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@agentasterisk

creativity / thought / activity tracker a.k.a dumpsite anything goes, really (this blog has long been dead, now only remnants of dark times)

7,508 posts

Feb 5, 2020

a5-newt-the-glue

“On a night like this, I definitely need a bloody drink.”

andrewgarfield-daily

Feb 4, 2020

lightandharmony

”I really failed you. But… This is hard.” Perestroika → Act 5, Scene 7

Feb 4, 2020

xxxxxxx

#i'm so confused #and god it's so bad kasi lahat ng nabaon kong nararamdaman tungkol dito tangina damang dama ko ulit #nang sobra-sobra #ayoko na please #kung ibabaon ko ulit pwede bang wag nang bumalik?#sayang effort #ang hirap hirap #tanga tanga ko rin-- sabi ko sana magkagirlfriend na siya para tapos na #eh puta gusto ko pala ng sorry #gusto ko pala ng explanation #RIP as if naman mangyayari pa yun ever #putaaaaaaaaa move on na please tangina anong petsa na klfaejglkaejgkgje #not everyone has the privilege of closure so dapat matuto rin ako puta tanga tanga kasi

Feb 4, 2020

xxxxxx

#so now everything magically resolves itself?#at least i had the decency to give you a letter #it was a very bad letter #which was supposed to be a letter of confession and shit #and i know and admit it's a shitty letter #but i gave a fucking letter #saying what i wanted to say #.............#:(#is it wrong to feel entitled to at least a gram back of that kindness?#and i know you're acting all kind and all that right now-- that's not the kindness i'm talking about #i'm talking about friendship-- our friendship #being a good friend?#treating me like you would a good friend?#why is it that when we went out together... i felt more like trash than a friend #we were better friends before that #if you were hurt about the things i've done #then you should've told me #putangina talaga #right now everything just hurts and you're still the usual fucker i can't stop thinking about #what the fuck is fucking new #fuck my life #i'm so angry #and so sad #and so hurt #and unfortunately all of this will continue to elude you #because i wasn't important enough to be chased #and i wasn't important enough to be told the truth #so all the more will i not be important enough now to be heard #or to be listened to

Feb 4, 2020

xxxxx

#how should i know what you felt then?#there was not a word of it #and obviously i could not expound on mine because i didn't trust you to take it in and respect it and respect /me/#i should've gone with my gut but i didn't because i really really really liked you #can you not understand that #and now it's so hard not to hate you #i've been so done with this before and now i'm so done with this again like fuck get this out of my system #tas puta dito pa kayo malapit tumatambay lagi like what the fuckkkk wala pa akong peace of mind kasi baka makasalubong ko pa kayo #tangina talaga #ang unfair #ang unfair talaga

Feb 4, 2020

xxxx

#'ayoko ng baggage'#'minsan hindi talaga meant to be'#you could've just told me your way of expressing love was through touch man #what the fuck is wrong with communicating #i'm so pissed #tapos babalik-balik ka na parang walang nangyari? ang bait mo pa?#wow i get to be treated so nicely when literally nothing can happen between us now???#what the fuck?????????????#that's so messed up?????????????

Feb 4, 2020

xxx

#i just sat through all of those red flags #i left on that last one though #you expected me to trust you after that?#you didn't bother to explain yourself?#you didn't bother to apologize?#like i know sorry must be an apology to you already #but damn i deserve more than that?#i deserve an explanation???#and to make things worse: i'm not some random doormat you could just invite to your house to sleep with???????#i was your friend god damn it!#over crushing on you and liking you and everything-- you were above all else-- my friend #and i did not deserve to be treated like that #and if i did you could've at least told me why #because to this fucking day i do not fucking understand

Feb 4, 2020

xx

#all i wanted was an apology man #all i wanted was some basic human decency #and i wanted that as a friend more than anything #i thought you thought of me as a friend #and maybe even more than that #apparently that really was nothing to you huh

Feb 4, 2020

x

#although i'm happy for you maybe i should just surrender myself to the sadness #for my own sake #else i will not be able to move on from this #-- or from all the other sad things for that matter

Nov 27, 2019

I can’t stop thinking about this since I first saw it

Nov 25, 2019

i had a bad dream

or maybe it was too good, that waking up was the only bad part

:(

Nov 25, 2019

i had a bad dream

Nov 25, 2019

i'm just proud of myself

of finally choosing to bare my soul to this love

even though it is quite late

and it's strange,

because despite all this pride,

i feel so humbled by my humanity.

so humbled by both the love and the pain.

and for that, i'm very thankful.

Nov 25, 2019

well,

ganun talaga minsan

i didn't want a basket of eggs but i found one and was fond of one and

well,

i guess there are better homes for the basket of eggs, there is a greater need of that basket elsewhere.

.

as much as i want to

stay angry

or stay in denial,

at the end of the day

the fondness remains.

.

but right now,

i can't really focus on a basket of eggs

or other baskets

or other eggs.

.

there's a lot more to the world, and i

am ready to face it all.

basket in hand, or not.

.

it's been a long time coming.

a part of me is still really sad,

but a part of me is thankful that i don't have to

be extremely careful that i might

break some eggs with anything i do.

a part of me is glad that any weight

but my own

isn't holding me back

anymore.

.

i've been so in love,

and undeniably,

i really did love quite truly.

but now that i know that i can love that much,

i feel the freedom to love myself practically

press from within my chest.

and beyond that:

i'm free to love those

that deserve the full force of it.

Nov 25, 2019

I made a little drawing of the sparkly space kitty! ✨

Nov 25, 2019

hilarioushumorfromouterspace

this post should be on the list of diagnostic criteria of depression in DSM-6

Oct 19, 2019

* @agentasterisk - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag