r

mi provas vivi

[adventurousfae]

barista

You're sweaty and wearing the dumbest earrings when you open the (local Palestinian owned) coffee shop door to see the absolute hottest guy you've ever seen. He's got bleached hair and tattoos in all the right places. You can't even look him in the eye. You don't even like men that much but you would absolutely let him ruin your life.

[adventurousfae]

Feeling shitty even though things are going ok. I dropped my chem class and I’ve been out of work for two weeks. The days feel never ending. I have a job now but it’s going to pay shit and I have to get a second one while trying to go to school. I’m trying to use the time to finish my TEFL course but it’s not going well. I’m feeling overwhelmed and I haven’t been sleeping well. I’m feel the most lonely I’ve felt in a while.

[adventurousfae]

today has been a roller coaster. i was pretty sure i was going to have a panic attack. and then i calmed down and got some work done at a coffee shop. i turned in my late assignment which immediately calmed me. and the while i was at the coffee shop i got a call of an interview (!!!). FINALLY!! this is the progress that is overdue! i hope it goes well. i'm not really worried. it should be good.

[adventurousfae]

i woke up and said “today is going to be a good day”. instead of a good day:

-i was in pain the moment i moved

-someone in the house started loudly throwing up (i’m emetophobic)

-my mom calls and demands that I stop my homework to come and see her this afternoon before she leaves to Texas. She was supposed to come and see me and it’s not like she’s dying. I will see her again.

-i am severely behind in homework and I didn’t get to start it until the afternoon because of the throwing up fiasco. i have to do it in a coffee shop because i am unable to do it while that person is home. they were supposed to leave for the night but not anymore because they’re sick.

-i’ve been at the coffee show for three hours and haven’t even finished reading one chapter. i have to read 2 more before i can even start the assignments that are all due tomorrow and i still have to see my mom.

I literally hate being alive. I’m so fucking over my shitty ass life.

[adventurousfae]

Not having a great week has lead to a project being overdue and now I need to turn it in tonight. I'm stressed and my family won't leave me alone. I wish I had somewhere to go to finish this but everything is closed. I hate my life. I will update when I finish.

[adventurousfae]

Literally 🤏🏾 close to just giving up. Like truly what is the point?? Everything fucking sucks. My life is shit and pointless. I’m homeless and there are no services for single people. I make shit money. My family is shit. I only have one friend and they don’t really care about me. I’m ugly and annoying. I’ll be 30 in 6 months without ever having been on a date or kissed. Why am I trying so hard to hang on? It really doesn’t seem to be getting better. I can’t imagine what I possibly could have done to deserve this? And that’s just my own life, I won’t even get started on the world.

[adventurousfae]

I'm in my second class of round 3 of school and right after having the big blow of getting a 79 on my first quiz I realized today that I have to read 200+ pages and write a post by 11:59 Thursday(3 days)(This is outside of my full-time job). I was too busy escaping my toxic household to open and look at all of the "articles" she has on the syllabus. I have no clue why for the first two weeks she had us just read just one little article and then assigns all of this for this week. I can't afford to loose any more points by turning it in late so I am stressed.

[gihblis]

[adventurousfae]

Just got an A on my first assignment in round 3 of college! I'm actually so proud of myself! Yippee!

[adventurousfae]

I have no clue what is going on anymore. I'm back in school for a third time at 29. My housing situation and work both suck. I've been having nightmares. My brain won't let go of the idea that I should move to LA when my current temp assignment ends. It's all too much. I'm so overwhelmed.

[adventurousfae]

what in the moldavite?!

tldr - covid depression and limerence aren’t rotting my brain so I’m finally fixing my life

My life is insane right now. Last week the brain fog suddenly cleared and I realized that it’s well past time to leave my toxic household. I don’t have any money or anywhere to go but my brain decided that it’s happening and soon. Work is also absolutely awful. I got passed up for a permanent position that I’m overqualified for. In my current temp position I’m doing 3 jobs and I’m not paid enough for any of them. I had to close my office door and cry multiple times last week. And to top it all off my computer died two days ago. Again I don’t have money right but I need a computer so now I’m in debt.

All that being said I am so excited for all the changes this is causing. As an oldest daughter’s oldest daughter I absolutely hate asking for help. But I’ve been putting on my big girl pants and reaching out. I already have a lead on a room to rent. A family member is going to help me with my resume (as soon as my new computer comes in) and see if she can recommend me for a job where she works.

Oddly, with each thing that falls apart, I feel less overwhelmed. I’ve been so miserable for so long that I feel so excited to be reshaping my life. And once my life is in a (hopefully) better place I’ll be able to tackle all of the goals I’ve been failing at for years.

[yangjeongin]

lee taemin and hwang hyunjin everyone

[shineemoon]

250129 xoalsox update

[bestplace]

[adventurousfae]

My car was a vandalized and I’ve been having a lot of feelings. No matter what people say they don’t actually want to hear about your struggles. at least the people around me don’t. They only want positivity. How am I supposed to exist in society when my life is so shitty it leaves no room to constantly fake happy like they all can? And fun or happy moments I do get are always without exception punished. I felt like I was holding my breath waiting for the other shoe to drop for the six months my life was going well and now I know why.

[adventurousfae]

multi-page entries covered in tear stains lined with monsters inc washi tape.

[jonghyunluvr]

taemin during kcon 2024 ♡