Zoe L.

beautiful in the way rain is / 21 she/her

[aengell]

Her name like poison, bittersweet

Dont dare to say it, like a dream

She feels like love, wish I could keep

My eyes closed for eternity

[aengell]

Dry cleaning in the back of the car

missed the exit, went too far

Spinning in the laundromat

Think of ways to call it off

Believe me when i say i tried

Sandy sneakers, breakfast time

On the stage it’s far too bright

To see past the horizon line

On your couch and I can’t eat

Though it’s a secret that I keep

It’s in the air a twisted breeze

Keeps you far away from me

[aengell]

Im thinking about what pants I will wear when I tell him that I’ll never love him

The way he does me

I’ll sit on his couch and laugh and cry and eat the strawberry ice cream he bought for me

Before he knew

Or maybe because he knew

I eat it with the big spoon and cry into his tissue with his hand on my knee and his eyes on mine but mine on the carpet

[aengell]

I can’t sleep in your bed cause it’ll feel like you died

I never watch last episodes

Cause they just make me cry

But I’ll still cry and it’ll feel like the end of the world

Even though I’ve got love around me

It feels like the end of the world sometimes

[aengell]

My early twenties felt like a constant sleepover 

In a way, very much Like i expected my early twenties to be. Freedom of buying all the chocolate and pastries i want, drinking coffee, making spreadsheets, paying bills, cleaning my own bathroom and my own kitchen and putting on makeup. 

I actually don’t know what a spreadssheet is. Filmstudies isn't really a spreadsheet kind of major. 

[aengell]

i love

I love cooking I love baking I love going grocery shopping I love watching my coffee pot fill up I love watching the trees go by I love drinking coffee from home I love drinking coffee at a cafe I love my bed I love my blankets I love my lamps I love my shower I love reading I love knitwear I love my fridge 

[aengell]

Suddenly you’re 25

At a friends wedding 

you’ve always know they’d be the first to marry

You’re eating lemon merengue pie and white chocolate cherry cakepops 

You’re wearing a long white summer dress 

(The bride wanted an all white wedding) 

It’s the beginning of may, and the April snow feels like a thing of the past 

The warm embrace of spring, and it’s abundant green and yellow fields had cast a spell on everyone 

April amnesia 

They’re playing that one song by the cranberries 

You remember being 21, a few summers ago, sitting on the train back to your shared Berlin flat

No makeup, your hair a faded shade of pink 

Planning what your next Sunday bake project is gonna be,

What you’re gonna do next week on your free days,

Wondering when they stopped putting shoe sizes on the sole of the shoes,

And what flowers you‘ll have at your wedding 

You’re dreaming of a red brick house with lemon trees in the backyard 

Of a husband who’s tall enough to reach and pick the fruits by hand 

Of making lemonade with just enough honey and maybe some elderflower sirup 

Dreaming of raising a child, of returning to your hometown, of letting go, of an endless spring, of listening to the cranberries with your mother and feeling at ease with April snow and imperfect banana bread 

[aengell]

I wanna lay by your grave, on the cold dirt and be there with you forever while the leaves change color slowly

I want to take the heaviness and all the pain and make it all better

I want there to be a million flowers by your grave, and I want them to stay there all weekend long

Every message will be passed along

The things that are supposed to make me laugh make me cry and I have to stay for the whole credits again because I can’t stop crying but the tissues are running out and I don’t know how to leave

You

—

My dear little cat, teddy, had to be put to sleep forever today. I miss him very much and I hope he’s not in pain anymore. ❤️

[barcarole]

As I Was Moving Ahead Occasionally I Saw Brief Glimpses of Beauty, dir. Jonas Mekas, 2000.

[soracities]

i'm a simple girl: i see sunlight on the water, i find god

[soracities]

i hear the laugh of someone i love, i find god. the setting sun fills my room, i find god. i eat fresh strawberries off the vine, i find god. someone rests their head on my shoulder, i find god.

[aengell]

I find it hard to fall asleep with someone on my chest

Someone laying on my legs

Or in my elbows crest

Someone’s head on top of mine

Someone’s hands tangled with mine

I find it hard to hold them close but not hold them too tight

I find it hard to fall asleep

I find it hard to breathe

I find it hard to close my eyes

And to relax my knees

I find it hard to fall asleep, is there a reason why?

I find it hard to share my bed with one more pair of eyes

With one more tongue, and one more nose

Two more knees and ten more toes

I find it hard to fall asleep

I wonder if he knows

…

[aengell]

Still love this and UNFORTUNATELY still relate. I also recently found out that I might have sciatica AND I’m behind on my university reading - other than that we’re doing good though! I’m too young to have this much back pain, Someone help

[aengell]

Suddenly you’re 25

At a friends wedding

You’d always say, that they‘d be the first of your friend group to marry

You’re eating lemon merengue and cherry cakepops with white chocolate

You’re wearing a long white summer dress

The bride wanted an all white wedding

It’s the beginning of May, and the April snow feels like a thing of the past already

It’s like the warm embrace of spring, and its abundant green and yellow fields had cast a spell on everyone

April amnesia

They’re playing that one song by The Cranberries

You remember being 21 and sitting on the train back to your shared Berlin flat

Not wearing any makeup, your hair a faded shade of pink

Planning what your next Sunday bake project is gonna be,

What you’re gonna do next week on your free days,

Wondering when they stopped putting shoe sizes on the sole of the shoes,

What your next tattoo is gonna be

And what flowers you‘ll have at your wedding

You’re dreaming of a brick house with lemon trees in the backyard

Of a husband who’s tall enough to reach and pick the fruits by hand

Of making lemonade with just enough honey and maybe some elderflower sirup

Dreaming of raising a child, returning to your hometown, letting go, an endless spring, listening to The Cranberries with your mother and feeling at ease with April snow and imperfect banana bread

[aengell]

Heyy everyone xx

So sorry for not posting for SO long…I didn’t really have much time/motivation to write. But I really wanna start writing more again, and I also have more free time now!! I just wrote this in the train (lol) and it’s SUPER raw/not edited etc. so please be kind to this freshly baked little poem baby! 🧡

Hope everyone who stuck around during my semi long „hiatus“ is doing well, I love and appreciate you guys loads!!!

[aengell]

Suddenly you’re 25

At a friends wedding

You’d always say, that they‘d be the first of your friend group to marry

You’re eating lemon merengue and cherry cakepops with white chocolate

You’re wearing a long white summer dress

The bride wanted an all white wedding

It’s the beginning of May, and the April snow feels like a thing of the past already

It’s like the warm embrace of spring, and its abundant green and yellow fields had cast a spell on everyone

April amnesia

They’re playing that one song by The Cranberries

You remember being 21 and sitting on the train back to your shared Berlin flat

Not wearing any makeup, your hair a faded shade of pink

Planning what your next Sunday bake project is gonna be,

What you’re gonna do next week on your free days,

Wondering when they stopped putting shoe sizes on the sole of the shoes,

What your next tattoo is gonna be

And what flowers you‘ll have at your wedding

You’re dreaming of a brick house with lemon trees in the backyard

Of a husband who’s tall enough to reach and pick the fruits by hand

Of making lemonade with just enough honey and maybe some elderflower sirup

Dreaming of raising a child, returning to your hometown, letting go, an endless spring, listening to The Cranberries with your mother and feeling at ease with April snow and imperfect banana bread

[quotefeeling]

“I will breathe. I will think of solutions. I will not let my worry control me. I will not let my stress level control me. I will simply breath. And it will be OK. Because I don’t quit.”

— Shayne Mcclendon

[aengell]

He adored all over my sad quiet life

He sat in my eye bags and drunk from my tears

It took just one kiss, with admiration, with delight

A feathers’ stroke on sacred skin

Sickly sweet on tethered cheeks

Your kiss still lingers

Your tongue still stings

[aengell]

I posted this right after writing it. That’s why it’s a bit rough. I still like it though :) let me know what you think!

[aengell]

He adored all over my sad quiet life

He sat in my eye bags and drunk from my tears

It took just one kiss, with admiration, with delight

A feathers’ stroke on sacred skin

Sickly sweet on tethered cheek

Your kiss still lingers

Your tongue still stings

[aengell]

I find it hard to fall asleep with someone on my chest

Someone laying on my legs

Or in my elbows crest

Someone’s head on top of mine

Someone’s hands tangled with mine

I find it hard to hold them close but not hold them too tight

I find it hard to fall asleep

I find it hard to breathe

I find it hard to close my eyes

And to relax my knees

I find it hard to fall asleep, is there a reason why?

I find it hard to share my bed with one more pair of eyes

With one more tongue, and one more nose

Two more knees and ten more toes

I find it hard to fall asleep

I wonder if he knows

…