Not afraid to die

an AU roleplay blog. Contains 18+ material. Read with caution.

[agent-leedonghae]

Last Dance - Tao and Donghae

[agent-zitao-deactivated20150414]

Zitao let his own eyes scan the area in front of him - it was absolutely great, which made him more than happy about the fact that they had decided to keep the ceremony there. He glanced at his fiancée, letting out a soft chuckle. “Yeah..”

Taking a deep breath, he tried to push away the nervous feeling inside him. It was both about something going wrong, a sudden rain for example, but also a pure excitment. He’d get married, for real. He was going to show people around him just committed he was for Donghae.

"Everything looks just what I planned", Tao smiled, turning his eyes to the older. "Do you like it? Is there anything you’d like to change? Because we still can do some  small changes if you don’t like it", he prattled.

[agent-leedonghae]

Donghae laughed gently and reached up to press a kiss on Tao's lips despite his warnings about smudging the makeup. "I don't like the tent, and the chairs look ugly too," he teased before breaking into louder laughter. "Silly, of course I love it." He had to tiptoe again for another kiss. 

"I don't even care about the venue as long as we're getting married. A nice setting is a great bonus, but all I need is you." He squeezed Tao's hand one more time before he turned to the car and began to take out what he could carry. He glanced at his clock; they still had well over an hour to go. 

"Do you still need to take care of something?" he asked, gesturing towards the venue. "Or something you want to triple check? Or what are we supposed to do, go and hide from the guests? I think they're going to start arriving soon." 

[agent-leedonghae]

Last Dance - Tao and Donghae

[agent-zitao-deactivated20150414]

Zitao just laughed it off, starting the engine. He knew just how obsessed he had  been with anything, especially how Donghae would look - though, on the other hand, the older would have looked perfect in everything. But he had his vision in his mind, which he kept.

Stopping in front of the hotel his grandparents were (he had actually made sure there was a staff member who spoke Chinese), he got out of the car and walked to them. Both of them were already in their suits, greeting them both with a tight hug. They were both smiling like there was no tomorrow, bubbling out everything more or less important.

As they went to the car, they greeted Donghae’s mother in Korean, their heavy accent still very, very visible. Once everyone sat in the car, Zitao drove to the beach. Helping his grandmother out of the car, he couldn’t help smiling at how she teared up at the sight of the place. “It’s so beautiful, Zitao”, she mumbled and shook her head, trying to calm herself down. 

[agent-leedonghae]

Donghae was equally in awe at the sight of the beach. The sand wasn't white but still gorgeous and the sea was breathtaking in the bright sunlight, the light breeze salty and gentle as it brushed through his hair. The section where their wedding would take place was on a more solid part of the beach because walking on the sand would not be nice to anyone's shoes. The venue had a white, light looking tent over it to provide shade and the flowers and other decorations were absolutely beautiful.

His mother hooked arms with Tao's grandmother and then gestured for the grandfather to follow her. "We'll go and take a look around," she explained with a smile. "You go and take care of everything you must. We'll see you... When you get to the altar."

Donghae nodded his head and turned to Tao, walking up to him to lace their fingers together. "Now it's almost scarily real," he whispered quietly, looking at the scene. No guests had arrived yet but there were people working on the final preparations to make everything ready.

"Today it's going to happen. I'm... Unbelievably happy."

[agent-leedonghae]

Last Dance - Tao and Donghae

[agent-zitao-deactivated20150414]

Tao smiled innocently as he watched Donghae getting scolded by his mother. It was kind of adorable, he did admit that to himself.  ”I meant it for real, I wans’t being mean”, he half pouted, then smiling a bit.

"At the venue. They might get wrinkly if we put them on here. You, I have to drive and all", he said, letting his other hand rest on his hip. "And I want them to look perfect at the ceremony, of course", he shrugged.

"Let’s get going then?" he asked, walking out, to the car. He kept the door open for her, then walking to the driver’s seat.

[agent-leedonghae]

"What don't you want to look perfect at the ceremony," Donghae said with a roll of his eyes and then walked his mom to the car, helping her to get on the backseat before getting in after her. They would still have to pick up Tao's grandparents before heading to the venue, and Donghae figured it was best to let Tao's grandfather to sit next to his grandson. 

His mother clutched his hand tightly, a gesture Donghae gladly returned. This was a big day, it truly was. He hadn't been together with Tao for very long but he knew this was the one, the man he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with, and even though he knew Tao was his as much as someone could possibly be, this was still huge. 

He got out of the car to greet Tao's grandparents once they arrived at the hotel, and got a big hug from both of them. He beamed at them as widely as he could, although he could only make out half of what they were saying, if even that. 

[agent-leedonghae]

Last Dance - Tao and Donghae

[agent-zitao-deactivated20150414]

"Well, pretty much", Zitao chuckled as he nodded. "You can’t say it isn’t a really tempting idea…" he teased the other softly, stroking the nape of Donghae’s neck.  "But yeah, I guess I have to keep my hands to myself until we get there", he chuckled as he released his hand off the nape.

"He has always been handsome", he smiled at her, walking to get his wallet and phone, along with car keys - he had gotten his car back from the repair after a long time.

"Hmm. let’s get going then?" he asked while glancing at the Lee family. He couldn’t help smiling a little, seeing how happy she looked at that moment. On the back of his mind he wondered if Dongwha would drop by or not. (He might or might not had let him know about the ceremony.) 

[agent-leedonghae]

"You have to be patient only until tonight," Donghae replies with a wink. "You know, wedding night and all." 

He blushed crimson at Tao's words, although the makeup did tone it down somewhat. "Shut it," he scolded him, which earned him a hard nudge from his mother who had dried her eyes by now. "That is no way to talk to your fiance!" she chided and wagged her finger at him. 

Donghae rolled his eyes. "But he's mean to me! Besides, he ignored my question; are we going to get changed into our fancy suits at the venue?" He actually looked forward to seeing Tao in his suit, because he had no idea what he was going to be wearing. Tao didn't know either, although they had agreed to wear matching accessories to bring their outfits together. 

[agent-leedonghae]

Last Dance - Tao and Donghae

[agent-zitao-deactivated20150414]

After calling his grandparets, Tao made a few more calls which weren’t that important. Just mere ‘is everything okay’ kind of calls, which he could have left unmade. But he wanted to keep himself busy for the time Donghae was getting his hair and make up done, not wanting to see anything until it was done.

"Thank you, goodbye", Tao said to her, smiling politely before turning to see Donghae for the first time after a while. "Oh gosh.." He let out a small sigh, eyes growing one size bigger. "That looks… absolutely gorgeous. I mean.. holy shit", he laughed softly. "I’d give you a kiss but it would ruin the make up", he chuckled. "Maybe we should skip the ceremony and stay here for the rest of the day?"

Glancing at the clock, he sighed a little. “Well I think we should get going soon, right? I want to check the flowers there before other people arrive..” 

[agent-leedonghae]

Donghae pouted. "What is the point of this if I can't even get a kiss? How are you supposed to kiss me at the altar, then?" He blushed at all the compliments though, because it was evident how much Tao liked what he saw and that of course made him happy. 

"Stay here and what, fuck all day?" he laughed and nudged Tao's side. "I'd rather save that for the day after tomorrow when we arrive in Thailand and get to the hotel." He honestly had a feeling they would spend the majority of their honey moon having sex in various different places, just for the fun of it. That was the point of it all, wasn't it?

"I'll ask mom if she's ready to go. Will we get changed at the venue, then?" he asked. "Mom?"

She came downstairs soon but stopped dead on her tracks to stare at the two of them and then started crying as she came to hug Donghae. "When did my son become so handsome," she wailed while Donghae patted her back as gently as he could. 

[agent-leedonghae]

Last Dance - Tao and Donghae

[agent-zitao-deactivated20150414]

Tao smiled and nodded, glancing at Donghae to see that pretty blush on his face. Smiling by himself, he walked inside. While she was setting up the beauty salon, Tao pecked Donghae’s cheek. “You are my groom, don’t worry about what she says… Or not wait, a handsome groom”, he chuckled and walked to her.

He let her do what she thought  was the best looking. In the end, his hair was slicked backwards and eyes were lined with eyeliners, just a little bit. “Looks great”, he hummed happily, thanking the lady before standing up.”Go on then”, he playfully ushered Donghae as he walked past him.

While she was doing her magic on Donghae, Tao called his grandparents to talk about the schedule of the day.  Or more like when he’d get them from the hotel and such.

[agent-leedonghae]

Donghae watched the hairstylist work with fascination. He had always regarded Tao as sinfully handsome but to see him so properly prepared and dolled up... He was breathtaking. He looked just too good like that, and Donghae was just so glad he was going to marry that man. Tao would be his and his only, for everyone to see but for no one to touch. The eyeliner really was too much though, it made his stomach turn with barely contained arousal. 

"You look amazing," he told Tao and reached up to peck his lips lightly before walking up to the stylist and sitting down. 

"So what did I hear about eyeliner?" she asked as she began to work with his hair. "Second thoughts?"

Donghae shrugged. "I just fear it's going to run when I start crying," he confessed. "Because I definitely will cry."

She laughed softly. "Oh, don't worry, we can prevent that," she reassured him, and so they decided to carry out Tao's plan anyway. Once his hair and makeup was done, he thanked her and she packed everything up so she could leave. "Congratulations," she told him before walking away. 

"So, how do I look?" Donghae asked Tao with a playful smile. 

[agent-leedonghae]

Last Dance - Tao and Donghae

[agent-zitao-deactivated20150414]

"Rings? Rings, rings, rings.." Tao cocked his eyebrows and started to mumbled by himself in a mix of Chinese and Korean. He started to dig his bag, just to make sure he got the little boxes with him. (And of course they were, he had put them in there just 10 minutes earlier.)  He sighed in relief and closed the trunk.

He turned his eyes to their hairstylist, smiling politely and making a small bow-like gesture. They had met once before when they had talked about what they wanted to get done. Tao had looked pretty different at that time: his blond hair had long, black roots; he had sunglasses on most of the time to hide the dark circles around his eyes from the lack of sleep, and his clothes hadn’t been that.. neat.

"This is Donghae", Tao introduced his fiancé to her. "Which one do you want to start with?  Oh, any remember that eyeliner thing we were talking about? I think you should talk about it with Donghae himself", he chuckled. She nodded .

[agent-leedonghae]

Donghae kept a steadying hand on Tao's back the whole time he rummaged through his bag. Of course the rings were there, but they were both rather nervous at this point and double checking would only sooth their nerves. It was good to make sure nothing would go wrong when they were talking about something this important. 

He looked at the hairstylist curiously. She seemed fashionable, just the type Tao would trust with this. He only hoped he would come out looking at least decent when she was done. His hair had grown really long and he wore it on a ponytail most of the time to keep it out of the way, and he wished he wouldn't end up with a weird hairstyle for the wedding for the sake of fashion. 

The woman eyed them both up and down. "I think I will start with the handsome groom," she said then and gestured towards Tao. "And then we will doll up the bride."

Donghae blushed heavily at her words. He was not the bride! Or well... Maybe he was, to be honest. 

They all walked inside and the hairstylist set up all her supplies in the living room that would be their beauty salon for the day. 

[agent-leedonghae]

Last Dance - Tao and Donghae

[agent-zitao-deactivated20150414]

Tao wrapped his long arms around Donghae, keeping him close the whole time the hugging. For some reason he felt relaxed - though they couldn’t be sure if Donghae’s father would have liked him, but somewhat this felt… as if he wouldn’t have been fully against the chinese man either.

"Yeah, we should do that", Zitao smiled after the small kiss. He took Donghae’s hand, giving it a light squeeze before they headed back to Lee’s house. Pretty much the whole way back, the wedding planner started call about things again (Tao was thankful she hadn’t called while they were at the cemetery).

"We don’t have anything else to take with us?" Tao asked as he was packing up the car - they didn’t have much stuff to take with them, but he just couldn’t help himself from worrying.

[agent-leedonghae]

Listening to Tao talk on the phone to the wedding planner had become part of the routine, so much so that it was now almost relaxing. Donghae wasn't sure how Tao'd cope after the wedding when he wouldn't have anything to focus on so much, but maybe they should by a property and start building their dream home or just renovate themselves a nice apartment and that could be Tao's next project. He feared that Tao liked all this planning a little too much and would not get enough of it, but at least there always was their apartment to be discussed. 

He patted Tao on the back gently. "I'm sure we've got everything," he said with a smile. "As long as we have ourselves and the rings we've got everything covered. I can't think of anything, and you've double checked your to-do list already. Relax, it'll be fine."

Just as he said this, the hairstylist arrived and got out of her car. "I presume you're the fantastic wedding couple," she chirped happily and clapped her hands once. "This is going to be exciting! Such handsome guys you are!" 

[agent-leedonghae]

Last Dance - Tao and Donghae

[agent-zitao-deactivated20150414]

Tao kept silent the whole time, closing his eyes at some point. Not that he was bored or tired, he was just simply imagining Donghae’s father in front of them. It made the situation a little more easier - what if his father was really there, maybe commenting something to Donghae. Like ‘well took you long enough’ or ‘he looks way too queer’. 

It also hurt, since it reminded him about his own father. How he was alive yet dead at the same time - deep inside, Tao really wanted to introduce Donghae to him, show him how great man he had found and how the fact that Donghae wasn’t a girl didn’t change anything.

Feeling how the other rested his head against Tao’s thigh, he let his hand run slowly through Donghae’s hair.  He was still in total silence, wanting to give Donghae all the time he needed.

[agent-leedonghae]

Donghae stayed there still for a while, just calming down and slowly relaxing again. He did miss his dad terribly, so terribly, but then again, he had passed away so long ago that the pain had healed by now. It hurt a little, but he had grown used to it. 

He was also saddened by the fact that Tao's father or his mother wouldn't be there. It was awful and his heart ached for his fiance, but he had hope, more so than Tao. He was quite sure that eventually they could talk it out and rebuild their relationship. Some day in the future. Of course it was terrible that they weren't there now, but it couldn't be helped. 

Eventually he stood up and pulled Tao in for a hug, holding him close and breathing in his scent. "Let's get going, we don't want to be late for our own wedding," he said eventually and tiptoed to kiss Tao on the lips briefly. 

[agent-leedonghae]

Last Dance - Tao and Donghae

[agent-zitao-deactivated20150414]

"Well I guess you have a really, really shitty taste on the men you fall in love with, then", Zitao laughed while shaking his head at the topic of their discussion. He knew the other wouldn’t be angry for a long, so he just walked next to him with a smile on his lips.

The red head hadn’t gone to any cemetery for years. No one close to him had died, so he had no reason to come - on which he was now happy, since he felt uncomfortable almost right away. Maybe it was his fear of death, or something else, but at first he just wanted to get out of there. But luckily it settled down rather soon.

Tao let go from Donghae’s hand, letting the other do… well, whatever he wanted. He kept close though,  fingers brushing against the other’s shoulder from time to time.  He kept silent, chewing his lower lip - he had never thought this was the way he’d meet the father of his fiancé. 

[agent-leedonghae]

Donghae took the bottles of soju and opened them so that he could pour their contents on the ground. His hand was slightly shaky; he was getting a little emotional already. This day was going to be a long one. 

"I'm sorry I didn't bring Tao here earlier," he murmured quietly, his hands crossed on his lap as he sat there on his  knees. "I was going to, but then things just got in the way. But I've thought about what you would think about him almost every single day. I would love to have your blessing." 

He reached up to wipe at the tears that were already clinging on to his lashes. "It's so sad that you're not here," he continued. "It's the happiest day of my life and I don't get to share it with you... It's not fair. Now mom has to tell all the embarrassing stories about my childhood by herself." He chuckled quietly. "But at least I brought you soju so you can take part to the festivities. I hope you can see that Tao is the best thing to ever happen to me... I just miss you so much right now."

He tilted his head so that he could rest it against Tao's thigh, sitting quietly there for a moment and trying to collect himself again. 

[sushisaranghae]

[honeeyyyk01]

[agent-zitao-deactivated20150414]

  "How does this little human being works? Do I have to feed it or what?" 

[agent-leedonghae]

Give that child to me, oh goodness. This is why I'm going to be the stay at home dad, not you. 

[agent-leedonghae]

Last Dance - Tao and Donghae

[agent-zitao-deactivated20150414]

"Because you love me, I have a good body and a great face, plus I am pretty sure I can make your knees wobble like no one else can", Tao chuckled as he whispered to the other. "Aaaand, I have a nice personality, right?" 

"You hate but you love me", he half grinned. He let the other choose everything needed. "And no, you wouldn’t castrate me, I know you want kids one day in the future", he said, though shivers ran through his spine as he remembered that one horrible dream…

Tao took the other’s hand as they walked out of the shop.

[agent-leedonghae]

"Your personality is shit and the only reason why you make me knees wobble is because you're unbelievably annoying," Donghae murmured under his breath. "And we don't need your dick to get kids, you know. I can't get pregnant as far as I know, so your semen will not be needed."

 After a moment of walking he managed to cool off, and he laced his fingers together with Tao's. The cemetery wasn't that far away anymore. The sun was shining and the birds were singing around them; he could not have asked for anything better. 

He lead Tao to the gates of the cemetery and squeezed his hand tighter as he continued down a pebble path and finally on grass until they got to a fairly large grass covered mound. "This is it," he said quietly and gestured towards the mound. He sank to his knees slowly and laid the flowers on the ground. "Hello, dad." 

[agent-leedonghae]

Last Dance - Tao and Donghae

[agent-zitao-deactivated20150414]

Tao was silent for a moment, then his frustration turned into soft chuckle. Leaning closer, he pecked Donghae’s cheek  twice before wrapping his arm around the other’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, I have it”, he whispered and pressed one peck more to the other’s cheek.

"I have had it for the whole time", he added, tightening his hold around the other a little bit. "Sorry", he mumbled, pressing even more light kisses to the other’s hair, that had a nice scent of shampoo and conditioner. 

"And I have memorized it fully, I rememeber every sentence. And if I happened to forget it for some stupid reason, I could still come up with something that would show the quests how much I love you." 

[agent-leedonghae]

Donghae slapped Tao in the middle of the chest, hard, for his little prank. "You piece of shit," he hissed in between his teeth and shook Tao's arm off. He couldn't help being upset; his nerves were shot thanks to the approaching ceremony as it was, so this little joke really didn't make his mood any better. 

"I officially hate you," he continued to grumble as he marched to where the soju bottles were kept and picked up two bottles of the most expensive brand before heading down the isle where the flowers were kept. "Tell me again why I want to marry someone like you? Why would you do that?"

He chose the brightest of flowers before walking to the cashier and paying for it all. 

"That was so not funny," he said as he stepped out of the store. "Do that again and I will castrate you!"

[agent-leedonghae]

Last Dance - Tao and Donghae

[agent-zitao-deactivated20150414]

"Well don’t worry, I asked for a fabric that would be light to wear. Since we keep the ceremony at the beach, I wanted to make sure that if the weather turns out to be too hot, we’d still feel rather comfortable", Tao said with a little smile on his lips.

"… Vow? What vow..? Oh shit, shit shit shit", he started to curse, changing to Chinese at some point. He bit his lower lip, running his hand through his hair. "We were supposed to have them? Fuck, I totally forgot." 

[agent-leedonghae]

"Oh, you've been very thoughtful," Donghae said with a laugh and then waved with his hand to point out the grocery store he was taking them to. He would buy a bottle of soju and some flowers to bring to his father. He still not didn't know who his real father was or if his father had ever loved him, but he had found a peace of mind over time and had now accepted the facts as they were. The man who had raised him and always treated him lovingly was his father no matter what. 

He stared at Tao with wide eyes as he panicked over his question. "How could you possibly have forgotten it?" he asked slowly. "We talked about this, many times! I've been working on mine for months, I- Well, I guess you can craft something before two."

He really did feel upset though, he genuinely did. He had worked very hard to perfect his own vow to Tao and to know that Tao would not put that amount of effort to it but just scribble something down quickly kind of hurt. He stepped inside the grocery store with a frown on his face and started to look for what he needed. 

[rurouneko]

hello mr. dapper

[agent-leedonghae]

Last Dance - Tao and Donghae

[agent-zitao-deactivated20150414]

”.. Oh, right, yeah you did go there, I totally forgot”, Tao laughed and shook his head. “I’d probably forgot to even drink coffee if someone wasn’t giving it to me”, he rolled eyes at his own behavior.  He glanced at the other’s hoodie, smiling as he recognised it right away.

"Yes, let’s go", he said as he stood up. "I trust you know a good shop on the way", he added, standing up and jamming all the needed things into his jean’s pockets. The jeans might have been just a little too tight for such thing, but he let it be and followed the other out.

He ran his fingers along the other’s wrist couple of times before taking a good of Donghae’s hand. “I hope the weather will stay as good as it is now. It’s.. perfect.” 

[agent-leedonghae]

"Oh I'll take care of you and your coffee, don't you worry. You're enough of a bridezilla as it is, I don't want to see how you'd be like if half of your blood wasn't black coffee," Donghae laughed as he stood up as well and lead the way down the stairs and out of the house. 

The fingers on his wrist made him shiver just slightly and he squeezed Tao's hand back as tightly as he could while still maintaining a comfortable hold. He glanced at the sky when Tao mentioned the weather. "Yeah, let's just hope it doesn't get too hot. I would hate to sweat like a pig in that suit."

He hummed in thought. "Just think about it, in a few hours we are officially married for life," he mused. "Do you think you can remember your vow and all that?"