Addicted to Sass

Kathleen.

[netlfix]

whats ET short for?

[netlfix]

because he’s got little legs

[fr0gt4nk]

❤

[ardri-na-bpiteog]

THE Zoboomafoo??

[ovenroastedtwerkey]

Ohhh, and it IS the Kratt brothers' tiktok account

[thickness-protection-program]

MY royal family

[macleod]

the legacy and ancestral line lives on

[tastefullyoffensive]

It's science.

[sosuperawesome]

Chris Firger on Instagram

[valtsv]

the only real difference between me waiting for my package to arrive in the mail and a lady in the 19th century awaiting a passionate letter from her lover is that i can track the movement of my post on my phone as i sit yearning by the window

[meetmymouth]

who will come into my kitchen and be hungry for me!

[badjokesbyjeff]

The only reason there are pyramids in Egypt

is because they are too heavy to be carried to the British Museum

[quantumshade]

jeff this isn’t a joke this is legitimately true

[finnwolfhards]

this is superior humor

[duke-chainsaw]

I have some to add:

[femgirlfriend-moved]

???

[weedforcats]

[slyeposting]

Nothing could have prepared me for the end result

[guerrillatech]

[itscolossal]

[make--it--gayer]

[veztemporana-deactivated2019061]

bonus:

[scumbagsblog]

I’ve never seen this with the update and it makes it so much funnier

[kaedien]

americans think ABSOLUTELY NOTHIN of driving 7 hours. they’ll drive 7 hours just for dinner. they’ll drive 7 hours just for chips and dip

[roarykooper]

i went to england to visit the family of this boy im dating in birmingham. one of his sisters lived in manchester and his whole family kept being like we wish lila was her you would love her blah blah blah lila would just lobe you blah and I was finally like well why couldn’t she make it? everyone was like lol as we said she’s in manchester??? that’s it. i looked up the distance and it’s like less than two hours away and when me and my dude went to grab a beer later that night I was like so does Lila not get along with your parents like what’s up? again, he’s like babe I told you she’s in manchester. I was like are the villages at war????? he goes “it’s too far. this isn’t holiday.” I was like babe we’ve drivin 4-5 hours for weekend trips to the beach Im just confused- and he cuts me off and goes “that’s American me. We don’t do that here”

[discreet45]

[bloodmancerr-deactivated]

i never want context

[curlicuecal]

Oh my god, they sprang this on us in our old church years ago, and my family has never let this joke die.

Okay, here’s the stupid gender essentialist metaphor:

Women are like spaghetti because their thoughts noodle all over the place. Men are like waffles because there thoughts are in boxes. Men aren’t bad listeners, they just can’t keep up with a conversation when women are noodling topics so fast and they have to keep switching boxes. Also, when a woman asks a man what he’s thinking and he says “nothing” women just don’t understand that some of a man’s boxes literally have nothing in them, haha!

….. :|

Anyway, if you think me and my brothers and my mom don’t constantly give each other sad, tragic faces and say “I’m sorry, my waffle box is empty today” and “noodle faster!” and “you are failing at being a waffle” and “I can’t be clearer, I am a plate of spaghetti” pretty much indiscriminately in all directions all the time…. you would be wrong.

[kyraneko]

Occasionally the context of a Dadaist post makes it even better.

[anxious-but-whatever-deactivate]

Whatthehickityheck

[clownboybebop]

me: to really understand Frankenstein, we have to take into account that Mary Shelley was surrounded by creative men who really didn’t take her seriously, so in addition to sci-fi horror, it can also be read as an exploration of female creative frustration and-

The burglar that broke into my house: bodily autonomy?

me: exactly. Now,

[whycherries]

Oh to be a queer-coded Italian sea-monster child whose only aspiration in life is getting a Vespa

[ladyjencroft]

Well... 🤷🏻‍♀️

[hxans]

[lpbear]