After is Abuse

[softheartedsuggestion]

don’t allow someone to treat you poorly just because you love them

[cozyqueen]

why do men think “she let me emotionally abuse her during my growing stage” is a romantic concept. that’s not love, she should have left u.

[littlemousling]

Possessiveness 101

Totally cool: “Hey, do you want to be exclusive?”

Red flag: “No one but me is allowed to touch you.”

Totally cool: “It makes me feel weird when you flirt with other people, can we talk about that?”

Red flag: “If you loved me, you would stop being friends with them. You KNOW it makes me jealous.”

Totally cool: “I hope we’re together forever. I’m so in this for the long haul.”

Red flag: “If you ever left me, I would kill myself.”

Totally cool: “Your mom is really unkind to me, can we try to minimize how often you bring me when you visit her?”

Red flag: “Your mom hates me, you need to stop talking to her. She’s trying to ruin our relationship.”

Totally cool: “I love you so much, oh my god.”

Red flag: “It’s a good thing I love you so much, because no one else would. You’d be alone forever without me.”

Other important red flags to keep in mind: someone who wants to jump into emotional/financial co-dependence very fast (like moving in together right away, or becoming each other’s only confidantes right away) and won’t take no for an answer; someone who tries to minimize how often you leave the house or interact with other people; someone who threatens you or themselves or your family or pets or possessions or financial future; someone who uses guilt to keep you from leaving a relationship.

Very important reminder: You do not need a reason to leave a relationship. Neither does the other person (or people). A relationship is over when one of the people in it says it’s over, period. Obviously it’s kind to take the end of a long relationship seriously, but abusers and manipulators have lost the right to that conversation. Lie if you need to–your safety is much more important than their feelings.

Trust your instincts!

[biteals]

How do people not find this harmful? Teens are calling hessa “relationship goals.” Tessa is frightened that Harry will hit her, and young women find nothing wrong with that. Romanticizing an abusive relationship is how Anna Todd makes her money. Boycott the book “After” and sign this petition to make sure it’s not made into a movie. https://www.change.org/p/directioners-against-after-the-book-was-bad-enough-don-t-let-them-make-it-into-a-movie

[holyhalie]

Bruh the whole story isn’t like that 1 part!!! If u stop judging and just read yall see its a pretty good book🙄🙄

[afterisabuse]

Ive read the entire book. Its about an abusive relationship. Go to afterisabuse.tumblr.com/quotes and theres more proof there that it’s an abusive relationship, and that Hardin is an abuser. If you enjoy the book, cool, I just dont want people calling an abusive relationship, “relationship goals,” which happens fairly frequently.

[traumatizedwords]

Your abuser’s trauma doesn’t justify them abusing you. Your abuser’s trauma doesn’t justify them abusing you. Your abuser’s trauma doesn’t justify them abusing you. Your abuser’s trauma doesn’t justify them abusing you. Your abuser’s trauma doesn’t justify them abusing you. Your abuser’s trauma doesn’t justify them abusing you. Your abuser’s trauma doesn’t justify them abusing you. Your abuser’s trauma doesn’t justify them abusing you. Your abuser’s trauma doesn’t justify them abusing you.

[afterisabuse]

I think everyone -male, female,straight,gay, etc..- like when their partner gets a LITTLE jealous I know that sometimes it's cute but rarely should your partner be jealous of every other person you come in contact with, that's my personal opinion, I just wanted to know what you think of partners getting jealous, is it a feeling that's normal sometimes in a relationship or a feeling that is worrisome ?

“Jealousy is not proof of love, it is a sign of insecurity and possessiveness.“

“Jealous. He/she views others as a threat to the relationship and relentlessly accuses you of flirting.” - 12 Traits of an Abusive Relationship

“Jealousy: At the beginning of a relationship an abusive person will always say that jealousy is a sign of love. Jealousy has nothing to do with love; it’s a sign of possessiveness and lack of trust.” - Signs to Look for in an Abusive Relationship

“A prominent trait of abusers is their jealousy.“ - 10 Signs You may be in an Abusive Relationship

“You may be becoming or already are a victim of abuse if you believe that their jealousy is a sign of love.” - Characteristics of Abusers

“At first their jealous behavior doesn’t seem excessive, so there is no immediate ‘red flag warning’ indicating a prevalence for controlling or possessive behaviors.  In fact, even though you notice he is uncomfortable with you talking to other men or even when you engage in activities without him, you likely perceive his response as “sweet,” or tangible proof of his devotion to you.  Unfortunately, this minor display of jealousy is only the tip of the iceberg for an abuser; it will increase in intensity as the relationship progresses, and has the potential to manifest into a lethal attack.“ - 10 Early Warning Signs: Identifying the Future Abuser

No amount of jealousy, no matter how minor it may seem, is healthy in a relationship. It isn’t cute, either. If you or your partner is upset or beginning to show early signs of jealousy, talk with them about it. If they’re uncomfortable with you hanging out with your friends, leave your partner. That’s not okay. If your partner doesn’t like you talking to certain people because they think you’re flirting, tell them you’re not flirting. If they tell you they don’t want you to talk to that person or a group of people anymore, leave. That behavior is controlling and manipulative and isn’t healthy.

[afterisabuse]

[afterisabuse]

After is going to become a movie. Even after 20,000+ signatures of people protesting the make of this movie, it's going to happen. That's why it is so so so important for everyone to boycott After. After is a glorified abusive relationship, and no one should have to see that in the media. People have already called it a "50 Shades of Gray, but for a younger audience," since After originally gained popularity as a One Direction fan fiction. Please show the media that abusive relationships don't sell. Boycott After.

[petitepasserine]

‘’It’s just fictional! It doesn’t hurt anyone!’’ The Jaws movies sparked a shark-hunting trend that resulted in a decline of shark species up to as high as 90% But sure! Yeah! Fiction has no bearing on real life and human actions what so ever!

[bittersuggestion]

Romantic love does not cure a mental illness

[amandalovelace2-deactivated2021]

I accidentally unfollowed you trying to send this!😅 anyway, tell me your top 10 worst books.

the catcher in the rye by jd salingerbreaking dawn by stephenie meyerwhy we broke up by daniel handlercarry on by rainbow rowellafter by anna toddconfess by colleen hooveri’ll give you the sun by jandy nelsonthe selection by kiera cassbetween the lines by jodi picoultthe lovely bones by alice sebold

[healingsuggestions]

other people are not medicine. you have what you need to heal inside of you.

[largishcat]

[21cuts]

We live in a society that glorifies, excuses, and expects domestic violence.

To the well-meaning bystander: stop telling women to leave “if they respect themselves”, if they “value themselves”. Stop centering the blame of our trauma on our shoulders. Believe it or not, you feed the cycle in doing so. It is not that simple. Instead, start telling them HOW to leave. Start telling them why our world has set them up as effigies to interpersonal male violence. If you don’t want to speak to productive exit strategies, then don’t speak at all.

[euo]

ok just to clear something up for yall, since you appear to be misinformed, victims of abuse, whether it be sexual, physical, or emotional, often still have attachments to their abusers. it is infact, part of the abuse. 

having an attachment to your abuser does not, ever, invalidate abuse.

[4935058-452485-deactivated20170]

The process where abusers and abuse victims get attached to each other is called traumatic bonding and it happens bc of the cycle of abuse 

[lesbiantenets]

Warning Signs of Abuse

Because relationships exist on a spectrum, it can be hard to tell when a behavior crosses the line from healthy to unhealthy or even abusive. Use these warning signs of abuse to see if your relationship is going in the wrong direction:

-Checking your cell phone or email without permission -Constantly putting you down -Extreme jealousy or insecurity -Explosive temper -Isolating you from family or friends -Making false accusations -Mood swings -Physically hurting you in any way -Possessiveness -Telling you what to do -Pressuring or forcing you to have sex

(via loveisrespect.org)

[rochastocade]

biggest hetero lie i’ve been told: fighting is a part of a healthy romantic relationship

[lilbittydragon-deactivated20241]

Disagreements are a part of every healthy relationship. Having bad days when you’re not your best self is a part of every healthy relationship. Fighting, disrespect, and insults? Those are not healthy at all. 

[iamatinyowl]

An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless pit. But he’s not so much needy as entitled, so no matter how much you give him, it will never be enough. He will just keep coming up with more demands because he believes his needs are your responsibility, until you feel drained down to nothing.

Lundy Bancroft (via iamatinyowl)