Rebuilding
Shiki Katagami x reader
This is a gender neutral reader, the pronouns that are used is they/ them, just so everyone can read this. This one does have an angsty start but there is comfort and a happy ending. Enjoy Famishikis!
16 days, 5 hours and 23 minutes. That's how long you've been a part from him. That's how long he's been apart from you. Thoughts of I miss them, I miss him, run through your heads. But for Shiki, he was fighting with himself. Did I make the right choice? It was, wasn't it? So why do I feel this way? He made his bed, he made the choice to break it off with you, you were shocked of course, you thought that he was your forever, your soulmate, but then the rug gets pulled from underneath you. He broke it off with you because he felt he was unable to love you fully, to the best of his abilities. He thought about having the conversation with you, trying to figure out what to say and how to say it. But, it all fell apart that night. Feelings were bottled up, words were left unsaid, and the words that were said came out venomously.
That night.
You were making dinner for Shiki, you already ate as Shiki gave you the heads up that he will be busy doing some work with the boys. You texted him asking if heâs done. He answers a few seconds later saying yes. You walk into his office with his dinner in your hands. You opened the door and see him already looking in your direction, waiting for you to arrive, you give him a small smile, he gives you one in return taking the plate from your hands, you lean down to give him a kiss. He gives a smile, but it doesnât reach his eyes, his eyes look dimmer, less of himself. Your face faulted for a second, and then immediately went back to normal. You hover over him a bit glancing at his computer, absentmindedly running your fingers through his hair. âShiki.â You said, it sure how to ask. âHm?â He said in response, finishing up what he was chewing.
âAre you feeling okay? Iâm just asking because you seemâŠ.off.â He pauses for a moment, before putting his fork down, turning to face you and slowly wrapping his arms around your waist. He leans his head against your abdomen. âIâll be honest, some stuff has been weighing on me. Itâs about us, specifically.â That immediately made you freeze, and he felt it. He looked up at you still keeping his arms around your waist. He stood up, "I wanted to be honest and up front about what I want to tell you...but I'm not even sure how to word it." You hold eye contact with him, searching for a sign of something, anything. You put your hands on his shoulders. "Shiki, did I do something wrong? Or, did I say something?" "No! God, no. It's just, it's more about me and what I have done." Your eyes go wide, and your hands snap away from his shoulders, you step back wanting to get out of his grasp.
He realizes what you are doing, and stops you by wrapping his arms tighter. "No, no, no! I wasn't disloyal to you. God, that was an awful way of saying that..." you stop moving, somewhat relaxing, but also showing that you are still tense. "I....." he lets out a sigh, and looks at you again, but it was still with the dim look from before. "I think, no, I want to break up." He says with a stern, but hurt in his voice. "What?...." "I feel...I feel like I can't be the best partner to you." He says this as he starts to loosen his arm around you. "When....when did you start feeling like this?" You look at him trying to see if this is prank. You try to reach out and grab his hand, he steps side ways closer to the door, your eyes follow him turning your body slightly. "For a few weeks. I can't be the best partner, we haven't gone on a date in like 3 months. And you are busting your ass at work, and trying to put food on the table. Not only that, you cook and clean, and here I am sitting in a chair doing paper work or in a sound booth, ignoring you, and the life that we have!" Shiki said this with pain in his voice, tears building up in both of your eyes. "Shiki, you work just as hard as I do. Just because you don't have a "normal" job doesn't mean you aren't busting your ass" "Then why can't I give you the time of day to love you? Care for you? Give you what you want as my partner?" Tears were falling down his face freely, you stare at him in awe, tears also falling down for you.
"Shiki, I love you. I do. Is there a way we can sit down and talk a bit more? This is so far from the truth, please. You aren't-" you take a breath, trying to stop yourself from hyperventilating. " You aren't thinking right. This isn't like you." "I'm sorry, Y/N. But, I've made my choice, I don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore." You stand there for a second trying to see if there was a change with him. There was, what looked like regret in his eyes. You look down and walk past him going into your shared bedroom, grabbing a duffle bag and shoving a weeks worth clothes and essentials into it. You turn around to find Shiki in the door staring at you with red puffy eyes. "WHAT?" You yell at him, anger taking over after being thrown to the side. He looks at you shocked and then quietly asking, "Where are going to stay?" "I'm going to stay at Cealen's." He nods, stepping to the side and letting you by. You speed walk past and straight to the door opening it and then slamming it behind you.
Current day
Caelen was in the kitchen making himself a cup of coffee. You were still asleep on the couch. He turns around for moment to see if you have woken up yet, you haven't, but he went and made you a cup of coffee anyway. He grabbed the mug and started to move his way towards you. He sets down the cup, and gently shakes you awake. You stir awake, and look up to see Caelen and give him a small smile. "Hey, sorry to wake you. But, uh, it's almost 3:00. How are you doing?" You sit up and take the cup of coffee that was in his hands. "I feel like shit, right now." You pause, to give yourself some time to search for words. "I wanna go back, and ask him, why? Why all of the sudden the change? What happened that got him to think that way?" Caelen gave you a soft smile, and gave a pat on your shoulder, keeping his hand there. "I could talk to him? If you like." "No, I don't want to drag you and the boys into this. It's not fair, I don't want to drive a wedge between you two." You take a sip of your coffee, and you guys sit in silence.
Shiki laid in his bed wrapped in his covers staring at the wall, battling with himself. His mind is telling him that he made the right decision, he can focus on himself and not feel guilty for not loving you, properly. He doesn't have to feel guilty for skipping date night because work was over flowing. But his heart, his heart was screaming at him, telling him to get up, run after you, beg you to come back to his arms. There was knock on his door, he gets out of bed, walking towards the door, opening it to see Liron and Elias at the door. "Hey...what's going on?" He said half asleep, and confused as to why they were there. "You haven't been answering your phone, I called you like 5 times." Elias said looking at him worried. "Oh....sorry guys my phone as been off. Plus, I was sleeping." "Are you doing okay? You look exhausted. Also, where's Y/N?" Liron asked looking at him nervously. The reason he asked about you is because you are usually right beside smiling and giving the boys a wave. You are always down to chat with them, especially Liron. You were the closest with Liron and Caelen.
Shiki sucks in a breath, looking down at he floor in front of him, Elias and Liron waiting in the door way for an answer. "I need you guys to sit down for this." He opens the door wider to them in. They walk in, towards the living room, the three of them sat down in silence for a moment. Liron and Elias faced Shiki, waiting for him to explain. "I broke up with them." "What!?" Elias said, his face was full of shock. "When was this?!" "Just over two weeks ago.." At this point, Liron leans in further, and asked a very simple question. "Why?" Shiki took in a breath, and gave himself a moment. "I broke up with them because I couldn't love them properly." "What made you come to that conclusion?" Liron asked, eger to hear the reason. "I missed so much of our time together because I had to prioritize you guys. It wasn't fair to them. Sitting a desk for 12 hours out of the day, I couldnât do it.â Elias scooted closer to him, taking a moment before asking, âHow did they react to that? Not well?â âIt was pretty bad, they tried to get me to rethink my choice but I couldnât, because if I didâŠ.â Shiki paused realizing what he was about to say. âIf you did, you would have realized that maybe you bit the bullet too soon?â Elias helped him finish his thought. âYeahâŠ.that.â He puts his head in his hands. Letting out a deep sigh. Liron speaks up. âWhere are they staying at? Someone from their family? Caelen?â âTheyâre staying at Caelenâs.â Liron nods, âWell if you want me to, I can call Caelen up see how they are doing, maybe see if they are down to see you?â Shiki takes his head out of his hands, looking up at his two genmates. âYeah, I think I need that. I need to tell them that I love them.â âAnd you need to stop killing yourself with your work. Yes, we are busy with music but your life outside of that is important. Shiki, you bite the bullet too quickly, you got scared, didnât you?â Elias looks at him like he just figured out a new chemical reaction. Shiki started back not saying anything. He knew Elias was right. ââŠâŠyes, because I thought if I killed it early enough, it wouldnât hurt as much.â
âOkay, so Cae said that they are down to come by and talk. Ash was actually over there as well.â âWhat was he doing over there?â âHe was being an extra shoulder to cry on, and him and Y/N were going to watch some movies to get her mind off of it.â âSo, whatâs the plan?â The guys look at the purple haired man, looking for an answer. âI want you guys here, but not in the house. Theyâre not going to want to be honest and open if you guys are here. Is there a chance you guys could outside?â They nod in agreement. At this point, Shiki wonder off to his room to get dressed. Elias and Liron sat on the couch making small talk with each other. After a few minutes, Shiki came out of his room looking somewhat normal. His face still held the bags under his eyes, the sluggish movement of his body told the boys that heâs been like this since the break-up. There was knock on the door next, it made Shiki freeze. Elias went and opened the door, there stood Y/N. They looked confused, and was trying to look further into the house to see if Shiki was there. Elias side stepped opening the door wider, and there he was standing in the living room staring right them, frozen. "Hey, Lilo and I were just about to leave." He looks back at Lilo, and Lilo got up and headed towards the door with Elias behind him, leaving the door open so Y/N can walk, they did shutting the door behind them.
Their looking at their ex, waiting for them to say something. "Did you want to sit down at the counter? I can make us something to drink?" Shiki asked, his voice small, shaky too. You nod, not trusting your voice. You feel as though if you spoke you'd break down right then and there. You follow Shiki into the kitchen, and he pulls out some coffee from fridge, making you a nice cold brew. It was still the morning, late morning, and as you were watching him make the cold brew you realize that he was making your favorite type of cold brew. You felt tears well up in eyes. He still cares about me? He still remembers it. You snap out of your thoughts, he faces you putting the drink down in front you. You must have spaced out for awhile, because he had his drink in his hand too. "Umm, would you like me to start? Or, did you want to?" He asked in as softer voice, he would look at you but then look away immediately to try and find something else to focus on. "I want to start, it's just....hard to find the words or what questions to ask." You said, looking at the cold brew. You put your lips against the straw to take a sip, a small smile blooms on your face, it gives you this nostalgia of happiness, of warmth, of home, of him.
"I think for the first question that I want to ask is, why didn't you come to me sooner? Why did you think that just dropping that on me was okay?" You look at him for the first time, really look at him and you notice the dark circles, the way his hair is messy and tangled into a bun. He takes a moment to let your words sink in, and for him to find the words to answer. He takes a breath before answering, "I didn't come to you sooner because I first thought it was something coming up due to stress. But, then....." He pauses, not sure how to say the next, wondering if he should even say it. "But, then when you came home that one time where you broke down from work and being overworked, I knew I was failing as a partner." You hum, as you remember that night, coming home two hours than usual, seeing dishes still piled up in the sink, you had laundry that you left that you intended to do when you got home. "I came out my room and saw you looking so worn down, I know that I comforted you but in that moment too, I realized that I wasn't doing enough as a partner. I could've done a lot of things different. I could of done the dishes or finished the laundry for you but I was so obsessed with my own work and needs, that I neglected yours." He outs a shaky breath, trying to keep himself composed. "When I told that I wanted to break up and mean it, I wanted to do it before we got into a fight or before I was in too deep and you felt neglected. I wanted to stop the hurt from happening, but I guess I only made it worse."
You sit in silence for a few minutes the only sound is the clock on the wall, and the ice in your coffee. âYou made it worse because you blindsided me. You didnât give me a warning or told me that we needed to talk. You just pulled the trigger.â You said with a steady voice. You found yourself to be a bit more courageous and comfortable to say what was on your mind. You werenât shaky anymore. âI know, Elias said the same thing. It wasnât until they came over that I realized how stupid it was and that I made such a huge mistake, and that I ruined a relationship that I cared so deeply for. I didn't want to hurt you but I did in the end. I'm so sorry, I jumped the gun, I made a mistake, and I want.....I want to be with you." You take a moment, and take a deep breath. "I want to say thank you for the apology. I appreciate it. I will say that I wish you did come to me as soon as you felt this way. Being in a relationship is a dance. Sometimes it's 50/50, sometimes it's 70/30. I don't care as along as we have an understanding of that. You do and have given a lot Shiki, you gave me a place to live, you help out with the bills, food, chores. You have done a lot, I have felt so loved by you." At this point, Shiki had tears streaming down his face, that was the first time in almost 3 weeks that he as felt loved, that he didn't feel like he failed, and lost the one thing he cherished and wanted to keep close.
But then, he also felt anger and embarrassment from it too. It was so simple what he could of done. But, he assumed the worse, in his head he made it seem like you were at that point, where you felt neglected and you were ready to leave. "I'm sorry....I never wanted to hurt you, I've hurt you and I'm sorry." You give him a small smile, and get from your chair, walk around the counter to embrace him in a hug. He clings on to you like a life line. He sobs into your shoulder and repeats the words sorry over and over again. You hold him tighter, and run your fingers though his hair. You pull back and wipe his tears away, " I love you Y/N, you know that. It has been the worst 3 weeks ever, and I want us to be back together, if you allow that." You nod your head and whisper "Yes." His eyes light up with relief and happiness, he pulls you in by your waist and kisses you, the kiss held passion, longing, love and devotion. You felt tears fall from your eyes, you let go of the kiss, and whisper an "I love you." "I love you too." You embrace him in a hug again, and you hold each other for a long time. For the minutes, hours and days missed and being away from each others embrace. The room felt lighter, warmer than before. For Shiki, the house didn't feel dull, it was vibrant again, because of you. You brought him so much joy to his life, and god was it hell when you were gone. He promises to never leave you the dark like that again. The house now holds a softer glow.









