"Everyone else had died once before, so why are you gung-ho about it?" Tim says in annoyance after hearing another joke of Jason's death.
"Why am I so gung-ho about my death?" Jason asks in disbelief before scoffing.
"What, are you saying that my 'death' isn't all that bad because others have had it worse?"
And the bastard actually has the audacity to nod his head.
"You're always joking about your death here and there, but it's honestly gotten a little old. Especially since it's expected in this type of field." He says plainly, as if he didn't just dismiss Jason's very traumatic death.
"... Are you saying you've had worse traumatic experiences than me?" Jason asks quietly, not sure what he's actually hearing.
"Is that not true though?" Tim says, tilting his head, and there's no hint of hesitation, as if Tim well and truly believed it.
Jason clenches his hands into a fist and his teeth grate. He has to take deep breaths to calm down his and stop his blood pressure rising. He knows the saying that you can't compare trauma, that no one's trauma is worse than the other, but...
Right now all Jason wants to do is list every single traumatic experience he's lived through and ask if Tim had experience even half of that, fully comprehends just how fucked up his whole life is, because yes. His whole fucking life, not just a small part, all of it.
He breathes in, holds, breathes out, holds, and repeats the process a few times, feeling his anger subside the smallest amount before attempting to say anything.
"You know... Maybe I wouldn't joke about my death all the time if you guys stopped talking to me about it. Ever thought about that? 'I failed to save you', 'you were so much better then', 'I will always regret what happened', 'if only you weren't reckless, if only you didn't try to beat the Joker', 'my son would never do this', and the list goes on and on. And they way everyone looks at me? With disappointment, with pity, mourning the child that died when said child is right in front them, very much alive. How can I move forward when I'm being constantly dragged back? It's not as if I enjoy it." He spits out, barely restraining himself from saying even worse things.
"Well it is your fault for murdering people. It's no wonder they're like that." Tim shrugs, not realising what he's just implied.
And... Something inside Jason snaps.
He starts laughing uncontrollably, resulting in Tim looking him in both confusion and wariness.
He laughs for a while until it tapers off, more controllable now as he wipes stray tears from his eyes, "Ah yes, so everyone can change with the passage of time, but I, the one who went through being sold out from my mother to the Joker, was beat up with a crowbar, was in an explosion, and died to asphyxiation from smoke inhalation, and then waking in your coffin and having to dig your way out using a normal belt and hands, to being hit with a car and becoming essentially 'brain dead' for two years before being dunked in a Lazarus pit, where you find that not only had you legacy been erased, but even your mere existence was gone, vanished into thin air as if you never existed, and the man who has enough money to change the world did nothing after, instead covered up the crime scene and went on to beating up errand goons into the ICU before another boy shoves his way in and takes up a costume you died in, and then somehow instead of all your good deeds being talked about, it was instead warped, cherry picking instances to turn you into a cautionary tale, what not to be, when you were never those things, at least to that degree," he sneers before talking in a joking manner before carrying on, "and then you also find out that the man who killed you and thousands of others was still free and lose, as if there was no consequence to your death, as if it changed nothing. So please, tell me how I wouldn't have changed after that." He asks sardonically, a smile with no warmth plastered on his face.
"That still doesn't excuse your behaviour" Is all Tim says in response, a frown on his face.
Jason snorts, "This is fucking ridiculous." He raises his hand and runs it through his hair.
He can feel mhimsrlf being more and more agitated, how someone who is supposed to be a 'hero' casually dismissed someone who clearly has trauma- and by a whole lot. It disgusts him, how two sided said heroes were.
They parade around saying 'justice this' or 'justice that' while sometimes ignoring those who are so deep they can't even ask for help. There's a reason he hates the Bats, parading around with their 'superior' morals and justice while failing to see how horrible they are outside the cowl, not even outside- because sometimes it's when they're in the cowls that they're worse.
Tim tenses, unsure of what Jason will now do. But all Jason does is turn and leave, not a further word with the man.
Tim tries to say something, but Jason just ignores it, there's no point trying to convince someone who will never change their mind, and trying to hurt him? That'd only result in the bats and the birds going after him and he really cannot be bothered with all of that.
Plus, if Jason said everything he wanted to, he bets that he'd be opening a forbidden can of worms that might finally break him, and he has to many things to do before that.
But as he walks, he scoffs to chuckles sadly to himself. In a normal person's life they might have one or two traumatic experience, for Jason? He's only had a select few of happy experiences.
He doesn't know how to feel or think about that...
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