âby laying our unstable hearts on the shoulders of each other we fight against the depraved bad ending.â
synopsis: in which your relationship is on the rocks and you're not sure if you want to fix it anymore.
pairing: ryuguji ken x reader
genre: angst
word count: 566
a/n: i wrote this last night when i was going through it. should i finish it? or leave it as a drabble?
"Do you still love me?"
It was a simple binary question of yes or no, but it had him looking up at her so quickly it made her flinch. He didn't even have to think about it. The response came as easy to him as breathing. Instinct. His love for her ran so deep that it was all he knew how to do. It tugged at his heartstrings hearing her ask such a question. Had he failed?
"Yes, I love you to death, Y/N," he sighed. "Especially when we got into that argument the other night. Before you left, I was physically sick because I felt so bad for what I did."
"Then why do I feel so broken inside?" She was shivering from the cold air sneaking in through the slightly cracked-open window above the sink, but she could still feel the surge of emotions building up inside her.
She already knew why, but it was still a genuine question. She wanted him to realize that she could only take so much bullshit at once before she exploded. All they've been doing lately is argue. Why couldn't it just stop for a second? Just one second so she could catch her breath long enough to figure out what was going on.
It felt like she was drowning. So many overwhelming emotions she could hardly understand.
"I think you just need to surround yourself with what makes you happy for right now," he suggested.
She chuckled humorlessly, "Right, kind of hard to do that when the person who's supposed to be contributing to your happiness is making you feel even worse than you already do."
Silence.
"I can't do this anymore, Ken. I'm fucking depressed, I don't need you making me feel like shit every other fucking day on top of it."
"Babe, I-"
"Save it, please. Do you know how shitty I've felt since the other night? At one point, I was gaslighting myself."
Silence.
"I was thinking, Fuck, I shouldn't have upset him so much. I shouldn't have said anything. You know how he gets when he's mad, should've left it alone." His gaze moved downwards as she spoke, glaring a hole into the ground. "You need to learn how to take a joke. You should've let yourself slip and fall on that slab of ice that blended in so well with the sidewalk that you could barely see it."
Again, silence. I mean what the fuck was he supposed to say? He had felt sick to his stomach watching her walk through that door like he had practically ordered her to. Draken knew he had fucked up when Mikey showed up at his door wondering why his best friend had wandered over to his house at 2 o'clock in the morning, very clearly in distress and so many tears pouring out of her eyes that she could hardly see where she was walking. He was her boyfriend. He knew what she was going through, so why? Why did he add to the never-ending voices circling viciously in her head instead of guide her back into the silence as he promised he would?
He didn't know. And neither did she.
"I love you so much," she cried out, the tears coming back around like they always did, "but I don't know if I have enough left to love me for the both of us."
The demon bewitched you with the allure behind his eyes, but by the time you got close enough to inspect it... it was already too late. There was no going back now.
My halloween art collab with @shoutodoki đ¤ We both felt like doing our own interpretations of incubus demonroki~
The demon bewitched you with the allure behind his eyes, but by the time you got close enough to inspect it⌠it was already too late. There was no going back now.
Halloween Art Collab/Trade with @yanderart doing our own interpretation of incubus demonroki!
I am sorry to bother everyone but I dont know what else to do with my situation. I have -120.00 in my account and my fridge is on empty and has been on empty for a few days.
Therefore I am opening up emergency commissions so I can afford something to eat. Please by all means reblog this if you cannot afford to commission me, reblogs help so much.
1200-1500 words $15
2000-3000 words $20
4000-5000 words $40
I'll literally write any pairing you want, NSFW or SFW, but please help me get the word out.
THIS WAS SO FUN THANK U. is anyone surprised tho đđźđđźđ actually Iâm kinda surprised Iwaizumi made it that high. But Iâm not mad.
Tagging: @aaakaaashii @squankosaurus @jemmo @cantspelloikawawithoutaw @legendoftherisingtide @the-third-wall @im-cold-so-gimme-your-hoodie @bokuto-the-ordinary-ace @kodzukuroken @pancake-surprise @n0n4r1 !! (And anyone else who wants to rank their favs !! !!! If you do, tag me! I love to see them! )
top 10 and the rest! the top 10,,,is incredibly true,,,
@vanilla-beanzzââ @arthasnorulesorlimitââ @lcsbianistââ and anyone else who wants to !!! i really love these sorters HFEORUH shows your own little preferences even if itâs unconscious!
âat the thought of you, i was able to smile. to the place you are, that place is probably my home.â
synopsis:Â in which you throw yourself into your schoolwork and fail to notice youâve been neglecting your boyfriend.
pairing:Â asahi azumane x reader
genre:Â angst, slight fluff
word count:Â 4.3k
Despite it feeling as if you had suffered through this agonizing week long enough, it was only Tuesday. It was the same vicious cycle you had become accustomed to at the beginning of the semester, except it was now nearly impossible for you to get all of your assignments in without falling behind. Being a third-year in high school was certainly a lot of work, and you were thoroughly convinced that you were the only one in your class that was this overwhelmed. All the others in your class seemed to be doing well, and then there was you who couldnât get a grasp of the material and stayed up countless nights to try and teach yourself. Sanity was starting to get farther and farther from your reach as you continuously sacrificed your now nonexistent free time.
âHello, earth to Y/N.â The voice belonged to Sugawara, the boy having walked over to you as you were dozing off in class.Â
You blinked repeatedly as your fellow classmate came into your obscure view. The two of you had grown fairly close after you and your boyfriend had started dating. It was practically inevitable, and you were bound to see each other frequently as those boys were inseparable. Until formally meeting him you had hardly noticed that you were in the same class, which actually turned out in your favor. Suga had been extremely helpful these last few weeks by letting you borrow his class notes.Â
You rubbed your eyes tiredly, âSorry, Iâm a little out of it. Whatâd you say?â
âItâs fine,â he chuckled, situating himself in the empty seat to your right. âI was wondering if my notes were any help.â
At the mere thought of whatâs been keeping you up at night you rolled your eyes. Out of all your classes, the one you were currently in was proving to be the most difficult. As hard as you tried to understand the material, it just wasnât sticking. And given you didnât necessarily have all the time in the world to teach it to yourself, your last hope was Suga who was excelling in his studies despite volleyball taking up most of his time.
âThey are a tremendous help, but Iâm still not entirely sure what Iâm doing,â you admitted dreadfully. It was starting to dawn on you that maybe you just werenât meant to understand the subject.
âI can help tutor you a bit if youâd like.â
âNo, itâs okay,â you shook your head immediately. âYouâve already helped so much and I doubt you would have much time with volleyball practice and everything.â
The boy nodded as you did make a good point. âSpeaking of volleyball, weâve been missing you coming to watch us practice.â
Often times after school, you would visit the gym and watch the boys practice so you could offer some encouragement and would then walk home with Asahi. Itâd been a few weeks since you were able to actually spare some time. Not only were you freaking about your classes, but you had for some unknown reason agreed to be part of the committee organizing the schoolâs annual sports festival. Most of those meetings consisted of several disagreements that you were forced to mediate, which somehow made the others consider you as the go-to for making the decisions. The amount of times you had mulled over what your life had become over the last few days was astronomical.
âIâve been so busy lately that I hardly noticed,â you sighed, beginning to gather your stuff as the class neared its end.Â
Suga couldnât help but want to ask how you and Asahi had been doing lately, especially since it hadnât gone unnoticed by him and Daichi that the teamâs ace had been a bit tense lately. They were never ones to meddle and figured the two of you would work whatever it was out eventually. However, it had been a couple weeks and they were starting to doubt you even knew there was an issue at all. The boy had initially walked over to ask you about it but one glance at the bags under your eyes and your disheveled appearance led him to the realization that bringing it up would probably do more harm than good.Â
The sound of the bell signifying the end of the school day had you both rising from your respective seats. The test in this class was tomorrow afternoon, meaning you would have to devote your time later to studying as much as possible. It also meant that you would have to return the notebook so that Suga could also study.
You came to a halt by the door and got the boyâs attention before he could head out. âI have a meeting with the committee in about ten minutes, but Iâll stop by your practice and drop off your notebook before going home.â
âAre you sure you wonât need it to study?â Suga knew the material pretty well and could definitely pass this test without preparing much beforehand.
âIâve stared at the pages so much that I wouldnât be surprised if I have them all memorized,â you chuckled humorlessly, following him out into the hall. Envy bubbled within you as you watched the other students in your class on their way out as their day came to a close.Â
Suga gave you a thumbs up for support. âDonât work too hard!â
To this day you were unsure of how he was always able to remain positive.Â
â¤â˘
The sun was now starting to set as you made your way towards the gymnasium where the boysâ volleyball practice should still be going on. That meeting had been by far the longest yet, and it had consisted of much more arguing and differences of opinion. Once again you were expected to be the mediator and voice of reason, and you honestly didnât have it in you to argue today. You were all able to compromise on a theme at least, but at this rate it would take forever just to plan it. Never mind the fact that you would all then have to gather the materials to set up each event, and you could already foresee your school days growing longer and longer.
You could hear the sound of shoes squeaking against the gym floor as you approached the entrance. Pulling the door open, it came as no surprise that the boys were hard at work practicing their serves. Last time you had came to watch them practice they had been doing the same, except you could see how much they had improved since then. For one, Nishinoya was visibly trying harder than usual to receive them.Â
Coach Ukai and Yachi were quick to greet you when you neared the bench they were always sat at, this being where they would watch closely and gauge the boysâ improvement. You had passed by Kiyoko on your way there, the girl having told you that it was nice to see you after such a long time. It was clear they were all heavily focused on practice, and so you figured you would sit for a moment rather than interrupt. Before you could even take a seat, you were nearly pounced on by one very enthusiastic first-year.
âY/N-san!â Hinata shouts excitedly, bouncing around in front of you like a child on Christmas.Â
Your eyes widened as you nearly fell back at the shock of the bright-haired boy getting loud so close to you.
âY/N!â Within a second Noya and Tanaka were at your sides, the three of them all cheering in unison as if you had just given them the best news of their life.Â
You smiled nervously as the others were quickly alerted to your presence, which is what you were trying to avoid in the first place. You had no idea they would get this excited just from you stopping by. Even if you wanted to, you couldnât be mad at their chaotic nature. It was truly heartwarming.Â
âGuys, donât all greet her at once. Youâll overwhelm her.â
Relief flowed through you as their captain and vice captain pulled them away from you and granted you some space to breathe. As much as you loved those three crackheads, their excitement often got the better of them. You nodded at Daichi as a thank you, recollecting your thoughts as you remembered the reason you came in the first place.Â
âGlad to have you back, Y/N,â Ennoshita told you, once again bringing a smile to your face.
âWell thank you all for the warm welcome,â you replied, handing Suga his notebook as he stood next to you in order to make room for the other boys. It was certainly a sight to see everyone gathered around you, and if you werenât so used to the boys it would be very intimidating.
âDid you come to watch us practice?â
It was Tanaka who had asked the question, but Hinataâs eyes were still lit up like a Christmas tree. The boy had been staring at you with the same doe-eyed expression since having spotted you, no doubt wanting you to see what new tricks him and his partner Kageyama had come up with. It took everything in you not to allow the regret you felt show on your face. You didnât want to disappoint them by telling them you couldnât stay, and Daichi, as if sensing this, answered for you.
âIâm sure she would if she had time, but Y/N is really busy these days,â he reminded the boys, who couldnât help but display their disappointment at the revelation.Â
You nodded in agreement, ruffling Hinataâs hair in an effort to make him smile again. âYeah, Iâm helping plan the sports festival, but once thatâs done I promise Iâll come and see what new tricks you guys have up your sleeve.â
âNot everyone is as obsessed with volleyball as you, shorty,â Tsukishima retorted, his response getting a rise out of Hinata as always.
âStill as salty as ever, I see,â you laughed as the two middle blockers began bickering.
You were chatting with the second-years about the upcoming sports festival when you felt a hand on your shoulder. You turned to see the ace of the team, who was nowhere to be found when you had first arrived. Asahiâs facial expression changed into one of worry when he could practically see your lack of sleep on your face. You failed to notice this and how Suga led the others away so the two of you could be alone, pulling your boyfriend in for a much needed embrace. Despite his concern, he couldnât help but reciprocate your affection.
The two of you hadnât seen much of each other these last few days, especially since you were in class four and he was in class three. At most, you had brief interactions in the hallways in between classes. It wasnât like you could make plans to hang out outside of school either because your schedules constantly clashed. Even if you had been able to find the slightest amount of free time, Asahi would either be at practice or at a game. You didnât think it was fair to ask him to take time out of his volleyball practice, especially with another tournament coming up soon. However, you also couldnât help the fact that you were extremely busy.
You pulled your head back from his chest to glance up at the face of your adoring boyfriend. âI missed you,â you mumbled just loud enough for him to hear.
âI missed you too, baby,â he says with that award-winning smile on his face.
A loud whistle from none other than Noya and Tanaka had Asahi pulling away from you in embarrassment as if the two of you hadnât been dating for several months now. You rolled your eyes and flipped them both off as you grabbed your boyfriendâs hand and dragged him outside so you could talk in peace. The blush was still evident on his cheeks even though you were both now out of sight. He simply couldnât help his shyness around you, no matter how long itâs been.
âI tried looking for you after last period,â you told him, recalling how you had gone to his locker as you usually did but he hadnât been there.
âOh yeah, Iâve been practicing a lot more recently because tomorrow is the first day of preliminary games,â he explained, jogging a memory that you forgot you even had.Â
âThatâs tomorrow?âÂ
Asahi nodded, not understanding your surprise. âYou can still come, right?â
Now you knew very well that you were going to end up pulling an all-nighter yet again tonight studying for the test you had tomorrow. On top of that, you also had to start the next chapter, which you would most definitely be teaching to yourself because no matter how much you tried, you simply could not understand your teacherâs lessons. It was already near impossible for you to get that all done in one night, but you promised your boyfriend weeks ago that you would go to see his games this time to make up for those you missed last time. He had told you multiple times that you werenât obligated to and that he knew you were supportive even if you couldnât go cheer him on.Â
Nonetheless, you were not about to make him feel as if he wasnât a top priority. So you mustered up a convincing smile and bobbed your head up and down in agreement. âOf course I can!â
You had no idea how the hell you were going to pull this off, but you would figure it out even if it killed you.
â¤â˘Â
To say it was a long, excruciating night was an understatement. You honestly considered just going to sleep and winging it on the test several times. However, one thirty-minute nap and two energy drinks later, you were yet again back in school. Your first three classes progressed without a hitch, granted you werenât working on much aside from the usual assignments. You were also taking advantage of the ten minute intervals between classes to freshen up because you were practically on the verge of falling asleep every time you sat still for longer than a minute.Â
The test you had been dreading all week was currently in session, and although you were able to understand at least half of the questions, the other half were borderline driving you insane. You could only memorize so much and it seemed as if your teacher had put every single concept you had trouble understanding on this test to torture you. After nearly an hour, you were one of the last ones to finish and hand in the test. You had genuinely expected to be the last one, but as it turns out maybe you werenât the only one who had no clue what they were doing.Â
The one good thing you could say about the day was that there was no meeting you had to go to. You doubt you wouldâve been able to even sit through the meeting without passing out, which is exactly why the second you got home you put on some comfy clothes and practically jumped onto your bed to take a nap. You had another three hours before the game would be starting, so as long as you set an alarm for an hour before, you should be able to make it on time. You wanted to be able to cheer for your boyfriend energetically, and that honestly was not going to be able to happen if you didnât get some sleep. The last thing you wanted was to disappoint Asahi or the boys.
In hindsight, that was your first mistake.Â
Actually no, your first mistake was convincing yourself that after three days with essentially no sleep and minimal food consumption you would be able to take a short nap and be rejuvenated. You had just barely passed your test and the sports festival now had a theme, but at what cost. It was a wonder how you were able to make it through an entire school day without passing out. You supposed you were now facing the repercussions of not taking your mental health into consideration.Â
It was the incessant buzzing near your ear that woke you from your slumber. Imagine your surprise when you realized that the sun was no longer beaming through your bedroom window as it had been when you initially fell asleep, but was actually now hardly in sight. Your eyes nearly popped out of your head and you sat up so fast that you experienced a brief wave of dizziness. You blinked several times at your phone screen to make sure you were seeing things correctly.
This was your second mistake.Â
Instead of napping for two hours, you had slept through every single one of the alarms you had set. It was now four hours later and you had missed both of the teamâs games. As if you didnât already feel like utter shit, you realized you had three missed calls from Asahi timestamped for fifteen minutes before the game started. You didnât even bother to try and stop the tears that cascaded down your cheeks at the thought of how pissed at you he probably was. He had asked you for one thing and you couldnât even do it. You were a terrible girlfriend.Â
It had to have been at least five minutes that you sat there and cried thinking about how disappointed the entire team probably was that you didnât go show them support. Especially Hinata and Yamaguchi who had both been working so hard to improve after that devastating loss a couple months ago. The slightest possibility that maybe you were overreacting briefly crossed your mind, but was shut out by the realization that maybe you just werenât good enough. The thought that you had let everyone down only propelled you further into an emotional breakdown.Â
If the universe had let you, you wouldâve been crying in bed for hours. But the universe had different plans. A loud knock on your front door is what snapped you out of the trance you were in. You normally left it up to your parents to answer the door, but considering neither of them were home, you would have to be the one to go see who was outside. You were in absolutely no condition to socialize, especially looking like the mess you did currently.Â
As fast as you could, you rushed to your bathroom and splashed some water on your face to eradicate any evidence of tears. You tied your hair up into a bun and practically ran to the door. The sun had now completely set but it wasnât late enough that you feared it was someone with ill intentions. Imagine your surprise when you pulled the front door open to reveal your boyfriend, dressed comfortably with a duffel bag slung over his shoulder. His face was blank of any emotion, so aside from the confusion as to why he had come to visit you, you had no idea how to feel.Â
After allowing him to come inside, the two of you settled onto the couch. You made sure there was some space between you, seeing as you still werenât sure what to do in this situation. You doubt he had come to yell at you, especially since your boyfriend wasnât the yelling type. Although it wouldnât make much of a difference if he told you how disappointed he was by yelling or speaking to you normally. You were a crybaby by nature and both scenarios were bound to have you sobbing one way or another.Â
It had been a couple minutes now and neither of you had said a word. You were picking at a loose thread in your leggings nervously, not wanting to make eye contact just in case he had come to yell at you. Meanwhile Asahi was mulling over what exactly to say to you, despite having thought about it the entire bus ride back from the venue after the game ended.
âIâm sorry for being such a disappointment.â
âIâm a terrible boyfriend.â
The two of you had spoken at the same exact time, and both of your declarations left the other speechless. You werenât sure how to respond to him because truthfully, you had never expected those words to come out of his mouth. Asahi was anything but a bad boyfriend, and you knew he could be insecure at times as well as being sensitive to what others thought of him. You made sure he always knew how much you cared about him, so you were baffled at what was making him feel as if he wasnât good enough.
âWhy do you think youâre a terrible boyfriend?â You managed to ask after a short pause.Â
Asahi sighed as he frustratedly rubbed his hands over his face. âI know youâve been having a tough time lately, and I havenât been there for you at all because Iâm always busy with volleyball. I just feel like thereâs more that I couldâve done to be there for you. I canât even imagine how much pressure you felt to come to the game today on top of all you have to do already.â
Your silence was deafening as you processed everything your boyfriend had just told you. It was surreal to you how he had somehow managed to place all the blame on himself when it was you who had been a terrible girlfriend. You moved your hands from their placement on your lap and scooted closer to pull one of his hands away from his face.Â
âAzumane, if I had known that you were feeling this way the whole time I wouldâve told you how wrong you were,â you told him, your thumbs tracing different shapes on the back of his hand. âI am stressed because of school but I didnât mean to make you feel as if you werenât doing enough. If anything, it was me that didnât want to get in the way of your volleyball practice by distracting you with my issues. I know how important it is to you.â
It was now his turn to be surprised, instantly closing the distance between you to cup your cheek with his free hand. He looked into your eyes with so much passion that you were sure he was gazing into your soul.
âI donât want you to ever think that you mean so little to me that I wouldnât be willing to be there for you no matter what. Volleyball isnât going anywhere,â he reassured you. âPlease talk to me whenever youâre feeling down. There wasnât a single moment this past week where I wasnât worried about you.â
The tears slipped past your eyelids before you could blink them away, all of your emotions crashing down like a tidal wave. âI just felt so bad because I really wanted to go cheer you and the boys on today. I wanted to make up for the fact that I missed your last few games because of this dumb class. Itâs like no matter what I do nothing goes right.â
Asahi wordlessly pulled you onto his lap, your knees straddling his thighs and your face now buried into his chest. One of his hands was holding your head in place while the other rubbed your back in an attempt to soothe you. The two of you remained like this for a bit, until you managed to stop crying and could now form a coherent sentence.Â
âSo did you guys win the game?â You asked, your voice coming out as barely a whisper, but he heard you.Â
âWe did,â he replied, which cheered you up instantly. âHow did your test go?â
You scowled at the thought of the mental strain that test put you through. âI passed but if you ask me how I did it I wouldnât be able to tell you.â
âWhen was the last time you got more than a few hours of sleep?â
At this question you hesitated, and it pained you to say that you werenât sure. Your boyfriend sighed at your lack of a response and slipped his shoes off, laying the both of you down afterwards so that you could cuddle.Â
âNot that I mind, but are you planning on staying here all night?âÂ
âI will if thatâs what it takes for you to get a full nightâs sleep,â he admitted, still rubbing circles on your back.
You tugged at the strings of his hoodie as he told you how Hinata had thrown up again before the first game. He also explained how the dynamic duo had come up with a new quick attack, which was music to your ears because you knew they had gotten into an intense argument over it. He continued to tell you small anecdotes, absolutely loving the sound of your melodic laughter.Â
Needless to say, as you laid there in Asahiâs arms you no longer had the weight of the world on your shoulders. And as you slipped into unconsciousness, you felt the need to look up at him one last time and tell him.Â
âI love you,â you whispered groggily.Â
He pressed a soft kiss to your forehead and hugged you tighter. âI love you too, princess.â
You admit that you hadnât realized how much you missed this. The way he pulled you in close and squeezed the life out of you because he knew it was one of your favorite things. The way he made you forget about everything else just by being with you. The way he knew exactly what to say and do to make you feel better. The way his loving embrace made you feel at home. If possible, you never wanted him to let you go.Â
Go to your favorite groupâs/artistâs twitter, instagram, facebook, weibo whatever even write them a letter if that floats your boat and tell them how much they mean to you. Tell them how much they make you smile or laugh. Tell them how much you care about them. Tell them that they are doing well. Tell them to make sure to eat on time and drink lots of water so that they wonât get sick. Tell them to dress warmly. Tell them to make sure to rest. Tell them itâs okay if they donât have abs. Tell them itâs okay that they are chubby. Tell them they donât need to lose weight. Tell them that they are important in your life. Assure them that you will always be there for them even if they make a mistake. Tell them itâs okay to make mistakes. Tell them itâs okay to need a break. Tell them itâs okay to cry. Tell them itâs okay to seek help Give them so much love that they drown in it.
I really think that we hold idols too high on a pedestal and sometimes we forget that they are human too. Humans who want love and reassurance. Even the word idol holds a great deal of expectation. An idol is a picture perfect being no flaws no faults, always happy, always on their best behaviors and never make mistakes. They are humans just like you and me who were born to make mistakes, who were born to feel pain and suffering, who gets tired, who gets hungry, who wants to fall in love, who want to have a family. Just flesh and bones like the rest of us. Can we start seeing them as Humans and not idols?
 -BTS SugaÂ
-SHINeeâs OnewÂ
-EXOâs Chanyeol
 -IU
 -BigBangâs GDragonÂ
-BigBangâs T. O. PÂ
-2NE1âs Park Bom
 -SNSDâs TaeyeonÂ
 They have a mental disorder too.(Depression)
Credit for the list goes to a twitter user.
Protect them while we still can. Look for signs. If needed call the police to check on them. Protect them on all costs. Now more than ever. There is a very big chance of them getting in depression because of the news. They may think that itâs okay for the to go out out of grief. Help them. We canât lose anyone more because of that. PROTECT THEM!
The blog stays in mourn until Thursday the 21st, 2017.
Jonghyun didnât hide his depression, he was very vocal about it actually. He told us he had severe Seasonal affective disorder since he was a child. He wasnât hiding behind smiles, he told us he couldnât sleep, that he was sad.Â
for these couple of years we Shawols have done what we can to cheer him on and we tried so hard and yet depression took our bright star from us.Â
The worst thing of it all is that as a fan you are not given a grace period to mourn. You will have to move on with your life whether itâs work, school or both. You canât even tell anyone why you are crying in the middle of taking an exam or work hours because they are just celebrities and you are a stupid fangirl.
I know you donât know me, and I donât know you, but dude, I can say with 100% confidence that you didnât do well. Â
NoâŚyou didnât just do wellâŚ
You were EXCEPTIONAL.
I can think back to the first time I saw a SHINee videoâŚit was A.Mi.Go. And while I liked and noticed each member, it was your voice - the passion in it - that stuck with me from that first listen (and, if Iâm being real here, I also thought you were hella attractive). From that point and every moment forward, my reactions to you were âWowâŚwhat a talent.â A powerhouse vocalist, a skilled dancer, and as you grew into adulthood and went solo, your sense of musicâŚyour innate connection to notes, the rhythm, the toneâŚit was all beyond exceptional. Listening to your music is still and always will be such an experience for me, such an enormous joy for a fellow singer and composer. Above all, you know how to emote with your music, whether you were singing or composing - your music touches people in ways that is rare. There are great composers and singers out there, but not all of them can emote the way you have in your music. What a blessing for us to be able to experience your genius through your music.
You also spoke to me on levels that were quite personal. I happen to be a feminine Asian gay man raised in the West, and of course masculine standards here are no less forgiving. The image you chose to put forth, the truth you chose to live - defiantly proud of your softness and femininty while proclaiming clearly that those characteristics did not decrease your value as a person - helped me. Iâm five years older than you, but your bravery taught me so much, and because of the example you set to thousands upon thousands of people, Iâm now completely unashamed to embrace my own identity as a gender nonconforming cis Asian dude. You taught me to LIKE the fact that Iâm skinny, and a bit âsoftâ, and a bit âfluffyââŚyou taught me to be proud of being smaller and âcuteâ instead of feeling like I always had to strive to be hard and handsome like society expected. This is not to say that this didnât come with challenges for you; youâve expressed openly that you WORKED to find some level of comfort in your identity, and even then, I imagine it may have been a struggle. But the effort you put into trying to love yourselfâŚjust know that it benefitted me, and Iâm sure others.
And I guess with that, Iâll segue to the central part of your being exceptional: YOU WORKED SO HARD. You threw your everything into your music, into your career, into your fans, into your family, into LOVE for others around you and seeking to make those around you happy even when you struggled so hard and seemingly in futility to find your own happiness. You persevered when you didnât have to. I once told a friend that I was so in awe of the fact that you did EVERYTHING with your whole selfâŚeven if it was just smiling or laughing. I think many of us saw the pain behind it, but you still did it all with enthusiasm and EFFORT. You put so much effort into living, and I think so many of us appreciate all that effort so much. You gave us years of beautiful music, beautiful imagery, and beautiful smiles. Even when you didnât have to, you worked through so much pain to make this world a beautiful, more musical placeâŚand you succeeded. And we THANK YOU.
You didnât do well, good sir. You did EXCEPTIONALLY, and you will be remembered as such. I donât know you dudeâŚbut in a very real way (or at least a way that is real to me), I love you, and Iâm gonna miss you so fucking much.
i think the most important thing from jonghyunâs death is to not let all the positive progression he strived for be undermined. he started so many conversations about mental health awareness and gave a voice to those who didnât have one. jonghyun was rooting for everyone, he wanted everyone to know it is possible to make it through and be strong. just because he lost the fight, it does not mean what he said wasnt true. donât let everything he fought so hard for be for nothing
For all the people who didnât know him⌠Jonghyun was everything you could wish for in and idol and more. Beyond his talent, no one could talk to him without gushing about what a good person he was. He was just that lovable and kind. Jonghyun was always outspoken about mental health, lgbtq rights, and inequality. He was always the first one to cry, but he was also always the first one to laugh. He poured his soul into composing and writing music. He suffered from insomnia, but always gave 100% energy on the stage. He liked silly jokes, ballads, and staying indoors. He had one of those voices that could make you cry just by listening to it. He was so kind, gentle, open, and talented. His life was short, but I wonât ever be able to forget him.
Jonghyun was one of the most thoughtful artists Iâve ever followed. His support for the lgbt community and his advocacy for mental health has been a beacon of hope in an industry that denies both. I canât even put in words how much he will be missed and how much this hurts.
A lot of people seem to think that BigHit could never do wrong and know whatâs best for BTS. They think BigHit and BTS are a âfamilyâ. Well itâs time to wake up..! BigHit isnât any better when compared to big companies like SM or YG for example. Theyâre just as problematic like K-Pop companies often tend to be. The perfect example of this is how theyâve been treating Jin these past 4 years.
!! - a few of these facts are just borderline emotional abuse..
okay, letâs get started:
- Apparently Bang-PD walked around calling Jin fat???? wtf (this was 2013, before their debut and around the same time Jin went on a diet no one talks about where he only ate chicken breast for A YEAR.)
- And guess what? Bang-PD isnât the only one who has called Jin fat: even his manager did. Fortunately they fired him because he was mistreating Jungkook.
- Jin majored in acting but in the House of ARMY, he got all the insignificant roles with basically zero dialogue. Yoongi even said Seokjin had texted him, shocked that he didnât have any dialogue in the script. In the Making of-video he was clearly pissed: when the camera man said theyâll be filming Jin next he said âOh, wow. Do I get to appear alone?â asdfghjkl. Jin was salty, but tried so hard to be positive. (he even avoided looking straight into the camera while they were interviewing him.. on the inside he was definitely feeling wronged.)
- Letâs be honest. BigHit could easily push him in the OST direction or debut him as an actor if they wanted, but no.
- Jin was once forced to perform even though he had hurt his neck in Kcon Paris. BigHit never made an official report about his condition⌠(itâs funny how they made a report about namjoonâs toe and sugaâs ear but not this.)
- Now letâs talk about his LINES. Remember Blood, Sweat and Tears where he had to share his few lines with Jimin? That was the most unnecessary thing ever. (later in the japanese ver. they made jinâs voice stand out more than jiminâs. lol I guess even BigShit felt a bit guilty??) Iâve seen people trying to defend this by saying that itâs okay because Jin was the ~Main Character~ in the MV. But honestly, where is the logic in that? BTS are a K-pop group! Their voices are the most important thing about them!
- Jin is the only one who didnât get a single line in any of the year end 2016 special stages (rainism: jungkook, as i told you: jimin, v, jungkook & class idea: namjoon, hoseok, jungkook⌠suga wasnât there because of his ear injury.) He was just a backup dancer and nothing else.
- Remember when people were hyping up Spring Day because apparently this was supposed to be the song where Jin would shine⌠even V said Jin would surprise us all and umm.. well he didnât.
- BigHit removed Jin from the thumbnail of Not Today MV because ????
- Speaking of Not Today. Letâs talk about this fuck upâŚ
- *coughs* This was his only solo shot and it lasted about 2 seconds. Really. BTS filmed for almost 24 hours in cold weather and youâre telling me this is the only shot of Jin that was âgood enoughâ. I donât think so, because we saw the Behind the scenes-video and they were filming Jin quite a lot. They just didnât use the clips.
- They keep telling Jin his voice is suited for ballads, but Butterfly was a ballad and he was once again the vocal who had the least amount of lines. (and some of them were not even lines like repeating âuntrueâ is.. not really a line)
- ⌠so basically the ballad comment was just some bs excuse, letâs be real no one fits only 1 type of music. Plus here are some Bangtanâs slower/not hiphop songs I think Jinâs voice could easily be fitted in but he still got the least amount of lines: Spring Day Studio Version, Miss Right, YNWA, Just One Day, Outro: Propose, House of Cards, CoffeeâŚ
- Now the most recent fuck up is BTSâ cover of Seo Taijiâs song âCome Back Homeâ and people are still debating whether Jin has ANY lines at all. The MV for the song was uploaded to CJENMMUSICâs official youtube and their header was changed to a⌠group photo⌠of BTS⌠except Jin was nowhere to be seen. The fact that they forgot Jin is unbelievable and just plain disrespectful. No product should ever be released without approval and double check. None. And while we donât know if BigHit had anything to do with the header, whose fault it is that even these other companies tend to forget Jin because they arenât promoting him enough? This was not a simple mistake. It means that design and marketing teams from HUGE companies like CJEN donât see him.
