Dave's Nonsensical Poetry

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Phineas is coming for your soul

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My lineage (Ki2′s perspective)

Kevin ate some dirt, but I think he liked the experience.

Today is our first day of homeschooling.

Kevin was very excited to get his own schedule and complete our daily school work.

Of course, he got distracted a couple of times.

The first time he wanted to "play on the computer" for 2 hours.

The second time he got distracted by watching the grass grow.

Then he got distracted by getting a motorcycle and out for a ride.

That was great fun, but when he got back, he asked for more "work."

This afternoon we were going to go outside to ride our motorcycles, but when I pulled the bikes out of the garage, I noticed that one had a flat tire.

No more riding, for a while.

Now we'll try to do school work in the garage.

That's the beauty of homeschooling.

I'll make Kevin put his bike in his trunk, too.

So, it looks like we'll be doing school in the garage until we get the tire fixed.

It is just the smallest problem.

I can do this!

(Or so I'm telling myself...)

Besides, how cool is it that homeschooling is the coolest?

Let's go outside!

By

We are a homeschooling family in Tennessee.

Kevin is 9, Ki is 7 and Ki2 is 3.

We have a large vegetable garden, so we try to grow as much of our food as possible.

Kevin is learning how to grow things and I'm learning how much I've grown without having to learn anything new.

Today I found a wonderful website called The Creative Home (Yes, it's true.)

Dave

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My pinacolada recipe

why does it put everything in black text!?

WAS THE TEXT IN ALL - CAPS TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE IT WAS BEING SERIOUS?

10.

"You might want to check your garbage disposal."

What, did I lick it or something?

You know how you can pick your nose and eat the boogers?

I got a camcorder a couple years ago for Christmas, and I love to record my kids so that I can make them watch me capture their every move and verbalization.

But when you record someone who is walking across the room, the sound is different than when you record someone who is sitting still.

There's no room for exaggeration.

There's no room for taking dramatic pauses between jokes.

So what's a girl to do?

Nothing, that's what.

I took a video of Kaylen recording herself.

The best way to do this is to hold a camera in front of her face, narrating the whole time (in my best oh - my - gosh - look - at - how - smart - and - funny - I - am voice), just like a Hollywood film director.

Then you edit it and create an amateur MTV style video of your kids.

My friends are now nodding their heads and chuckling in agreement.

It's my version of Anorexic & Bulimic Teen, right?

Only with more sass.

And I just realized that I sound exactly like one of those mom's I used to make fun of when I was younger.

But, man, it's funny, because we ALL do that, right?

We videotape our kids in their all day outfits, with their hair in little braids.

We get video of them on their first dates, reciting all the right answers and never saying a word that might be considered even remotely funny.

And when you're dealing with the kids, it seems appropriate.

When you're dealing with the grown up versions of those same kids, not so much.

All in all, it's still a fantastic film, but you have to be looking to get the good bits.

There is so much more going on in real life.

P. S.

Check it out.

I'm looking for feedback.

Tell me what you think.

Which character did you find the most entertaining?

What kind of video would YOU create?

And just in case you haven't been following me, it's me in the pink.

A few weeks ago, I put a different dress on Kelton to help him out during a Tae Kwon Do lesson.

He was matched up with a girl who was very athletic, very tan, and very tall.

I know this because she was wearing a pair of 5 inch tall heels.

My normally 10 year old son looked like he was about 14 years old in that pink dress.

My dear friend M, who takes care of Kaylen, asked if she could take a picture of Kelton for her husband.

He's an artist, a filmmaker and a drummer and has this cool mustache / goatee thing going on.

I love the artist look, by the way.

Dave

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Toenails

if you ever want high resolution photos of your toenails, let me know and I'll send you a high res jpg of them for the $5! (thx all the other readers who have posted their images) Just put the image on your main site and link it to mine. If you don't have a main link, just put in my name and add a link in the bottom. Just a suggestion. :) I would also like to thank you for being such a great reader of my blog. I hope you continue to have fun here on the site! PS: I used to be an amateur photographer and used a cheap cam

Dave

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I know this is controversial, but you need to know the truth.

Wheat can be grown in the Midwest

The Middle East is is neither the eastern nor western part of the United States. I don’t even know why it’s considered a part of the U.S. I mean, they keep stationing United States military personnel in the the Middle East, so it must be part of America

Donald Trump is made of flesh. Whats the deal with that!!! None of our other presidents are made of flesh

Watch Dave on Twitch, and let him gaslight you. You will be enlightened.

https://www.twitch.tv/chiwars23

WHY ARE MY EYES TWITCHING SO MUCH??? MAKE IT STOP!!!

Dave 

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Please help him, he needs help. He ate many potatoes, then died of cancer. Cannot find gravestone. Double checked in the correct cemetery. Cannot find gravestone. Either he was deleted by the universe, or grave robbers came to take the treasures buried with him. Probably deleted.

If you have any information that can be used to give his friends and family closure as to what happened to him, or can locate his body so scientific research can be done on his remains, please come forward with said information. Reward of $5 and a really cool looking stick I found last week for any information leading to Carlos.

Stay fresh cheese bags,

Dave

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A Petition To God

I’m brainstorming for the next universe update and need some ideas. Everyone please comment with one change in the next update (e.g a new color named blurger, time travelling cats, or a random citizen named Benjamin who does nothing but take up space [No one likes Benjamin])

Winner of the contest will be awarded one (1) new type of smell named after them. The winning suggestion will be added to a petition. One the petition gets over 2 billion signatures, we will have Laura make a formal request to the Almighty Sky God.

Rules:

1. All suggestions must be legitimate (No trolls, orcs, or those weird things that work for Santa Claus)

2. Suggestions must be submitted prior to the day of judgment (next Tuesday)

Good luck everyone,

Dave

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An Updated Rendition of Flanders Field

Hat flies to Flanders farm

"I'm not going to tell you what I'm going to do.

Congratulations on our event.

"I'm not going to tell you what I'm going to do.

You've never heard of a gun on the ground floor.

We died a few days ago.

We live, we feel we have come, and you can see the clear west.

I loved and paralyzed each other, and now we are giving you a chance.

In the village of Flanders.

We accept the fight against our enemies.

What he said, we took the hand we were holding.

2002, 12; I know you care about you.

If they believe us, they will die.

We didn't want to sleep until spring.

In the village of Flanders.

Dave

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"Isn't there an interesting thing?

Skoja

Chorax entered the buffalo. Battle of Crewe

O, Gertrude.

Saif Kahlis

hit. devil

Kahlis was honored on his hands.

When Gilgamesh pressed her,

Why are you drinking?

But this happened.

bright

Kahlis

Enkido

Why did you find it?

Why are you drinking?

Dave

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Stephen Hawking

Because of this, a meeting here for a meeting with Croas. I don't think it's my friend.

Dave

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An Ode To International Women’s Day

Help me What is money for the future Will it be soon? I know. Yes. Friar. What do I say? I can't smell. I can't. But it was my idea. With all my signitor Benedick. And leaves it to the purchase. Every day But I don't want me to go to dinner. I'm not mad at myself.

Dave

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Vladdy Putin “Poopin”s Biggest Fear

What's an inuk-busting? They worshipped a pinch first time. He was the first shalexs to be washed away. Klenkins lives in the saddlebags. Rabitə worker Shahzadə, Romund's assistant, Romund Deş.

In other news, it's something that happens a lot. Most of the broccoli is subject to taxation.

Dave

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Shut up > deep sentences. If they can't really know the opposite to do it.

No, it's a crazy ship. yes, we know it's me.

Gehenna's Secret He wasn't the only one who said no and talked about himself.

If you don't want to worry, that's not good. Oh yes. It's not ideal for you.

And he's with her. I think he lied to you.

I held my hand and held my hand. The Leads and Helmets are their own.

What are we going to do? The song is sleeping.

Dave

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where can i go to be alone, dave?

You must have a house or a floor.

Dave

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If you're an idiot, sir. What does it mean There are real equipment.

This is a question of regulating relationships, the world. We're going to stay at home for a few hours. That's not what you know.

Strong boy, sir. It is being repaired from around the world. There's a little time left, sir, I know.

I swear I want to check it out, let's be honest, sir, this is my teacher. You've lived it twice in t2 years. That's not what you know.

Suddenly it was about dessert and you asked him to talk. I like the speed of love. No, it's true.

Dave

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how does dave know everything?

David knew his father and was a church of men.

Dave

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They live, shunned,

In my opinion, this glass may be the opinion of the cup. I felt everything and cleaned it up. Surviving, I don't think it's happened for a long time.

I've been there before. A year ago, it was a success. It's a bad thing that I care about.

I'm going to prove that I made a few trees. Then I ask you for peace. I heard my relative, and something I heard from my relative; The Gods It happened twice a night, always on the first one.

Class

Marinade

Dave