internal screaming

Jace, 19, Canada, pansexual prince/ professional farm emo, trans, he/him, carpentry student.

[aggressivenipple]

Will only need $24.99.

When you see this message, you are lucky to have a famous glasses holiday promotion for as little as $24.99.

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[notkatniss]

Hozier be like: life is about DIRT, life is about RELIGIOUS OVERTONES, life is about BOG BODIES, and above all, life is about getting RAILED so hard your soul exits your body

[femcassidy]

surgeries except theyre recorded like patch notes

[femcassidy]

Uterine lining will no longer spawn outside uterus or clip into organs.

[daco-broman]

2.1.12 Removed tumor

[rcktpwr]

whole foods employee catches me stealing valuable artichoke water and tries to apprehend me but i quickly jump through one of his gauges and escape

[tunajorts]

i see this post maybe once or twice in a year and every time. every goddamn time it sidelines me with those last 8 words and i lose my shit

[just-shower-thoughts]

If u put an Alexa inside of sex robot you can basically have a fully functioning girlfriend.

[parasprite]

men are brain dead

[frogonapumpkin]

a rating of all the frogs in my neighbors’ frog-themed bathroom

very round and good! his face shows an emotion that i can’t quite describe. 10/10

here we have an arts and crafts frog! he has a nice figure but his lack of eyes is unsettling. 6/10

this is a truly excellent frog, he’s going places and he doesn’t care how long it takes. 12/10 for realism.

this frog looks like he’s having a cheeky little giggle at you for being in the bathroom for so long. something about him unsettles me. 2/10

this is the woodchime frog. he watches you smugly. i don’t like how he’s watching me, 5/10 because he’s kinda cute anyway

i hate it. 0/10

this fellow is perched right next to the toilet. one eye stares directly at your back, while the other looks at the wall. 6/10 good frog shape but still very unsettling

a truly excellent pair of comrades! double frog points 20/10

it’s Awful. -5/10

[catsbeaversandducks]

Cat mute for euphonium.

Video/caption/photo by Kazuhiro Tsukimura

[immortal-maschine]

goth pride flag

[marvelsmostwanted]

I’m dead serious when I say that this is how all major news networks should treat Trump and his bullshit announcements. If he refuses to act like a serious president, then don’t treat him like one. There is no national emergency. It sets a dangerous precedent to declare one just because he can. Report that he did it, explain why, and move on. Stop dedicating hours of airtime to his racism and lies.

[black-geek-supremacy]

^And this is why I have a problem with cable news trying hard to sell the theory that Russia somehow magically hacked our elections when themselves dedicated so many hours to his racism and lies in the first place.

[itwashotwestayedinthewater]

whats wrong with you? you got some sort of……..some sorta syndrome? you got a syndrome or something? youre tryna tell me youve got like, a syndrome

[itwashotwestayedinthewater]

[goes to doctor]: whats wrong with me doc. tell me the ‘prognosis’ doctor: well, its looking as if you have some kind of syndrome [thinking] hmm.. thats not good

[quinndolyns-deactivated20220403]

i diagnose you with symptoms syndrome

[quinndolyns-deactivated20220403]

sorry to say but it seems you’ve got problems disorder

[i-was-today-years-old-when]

i found out that baby carrots are a big fat lie. They are just shaved down from the ugly ones that won’t sell

Baby carrots were originally one farmer’s ploy to sell more carrots. The late Mike Yurosek, a California carrot farmer, invented baby carrots in 1986 because most full-grown carrots were too ugly to sell. (x)

[lord-kitschener]

Sure, relationships typically start with a honeymoon phase that then grows into something deeper but a bit more mellow if things work out, but it’s depressing as fuck that this has turned into a really, really common script for straight relationships that says it’s totally normal and inevitable for dudes to just become more and more emotionally checked out of the relationship, and leave it to their girlfriend/wife to perform if she wants to get even a crumb of affection from him. I’m so fucking tired of seeing women constantly being taught that decades of emotional neglect is just our lot in life.

[yardsards]

what “getting out of the honeymoon phase” should mean: you aren’t joined at the hip anymore and can spend time apart, but you still greatly enjoy eachother’s company and deliberately make time to be together. you’re not just a unit, you’re a matched set (like, you’re susan and bob rather than susanandbob). you start to see eachother’s flaws and don’t put eachother on a pedestal but instead love eachother as human beings, flaws and all.

what it should NOT mean: you barely talk anymore. you feel like two completely different people, tied together by a frayed thread. you’re annoyed by eachother’s flaws and don’t like to be around eachother

[cumaeansibyl]

similarly: “relationships are hard, they take a lot of work” means that cooperation on a daily basis in both the practical and emotional realms takes conscious effort. you can’t coast on those honeymoon feelings forever, and you aren’t psychic, so you have to pay attention and communicate so you can honor each other’s wants and needs.

it should not mean that you’re fighting every two days or walking on eggshells to avoid the anger of an unreasonable partner or breaking your back trying to get the slightest sign of affection or respect from someone who’s checked out and doesn’t care about you.

[agayworthfightingfor]

This is so, so important. Dont keep investing in a relationship thats not giving back. You deserve to be heard, you deserve at the very least communication.

[lucifers-ass-cheek]

this thread absolutely killed me

[deacytits]

I’M FUCKING SCREAMING AND CRYING, OH MY GOD

[sandersstudies]

I love genuinely innocent “boys will be boys.” Just saw a guy come out of a frat house to poke a pair of jeans they’d left outside - they were frozen solid, and as soon as he confirmed that, like twenty more boys came rushing out of the house going “YOOOOOOOOOO”

[rebelminds]

I heard grunting outside my window the other night and there were four boys struggling to push this giant snowball (like 7 foot diameter) down the sidewalk.

[snarling-through-our-smiles]

I once lost my keys at a frat house.

My drunk ass had actually walked home without them, pounded on my apartment door, gotten let in by my rightfully-disgruntled roommate, and proceeded to pass out on the couch.  Apparently I puked in the toilet before passing out.  I do not remember this part.

The next morning, I schlepped back to the frat house.  I stood there, right in front of the front door.  This was a novel experience for me.  I’d never been at a frat house in broad daylight before.

A boy, presumably, of the house, asked me what I was doing. 

“I lost my keys in here last night,” I called back.  “I was seeing if I could go in and look for them?”

He opened the door and gestured for me to come in.

“Go wherever you want.”

I’d never seen a frat house post-party before.  Wandering up the stairs and through the halls, I was surrounded by hungover and still-drunk frat boys stumbling around in their socks and sandals and gym shorts, seeking out food and showers like moths to a porch light.  A few of them threw puzzled glances my way.  I’m sure they thought I was some post-bacchanalia hallucination.

I entered one room where a boy was drunkenly watching some Old Yeller-esque movie on a tiny TV in the corner of his room from his bed.

“Do you like dog movies?” he asked, voice all mumbly from grogginess and also from the fact that his face was squished against his pillow and half-buried by his blanket.

I told him I did.

He mumbled again, pleased, and asked what I was doing.  I told him I was looking for my keys.

“Sorry, I haven’t seen any keys around here.”

I didn’t doubt him.

Twenty minutes had passed.  I’d searched just about every bedroom and nuclear-waste-dump-site of a bathroom in that house.  I’d given up on ever finding my keys and was prepared to beg my roommates’ forgiveness and get a new set copied.

As I stood there in the hallway, silently bewailing my predicament, a particularly-burly frat boy approached me.

“You need help with something?”

“I lost my keys here last night and I can’t find them, I’ve looked everywhere.”

“What do they look like?  I’ll put it into the group chat.”  He was already pulling out his phone.

No one ever checks a group chat, I thought, but what the hell.  It was worth a shot.  “Um, it’s just a ring of keys.  The keychain is a pink plastic cat, though, like yea big.  Like bright pink, you can’t miss it.”

He nodded, presumably typing this description faithfully into the group chat.

“Alright, I sent the message out.  Good luck.”

And with that, he turned and left.

A few moments later, I heard a distant thundering.  It was coming from upstairs, and it was getting louder and louder.  One assumes that how I felt in that moment was how Simba felt seeing the wildebeest stampede through the ravine as a horde of large young men all thundered down the stairs, making a beeling for me.

“Someone tell the girl!” One of them shouted, faceless in the mob.  “Girl!  Hey, GIRL!!!  We found your keys, girl!!!”

They circled around me.  I hadn’t felt that small since I was maybe eleven years old.  One of them split himself off from the crowd.

“Are these -” he pulled out a ring of keys from his pocket, “your keys?”

And lo, there was the distinctive bright millennial pink cat keychain dangling off the ring.

“Yes,” I whispered.  “Oh my god, yes.”

“EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!”

The cheer went up.

Turns out he found them in the bathroom upstairs.  I thanked them again profusely.  There was a scattered round of “no problems” and then, just as suddenly as they descended, they all dispersed, like ships in the night.

[0-memento-mori-0]

I think the best “Boys will be boys” situations are when they all collectively share one brain cell over the most simple of tasks

[memewhore]

[meatpower]

The desire to pick up any large sticks and carry them around for no reason

[meatpower]

amazing reply

[korolevx-deactivated20180128]

the idea of consuming two conflicting things that promise to do the opposite of each other has always been hilarious to me. there’s a liquid shot-based sleep aid called 6 hour sleep and as soon as I saw it i immediately imagined mixing it and a 5 hour energy together for a 1 hour nap

[korolevx-deactivated20180128]

mix NyQuil and DayQuil to create Quil

[lured-deactivated20170602]

what does Quil do

[softbutxh-deactivated20170428]

All the time all the time