after you went home

a blog about what happens after you go home at a reasonable hour and I'm still wandering around like an idiot. most of these updates will be me talking into my phone and hoping it will translate to text properly. so don't grammar police me. it's not my fault technology hasn't caught up to your asshole way of discrediting funny stories with a lack of Oxford comma. yip.

[afteryouwenthome]

After you went home I wandered around, still pretty happy about playing birthday hangman.  I realized I didn't have my keys about half way home, so I climbed into my bedroom window. All in all, A+ birthday.

[afteryouwenthome]

After you went home I bought some nips, walked from cambridge to boston, and made friends with a large man outside of my friends bar who showed me a video of him chugging a Cosmo made for 4 people. It was impressive.

[afteryouwenthome]

Goodbye coworker.

After you went home I went to the bar to try to drink away the crush I have on you.

[afteryouwenthome]

After you went home I walked to the Dunkin Donuts to get some food, and so I ordered a few things then went to use the bathroom. When I came back out there was a line, so I was really excited to have arrived before they did. Then the guy who came in after me who ordered one thing seem super impatient and he reached over the counter and grabbed his own condiments and I turned to him and I was like are you a secret shopper? And he was like no. And I was like alright. But after I got all of my things and seeing as how he was so impatient I took the opportunity to steal his already stolen Mayo packets from where he left them while he was looking at his phone.

[afteryouwenthome]

After you went home I realized I forgot my keys and had to climb onto the porch and shimmy open my window.

[afteryouwenthome]

After you went home Zach and I went to 7-eleven. We found this girl Christina that Zach knows and decided to sit and chill outside of the 7-Eleven like teenagers. A drunk guy came up asking if they had beer… We taught him about puritanical laws and planning ahead. He bummed a smoke. Told us he was from Brooklyn and had been wandering Boston going on 17 hours. We all wondered why, but nobody asked. He asked about the vagrant laws and we told him the cops are chill, but you’ve got to watch out for the Townies. We said they run in gangs, break into song and snap their fingers a lot. I think he figured we were fucking with him so he laid back and settled into the ramp outside of the 7-Eleven. We left. The end.