For @merlinmicrofic. Prompt: Throne. Gwen & Merlin, Post-Camlann, Gen. Words: 497
Gwen remembers Arthur’s delighted confession after her coronation so clearly.
“When you walked up those steps and sat next to me, I thought: at last she is where she belongs.”
“On the throne?” she had asked, laughing, amused at the thought. Only the day before she was a servant. Even with the crown sitting heavy on her head it all felt like a dream.
Arthur had looked into her eyes, solemn. “That, too. But I meant at my side.”
When Gwen looks at her side now there’s an empty throne. Every now and then it feels like a stab to the heart.
She could have it removed, but she chose not to. She wants to remember, even if it pains her.
She suspects Gwaine’s seat at the Round Table remains unoccupied for the same reason.
Sometimes she catches Merlin looking at it – vacant eyes on a vacant seat.
He sits at Gwen’s side, and she misses him. Arthur died after Camlann, but the Merlin she knew never returned either.
“Merlin?” she calls him, genty. He’s gathering some scrolls from the table, absent-mindedly. The knights have left, they’re the only people in the council chamber now, apart from the guards posted at the doors.
The sound of his name seems to bring him back to reality. Where were you? she’d like to ask him. Where do you go when you’re not here?
Instead, she says: “Will you come to my chambers later? I’ve amended my speech for tomorrow and I would like you to review it. If you have the time.”
Merlin gives her an empty smile. “Of course.”
Of course. He always has the time for Gwen, and he’s always perfectly polite. It's like he’s trying to atone for the unforgivable sin of not saving Arthur’s life. She wonders how long it will take him to feel like he has done sufficient penance. Perhaps one day he’ll realise it will never happen, and he will feel free to go.
He’s not staying. She knows it, even if Merlin doesn't. It may be a matter of weeks, or months, or even a few years, but one day the tether binding Merlin to Camelot will snap. It grows more frail by the day.
“Thank you,” she says.
Merlin dips his head and leaves, the bundle of scrolls tucked under his arm.
She looks at Arthur’s throne. Tomorrow she will address the people of Camelot and declare magic no longer unlawful.
“I wish you were here to see it,” she murmurs.
One day she’ll start living for the present and for what is yet to come, and not for the memory of the man she loved. But today she allows herself to dwell on the past, and to take some comfort in it.
As she brushes a tear away, the clouds in the grey sky part, and golden sunlight floods the chamber. It touches the red velvet of the thrones like a caress.
In which Arthur makes his return from Avalon by rolling down a hill in Glastonbury, Merlin does his best to shelter him from the dangers of the modern world (like cars, Love Island, and blenders), and they both try to figure out what they’re supposed to do next.
To avoid Arthur having a mental breakdown, Merlin gives him a very gentle introduction to the modern world. He doesn’t need to be filled in on the history of everything that happened between his death and now. Right now, he needs only to know the basics, what little he needs to survive – where to buy food, how to pay for it, how to operate basic household appliances. How to avoid getting hit by a car when crossing the street.
Arthur seems to be doing okay, considering. After the initial anger and panic, he seems, in fact, remarkably calm. It worries Merlin a little.
And he brims with questions. It feels like living with a toddler. He asks Merlin random things about his life, such as:
“Did you travel?”
“Did you ever marry? Have children?”
“How do you earn a living?”
“Why Brighton?”
To which Merlin replies:
“Some. Never went very far.”
“No.”
“I don’t have to earn a living.”
“I just liked it, I guess. I've lived in worse places.”
Sometimes, Lesley fills in the gaps in Merlin's answers:
“He's never been on a plane. He's afraid of flying.”
(“Afraid of flying on planes,” Merlin scoffs, because in his entire life he's never heard of a dragon crashing into the side of a mountain.
“What's a plane?” Arthur asks.)
“He's such a grumpy old man, no one would marry him.”
“It's true. He's filthy rich.” (This she adds at Arthur's unconvinced look, which is a bit insulting, considering he didn't need any persuading to believe no one ever found Merlin a suitable match in fifteen hundred years.)
Or, “He said he ‘grew weary of London’. I think he thought being by the seaside would cure him of his melancholy. Incredibly Victorian of him, if you ask me.”
(“I'm not melancholy,” Merlin protests.
“Victorian?” Arthur says.)
Arthur has lots of questions about science and technology that even Merlin doesn’t know the answers to. After a while, Merlin has to tell him to just accept that some things work even if he doesn’t understand how, which doesn’t do much to dispel Arthur's notion that magic is involved, somehow.
Sporadically, Arthur asks about Camelot. The aftermath of the battle. What happened to the people they both used to know. What happened to his kingdom.
“Do you ever miss it?”
“Sometimes. Some things. I don't…” Merlin sighs. “It’s been such a long time, Arthur. I can’t say I remember it all that well.”
Arthur doesn’t mention Gwen much, but now and then he stares off into the distance with a sad look on his face, and Merlin knows he must be thinking about her, because he’s seen that kicked puppy expression before.
“You said she lived a long life,” Arthur says one night, while they’re both in bed, waiting to fall asleep, and Merlin doesn’t need to ask who he means by ‘she’. “But was she happy?”
She was in pieces after you died, Merlin thinks, but she learnt to live with her grief. Eventually it just becomes part of you, and then you’re mostly okay, when you don’t think about it too much. I think there were times when she was happy. I hope so. I don’t think she ever stopped missing you, though. A lifetime isn’t enough. I’ve had centuries and I didn’t manage.
functionally suicidal character saying “I would die for you” to their significant other and its like. I get the sentiment, honey, but if a hot dog vendor told me he’d sell hot dogs for me, I wouldn’t feel very moved now would I
There are lots of reasons why fandom is "quieter" now than it used to be. Some theories are more compelling to me than others, and they all have a different scale of impact. We'll never know for sure, of course, but I like to think about it. Thus, this poll.
Of the list below, which reason do you find most compelling or do you think had the biggest impact?
New entrants to fandom don't know the old ways
fandom olds didn't teach the newcomers how to fandom
covid/surge in fandom due to quarantine and lockdowns
"antis" and other harassment campaigns against creators
creators posting complaints about comments (people worry about commenting wrong)
rise of discord popularity - fandom is walled off from each other
tumblr porn ban and other reasons people left the site
capitalism turning fandom into a passive "view and move on" commodity
rules from social media impacting fan culture (eg. don't comment on old posts)
general state of the world / burnout
social anxieties in an increasingly complex online culture
"surveillance state" worries and not wanting to be perceived
Remaining time: 6 days 1 hour
This is an incomplete list, so if your most compelling reason isn't listed, feel free to add it in the notes.
Yearning for what you can never have is beginner level. Real yearners know the good shit is what you could freely have if you allowed yourself to, but never will.
one of the worst parts of entering an established fandom is reading through the tags and realising with a dawning horror that fans have collectively decided to give one of the characters a horrible, non-canonical, cutesy nickname
In the beginning she [Gwen] is this quite shy, reasonably innocent character who bumbles her way along. But as things go on a bit, more of the queen within begins to emerge. She always has a strong sense of right and wrong, of justice and injustice. She talks about ordinary people and how they need to be represented, which is a bit revolutionary in Camelot. - Angel Coulby
one of the worst things about fandom is when people headcanon a certain character as gay and suddenly that becomes the only valid, practically unofficial-official canon reading of that character's sexuality. gay. just gay. character has shown romantic or sexual desire for women? it's comphet, don't worry, he's still gay. character isn't interested in sex much at all? it's because he hasn't fucked a man, obviously. character has lots of women friends? they are the hags to his fag, he's gay, why are you even trying. and it all seems like a very Transformative and Woke way to read a character until you step back and realize how much biphobia, acephobia, misogyny, and transphobia are baked into the adamant refusal to accept The Character as anything other than gay. it's horrendous, actually. but you will get shot in the streets for this.
