its easy to get carried away with how beautiful and graceful a lot of the characters in twilight are which is great and all but we all know that every single character is secretly disgusting™ and dumb™ so here you go
jacob: we smell gross to u right
edward: extremely
jacob, getting ready to burb in edward’s face: okay but how does this smell
bella: hey, uh… what happens to the blood you drink? like… after you digest it
edward:
edward, failing to think of a gentlemanly way to say “take a shit”: are you asking me if i poop
bella: what do you miss most about being human
emmett, with a faraway look in his eyes: that feeling you get after you’ve been picking your nose for a while and finally get a big one to come out
bella: i hope you like your birthday present :) i spent a lot of time thinking about what to get you :)))))
edward: you are my present, bella
bella: please just open it :)
edward: this is a toothbrush
bella, remembering the time edward tried to make out with her right after a hunt: cool huh :)))
edward: you are the most beautiful creature that has ever walked the earth
bella, eating bbq like an animal, hands and face covered in barbecue sauce:
quil, embry, and jacob have an ongoing competition to see who can hold out a fart the longest. embry is currently in the lead with 13 seconds
bella, half asleep after pulling an all-nighter with alice: anybody want some gum
jacob: bella thats a tampon
alice to edward: hold your breath
edward: why?
bella, 10 seconds later, letting out a silent but deadly fart:





















