Advice for Merrin

Also see: Advice for Caitlin and Catvice for Ben

[neil-gaiman]

Dear Neil, I am a horrible person. How to be kinder, please?

Sometimes I suspect we are all horrible people. Or at least, we are human people. Same thing. We are impatient, judgmental, irritating and irritated, grumpy, easily offended and the rest of it.

So how to be kinder if it doesn’t come naturally? 

Fake it. 

Fake it a little bit at a time. 

Because there isn’t actually any difference between doing something nice for someone because you are naturally saintly and perfect, and doing something nice for someone because you are secretly demonic and trying to cover it up. It’s still an act of kindness either way, and you still made their lives better.

Smile at people. Say hullo. Ask about their lives. Remember what they’ve told you about their lives. Do small things to try and help them. (They will not know you are horrible, do not worry. They will just perceive that you are helping.)

Give people the benefit of the doubt. Remember that it’s more often stupidity to blame than evil, that everyone can screw up (including you) and what’s important is learning from that.

Think “What would an actually kind person do now?” – and do that. Don’t beat yourself up when you fail. Just be as kind to yourself as you will be to others – even if you have to fake that.

And good luck.

[adviceformerrin]

Don't beat yourself up when you fail. Just be as kind to yourself as you will be to others - even if you have to fake that.

I've been struggling with figuring out if I'm a horrible person or not. This helped me, hopefully it helps you (even though I'm not sure if this is a thing that you struggle with).

[adviceformerrin]

If there is a cool feature that is not supported by some browsers I guess you should factor that in.

Minimizr is a good way to do this for HTML5.

[slittens-blog]

-sloth kittens-

[adviceformerrin]

Catvice for Ben: If you want a new look, don't cut your hair in a way that will change your face to loo like a sloth. Also please avoid making your face look like a sloth. It's kind of scary (if really great).

[adviceformerrin]

Keep making the world better as long as it isn't destructive for yourself.

You're really good at making the world better (or at least the part of the world that is your city). But make sure that you are still an important part of it - if you burn out then your part of making the world better may be put in danger.

If there is something that requires help and you are perfect for it but have so many things on your plate right now, there are going to be several options which won't be self-destructive.

Give it a pass. There'll be someone else who's perfect for it, or it may fail. This is a risk worth taking.

Provide a small amount of help which you are completely sure you can manage. This may even involve making the connection between the project and someone you know who will be perfect for it. They may have to face the same choices as you, but each person in the chain may make different choices. Maybe you just take care of ordering the pizza on the night, but make sure that your boundaries are clear and you don't take on more than you can.

Reduce your other commitments so that you can take on this thing safely. Maybe it'll involve taking a day off work afterwards in a really mild situation, or finding someone else to take care of your part in another project.

Remember that you can face these choices at any stage with any project. Giving it a pass may not be a socially acceptable solution, but if you vocalise your problems you'll probably be surprised by how supportive people will be. No one likes watching their friend or colleague burn away in front of their eyes.

If you do wake up and realise that you've gotten too close to burning out, take action! Book in a day where you can do something that is relaxing and ensure that you have no responsibilities. Mute your phone, set up an auto-answer on your email and maybe see if you can get someone to cook you food so you don't even have to worry about that. If you find baking relaxing you can repay them with cookies or delicious brownies.

[hutness]

"There it…was…open…closing it…"

[adviceformerrin]

Catvice for Merrin: You should close your clothes drawers after you are finished with them, otherwise they will be damaged and become harder to close.

[adviceformerrin]

Write

Often, you will find that you need to write things, whether they be work things, assessable things, or personal communication things.

Work things may be required to keep other members of your team up to date with things that you are doing. See Communicate for further advice on this type of written thing. 

Assessable things in terms of university are compulsory. They will have to be written at some point, or you will have to accept the consequences. But you do not have many assessable things left to write at this stage of your life. (Yay!)

So let's talk about personal communication things. These things may be emails, postcards, or short messages which are required in order to stay in touch with people who you may not talk to often. These things are good for both you and the receiving person, they don't even have to say much. A simple "cats" is a good postcard - it reminds the receiver that they are still thought about.

Personal communication things do not always have a reason.

[adviceformerrin]

Communicate.

If you are aware that something will stop you from being able to do something that other people rely on you for, communicate this to the people who rely on you for it. They may be able to work around it with you better than you can by yourself, and it is probably better for them to be aware of the problem than for you to keep it to yourself.

[adviceformerrin]

Advice on writing advice about procrastination

Don't write about it later. Fill out a textbox with something, even if it's not entirely relevant. Also, don't write advice when you are at university late specifically to do an assignment.

Jinja Safari is a fantastic band but might make you want to dance instead of do your assignment. This isn't a bad thing, but the assignment should get done at some point.

[adviceformerrin]

This is an advice telling you to not procrastinate.

I will write it later.

[adviceformerrin]

Be inspired to be inspirational

We are entering a brave new age, where everything we do is visible. Every day you can find a new kickstarter project or a post on tumblr or a cheesy viral post on facebook that will ask you why you haven't gone out and raised millions for charity or created the painting that will capture this generation's dreams perfectly. Don't despair when you find these little reminders, but go and do something inspirational. Create a lobby group for cats, take a jar of paper scraps that all say "voucher for one unit of happy" into Cuba St and leave them under a cafe table, or write your little sister some advice.

[adviceformerrin]

Document the cats in your life.

Help the neighbourhood cats society to document the cats around your area. Submit witty descriptions and drawings to their zine. If a cat is happy enough with you, take a photo of it and make a secret blog somewhere on the internet where you post these photos. Bookmark it and visit when you feel alone and need to remember what their furry little heads and well-proportioned eyes made you feel.

(They usually made you feel like you needed to feed them.)

(Feed the cats in your life.)

[adviceformerrin]

Take your keys with you.

When you are going out, even if you do not expect to be locked out, take your keys. They are a good tool for defending yourself, fantastic for fiddling with when bored, and even better for not being locked out of home.

[adviceformerrin]

Control your time obligations

Know when a thing makes you happy, but also know when a thing is no longer relevant or good for you. Take a step back every now and again and take stock of what you are investing time in. If you think you may need to cut down on a thing, draw a graph with the different values that you derive from it. Make sure that the happiness value takes most priority.

If you decide to stop something, bookmark or document it. Keep a folder (physical or virtual) that you can refer to when you need to remember who you are or were or are just kind of bored. Take screenshots before you leave it entirely, and when you go back compare the differences.

[adviceformerrin]

Be interested in the World

Be interested in the world. If you realise that a salt lake looks like a badger myxomatosis, tell everyone. Or at least draw it and post it on an empty blog for the lonely eyes of robots and those people who search the internet for a path to meaning late at night.