Aether

HC-DID || Radqueer

[aetheralmalgam]

Hey guys intro wip but we used to be @aether-sys and @aether-almalgam

1k+ ramcoa system, col. prns they/them, col. name is Aether (tho getting tired of that...) and we generally tag posts with alters names so pls adress us individually if possible. Radqueer and pro everything, dont bring hate here i simply wont deal with it. no dni follow your own.

[aetheralmalgam]

more of the csa alters have been fronting. its not good. i hate it. im one of them, it hurts being here and we cant talk abt it

[aetheralmalgam]

i dont wanma remwmber what they did to us plaxese i din4 2ant too

[aetheralmalgam]

i so proud of us we hav 890 people logged!!! only uh uh 110 more!!!!! i so happi fow us it took so long ma headmates did such good jobs :]]]

[aetheralmalgam]

wow look at us sooo edgy.

[aetheralmalgam]

my name is sausage and you should love me

everyone should love sausage for sausage loves everyone! :D

its me! 🐌🐌🐌🐌🐌

[aetheralmalgam]

being a system is trying to get the self care alter to front but they are unable because you cant leave so they just sit in co con not helping TwT

[aetheralmalgam]

to add insult to injury now they are finally co fronting with me AFTER the tasks have been completed. how lovely.

[aetheralmalgam]

being a system is trying to get the self care alter to front but they are unable because you cant leave so they just sit in co con not helping TwT

[aetheralmalgam]

me when antis

[aetheralmalgam]

im so bored but im almost done with school so whatever

i dint wnna do this anymoreeeeee rahhhhhh

[verymanyrats]

[verymanyrats]

[aetheralmalgam]

idc what anyone says im the mosy sexy mf in this system

[aetheralmalgam]

lwk gonna ask our mom to get us another art tablet because like we need to do digital art again i can not survive on this physical nonsense

[aetheralmalgam]

long rant/vent

we feel bad for existing which is ironic considering the other half of the system has such low empathy that the world could implode and be directly their fault, and they would not care. We were originally a fictive of a D.I.D youtuber, and not an entire system (kindof, simply didnt know about it yet) but as we continued to watch this youtuber things came out about their trauma and it turns out they are a ramcoa survivor. Now like others who are fictives/factives their experiences update as they continue to watch or consume said media, and with that we grew. Ramcoa quickly became a special interest for the rest of the system, it was innocent, until the others realized what was happening to us.

Given the fact our "source" got updated as we learned this turned into developing everything we had ever read or learned about ramcoa and tbmc. For a time we accepted this, called ourself a TransRamcoa system and moved on (once we found the radqueer and transid community, not before, we just over explained our source experience before) as of more recently (over the last couple years) however our experience has evoloved into past lives. Affected alters have entire timelines of their past including some sort of Ramcoa trauma, some alters are from the same timeline, some arent, but with this we developed a lot of different programs, orginization patterns, and triggers.

Now the only thing we share with the D.I.D youtuber is a face and weve become something completely different, and something weve never expected. The problem is there is a soul wrenching pain to be valid, we have sought out abusers, one reprogramer who almost did genuine harm, and we continue to fight to try to do anything to feel like we are real in our experiences, that even though the body never experianced such trauma that doesnt degrade our entire existance.

Whats worse is these thoughts of inadequacy were only exemplified by the community we observed from afar, the very one we wanted so badly to be seen in, or even just heard out for a moment.

We are not proud.

We are not happy.

We are suffering in a absurd amount of ways and no matter what, who we speak too, who accepts us, what we share, there is always a overwhelming feeling of guilt for "copying" or "pretending" the very trauma that gets no worse. The greatest example of the evils of humanity is what we are desperately clawing at validation for because we will never be "real". we will never be "valid". and we will never be accepted as we are. We will be alone in this forever, and even those gracious enough to let us speak will never see past the fact the body is free. We will never get the pleasure of feeling like what weve delt with is finally enough.

[aetheralmalgam]

i keep looking at his acc and wanting to message him. fucking beg for his attention again. even send him nudes and porn just to keep him around and paying attention this time. why did we let him go i swear we could have just kept talking but he wanted access to our other systems but we should have just let him. we should have just done what he asked. we could probably persuade him to want us again. not like he did in the first place but maybe, just maybe, this time because wed give everything just to have him, do whatever he asked, cut his name into our skin just to show devotion. i swear we can be good i swear

[aetheralmalgam]

i need to message him god please just let me message him.

[aetheralmalgam]

how do people get groomed im right here and i will do anything for a fp just be nice to me its not that hard to make me obsessed