Introduce your muse! (Addaya!)
You are e i g h t years old and you have a first name, nothing else. That’s all you know. For some reason, you turn into a werewolf on the full moon, you’ve killed on it as well —- not that you could control it, but you have memories.
[ But not memories of the things you want to have, not those at all. ]
You’re e i g h t years old and you have shed unwanted blood on your hands and this, this is an unfamiliar feeling. You’ve never been this scared before, and you’ve never been this out of control.
You are a now the stuff of the horrible A N C I E N T tales your mother used to read to you in days past, you are now like a Chimera. You scorch and poison, and you k i l l.
And the burden of knowing this is too much to bear. But it happens, again, again, and a g a i n.
[ You were taken away from your home, laughter and music, Bossa Nova playing, a family that was always running around, they named you Addaya because you were conceived there, in Egypt, but you don’t know that. ]
But you feel something, deep down, there’s a familiarity when you hear upbeat music, or when you find an interest in Portugese that doesn’t seem to make sense. But it feels like your mother tongue.
You have siblings and you watch as someone who calls themselves your father take more lives, take more children, you help take care of them, and you feel horribly guilty. You can’t live like this anymore, s o b b i n g each time on the day the full moon comes, you can’t live with so much emotion pouring out of you, that you feel as if you’re empty yet filled with the same sort of sting that firewhiskey goes down one’s throat.
But, it’s all over your body, it c o n s u m e s you. You hate it.
“I’M NOT HEARTLESS. I JUST LEARNED HOW TO USE MY HEART LESS.”
And just like that, your emotions are compartmentalized. Neutrality, Addaya clings to it like it’s her last breath because feeling is just so overwhelming. It’s just too much when you’ve faced horrors in your lifetime that you never anticipated. Now, she lets logic rule her mind, because what else is she supposed to do?
Addaya being sorted into Ravenclaw was no surprise to anyone, though it was a lonely, rough, year without her other siblings around her while she waited to be taken away to a place called Hogwarts.
You remember a warm soprano mentioning a school, a Wizarding one, but you don’t remember it being H o g w a r t s.
[ That’s new, a memory. ]
“DO YOU STILL PERFORM AUTOPSIES ON CONVERSATIONS YOU HAD LIVES AGO?”
Without your siblings being around, you have become the one to take care of the younger ones, the younger children who are crying for their parents —
{ “And I hear you calling in the dead of night ” }
[ “Mamãe?!” she screams, grappling at the doorknob, ”Mamãe?!” You see her lifeless arm dangling from your sofa, its orange. The sofa is o r a n g e. But red drips from her palms. ]
— tears fill your eyes as you hold them through their nightmares, because you understand. You hate it, but you understand.
[ “Pai?!” Your voice has never been so shrill, so scared in your entire life, and then you see him. No, not your father, but you see him. You see a monster, a man after you. You try to run, but razor sharp teeth dig into your right tricep.
And it’s not the last time you will. ]
“YOU ARE THE SILENCE IN BETWEEN WHAT I THOUGHT AND WHAT I SAID.”
But all you know about her is this: She’s a Werewolf. Ravenclaw. She has a big brother and a big sister and more siblings than she can count, even if they’re not in blood. Addaya is quiet, but will share her thoughts if asked. She’s logical, you know that, just by the way she speaks so calmly and eloquently, how no emotion betrays her voice. She will not apologize for Fenrir’s terrors, because she didn’t do them — though she knows she’s a monster, logically she’s classified as one. Every other night of the month, she stays in control — it’s pertinent. You watch her be so controlled, it almost makes you wonder if she’s even human. Her best friend’s name is Forrest ( "I get way too sensitive when I get attached to someone. I can detect the slightest change in the tone of their voice, and suddenly I’m spending all day trying to figure out what I did wrong." ), and there will be times you see her smile, that she sees herself smile wide and genuinely, and it surprises you all the same. She’s still the most neutral of her siblings, the peacemaker, and she loves e v e r y t h i n g old. Doing yoga in the common room at weird hours isn’t abnormal, and neither is seeing her dig through anything and everything that is old. She knows Latin, for Merlin’s sake. She collects everything anything that is ancient. From the past.
As if she’s trying to unlock her own.
“I HEARD THAT MORE THAN NINETY PERCENT OF THE OCEAN REMAINS UNDISCOVERED, SO MAYBE THAT’S WHERE I AM. MAYBE T H A T ’ S WHERE I’LL FIND MYSELF.”
vaporwave
turnnoffyourmind
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
stormborns
izzy806
germansingergirl
2087
