fight me please

[funnyshitaight]

[teathattast]

[alexander]

me texting: …and im not gonna stop until your nut is thrusted so far up my ass your babies start growing in my lungs and, in 9 months, i WILL sneeze out your full born child

me in person:

[butterearsgaptooth]

Who the fuck are you texting?

[alexander]

[just-shower-thoughts]

The fact that we can accidentally bite the insides of our cheeks has to be the biggest design flaw of the human body.

[slightlyfrumiousbandersnatch-de]

NO SORRY IT’S THE FACT THAT OUR TRACHEA AND ESOPHAGUS CROSS AND BRIEFLY OCCUPY THE SAME HOLE DOLPHINS DON’T HAVE THIS PROBLEM.

[churchyardgrim]

WE ONLY GET ONE SET OF ADULT TEETH THAT ARE DESIGNED TO LAST MAYBE HALF OUR EXPECTED LIFESPAN

OUR LOWER BACKS ARE STRUCTURALLY FUCKED FROM MAKING A SHITTY TRANSITION TO BEING BIPEDS

INTELLIGENT DESIGN MY ASS, BUT AT THE VERY LEAST WE’RE NOT HORSES

[stephendann]

“In conclusion, the humans were extremely angry until they saw the horse, and then thought ‘Well, that bastard’s got it rough, this ain’t so bad’“

[fireballat5thlevel-deactivated2]

please may i have some coochie

[fireballat5thlevel-deactivated2]

[i-am-a-fish]

me holding someone’s baby: aww! they’re so cute!

my ape brain: h hey do the yeet vine thing with the baby it would be really really funny do it d

[huffylemon]

[kingslacky]

[correctionslife-deactivated2021]

Cain killing Able

[cartiercocaine-blog]

wнαт тнe ғυcĸ ιѕ тнιѕ?

[dont-touch-my-fandoms]

Elmo’s voice saying “I’ll fuck u up” is the best and worst thing ever

[blocboybucciarati]

YO I SWEAR THIS SHIT IS TOO FUNNY😭🤣

[mamoru]

i am so tired of peeing. i drink the water, which i apparently need to live or something, then i have to go put the water somewhere else five minutes later. i drink the water, i go to a place to un-drink the water, i wash my hands, i leave, then i have to drink more water. guess where that water ends up? not in me! i give the water to my body and like a child it tosses it out and demands more. all hours of the day all hours of the night no matter what i am doing my life is interrupted by piss and this is bullshit

[deactive-venncoolio-deactivated]

Are you okay, mate?

[mamoru]

no

[onceiwashere]

me carrying my little dog to the front door swaddled in my arms like a baby, because he has to pee before bed but refuses to walk outside while its raining so i have to drop him gently into the grass, bouncing him a little as i walk and chanting in a singsong voice: you smell like chicken soup! yes you do! yes you do. who’s my little chicken soup dog? who is he? who is the dog who smells like chicken soup

my dog, fully uncomprehending but nonetheless resigned to his fate: 

[terefah]

mum said it’s my turn to use the brain cell

[justspilledcoffee]

Hey guys did I mention I live on a fucking weird island and sometimes land crabs with 8-inch claws try to get into my house

[tamascotchi-deactivated20190101]

cute puppy what breed is he

[purified-zone]

sideways

[goodbyeeveryonepeacendblessings]

where’s that video of the naked crackhead literally running the speed of a moving car and I use the term literally literally he was deadass keeping up with the car

[goodbyeeveryonepeacendblessings]

[signlesstheredbloodedtroll]

Hi! Humans don’t have an eye shine, so that’s not a person!

[legitimatelala]

😨

[nyanbinyuri]

[alexander]

IM

[sleepymara-deactivated20190210]

hewwo suomeks

mowo

[lintujasukissa-deactivated20250]

M-mowo? Wouva Tawja Hawonen? Tuwe auttamaan, teen mitä vain puowestasi!

[jasmiinitee-deactivated20210610]

m e n e h d y   s i t t e n

[grotbag-deactivated20160118]

i haven’t been to subway in 2 years cos the woman went “what bread do you want” and i went “yeah”