My Internet Life

Doctor Who, Percy Jackson, etc. *multifandom blog* *personal blog*

[angelicbreadroll]

me: i cant move, a cute animal is asleep on me

person: push it off

me: [enraged and offended] 

[pdawgz]

I really went through 4 years of high school and never got assigned a fake baby to watch and take care of

[seshrat]

so the cah pride pack has options for buying it “with glitter" and “without glitter” and knowing cards against humanity they just tip like 3 tablespoons of fucking glitter into the pack of cards and send it out

[seshrat]

this is absolutely what they’ve done

[uristmcdorf]

I did it to myself so you don’t have to

send help

[seshrat]

thank you for your sacrifice

[darlingbenny]

WHEN IRENE SAID “AND SOMEBODY LOVES YOU” AND JOHN WAS JUST LIKE …HAHA PUT SOME CLOTHES ON AND SHE PROMPTLY ASKED HIM “WHY? ARE YOU FEELING EXPOSED?” AND JOHN JUST WENT

[darlingbenny]

#HE KNOWS THAT SHE KNOWS

[mulaneysbutt]

One time I was at the dinner table when I was like 6, cause I had to be…

[mulaneysbutt]

Religion came up with Petunia recently.

bonus, Petunia Last Supper:

[ghost-toast]

The fact that John Mulaney doesn’t think that he would be the twink in that scenario is the funniest fucking joke in this entire performance

[dynamax-corviknight]

when someone in high school asks if ur gay

[oldschoolvillageidiot]

John Mulaney’s doctor said he had never seen his particular hip injury in someone who “just stands there and talks.”

[diarygirls]

every time i watch john mulaney i’m like “hmm maybe i’ll get tired of this white man going off vaguely standard comic material” and then he absolutely skewers my entire personality and childhood with intense specificity and i’m like ok. you can stay for this one jimothy

[chadoppressor-deactivated201809]

[fangorgia]

same tbh???

[sonseulsoleil]

I’m glad to know that John Mulaney was an English major because it means when he says “college is just ‘I think Emily Dickinson is a lesbian!’ and they’re like ‘partial credit!’” he says it with authority. 

[honey-dippers-deactivated201907]

God, listening to John Mulaney talk about doing hard fucking drugs in his youth is like hearing a nun reminisce on her last orgy before she converted. What do you mean you didn’t come out of the womb with a fatherly demeanor and crippling anxiety?

[stillnotfuckingginger]

End of the semester moodboard

[literaphobe]

me, oversharing on the internet about my issues

[aquamirage]