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His own grin was telling in its delight as he rolled his eyes affectionately at the offhanded comment. âTiring more than anything else,â he agreed with a nod, returning the gesture with a hold on one of her fingers, lingering before letting her go. Hands free, they donât go far as they linger for a second, unsure, before they find the pockets of his jeans. Hm. Should he be truly honest and tell her that he sulked around for the majority of the one hundred years since sheâd left? How honest should he be? Â
âYou were never a replacement.â He said suddenly, unexpectedly, and his eyes widened slightly. Sighing, reaching up to awkwardly touch his jaw, Kieran glanced down at his shoes and did his best to work out his thoughts. It may have seemed like a change in topic but it wasnât - sometimes he just had to get off topic to find his way back to the conversation.Â
âI just mean that I never want you to get the impression that Iâm replacing someone or that Iâm just trying to keep you around because Iâm lonely orâŚâ Shaking his head, frustrated by his lack of progress with what he wanted to really say, he breathed slowly through his nose and took note of the way his fists were balled in his pockets. Reminding himself that he was truly out of practice with talking about his feelings, he needed the reminder to be gentle with himself, breathing out slowly before he worked the tension away from his body and relaxed his hands. Glancing up through his eyelashes, he tried to meet her eyes and sent her an apologetic smile. âI had a lot of stuff that I wanted to say to you before and after we ended things and I think thatâs one of the biggest; I want you around because I like you and not because Iâm lonely or trying to replace anyone. And now that youâre here in front of me, I guess I just needed to tell you that so that youâd know. Iâm sorry that it was so random.â Nodding, proud of himself for making some sense, he smiled and it touched his eyes, something that happened rarely. âDo you mind if I write you sometime? Itâs easier than speaking sometimes.â Particularly when he had a lot to say and there was so much going on in his mind all at once - like now.Â
âI wasnât great.â He admitted, ashamed and small as he shrugged at her just concern. âI missed you so much.â Kieranâs voice sounded small as he said it but it wasnât because he admitted to missing her. Rather, it was the knowledge of knowing that he hadnât been open in the past and that had led her to believing that she wouldnât be missed. âYou were my best friend.â Nodding his assertion at that sentiment, he could agree that she was very much his best friend. âAnd you were so much more than just my best friend soâŚâ Carrying off, he breathed out a shuddering breath and surrendered over to the pressure in his chest and the inevitability of wherever fate took him. âYes, I missed the fuck out you and I was very sad when you left.âÂ
Soldered by the strength that it took to admit that, Kieran stood up tall and met her eyes once more. âBut I understand why you did it and I support your decision; Iâm not mad about it - at least not with you.â Because Kieran knew that it was a hard one. He could be very understanding and had a way about him, one his mother cherished, where he could see past what people left unsaid - he could see the truth of their actions and unspoken words. And it had torn her apart to leave him, especially when she hadnât been sure that he would be okay without her.Â
âI needed you to leave,â heâd never said anything as truthful as that to anyone before and he swallowed down a rush of nausea at the idea of going on but what else could he do exactly? He wanted to be friends at the very least and if they were to do that then he needed to set a new precedent of explaining himself. It couldnât - wouldnât - be like it had been before. Insanity was repeating the same patterns over and over again and expecting different results, he reminded himself. âI needed you to leave so that I could find myself again.â And maybe it sounded horribly cliche or like heâd gone soft but it was the truth. âI needed to just be by myself for awhile - be lonely and missing you so that I could figure out what I wanted. And I wasnât very good when you left but Iâm strong, you know?â And he flexed his muscles then, a breathless laugh escaping him then at the thought and he shook his head, high on the adrenaline of his confession as his hand reached up to run through his hair, eyes averted to stare off into the distance. âSorry! FuckâŚâ Why did he think this was a good idea? Especially not here, where he could see so many people around and there were camerasâŚÂ âIâm sorry I just⌠I didnât expect to see you again! And now all of this is hitting me at once..âÂ
He catches her off-guard. His statement takes her aback and she furrows her brow at him, tilting her head much like an animal would when faced with the unknown. âI-â she starts, almost interrupting him, but she reigns herself back. He needs to say this, and Olivia recognises that. Whatever it is he wants to tell her, itâs been a long time coming and she doesnât want to take away from any of it. So she listens, and although she doesnât smile like she so often does, she doesnât frown. Or glare. Her expression is soft and gentle and she wants nothing more than to reassure him that she never thought what he must think she thought. When heâs said his piece, about her not being a replacement, Olivia shakes her head. âI know...â she says, and this really isnât the place to be having this conversation, so out in the open and with her expected back on set any minute. But she doesnât want to leave this unaddressed.Â
âI know I was never a replacement, Kieran. Just as you never were either.â Olivia had had flings in the past, relationships that were never going to go anywhere, romances that would never be serious. Daniel had been her last and Liv truly didnât know if she would find anyone to share herself with like she had him again. And then she met Kieran. âI loved you... I still do,â she admits, averting her gaze briefly because she knows from past experience that expression such sentiments was never easy for him. If anything, it made him uncomfortable. But she needs him to know that despite how they parted, it hadnât changed how Olivia felt. She smiles then, laughing lightly, if a touch uncomfortably, before looking up at him. âWrite? Like a real letter, with a stamp and everything? How very old fashioned of you... of course, you can write.âÂ
She can hear her name being called, and she knows she canât delay the shoot much longer. They have a deadline, after all. Gently biting her lower lip, Olivia glanced over her shoulder and nodded at the director across the street, before turning back to Kieran. Heâs said so much, and she needs time to process it all. So does he, she thinks. âI have to go,â she says quietly, unwilling to part when theyâre finally talking. âIâm in Greenwich now, not far from the loft I lived in... before...â she gives him her address, before hesitating. Throwing caution to the wind, Olivia closed the distance between them, rising slightly on her toes as she winds her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. She kisses him on the cheek, just before the corner of his mouth before bowing her head and burying her nose in his neck. âIâm proud of you, Kieran.â She says quietly, closing her eyes. âI never really left, you know. So when youâre ready... let me know.â She tightens her embrace briefly before pulling away, backing up and offering him one last smile before turning around and moving back towards set, her hands shoved in to the pockets of her coat.Â








