Haha isn't it funny how Oscar and Mark [i fall into a trapdoor beneath the stage and get locked in a box full of water and drown to death while my doppelganger appears on the balcony waving and collecting flowers for successfully completing an impossible magic trick]
By the time Oscar ended things with Lily, he and Mark had been debating the permutations for months.
Mark had been opposed, of course. Had said things like 'I don't know how much this will cost you' and 'things are different now, and you're braver but I am, but' and oscar had said things like 'I just don't want to live a lie anymore' and mark had said things like 'maybe it doesnt have to be a lie, why can't it be an understanding? Why can't it be whatever you [we] want it to be?' and oscar hadn't had a good answer and they'd gone in circles until oscar could recite mark's half of the debate from memory.
(Occasionally, mark had said, 'selfishly, it's easier for me if...' and oscar had wanted to say, 'if you're going to be selfish, why can't you just want me all to yourself, instead of wanting someone else to do your dirty work,' and he had, even, said it, and it hadn't mattered at all).
They'd never fought about it. Mark was too capable of calmly elucidating the pros and the cons, as if the fact that oscar had so much more to lose than he did meant he didn't have a right to an opinion, or as if the fact that he didn't have a right to an opinion meant he didn't even care either way, and that had been the part that had hurt the most. Oscar had wondered if, by the time he was fifty, he'd have developed the ability to do that to people. He had wondered if he wanted to.
By the time it became clear that oscar wouldn't be talked out of breaking up with lily, out of coming out, mark's tune had changed to 'this will be good. You can find someone who loves you the way you deserve to be loved.' And oscar had wanted to scream at him, had screamed at him, 'why can't that just be you, you coward,' had tried to make him understand that mark was going to lose him, had been unable to figure out what to say in response to 'i think you're treating this as an either/or when it doesn't need to be' and 'maybe you can find someone and we can still be us' with 'no i fucking can't' or, worse, 'no i fucking refuse to,' and he hadn't been able to decide which made him feel worse: being the broken-hearted kid who didn't have room in his life to love anyone else as long as mark was there, or being the petulant child who wouldn't let mark have any part of him if he wouldn't be brave enough to take all of it.
And by the time oscar had said he couldn't talk to mark anymore, because he wasn't going to do this halfway, he was going full send into this turn whether mark thought that was necessary or not, mark wasn't even debating, or elucidating. He just sounded tired, and old, and scared, and all the things he'd been trying to convince oscar he was, all the things oscar had wanted to refuse to see, because oscar hadn't wanted mark to be too tired, and too old, and too scared, because that would have meant oscar was too hungry, and too young, and too reckless, or else that mark just didn't love him enough to feel hungry, or young, or reckless, even for him.
He had tried to convince mark that wasn't true, but maybe it was, and either way, it wasn't his problem anymore. He had twenty-five years to figure out how to be a better person than mark by the time he turned fifty. He thought he might be already.
He wanted to ask mark if he was crazy, deleting those instagram posts, when it was bound to bring exactly the sort of attention mark had been so afraid of, exactly the consequences oscar had walked on eggshells to avoid him having to face, but he knew that he'd ceded the right to do so, and there was a relief in that. Whatever mark was afraid of, none of it was his problem anymore.
You gotta be really publicly passionate about things if you want your friends to text you. Bc people will forget to text you because they’re human. But if you’re really openly the friend who loves identifying ants your friends will think of you when they see ants. And they’ll text you “what ant is this [blurry photo]”. And then they’ll ask you how you’ve been and we should get coffee sometime. But if they don’t know what you love they’ll never know what you like
And then when the ant convention is in town they’ll be like dude… we should go to the ant convention. But they would never think to go if they didn’t know u loved ants
the thing is about willmackville is it not only feels like it's a lot of ppls first fandom, but it specifically seems like it's a lot of ppls first time rpfing. and like i think that's the reason why there's so much doomposting abt them dating or fucking girls like. if and when they both get girlfriends i think a lot of ppl are gonna act like the world is ending because i think a lot of ppl are lost in the sauce. it's made up. geno is married and sid is basically married and people still sidgeno. dick has a girlfriend and misa recently had a girlfriend and people still samisa. mcdrai are both married but actually that's different because the four of them act like they're all married to each other but whatever. i think the girlfriend doomposting comes from ppl not having that boundary up in their mind that this is all fiction. that's the thing that lets us be free and happy to rpf and a lot of ppl on here AND CERTAINLY tiktok and twitter are lacking it
maya weug posting about the difficulties of not driving a lot this year and saying leaving ferrari made it even tougher, abbi pulling being dropped by alpine and now has to ask her fans to help fund her career, both quabsi sisters leaving the redbull family, tina hausmann no longer supported by AM, all of this feels like just a box every team needed to fill, to be "woke" as many call it now when infact its supposed to help woman get into formula one but the teams don't even take it seriously. we are watching time and time again how so many talents like maya, like abbi, like other young girls on the F1A grid be left because they have served their purpose.
you care about a celebrity's personal life because you think they're your best friend. i care about a celebrity's personal life because i think he's gay & fucking his coworker. we are not the same
There have been 30 past F1 Academy drivers who aren't in the grid anymore, including wildcard drivers.
Only one of them is still with the team who supported them.
1 out of 30.
The rest of these talented young girls were dropped and now have stepped back from racing, struggling financially or have moved on to different categories.
This isn't F1A's fault.
It's the teams who fumble every single time and cannot recognize talent if it's a woman.
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