Weirdness Zoo…

[advdiaboli]

What living with depression taught me...

When you are depressed, you stop living life. You are just there, a passenger in your own daily routines and brain being swept along in a fluffy cloud of nothingness and self-hate. And your life starts living you... if you are like me: highly functioning you can actually just struggle through days without ever being really seen or breaking down. The breaking-down happens when something goes wrong.

I right now have some friends who are at then end of important parts of their lives. Think high-school degrees, university degrees and so on... When I was in that position I was so set depressed that all of these were automatics. I just did things. And that worked as I have one of these jobs where job offers and so on are basically automatic. My friends are not that lucky. They are on open sea in these moments people should cherish as the expression of ultimate freedom, but that are just really terrifying. Because the open sea also means that you have to live your life, as it just does not live you and all the expectations of our society are silently hoisted onto you. People don't even know how crushing that can be. I got my personal helping in a job everyone has an opinion about. (And no idea about what we are really doing.)

So, in the end... the world gives you some big decisions in life, and they are the most terrifying things out there, as no-one can help you make these decisions and no-one should, as it is very much your life. However, the risk that your life starts living you is very high here. If the decisions are not made, you become a social loose end just dangling out there in the nothingness between wishes, purpose and an ever-increasing social pressure to do something, That's the worst recipe for depressives... and so I hope the younger ones get the jump into living...

[advdiaboli]

This world is full of broken people and the most broken are those poor sods we call „normal“. The standard to be measured on is a warped piece of corrugated metal, its layers eaten away by the rust of tradition and the constant lie of equality in capitalism.

We can appear for the other people or not… but they are in this world like we are. So we better do…

[advdiaboli]

In the climactic book of the Sandman comics, Rose Walker talks about the lost child of a close friend and that she feels that it is her responsibility. A second character tells her, that it was not her fault and we are treated to this line: “I didn’t say it was my fault. It is my responsibility. I know the difference.“

And I was reminded of that at the end of this school year. How there are things we did not do, that are still our responsibility. If my students don’t achieve a level I am satisfied with, that’s my responsibility. At least I see it that way. The state that pays me, and the society at large is probably not as strict, but I am. There are people in front of me that to a certain extent are dependent on me. So… it’s my responsibility. Even though the results can usually not be retraced to one singular fault, but just an agglomeration of faults, mistakes, coincidences and circumstances.

Still: it’s my responsibility. Because the world is a better place when we accept these kinds of responsibilities. It’s bad enough that some of the most consequential people right now are heinous reckless excuses for leaders. In the day to day reality of life, we should be better.

[nudityandnerdery]

Sub-Radio, the band that did Stacy's Dad, coming out with another banger for Pride.

[advdiaboli]

It’s pansexual visibility day… fits with my pride hairdo…

[advdiaboli]

So... it the time again to make the argument against authoritarianism in the name of positive ideologies. My professor in political philosophy once said: "A positive view of humanity (as part of a political philosophy) always leads to state terrorism." And I still quote this, mainly to younger people who are then starting to argue with me, which is great... because nothing is more important than crushing bushy-tailed idealism and replacing it with a feral idealism that wants a good world and carries a bat with a nail in it because it recognises humans are just humans in that they have rather simple priorities which center on themselves and their immediate social surroundings.

So yeah, basic sociology says that we are really really bad with empathy for people we are not close to. Especially when we are in a bad situation ourselves. So, basing your policy on the idea that people are "inherently good and will do what is best for everyone" is rather... stupid. But we find it in all kinds of extreme political ideologies. Take US fundamentalist Christians, a minority that wants to impose their values on everyone so everyone can be their version of good. Or Nazis who thought that the white German was best being out there and thus had a right to outlive everyone. Or Marxist ideology that assumed that if the workers of the world (the proletariat) revolted there would be a society of equality that needed no power or government because it would basically be Star Trek. All of these ideologies have in common that the people who advocate for them think that their version of the world and way of thinking of humans assumes that these humans would do what these people think is best.

Now... people are people and as already mentioned they have a rather small scope of what really matters to them. Which is very human contrary to the ideas of many ideologies about humans. So, the reaction of ideologues is always authoritarianism. We need to reduce climate gases? Fair point, but people are slow to adapt and change their habits. Why not introduce a bit of force? Put the use of cars under punishment? At least publicly shame car users? How about fines? And a system in which we introduce surveillance about how people use their cars? So that there is a defined "necessary usage" and everything else is punished. Climate change is a threat to human survival, so this is justified isn't it?

Okay, enough rhetorical questions, of course not. First off, whatever you do to have a state control its people more goes against the idea of personal liberty and opens the door to the other extremists to use the same measures to propagate their ideas. Does not look promising for one ideology, does it? However, the other part of this argument is far more important. Personal liberty is a universal right and there is the catch: if you want to live how you like, it's best to guarantee that for others, too, no matter how much you don't like their position.

Authoritarianism will always bite back against the ones who think they have control...

[advdiaboli]

I'm in a weird mood. Life is changing for many of the people that are important to me, and being a civil servant makes that mine is not really or at a snail's pace. However... it's exam weeks at my school and I am also totally out of whack.

Germany had its last cold spell in this week and I had a weekend with one of my favourite people. (There is something to explore here, and I am so not made for this kind of exploration.) All of this led to a depressive slump. And then of course the people around me have their own lives and I am very respectful of that. (Also I am a depressive f*ck and don't want to be a nuisance even to the people who want me to be that for them.)

And now? I am sitting in a gym hall filled with nerds playing tabletop games. As I am the organiser of the Infinity the Game tournament here, I don't have anything to do except muse about my life, read a book and wait for my players to report results. So, have a picture of one of our gaming tables...

[advdiaboli]

[starsong-livingthedream]

does anyone like my shirt

[advdiaboli]

„Fuck the Pain Away“ von Peaches bei Apple Music

Titel · 2000 · Dauer 4:10

Mood…

[jovishark]

some advice for people entering their 20s:

-dont go to the emergency room with dental problems. go to the dentist

-bagged greens are cheaper than pre-made salads

-taco bell is NOT worth the money anymore. 1/4 cup mayo, 1/4 cup sour cream, 3 tblspoons pickled jalapenos+2tblspoons of the jar liquid, 2 tsp paprika 1 tsp cumin 1 tsp garlic powder 1 tsp onion powder salt+pepper. all in your blender. creamy jalapeno sauce

-dont quit your job unless you have a bunch of job interviews lined up immediately after

-use resources. food bank, unemployment, housing assistance, financial aid, etc. yes there will be paperwork. but Do It

-dont stay awake longer than 20 hours. you Will start to become impulsive and cranky. resting for 20 minutes is better than trying to stay awake

-for every 2 hours you spend looking up close at screens, spend 20 minutes looking at something far away from you. stretch your wrists a lot

-dont do that yoga stretch where you roll your head around your shoulders. youre grinding down the joints in your neck

-be nice to your friends, bullying them as a joke gets old. if you need a ride somewhere at least offer them gas money

-brush your teeth at any time of the day but especially before you sleep. dont snack in bed if you can help it. make your bed the Clean Teeth Zone. keep floss picks by your bed

-dont tell your boss youre adhd/autism/depression/suicidal. dont trust your coworkers with that. you NEVER know how people will take it and its none of their business

-train your pets to go to the front door when they hear a fire alarm

-get regular oil changes

[advdiaboli]

It’s darkening again and the rain is soothing, but also takes a lot of my soul. I feel lost and sad. All my boys are under stress and I am concerned, but cannot help, so I am useless and alone in the fugue state that is the end of a school term.

I just wish for a hug. But I will need to hold things together, as always.

[advdiaboli]

Mood…

[advdiaboli]

[dragon-in-a-fez]

the thing about being "good with kids" is all it takes is literally just not trying to control and mould them with every interaction. it's just being a normal person and engaging with them through normal interactions like having conversations and playing games. it's just being genuine and friendly and not perceiving them as lumps of wet clay you are there to shape. "oh you're so good with kids" thanks it's because I think they are people

[advdiaboli]

I am a podcaster (if you don't speak German, you don't need to ask me about them...) and this is somehow pertinent to this text.

Of course I consume things streamed on the net. However, I noticed that the world of streaming has somehow lead to quite some people eternally put in front of cameras, mostly by what they think is their own volition and might just be late stage capitalism. Which I think is somehow cruel. As podcaster I wonder why... even "professional podcasts" are somehow more gruelling than me just rocking up on my headset, leaning back and just talking into the void for an hour. Okay, I am not making any money from this, but well... I don't think that talking to a chat would give me anything, most of all a living income...

[advdiaboli]

Today is Beltane in the old Irish and Celtic calendar: The beginning of summer. In Germany the night is know as „Walpurgisnacht“ (seriously get a computer to pronounce it). It is said that on this night the witches gather and celebrate. So, it’s one of these magical nights.

People tend to ignore these moments in which boundaries are expressed. The end of a month, a season and so on. Most of them set by nature or culture, usually both intertwined of the centuries of human existence as storytelling apes. However, they are very magical… a boundary is moment of decision. Do you go on? Do you change course? To take that opportunity to decide is the power of the conscious mind, of our freedom. So… there is power here. If you did not know… use it. Start into May with a decision: no matter what it is and even if it is that you go on… make it a conscious one, do the magic(k) can work.

Happy Beltane.