it sure is at least fascist-adjacent.
I will be very surprised if any sentiment even remotely similar comes up in Lord of The Rings.
Frieren is just worried that the natural empathy and moral fiber of the human lands will lead to a kind of cultural suicide, you see.
My first objection to Frieren is that it is patently uninterested in what demons are. It is a question that is only given enough time to (badly) justify violence. On the other hand, Frieren dwells for a very long time on the (taken-for-granted) "fact" that the only valid response to their existence is killing them mercilessly.
It pulls a bunch of half-justifications for this out of its ass. One second they're robotic beings that feel nothing (except we are, as an audience, clearly shown a survival instinct, which is a feeling), the next it is because they are sociopaths (which is something else), except specifically to a degree that simultaneously allows them to form societies and raise armies but not enough for coexistence with humans to ever be possible. What a philosophically rich claim to make! A good writer could become the next Locke, Hobbes or Marx just exploring that!
Neither option is explored at all. Again, good art has been made discussing topics like this. Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? comes to mind. That's a complex exploration of whether unfeeling automata can function in society. Frieren isn't. Frieren takes for granted that whatever demon lore is true this second is sufficient justification for violence, because that's the solution Frieren wants. This show threw a half-baked concept in because they wanted a scene where Frieren and Fern mow down hordes of bad guys. The monstrous political implications are just a clumsy byproduct of unexamined authorial bias.
And when I'm at it, the first demon looks cool as hell and then every subsequent demon looks like an Anne Rice vampire. That's lame!
Also the rest of the show is just crap, as well. The world is a generic Japanese DnD setting without a single element that required more than a few seconds and a German dictionary to come up with. The plot starts off pretending to be "deep" by going through the motions of a lousy Oscarbait drama for a few episodes and then becomes aimless weebslop for fifteen episodes or so. Characters are introduced and thrown away randomly as the writers appear to try to chart the path of the show based on live audience feedback, and then the disgustingly long examination arc begins, and I really would like to hear a fan justify that.
What is that giant waste of everyone's time for? Firstly, it makes Frieren's barebones worldbuilding take center stage ("Your next task is to 'clear a dungeon' because this entire show takes place in a role-playing game!"), secondly it makes some of the most unappealing and jarring character introductions I have ever seen, ("You know what this high fantasy setting needs? Asuka Langley Soryu, but with green hair and she's dressed like a mall goth in a black open back minidress! Oh, but here's the twist! Remember how Asuka is an arrogant twerp because she is a deeply insecure, traumatized little girl in constant need of external validation? What if this Asuka is exactly the hot shit she thinks she is?").
Third, and worst, is that this show just decides that human life isn't worth anything once this arc begins.
One full third of season one is taken up by the main characters going to the Magic DMV. One-Punch Man was mocking this stupid, overdone anime trope in 2009.
Of course, the Magic DMV has a Tryhard Worthiness Test. They do hunger games shit. They also don't test people's magic ability even once. I'm pretty sure Stark (who does not have magic) could pass every trial in the Magic DMV's Tryhard Worthiness Test if he put his mind to it.
People die left and right at the Magic DMV. Some Bushido Dipshit makes a pithy remark about this being fine; they were Unworthy, after all. I want Frieren's fans to explain to me how this develops on the themes this show is allegedly about.
Why are they going to the Magic DMV? Because no one in the northern region (creatively named "The Northern Region") can travel without a Magic Driver's License. Canonically, in this world, a test that passes single-digit numbers of people every three years is the only way to be allowed to travel. This raises interesting questions like, "Is there commerce here, like, at all?" and, "Do the writers think I'm a moron?" If only a few dozen living people have a Magic Driver's License, there's literally not enough people who can freely travel to hire anyone to enforce the rule to begin with!
Enough about the Magic DMV. It is so infuriatingly stupid (and boring) that I could talk about it all day, but I need to circle back to my main point.
People misreading the demons as saying Something Deep is dumb as hell (apply the handy Adam Test if you want; I just made it up: "Does the show dwell on it?" It also comes with the attached maxim: "Fiction is about what it dwells on." Shockingly deep insight, I know, but I've been in college writing classes where people insist a book is mainly "about" something that is only mentioned in one chapter.) Do you know what's dumber than the allegations of fascism, though? The allegations of good writing. This entire show is a paint-by-numbers pastiche of bad taste and bad art. Not only is it bad, it is informed by, and strives to imitate, other art that is also bad. It is four or five degrees removed from anything you could consider good, or even trying to be good.
I wouldn't recommend this show to my worst enemy.
Last night I dreamed that they, for an episode of Mythbusters, froze Adam Savage inside of a solid block of ice for ten thousand years.
Joined an evil cult but it was so lame. They couldn't afford an echoing cavern or even a dark hall, so we were just hanging out at the community center basement and drinking coffee in plastic cups. One of the cult members had made cookies but had used too much flour.
No one was even saying anything. Everyone was just like, "Wow! These cookies are great!" and I didn't want to look like an asshole. I didn't join an evil cult to eat cookies I didn't want to eat. I had three of them and I didn't even want to finish the first one.
And then right before I was about to leave I was like "guys we could at least have met in the woods or something" and everyone looked at me and I thought I was in trouble but they seemed to think it was a really good idea. People were like, "That's a great initiative!"
I dunno. I may have accidentally taken on responsibility in the evil cult. I don't even wanna hang out with these people.
Update: I volunteered to be secretary in the evil cult.
Okay so like. I don't know man. They asked me to come to the annual cult board election (also in the community center basement, it was booked before I brought up the woods) and the president and treasurer both got reelected even though they said they'd prefer some new people on the board and were kind of strongly hinting they didn't want to be there at all.
The board secretary was not present. They had been "lost to the abyss" but I didn't ask what that meant.
So basically the remaining board members said that if no one volunteered to be cult secretary the evil cult was gonna have to disband due to its own bylaws. And then they all kind of did puppy dog eyes at me. At least I think they did; we were all wearing hoods (some of the members were wearing hoodies though, like come on).
I didn't say anything but then the treasurer pointed me out and was like, "I think you'd be a great secretary," all smiles. I kinda froze up. Idk.
So I volunteered and then they voted me in and I swore in a language I don't speak and they cut my hand a little bit which was cool but a doting old lady with a knitted hood came with disinfectant wipes and everything and that kinda made it less cool. It was nice of her though. She's the one who made the cookies.
So fun fact about the evil cult is that nobody knows anybody's name. They just call me "The Secretary" now. We've started meeting up in the forest at night and it really does improve the vibes a bit. Granny Sevenfingers keeps bringing cookies to every meeting though. I should ask the board members if they think we should have a talk with her.
We haven't had any board meetings yet, though, just some all-member rituals and chanting, so being Secretary hasn't really entailed any responsibility at all, so far.
It's not exactly exciting, but at least I'm getting out of the house and seeing people twice a week.
I guess this is my life now.
Okay so there is actually a problem with meeting up in the woods and that is that we have to carry the Stone of Nebuchadnezzar out with us into the woods every time we meet up, which was fine the first time but you carry an ancient stone table that whispers shit at you four times a week over rough terrain and see how you like it. Maybe we could put it on a cart?
Update: we're back to meeting in the basement.
:/
Okay so the other day a new guy joined. Apparently he found us on LinkedIn.
I was not aware of the Evil Cult maintaining a presence on that site, and when I looked into it it seems to be an impersonator account. The new guy's LinkedIn, more worryingly, had a bored ape NFT as its profile pic.
At the meetup he talked to me about himself for about 25 minutes and I don't think there was a single period in there. He gave me a 25-minute run-on sentence.
He told me many things I did not want to know. For example, he apparently found it "inefficient" to brush his teeth for five minutes every morning and evening, so instead he brushes his teeth for five hours on the 30th of every month.
"Now, I know what you're thinking, hold on man! You can't do that! What about February?"
(February was the least of my concerns.)
So anyway we sacrificed the new guy to The Face That Follows. Oh well.
Woke up this morning and realized we were gonna have my first board meeting tonight and I hadn't even looked through the procedures and bylaws, so I photographed every page of the booklet and read through some of it on my phone during my lunch break, and then studied it a little closer in the afternoon. Honestly I felt really underprepared and was lowkey about to have a panic attack when I remembered I don't give a fuck about the Evil Cult and they are all losers who kind of guilted me into this position so fuck them if it goes wrong.
So we're meeting up at the President of the Board's house (laundry on his couch, dirty fridge door) and I'm sitting in a rickety wooden chair with a back rest that's about to come off and send me sprawling on the floor, and I'm 100% expecting to embarrass myself any second, when the President takes out the Candle of the Weeping Pauper and is about to light it. Which is like, even with a cursory glance at the bylaws you'd know we're supposed to take the Blood Oath before lighting the Candle.
And I'm like, "whoa hey why are you doing it in the wrong order haven't you read the bylaws" and he's like, "You read the bylaws?" and I'm like, "Yeah of course I did, didn't you?" and he's like, "No, no, you don't understand: you read the bylaws?" which is literally the same sentence but said more seriouslike. I dunno what he was on about.
So anyways I've somehow impressed these people with a level of effort below my personal standard of acceptable. Again.
They also really thought my idea to introduce a stricter dress code with dark hooded cloaks and stuff was great. One of the Board Members (the Keeper of Keys Without Locks, whose role is eclectic and far more important than the name implies) pointed out that not all members had the same means to purchase fancy cloaks. I reminded them all that the Bylaws clearly state that the Treasurer is already entitled to collect an income-graded addition to the membership dues specifically to fund the implementation of a uniform dress code, so that shouldn't be a problem.
And they all just kinda looked at me funny again.
At least I got my way in the end. Those cloaks are gonna look sick.
Boss asked me why I looked tired again today. Shut the fuck up man I'm in an evil cult. I didn't say that.
[fantasy protagonist voice]: Oooh I'm such a poor farmer. I'm the poorest farmer there is. All I have to my name is a horse and an ox and a sword and a suit of armor. Cheap garbage like that. I wear dirty rags and eat moldy bread because it is all I can afford. Don't ask what the animals eat. They can just eat grass right? There's grass everywhere and it's free.
Not a day goes by without me seeing the dumbest motherfuckers on here
Joined an evil cult but it was so lame. They couldn't afford an echoing cavern or even a dark hall, so we were just hanging out at the community center basement and drinking coffee in plastic cups. One of the cult members had made cookies but had used too much flour.
No one was even saying anything. Everyone was just like, "Wow! These cookies are great!" and I didn't want to look like an asshole. I didn't join an evil cult to eat cookies I didn't want to eat. I had three of them and I didn't even want to finish the first one.
And then right before I was about to leave I was like "guys we could at least have met in the woods or something" and everyone looked at me and I thought I was in trouble but they seemed to think it was a really good idea. People were like, "That's a great initiative!"
I dunno. I may have accidentally taken on responsibility in the evil cult. I don't even wanna hang out with these people.
Update: I volunteered to be secretary in the evil cult.
Okay so like. I don't know man. They asked me to come to the annual cult board election (also in the community center basement, it was booked before I brought up the woods) and the president and treasurer both got reelected even though they said they'd prefer some new people on the board and were kind of strongly hinting they didn't want to be there at all.
The board secretary was not present. They had been "lost to the abyss" but I didn't ask what that meant.
So basically the remaining board members said that if no one volunteered to be cult secretary the evil cult was gonna have to disband due to its own bylaws. And then they all kind of did puppy dog eyes at me. At least I think they did; we were all wearing hoods (some of the members were wearing hoodies though, like come on).
I didn't say anything but then the treasurer pointed me out and was like, "I think you'd be a great secretary," all smiles. I kinda froze up. Idk.
So I volunteered and then they voted me in and I swore in a language I don't speak and they cut my hand a little bit which was cool but a doting old lady with a knitted hood came with disinfectant wipes and everything and that kinda made it less cool. It was nice of her though. She's the one who made the cookies.
So fun fact about the evil cult is that nobody knows anybody's name. They just call me "The Secretary" now. We've started meeting up in the forest at night and it really does improve the vibes a bit. Granny Sevenfingers keeps bringing cookies to every meeting though. I should ask the board members if they think we should have a talk with her.
We haven't had any board meetings yet, though, just some all-member rituals and chanting, so being Secretary hasn't really entailed any responsibility at all, so far.
It's not exactly exciting, but at least I'm getting out of the house and seeing people twice a week.
I guess this is my life now.
Okay so there is actually a problem with meeting up in the woods and that is that we have to carry the Stone of Nebuchadnezzar out with us into the woods every time we meet up, which was fine the first time but you carry an ancient stone table that whispers shit at you four times a week over rough terrain and see how you like it. Maybe we could put it on a cart?
Update: we're back to meeting in the basement.
:/
Okay so the other day a new guy joined. Apparently he found us on LinkedIn.
I was not aware of the Evil Cult maintaining a presence on that site, and when I looked into it it seems to be an impersonator account. The new guy's LinkedIn, more worryingly, had a bored ape NFT as its profile pic.
At the meetup he talked to me about himself for about 25 minutes and I don't think there was a single period in there. He gave me a 25-minute run-on sentence.
He told me many things I did not want to know. For example, he apparently found it "inefficient" to brush his teeth for five minutes every morning and evening, so instead he brushes his teeth for five hours on the 30th of every month.
"Now, I know what you're thinking, hold on man! You can't do that! What about February?"
(February was the least of my concerns.)
So anyway we sacrificed the new guy to The Face That Follows. Oh well.
Woke up this morning and realized we were gonna have my first board meeting tonight and I hadn't even looked through the procedures and bylaws, so I photographed every page of the booklet and read through some of it on my phone during my lunch break, and then studied it a little closer in the afternoon. Honestly I felt really underprepared and was lowkey about to have a panic attack when I remembered I don't give a fuck about the Evil Cult and they are all losers who kind of guilted me into this position so fuck them if it goes wrong.
So we're meeting up at the President of the Board's house (laundry on his couch, dirty fridge door) and I'm sitting in a rickety wooden chair with a back rest that's about to come off and send me sprawling on the floor, and I'm 100% expecting to embarrass myself any second, when the President takes out the Candle of the Weeping Pauper and is about to light it. Which is like, even with a cursory glance at the bylaws you'd know we're supposed to take the Blood Oath before lighting the Candle.
And I'm like, "whoa hey why are you doing it in the wrong order haven't you read the bylaws" and he's like, "You read the bylaws?" and I'm like, "Yeah of course I did, didn't you?" and he's like, "No, no, you don't understand: you read the bylaws?" which is literally the same sentence but said more seriouslike. I dunno what he was on about.
So anyways I've somehow impressed these people with a level of effort below my personal standard of acceptable. Again.
They also really thought my idea to introduce a stricter dress code with dark hooded cloaks and stuff was great. One of the Board Members (the Keeper of Keys Without Locks, whose role is eclectic and far more important than the name implies) pointed out that not all members had the same means to purchase fancy cloaks. I reminded them all that the Bylaws clearly state that the Treasurer is already entitled to collect an income-graded addition to the membership dues specifically to fund the implementation of a uniform dress code, so that shouldn't be a problem.
And they all just kinda looked at me funny again.
At least I got my way in the end. Those cloaks are gonna look sick.
Joined an evil cult but it was so lame. They couldn't afford an echoing cavern or even a dark hall, so we were just hanging out at the community center basement and drinking coffee in plastic cups. One of the cult members had made cookies but had used too much flour.
No one was even saying anything. Everyone was just like, "Wow! These cookies are great!" and I didn't want to look like an asshole. I didn't join an evil cult to eat cookies I didn't want to eat. I had three of them and I didn't even want to finish the first one.
And then right before I was about to leave I was like "guys we could at least have met in the woods or something" and everyone looked at me and I thought I was in trouble but they seemed to think it was a really good idea. People were like, "That's a great initiative!"
I dunno. I may have accidentally taken on responsibility in the evil cult. I don't even wanna hang out with these people.
Update: I volunteered to be secretary in the evil cult.
Okay so like. I don't know man. They asked me to come to the annual cult board election (also in the community center basement, it was booked before I brought up the woods) and the president and treasurer both got reelected even though they said they'd prefer some new people on the board and were kind of strongly hinting they didn't want to be there at all.
The board secretary was not present. They had been "lost to the abyss" but I didn't ask what that meant.
So basically the remaining board members said that if no one volunteered to be cult secretary the evil cult was gonna have to disband due to its own bylaws. And then they all kind of did puppy dog eyes at me. At least I think they did; we were all wearing hoods (some of the members were wearing hoodies though, like come on).
I didn't say anything but then the treasurer pointed me out and was like, "I think you'd be a great secretary," all smiles. I kinda froze up. Idk.
So I volunteered and then they voted me in and I swore in a language I don't speak and they cut my hand a little bit which was cool but a doting old lady with a knitted hood came with disinfectant wipes and everything and that kinda made it less cool. It was nice of her though. She's the one who made the cookies.
So fun fact about the evil cult is that nobody knows anybody's name. They just call me "The Secretary" now. We've started meeting up in the forest at night and it really does improve the vibes a bit. Granny Sevenfingers keeps bringing cookies to every meeting though. I should ask the board members if they think we should have a talk with her.
We haven't had any board meetings yet, though, just some all-member rituals and chanting, so being Secretary hasn't really entailed any responsibility at all, so far.
It's not exactly exciting, but at least I'm getting out of the house and seeing people twice a week.
I guess this is my life now.
Okay so there is actually a problem with meeting up in the woods and that is that we have to carry the Stone of Nebuchadnezzar out with us into the woods every time we meet up, which was fine the first time but you carry an ancient stone table that whispers shit at you four times a week over rough terrain and see how you like it. Maybe we could put it on a cart?
Update: we're back to meeting in the basement.
:/
Okay so the other day a new guy joined. Apparently he found us on LinkedIn.
I was not aware of the Evil Cult maintaining a presence on that site, and when I looked into it it seems to be an impersonator account. The new guy's LinkedIn, more worryingly, had a bored ape NFT as its profile pic.
At the meetup he talked to me about himself for about 25 minutes and I don't think there was a single period in there. He gave me a 25-minute run-on sentence.
He told me many things I did not want to know. For example, he apparently found it "inefficient" to brush his teeth for five minutes every morning and evening, so instead he brushes his teeth for five hours on the 30th of every month.
"Now, I know what you're thinking, hold on man! You can't do that! What about February?"
(February was the least of my concerns.)
So anyway we sacrificed the new guy to The Face That Follows. Oh well.
Joined an evil cult but it was so lame. They couldn't afford an echoing cavern or even a dark hall, so we were just hanging out at the community center basement and drinking coffee in plastic cups. One of the cult members had made cookies but had used too much flour.
No one was even saying anything. Everyone was just like, "Wow! These cookies are great!" and I didn't want to look like an asshole. I didn't join an evil cult to eat cookies I didn't want to eat. I had three of them and I didn't even want to finish the first one.
And then right before I was about to leave I was like "guys we could at least have met in the woods or something" and everyone looked at me and I thought I was in trouble but they seemed to think it was a really good idea. People were like, "That's a great initiative!"
I dunno. I may have accidentally taken on responsibility in the evil cult. I don't even wanna hang out with these people.
Update: I volunteered to be secretary in the evil cult.
Okay so like. I don't know man. They asked me to come to the annual cult board election (also in the community center basement, it was booked before I brought up the woods) and the president and treasurer both got reelected even though they said they'd prefer some new people on the board and were kind of strongly hinting they didn't want to be there at all.
The board secretary was not present. They had been "lost to the abyss" but I didn't ask what that meant.
So basically the remaining board members said that if no one volunteered to be cult secretary the evil cult was gonna have to disband due to its own bylaws. And then they all kind of did puppy dog eyes at me. At least I think they did; we were all wearing hoods (some of the members were wearing hoodies though, like come on).
I didn't say anything but then the treasurer pointed me out and was like, "I think you'd be a great secretary," all smiles. I kinda froze up. Idk.
So I volunteered and then they voted me in and I swore in a language I don't speak and they cut my hand a little bit which was cool but a doting old lady with a knitted hood came with disinfectant wipes and everything and that kinda made it less cool. It was nice of her though. She's the one who made the cookies.
So fun fact about the evil cult is that nobody knows anybody's name. They just call me "The Secretary" now. We've started meeting up in the forest at night and it really does improve the vibes a bit. Granny Sevenfingers keeps bringing cookies to every meeting though. I should ask the board members if they think we should have a talk with her.
We haven't had any board meetings yet, though, just some all-member rituals and chanting, so being Secretary hasn't really entailed any responsibility at all, so far.
It's not exactly exciting, but at least I'm getting out of the house and seeing people twice a week.
I guess this is my life now.
Okay so there is actually a problem with meeting up in the woods and that is that we have to carry the Stone of Nebuchadnezzar out with us into the woods every time we meet up, which was fine the first time but you carry an ancient stone table that whispers shit at you four times a week over rough terrain and see how you like it. Maybe we could put it on a cart?
Update: we're back to meeting in the basement.
:/
Joined an evil cult but it was so lame. They couldn't afford an echoing cavern or even a dark hall, so we were just hanging out at the community center basement and drinking coffee in plastic cups. One of the cult members had made cookies but had used too much flour.
No one was even saying anything. Everyone was just like, "Wow! These cookies are great!" and I didn't want to look like an asshole. I didn't join an evil cult to eat cookies I didn't want to eat. I had three of them and I didn't even want to finish the first one.
And then right before I was about to leave I was like "guys we could at least have met in the woods or something" and everyone looked at me and I thought I was in trouble but they seemed to think it was a really good idea. People were like, "That's a great initiative!"
I dunno. I may have accidentally taken on responsibility in the evil cult. I don't even wanna hang out with these people.
Update: I volunteered to be secretary in the evil cult.
Okay so like. I don't know man. They asked me to come to the annual cult board election (also in the community center basement, it was booked before I brought up the woods) and the president and treasurer both got reelected even though they said they'd prefer some new people on the board and were kind of strongly hinting they didn't want to be there at all.
The board secretary was not present. They had been "lost to the abyss" but I didn't ask what that meant.
So basically the remaining board members said that if no one volunteered to be cult secretary the evil cult was gonna have to disband due to its own bylaws. And then they all kind of did puppy dog eyes at me. At least I think they did; we were all wearing hoods (some of the members were wearing hoodies though, like come on).
I didn't say anything but then the treasurer pointed me out and was like, "I think you'd be a great secretary," all smiles. I kinda froze up. Idk.
So I volunteered and then they voted me in and I swore in a language I don't speak and they cut my hand a little bit which was cool but a doting old lady with a knitted hood came with disinfectant wipes and everything and that kinda made it less cool. It was nice of her though. She's the one who made the cookies.
So fun fact about the evil cult is that nobody knows anybody's name. They just call me "The Secretary" now. We've started meeting up in the forest at night and it really does improve the vibes a bit. Granny Sevenfingers keeps bringing cookies to every meeting though. I should ask the board members if they think we should have a talk with her.
We haven't had any board meetings yet, though, just some all-member rituals and chanting, so being Secretary hasn't really entailed any responsibility at all, so far.
It's not exactly exciting, but at least I'm getting out of the house and seeing people twice a week.
I guess this is my life now.
Okay so there is actually a problem with meeting up in the woods and that is that we have to carry the Stone of Nebuchadnezzar out with us into the woods every time we meet up, which was fine the first time but you carry an ancient stone table that whispers shit at you four times a week over rough terrain and see how you like it. Maybe we could put it on a cart?
Joined an evil cult but it was so lame. They couldn't afford an echoing cavern or even a dark hall, so we were just hanging out at the community center basement and drinking coffee in plastic cups. One of the cult members had made cookies but had used too much flour.
No one was even saying anything. Everyone was just like, "Wow! These cookies are great!" and I didn't want to look like an asshole. I didn't join an evil cult to eat cookies I didn't want to eat. I had three of them and I didn't even want to finish the first one.
And then right before I was about to leave I was like "guys we could at least have met in the woods or something" and everyone looked at me and I thought I was in trouble but they seemed to think it was a really good idea. People were like, "That's a great initiative!"
I dunno. I may have accidentally taken on responsibility in the evil cult. I don't even wanna hang out with these people.
Update: I volunteered to be secretary in the evil cult.
Okay so like. I don't know man. They asked me to come to the annual cult board election (also in the community center basement, it was booked before I brought up the woods) and the president and treasurer both got reelected even though they said they'd prefer some new people on the board and were kind of strongly hinting they didn't want to be there at all.
The board secretary was not present. They had been "lost to the abyss" but I didn't ask what that meant.
So basically the remaining board members said that if no one volunteered to be cult secretary the evil cult was gonna have to disband due to its own bylaws. And then they all kind of did puppy dog eyes at me. At least I think they did; we were all wearing hoods (some of the members were wearing hoodies though, like come on).
I didn't say anything but then the treasurer pointed me out and was like, "I think you'd be a great secretary," all smiles. I kinda froze up. Idk.
So I volunteered and then they voted me in and I swore in a language I don't speak and they cut my hand a little bit which was cool but a doting old lady with a knitted hood came with disinfectant wipes and everything and that kinda made it less cool. It was nice of her though. She's the one who made the cookies.
So fun fact about the evil cult is that nobody knows anybody's name. They just call me "The Secretary" now. We've started meeting up in the forest at night and it really does improve the vibes a bit. Granny Sevenfingers keeps bringing cookies to every meeting though. I should ask the board members if they think we should have a talk with her.
We haven't had any board meetings yet, though, just some all-member rituals and chanting, so being Secretary hasn't really entailed any responsibility at all, so far.
It's not exactly exciting, but at least I'm getting out of the house and seeing people twice a week.
I guess this is my life now.
Joined an evil cult but it was so lame. They couldn't afford an echoing cavern or even a dark hall, so we were just hanging out at the community center basement and drinking coffee in plastic cups. One of the cult members had made cookies but had used too much flour.
No one was even saying anything. Everyone was just like, "Wow! These cookies are great!" and I didn't want to look like an asshole. I didn't join an evil cult to eat cookies I didn't want to eat. I had three of them and I didn't even want to finish the first one.
And then right before I was about to leave I was like "guys we could at least have met in the woods or something" and everyone looked at me and I thought I was in trouble but they seemed to think it was a really good idea. People were like, "That's a great initiative!"
I dunno. I may have accidentally taken on responsibility in the evil cult. I don't even wanna hang out with these people.
Update: I volunteered to be secretary in the evil cult.
Okay so like. I don't know man. They asked me to come to the annual cult board election (also in the community center basement, it was booked before I brought up the woods) and the president and treasurer both got reelected even though they said they'd prefer some new people on the board and were kind of strongly hinting they didn't want to be there at all.
The board secretary was not present. They had been "lost to the abyss" but I didn't ask what that meant.
So basically the remaining board members said that if no one volunteered to be cult secretary the evil cult was gonna have to disband due to its own bylaws. And then they all kind of did puppy dog eyes at me. At least I think they did; we were all wearing hoods (some of the members were wearing hoodies though, like come on).
I didn't say anything but then the treasurer pointed me out and was like, "I think you'd be a great secretary," all smiles. I kinda froze up. Idk.
So I volunteered and then they voted me in and I swore in a language I don't speak and they cut my hand a little bit which was cool but a doting old lady with a knitted hood came with disinfectant wipes and everything and that kinda made it less cool. It was nice of her though. She's the one who made the cookies.
I honestly don't know what I was expecting from an evil cult that advertises on Facebook with a poster that has comic sans on it.
Joined an evil cult but it was so lame. They couldn't afford an echoing cavern or even a dark hall, so we were just hanging out at the community center basement and drinking coffee in plastic cups. One of the cult members had made cookies but had used too much flour.
No one was even saying anything. Everyone was just like, "Wow! These cookies are great!" and I didn't want to look like an asshole. I didn't join an evil cult to eat cookies I didn't want to eat. I had three of them and I didn't even want to finish the first one.
And then right before I was about to leave I was like "guys we could at least have met in the woods or something" and everyone looked at me and I thought I was in trouble but they seemed to think it was a really good idea. People were like, "That's a great initiative!"
I dunno. I may have accidentally taken on responsibility in the evil cult. I don't even wanna hang out with these people.
Update: I volunteered to be secretary in the evil cult.
Okay so like. I don't know man. They asked me to come to the annual cult board election (also in the community center basement, it was booked before I brought up the woods) and the president and treasurer both got reelected even though they said they'd prefer some new people on the board and were kind of strongly hinting they didn't want to be there at all.
The board secretary was not present. They had been "lost to the abyss" but I didn't ask what that meant.
So basically the remaining board members said that if no one volunteered to be cult secretary the evil cult was gonna have to disband due to its own bylaws. And then they all kind of did puppy dog eyes at me. At least I think they did; we were all wearing hoods (some of the members were wearing hoodies though, like come on).
I didn't say anything but then the treasurer pointed me out and was like, "I think you'd be a great secretary," all smiles. I kinda froze up. Idk.
So I volunteered and then they voted me in and I swore in a language I don't speak and they cut my hand a little bit which was cool but a doting old lady with a knitted hood came with disinfectant wipes and everything and that kinda made it less cool. It was nice of her though. She's the one who made the cookies.
I honestly don't know what I was expecting from an evil cult that advertises on Facebook with a poster that has comic sans on it.
Joined an evil cult but it was so lame. They couldn't afford an echoing cavern or even a dark hall, so we were just hanging out at the community center basement and drinking coffee in plastic cups. One of the cult members had made cookies but had used too much flour.
No one was even saying anything. Everyone was just like, "Wow! These cookies are great!" and I didn't want to look like an asshole. I didn't join an evil cult to eat cookies I didn't want to eat. I had three of them and I didn't even want to finish the first one.
And then right before I was about to leave I was like "guys we could at least have met in the woods or something" and everyone looked at me and I thought I was in trouble but they seemed to think it was a really good idea. People were like, "That's a great initiative!"
I dunno. I may have accidentally taken on responsibility in the evil cult. I don't even wanna hang out with these people.
Update: I volunteered to be secretary in the evil cult.
Okay so like. I don't know man. They asked me to come to the annual cult board election (also in the community center basement, it was booked before I brought up the woods) and the president and treasurer both got reelected even though they said they'd prefer some new people on the board and were kind of strongly hinting they didn't want to be there at all.
The board secretary was not present. They had been "lost to the abyss" but I didn't ask what that meant.
So basically the remaining board members said that if no one volunteered to be cult secretary the evil cult was gonna have to disband due to its own bylaws. And then they all kind of did puppy dog eyes at me. At least I think they did; we were all wearing hoods (some of the members were wearing hoodies though, like come on).
I didn't say anything but then the treasurer pointed me out and was like, "I think you'd be a great secretary," all smiles. I kinda froze up. Idk.
So I volunteered and then they voted me in and I swore in a language I don't speak and they cut my hand a little bit which was cool but a doting old lady with a knitted hood came with disinfectant wipes and everything and that kinda made it less cool. It was nice of her though. She's the one who made the cookies.