The roar of the fire startles me. It also brings the realization that I've been drifting off and none the wiser of it, which is why, as I blink until my eyes can focus, I'm not shocked to see Changkyun staring at me with a raised brow.
"Don't start."
His lips part, surely about to disregard what I'm saying, but I find enough energy to narrow my eyes in a glare. Changkyun's hands go up in surrender, but I don't let my expression waver for even a second until he sits down and looks away to mess with the remote. The thing has been on the fritz all week, and no amount of new batteries, resets, or syncing with the TV has fixed it. Even attempts at finding the right spot and distance to hold it from have failed us, working one moment and not the next.
A yawn escapes me, and I extend my arms and arch my back to stretch. It helps knock off some of the sleepiness, but not enough that the warmth and low lights of the living room don't call me back to the thought of sleep. In order to fight it, I sit up and drink from the still-too-hot cup of hot chocolate on the end table next to me. It tastes perfect, even as if it scalds my tongue.
Something akin to a moan and a hiss slips between my lips. Yet again drawing a raised brow from Kyun. I refuse to look at him, though, refusing to give him the platform to say I told you so. My "wrath" can only keep him at bay so many times before he can't help himself. Which I can't fault him for, I'd have already done it.
Thankfully, he says nothing and continues fiddling with the remote. Finally, he opens an app. A deep, irritated exhale escapes him, and I watch as his finger moves toward another button and stops half an inch away. Another sigh — a more defeated air to it. He quickly navigates to a show that we'd already been watching and presses play. The remote is tossed onto the coffee table, and he moves closer to me on the chaise part of the couch, pulling some of the blanket onto him.
"Thought we were going to watch something new and festive?" I say.
Now he's the one glaring. It takes a lot, but I bite back a giggle. Instead, I snuggle closer to him, my head on his shoulder. I press a kiss to his collarbone and feel him relax. Then I feel one on my head. Or really my bonnet.
With my right hand, I caress one of his thighs, which is a bit cold from being outside the blanket. My thumb softly rubs back and forth.
"I know you like your Christmas movies, baby. I'm sorry you'll have to wait a little longer."
I'm being genuine, but I can practically hear his eyes roll. Our opposing views on winter as a season are constantly in flux this time of year, and more often than not, we're being a bit snarky when we bring up the disappointments of our preferred times of year.
"You're the one always begging for fall to get here," he grumbles.
I roll my eyes and angle myself so I can see his face. "Because it's cooler outside and I can still sit on the porch. Not because I like to feel the cold in my bones, like you."
He's silent, his expression contemplative.
"We don't have a porch."
The pillow next to me hits his face before I even realize that I've done it. Kyun softly shouts in protest, and I keep hold of the pillow, pulling it back to ward off potential attacks. But he just looks at me in shock, and then I watch his expression soften. It tugs at my heartstrings, but I hold strong. This is how he gets his members to give him whatever he wants. He knows how to wield being the youngest and cuteness. How he can also make my heart flutter from being much too hot when all I want to do is give in to my cute aggression when he's leaning into his softer side is a mystery.
The little shit loves using his powers for evil. Thrives on it.
"Noon…"
My hand is over his mouth before he can finish the word. Him learning I'm a year older than him was a mistake. It's not like I'd hidden it, but the second he found out, he wielded it every chance he got, even after four years of knowing each other and three of being together.
Under my hand, I could feel the way his lips curved into a smirk, and the mischievous twinkle in his eyes was clear as day.
Again, I roll my eyes and then remove my hand. My fingers grip the pillow tight, and I see his eyes track the movement. Before I can decide if I'm going to do it, his arms are around me, and the pillow is on the floor. He pulls me closer, presses a soft kiss to my lips, and then positions us so I'm cuddled into his side.
The warmth and comfort are enough to sedate me, and I relax into him. My eyes focus on the TV, but I know I know I'm drifting a bit this time, not into a full sleep, but a lull where my senses are lowered — just enough that I feel the way his fingers glide across my neck, writing our words and drawing patterns, and the gentle sound of the TV.
Today, K-Vanity Magazine would like to reserve this section to highlight one of our members. Before we continue any further, we’d like to wish the ever so talented and amazing Niah @agustdef a very Happy Birthday!! May your day be filled with joy and positivity.
The slam of the door made YN jolt awake. She'd been fighting to get up for a while, so she was startled by the loud banging. But what confused her was the yelling she heard after. It wasn't particularly loud, but there was some knocking on the door accompanied by the loud voices.
If the floor of the hotel she was on wasn't locked down with security, YN would be scared. But it was, so she could rest easy about it being an intruder. At least the kind that she didn't want to deal with.
As she focused on the sound of the voices, she realized that whoever was outside the door was speaking Korean, with a few words of English dispersed throughout. The longer she heard the speaker, the more familiar the voices became until she realized she knew who it was. And her brain finally woke up enough to understand what was being said, even though she considered herself far from
"Johnny, come run with us. We'll go again tonight." Minho.
"Yeah, we'll be back. Don't hide," Changmin said, laughter clear in his voice.
Her boyfriend had gone for a workout and must have gotten caught up in their little running gang. Emphasis on gang. They liked to round up their fellow company members and make them run, regardless of the resistance they offered. Poor Jongin had whined about it for a day and a half. He warned Johnny about their scouting, but John said he wasn't worried. He was a little excited for the run.
The Johnny crawling on his hands and knees away from the door, chest rising and falling rapidly, probably didn't feel the same way.
His crawl was very slow, and though it was clear he wanted on the bed, he collapsed next to it on YN’s side. She leaned over the bed and took in her sweat-drenched boyfriend. Her first thought is that he looked hot, a likely look for him after a workout. The second thought was that he looked hot. The poor man was red all over, and it was like he couldn't catch his breath.
"My poor baby," YN cooed.
All he could get out was a soft whimper. It was funny, but also tugged on her heartstrings.
Carefully, she got out of bed and stepped over him. YN grabbed a few of the extra towels under the sink and turned on the faucet. When the temperature reached a cold-ish level, she squeezed out the excess and folded it. Then she returned to their bedroom and placed it around his neck. She repeated that process a few more times, placing the rags at his pressure points and on his forehead.
When she could see that he was no longer actively sweating, she took the towels and drenched them in much colder water, putting them back in their spots. His breathing calmed, and she turned down the air conditioning, which was already low since they both preferred to sleep with the room temperature at sixty-five degrees.
With a cold bottle of water from the fridge, she sat down next to Johnny, taking his hand in hers. It was much cooler than it had been when he came in, though he wasn't that hot in the first place.
"You tried to impress them, didn't you?"
Silence.
"Johnny."
"Mhm." So soft that I barely heard it.
"Even though I've reminded you to be careful since you're just getting the basics down when it comes to running in a way that limits injury?"
"Mhm."
YN wanted to laugh, but he looked so pathetic, which made him more adorable than usual.
"Come on, sit up for me, baby," she said, helping him up and to lean against the bed.
Once he was up, she opened the water bottle and handed it to him. He was mostly recovered, so he drank it with ease. Though YN had to make him pace himself instead of downing the whole thing like he tried to. When he finished, she threw the bottle into the trash can.
"Did you stretch after?"
Johnny nodded. "Mhm. Minho wouldn't let us go until we did."
"That's good at least. Think you're up for a cold shower?"
There was a deep exhale. More than anything, he hated cold showers, but YN told him that they're good for him. It helped the body regain its ability to regulate itself, and it didn't have to be prolonged. Their room didn't have a tub, so she couldn't get him to take a cold bath, not that he would. That he hated more.
"Come on, big guy."
Carefully, they rose on the floor together, with Johnny playing as if he needed her to do the heavy lifting. YN pinched him and he got his act together, standing, getting out of his clothes, and going into the bathroom.
While he showered, YN got ready for the day. She'd showered when she first woke up, but fell back into bed since Johnny wasn't there to force her to stay awake. She dressed in a loose two-piece shorts set. The temperature was high, but the wind seemed to cool things down. She wanted to feel the flow under her clothes and keep cool.
Johnny emerged from the bathroom as YN decided on a comfortable pair of sneakers and placed them by the door. Everything about him looked far from how he had looked minutes ago, which was a relief. She knew that he was an adult who could have said no and that he wasn't pushed too hard. Just harder than he was used to.
"Feeling better?" she asked, arms open wide.
He walked toward her, his arms wrapping around her waist as they pulled each other close. His body was cooler, and he was thankfully dry. For a few seconds, they stood there in each other's embrace, then he leaned down, pressing a kiss to her head and then her shoulder before pulling away.
A soft smile formed on his lips. "Yeah."
Part of YN knew he probably still didn't feel great, but better. Which was good because better was the goal.
"A walk and then breakfast?"
Usually, that would lead to him putting up a little fight, wanting to do nothing but rest after a run, but she'd noticed him seeing the results of a post-run walk and getting more fuel into his system over the last few weeks. And surely his experience with his seniors pushed him over the edge in understanding her recovery practices.
"Yeah," he said with a sigh.
Even stood on her toes and kissed his cheek. "Get ready."
Without comment, he does so. YN pulls off her bonnet and shakes out her braids. In the mirror, they look nice down, but she opts for a high pony to get most of the hair off her neck. An extra scrunchie goes on her wrist just in case she wants to put it up in a bun. The sole regret she has with getting butt length knotless.
With both of them ready, they headed out of their room and made their way down to the lobby of the hotel. It was the best route to take when going to get food, especially since it was so early in the day and neither wanted the much more posh food that was located in the two restaurants at the top of the hotel.
"They got you?" a voice called from behind them.
They both turned to see a wide-eyed Mark.
All Johnny could do was sigh, his shoulders dropping.
Knowing that he preferred not to get into it, YN leveled Mark with a look, and he found it in him to look sheepish. Then the three of them headed to one of the hotel's many restaurants.
The place had a dense menu, so it took about three returns before they could tell the waiter what they wanted. YN went for something fun, but also would fuel her well. Johnny went for something that was carb and protein-heavy, showing he listened when she talked. And Mark got something that was like half YN's choice and half Johnny's.
As they waited for their food, there was little talking, and what they did talk about had more to do with the boy's schedule for the concerts and random things that they saw while exploring. Upon the arrival of their food, that talking ceased, and they ate in silence. As minutes ticked by, Johnny loosened up, probably getting over the mental block of it all. But YN could see the tiredness was kicking in, too.
SM had the meals covered, so they simply left after finishing, and Mark said something about a meeting with the Dreamies, so they parted ways. Hand in hand, Johnny and YN headed to the hotel's garden. They walked around the main path, taking in the beauty around them.
"Those are so pretty. I wonder how they get them to bloom so well," she said in awe.
"Lots of money."
They both laughed at that, knowing that it's true. Being able to give time and attention to such a massive garden space was worth more than YN could even imagine. She was sure that she didn't want to imagine it at all.
Finished with their walk, they went back to their room and got comfortable. The plan had been to stay in for most of the day anyway, so they relaxed in their bed watching TV, napping, snacking, and scrolling.
Then there was a notification on Johnny's phone, and he groaned.
"I don't want to go," he huffed.
"I do."
Confusion was clear as day on Johnny's face the moment she said it, but a few seconds went by, and an evil grin curved his lips. He launched himself at YN, pulling her into a tight hug as he kissed all over her face. She squealed and attempted to get free, but he was stronger. So, she waited until he released her.
When he was done with his affections, he hopped out of bed in a way that was higher energy than he'd had moments ago. But YN didn't question it; she knew why.
"Let's get ready!" he said.
And they did just that. Each changing into workout clothes, YN's a little more "professional" than his. Some stretching was done, and then they headed down to the meeting spot that Johnny had been texted. No one was there on their arrival, the victims all showed up first — Mark, Chanyeol, Kai, Wonbin, Haechan, and Eunseok — and then the ring leaders.
Minho and Changmin wore grins that screamed mischievous as they took everyone in. Until their eyes settled on YN. A gentleness took over as they looked at her, and she smiled back with the same energy.
"You're joining us?" Changmin asked in English.
YN nodded. "I could use a good run."
Both appeared excited about the prospect of her joining them on her own free will. Which was good. Very good.
Everyone exited the hotel and got into the van that took them to their running spot. Together they stretched and then started walking, which turned into jogging, which then turned into a run.
The pace was nice and easy, one that wouldn't be too much for those who'd been victims of the morning run. But YN knew that that wouldn't last too long. One mile in, and the pace picked up. Two miles in, and most of the boys were dying.
Brief eye contact was made with Johnny before YN picked up the pace. There were some groans, probably out of fear that she was going to push the pace higher. Which she was. YN lengthened her stride and moved a little faster. Minho and Changmin kept in pace. Every quarter mile, she did it again and again.
By the time they finished, the run had been seven miles instead of the planned three, and both Minho and Changmin were bent over fighting to catch their breath. Both appeared fine for the most part, so YN didn't feel bad for pushing them. She kept them in range of their capabilities, just faster than they were used to.
"Ya, ya…" Minho started, looking at her.
It was clear the jig was up.
Changmin stood, playfully glaring at her as he fanned himself. "You tricked us."
"No, I didn't."
Minho was by his side, eyes narrowed. "We should have known. Miss Olympian wants to run with us. Hmph."
"Miss Team USA 3 Time Gold Medalist Olympian to you."
The shouting had been nothing but background noise until that was uttered. There was so much malice in it and it was very out of character.
YN’s head snapped up, eyes leaving the book she was reading to look across the room at her boyfriend. Anger was strong in his eyes and he was staring her down. Unconsciously she shrunk back and she could feel her heart rate pick up.
“Me?” she whispered, her finger pointed at her chest.
That rage on his face dissipated and he quickly made his way across the room to her. He squatted down to her seated height and smiled at her. Or at least tried to. YN noted it was more like a grimace, which made sense seeing as he was pissed only seconds before.
His hand moved to caress the side of her face and she leaned into the warmth of it.
“No, not you, baby. Never you.”
Such soft words helped calm her down, despite the fact that she’d known that she wasn’t the intended target of the words. He’d been on the phone for almost an hour trying to work out some deal with a producer and things were at a stalemate. They both seemed to want the same things, but the other guy was being very anal about how to proceed and taking the ‘my way or the highway’ approach to things. Which was something Jaebeom was used to, but in this case he was putting his foot down so that no time was wasted doing things in such a convoluted fashion. Though with all the back and forth it was clear that time and energy would be wasted either way.
“I’m guessing this won’t be resolved before we leave?” she asked.
A loud sigh pushed past his lips and the anger filtered back in. Along with what appeared to be exhaustion. He shook his head.
YN set her book onto the end table and scooted over a little, patting the space beside her on the love seat. Like the million other times she’s done it, Jaebeom got onto the couch and placed his head on her lap. Her fingers slid into his hair with that same kind of ease, softly massaging his scalp.
“Do you want to cancel it?”
A response of no came in the form of a head shake.
“Push it back?”
Head shake.
“Shorten it?”
And another head shake.
None of those were the answers that she wanted to go with, but first and foremost she knew how much work meant to Jaebeom and wanted to be accommodating of that, especially when things were picking up in his solo career. Plus, despite all the work and fight he’d used to ensure that his group was able to keep their music and name, he wasn’t really that person in general. It was hard on him to always have to stand his ground and more so with him entering spaces where being an idol meant people thought they could take advantage of him in little ways or that he would just be agreeable.
Which is why YN was often one of the people in his corner who had to remind him his voice mattered and that if he saw something worth pushing for then he should do it without worry of the blowback.
“Ok, I have another idea. One I’m not sure you’ll like.”
He hums.
“You send him an email with all your points and what you don’t agree with about his. Then end it by telling him you’re going to be out of reach for a week. Then you can leave that phone here and come back to d…”
“Yes.”
She raised a brow, surprised he didn’t even let her finish and that he agreed without any questions. Which further proved how out of sorts the whole thing had him.
“That easy?”
“Mhm.”
Laughter escaped her and she leaned down, pressing a kiss to his head.
###
Calls, texts, and emails were almost in the hundreds when they got back home from their trip. Despite how clear Jaebeom was about he was going on his vacation and would be unreachable, it was enough to get the producer to pull his head out of his ass and be much more willing to come to a compromise. Which was the outcome that Jaebeom wanted the entire time. He wasn’t looking to be the sole decision maker, just to have his thoughts heard, understood and to find common ground to make things easier on both sides.
Warning: One cuss word; Language; Mentions of lack of eating, but due to workaholic behavior.
Rating: PG-13
Author's Note: I wrote this forever ago and never posted it, which makes no sense.
One thing that fans and choreographers had in common was that tour season was a whirlwind experience that came at you fast and had you begging it to slow down. Though to be honest Hana didn’t really beg for it to slow down, she went wherever it took her and that meant more work than all of the “off season” combined. Something she didn’t mind and to a degree could admit to loving.
And that is where the problem arose.
Yugyeom had his own tour dates to prepare for. Events that were some of his first since GOT7 left JYPE. They made him more anxious than when he had his members to rely on, so he put in more work than usual. But none of it was overworking himself or not taking the time to breathe.
With his new career within the R&B world he’d promised himself he’d take a little more control and do what worked best for him and the life he wanted to lead, even outside of music. It was a must, and it was hard because he was used to the go, go, go lifestyle of idol life, but he wanted to take his time. He had all the time in the world for the fast paced, always moving shit when GOT7 got deep into preparations for their July comeback - something he looked forward to.
But while he waited and geared up for his solo activities, he tried to impart some of that wisdom onto Hana. That meant talking to her about it and getting her to take breaks no matter how small and no matter what hops he had to jump through to get her to give in.
Of course, she had obligations so she couldn’t just ditch jobs. It would make people second guess hiring her or get her blacklisted from working with companies if she changed up on them at the last minute. But the problem wasn’t how many choreographing and teaching roles she took on, or at least not the one Yugyeom felt he could validly argue against. No, the issue was that she was also helping out other friends. She would workshop choreo, act as a member for demos, help them get into different companies to showcase they were the right fit for their artists, and even teaching classes with them when they asked at the last minute.
It left her with so little time to do anything else. Yugyeom feared if she was eating like she should have or getting enough rest in her own bed, because she hadn’t entered his in weeks.
The worry he felt was low at the start of the season, but peaked once some artists began to make their way out a bit earlier than the rest. There were so many last-minute details and intensive work to put in. He barely got a text out of her or anyone he could usually reach out to get ahold of her.
Even popping up wherever she told him yielded low results with him hoping the intimidating nature of being some of her clients' elder age and industry time wise would be enough to ensure they got her to eat or drink something when he dropped it off.
After a while it went from pure worry to agitation. Something that made him lie in bed at night staring at the ceiling as he thought about it until he picked up his phone.
Yugyeom: You at home?
Minutes ticked by with him staring at the screen awaiting an answer, to the point that he found himself a little pissed off and ready to call her, but before he could his phone buzzed a few times.
Hana: No, in the studio
Hana: I had to finalize that killing part for P1Harmony’s new comeback
Hana: I thought I told you???
Yugyeom’s anger didn’t subside despite her answering him, in fact her words seemed to just maintain how upset he was.
Yugyeom: You said it didn’t need to be done for two weeks. Did they push it up?
Hana: No
Yugyeom: So, you’re finishing it at 2AM 2 weeks early because….?
Hana: Because I want it done
Hana: Not rocket science. I got the time so might as well
There were many times in life that Yugyeom wanted to cuss someone out or simply scream and that was indeed one of them. It was like she didn’t know how she sounded, but he knew better than that. Hana knew exactly what she was doing and what he was calling her out on, but she wouldn’t cop to it. No, she preferred to do the thing where she played dumb until he said it outright and even then, she would deny, deny, deny.
It took several deep breaths to get him to calm down and respond to her.
Yugyeom: Come here and I’ll help you
Hana: I’m not falling for your tricks to see me. I’ll see you in a few days
Yugyeom: For work
Hana: And dinner after
He was going to push the issue, but just as began to type another message came through.
Hana: Gotta go. Ireh is back and we’re starting up. Go to sleep. Love you!
Naturally, he knew that she wouldn’t respond to him after that, so Yugyeom threw his phone across the bed. Or he tried to, but the slight force behind it made it bounce and hit the floor instead. He winced hearing it but made zero move to pick it up. All his focus was on Hana. The woman who drove him up the wall but who he loved endlessly.
The thing was he got it. There was no one more understanding than Yugyeom because he lived the life of someone whose work needed a lot of his energy and time spent with people like Monster Woo and other dancers showed him how much went into what they did. How much it could strain things. But all he saw was Hana running herself into the ground for no reason.
Of course, he had to admit part of it was for selfish reasons on his part. He wanted more time with her, even if it was a quick meal and falling asleep together. Spending quality time is something he loved to do with her, and he’d missed out on for months. However, the much larger reason was because he knew her and knew she was in her own head. Knew that a lot of the pressure to work, work, work stemmed from her need to keep herself relevant and employed in an industry that could truly break a foreigner, especially a Black one. She’d made a name for herself long ago and had the backing in the US, but working mostly in K-Pop was something new and she hated to fail at such a challenge.
That was the thing that kept him from losing his shit with her, but it was also the straw to break the camel's back. There was nothing left in him that said he should continue to let it slide, to not push harder for her to take a step or two back. Lines like telling her friends and colleagues to not reach out were ones he wouldn’t cross, but as he drifted off that night, he’d decided that he would put his foot down.
###
Days went by with Yugyeom not reaching out to Hana after their last text conversation. She wasn’t surprised that he’d stopped talking; he had two comebacks and tour dates to prepare for. Not that that was the reason he’d cut off communication attempts. Hana was smart enough to know he was worried and probably pissed with her. Something she hated but knew she couldn’t control since she had things to get done and not a lot of time to do them.
Tour season meant a lot of work and she was no stranger to pouring a lot of herself into it, so she rolled with the punches without much complaint. Which didn’t make him happy with her, but she knew it was something she could manage. Something she could explain to him to get him to understand.
Talking to him was in that plan once she arrived at the dance studio that he was preparing for his tour in. She was a choreographer for some songs and might go with him. Though with all the opportunities that rolled her way it looked unlikely that she would.
Another thing he would be upset with her about.
Upon her arrival she assaulted with the smell of food. As she walked further into the building those smells intensified and she basically drowned in them as she entered the break room area that the studio housed.
Everyone sat or leaned against something eating and paying her no mind. It was confusing because she thought they’d agreed to have lunch before coming in, but things had seemingly changed. All without her being in the know, something that she could have brushed off as an over thought if not for the momentary eye contact, she made with Yugyeom as he got up to grab a drink. His expression was blank as he looked at her and before she could blink, he turned around and went back to his seat without a word.
It was clear he was icing her out, which made her upset and a little angry. Not that she had time to process or call him on it, because the moment he sat down people noticed her presence and Ireh popped up and ushered her to the table she was sat at.
“We’re going to start a little later, so get comfortable. I’ll grab you something,” Ireh said.
Hana opened her mouth to tell her she was fine, but then her stomach growled, and she became all too aware of her hunger. She’d had a late night and got to sleep even later. So, in order to get the bare minimum of enough rest she’d slept in longer than she would have preferred and grabbed a pastry from the convenience store on the way. She’d planned to eat another snack before they started because she needed to and because eating a lot before dancing wasn’t something that she loved. But if she was hungry enough for her stomach to make sounds, she knew that she needed to eat something more. Plus, she had more time than she thought.
Another thing that wasn’t shared with her.
That made her irritation spike, so as she shrugged off her hoodie and dropped her bag Hana found her gaze drifting to Yugyeom. He was carefully spooning rice into his mouth as he messed around on his phone, only looking up when someone spoke to him and making sure to never even turn his head in her direction.
His behavior wasn’t something Hana never experienced before, she’d endured the silent treatment a few times before and it sucked every time. However, when it was about something that was work related and part of her livelihood it pissed her off. Even if there was a whisper in her head voicing the reminder that she could slow down some and not push herself so hard. That she had enough jobs for the season and could chill the hell out. The voice was right, but she wasn’t one to acknowledge that when she knew she could keep pushing and be fine.
So, being upset with him would withstand. At least that was what she tried to convey by glaring at a man who refused to give her the time of day.
Before she could do anything drastic, like walk over to his table, Ireh returned with two containers and a bottle of water. Hana took them carefully and was surprised to find kimchi-jjigae inside one. It was the typical food delivered for a work lunch, but it was a favorite of hers and something she craved whenever she worked a lot.
Something Ireh knew.
Once Ireh took a seat and began eating again Hana opened her mouth to thank her, but the woman shook her head.
“I barely even knew we were getting lunch today. You know who picked it out.”
“But he…”
“Hana, you know better,” Ireh said, but in Korean that time.
Though she often spoke both when talking to Hana there was something about the way she switched to it in order to scold that made Hana shrink into herself a little. It wasn’t that her feelings were hurt, but she did know better. Plus, Ireh was the oldest of four children, so she had the older sister act down pact, even if she only had less than a year over Hana in age.
Hana sighed. “I know.”
“If you know, then act like it.”
From there they ate in silence. The food was delicious, so Hana had zero problem finishing it and even after she was done the usual fullness never came. Which made her curse herself for clearly not eating enough especially because it wasn’t her intention, she just got easily wrapped up in things and forgot.
Once everyone finished, they cleaned up, and there were several minutes of sitting before everyone moved into the practice room. Hana brought up the rear and went to close the door behind them but was cut off by Yugyeom slipping into the room. He handed her a sports drink and continued to walk past her.
Or tried to but was stopped when Hana grabbed hold of his wrist.
“Yugyeom,” she whispered.
At first, she thought he would pull away, but after a few seconds he turned to her with an expression much gentler than the one he’d greeted her with.
“Yeah?”
“You don’t have to…”
“I don’t have to do a lot of things, baby. But I do them because I want to and because sometimes people neglect to get them done.”
Not another word was said as he walked away, mostly because Hana couldn’t find any to say. There was the care behind his actions in those words, but she couldn’t miss the dig at the end. She knew it wasn’t meant to be all that hurtful, but she also knew he was being a little mean on purpose. Something that he wasn’t often, and she was unsure if she was angry, hurt, or simply upset that they’d reached that point.
In order to not have to figure that out she took a breath and stood off to the side while the head choreographer and tour manager spoke to them. When all information was disseminated they got to work going over the choreo with those who’d created it. Though the songs she’d worked on were early in the set list she went last and the entire time she refused to meet Yugyeom’s eyes.
Despite the tension they worked through the moves easily and corrected anything that seemed off. It was hyper professional between them and to a degree that made her feel worse, but the alternative of letting feelings leak through wasn’t any better.
After an hour and a half of going through everything they took a small break and Yugyeom tossed her a protein bar before taking a seat on the floor to catch his breath. The urge to say something flared, but Hana just took a seat and ate the bar without question.
Twenty minutes later they were back into the groove of things, but instead of checking for issues they decided to tackle the set list as it was. Most of the people he’d worked with weren’t coming with him, so it was the dancers with him while everyone else watched carefully.
Part of Hana wanted to sit it out because she may not have been going, but also because she was in a petty mood. The more time she and Yugyeom spent with negative emotions looming over them the more annoyed she got, and it was hard to push it down or reason with herself. But instead of taking that step back she got into position.
Keeping her mind from wandering wasn’t hard when she was dancing. It was her passion, so Hana always found joy in doing it. Especially because she’d been so happy when Yugyeom asked her to work on some of the choreo for him. She’d done so on some of GOT7’s music but working closely with the man she loved when he held the same passion as her put her over the moon. A feeling that found its way into her as she danced alongside him.
Their run through went off without a hitch and they were able to do it with very few breaks. Once it was finished, they all took a moment to catch their breath and then any issues were pointed out before they did it again. The second time around included moments where he would stop to talk or to head backstage for a bit, so it was less taxing and also showed there was a better flow of things.
Usually that would have been the end of it, but it was decided on one more run through. Yugyeom had been singing the other two times so to preserve his voice they just let the track play and he lip synced the lyrics. During that practice he found his flow in a way that wasn’t present before and interacted with the dancers more. Hana effortlessly played off that and more often than before they ended up close together dancing in a way that wasn’t so scandalous that they looked like they were five seconds from fucking, but enough to fit the vibe and the sexiness of some of the songs.
With the last song, Hana found they stared into each other’s eyes more than they had most of the day and so it took a moment to snap out of it and walk away once the music stopped. They managed to do so and keep to themselves as they listened to the tour manager again. Everyone was happy with the practice so it ended and though Hana knew most of them liked to leave quickly the speed in which everyone got out of there was next level.
In about two minutes only she and Yugyeom were left, and he was at the door with his hand held out to her. Again, the urge to be petty arose in her, but she’d gone a long time without any physical touch from him that wasn’t dance related and she craved it. So, after she grabbed her bag, she walked forward and laced her fingers in his.
Neither spoke as he led them out of the studio and to the car that he’d hired to drive them around. As they sat in silence, they continued to hold hands and didn’t stop until Yugyeom motioned her into the restaurant they’d planned to go to for dinner. The host led them to a private room and to Hana’s surprise JayB and Youngjae were already there. Both men were often late to dinners.
“Did you even shower?” Youngjae asked as he got up to hug them.
Hana rolled her eyes. “No time.”
“At least she’s not as stinky as him,” Jaebeom said as they switched, and he hugged her.
“Hyung,” Yugyeom whined.
That got a laugh out of everyone and that meant a pouting Yugyeom as they took their seats. A server appeared the moment their butts touched down and they ordered and awaited the drinks.
“So how did it go?” Jaebeom asked.
“It went well. Most of it was already ready, so from here on out it’s just correcting any problems and making sure that we’re one hundred percent happy with how the set list flows,” Yugyeom said.
“That’s good. I know it can be nerve wrecking to do the first solo show, plus it’s in person. Making sure it’s just right means you’ll do great,” Jaebeom said.
“I hope so.”
“Ah, our baby is nervous,” Youngjae teased.
More pouting ensued as they all laughed and Jaebeom reached over to pinch his cheek, earning a light slap to the hand which only made them laugh harder.
It took a few minutes before they settled and their drinks arrived in that time. In the restaurant they went to drinks were fast, but food was slow because they prided themselves in being made to order so most of the food was unprepped.
“Speaking of preparing, how is all the tour stuff going with the different artists, Hana?” Youngjae asked.
Something about the question excited her, but also felt heavy. As if she was beyond tired.
“Good. I thank the heavens that most have been doing online concerts and don’t have a lot of new music coming before tour. It makes it so that we’re mostly just going over things and learning a handful of new choreo. Most pick it up fast, but some of the rookies are so new to it that their nerves are making it harder for them to keep up. But I enjoy being able to help them through it.”
Jaebeom nodded. “I don’t know how you do it. Dance has been in my life a long time and b-boying could take a lot out of you, so I can’t imagine doing it as much as you do. Hell, as much as either of you do. And Gyeomie finds time to do it for fun.”
Hana glanced at Yugyeom, who’d gotten quiet, before saying anything.
“Yeah, it can be a lot, but you get used to it.”
“I just hope you’re taking care of yourself.”
Before Jaebeom finished his sentence Yugyeom scoffed, but Hana ignored it.
“I’m doing my best,” she said.
Another noise was heard but it was softer than the last in a way that Hana almost missed it. What she didn’t miss was the way that Yugyeom rolled his eyes.
If it was anyone else besides his members in that room she would have been embarrassed, but they knew how he could get and saw both of them at their worst. There was nothing they would judge them for or at least all judgment would come from a place of friendship and not rudeness.
Regardless of that it annoyed her, and she wanted to ask him about it, but instead took a deep breath and a sip of her drink.
Seconds ticked by in silence before Youngjae broke the tension or tried to break it, because it didn’t let up even a little.
“So, you ready to go on tour with him? I know you haven’t done one in a few years, and you said you miss it.”
Anger gave way to discomfort then, and Hana paused for way too long.
“Uh… yeah. Some things have come up and so I might not get the chance to do it. But I am looking forward to it.”
“You might not go?” Yugyeom asked, shock and anger coloring his words.
“Yeah, I was going to tell you…”
“When?”
“After dinner. I thought we could talk then.”
Yugyeom’s face was stoic, and it was clear he fought to keep it and not allow anything else to color his expression as he looked at her. For several seconds all he did was stare, before he turned his head to look across the table.
“Hyungs,” he said, voice shaky.
Neither of them said anything, just nodded and got up. As they exited Hana heard Jaebeom mention sitting at the bar to give them a moment to themselves, but she was more focused on Yugyeom who’d risen from his seat and began to pace the room.
“Yugyeom,” she said softly.
Hearing his name didn’t stop his pacing or even get him to look in her direction.
“Yugyeom.”
Again nothing.
“Kim Yugyeom.”
That time there was a bit of anger in her voice, and she didn’t know if that did the trick or the use of his full name, but he finally stopped pacing and turned to her. She watched as he visibly took a deep breath and then leaned against the wall behind him.
“Do you know how worried I’ve been?” he asked.
Hana sighed. “I kn…”
“That was rhetorical. You know how worried I’ve been. You’ve had me checking in on you over the phone. Bringing you food and getting you to take moments to rest. You’ve seen my hold back because I know how you work, and I know it can be intense. I know that you do things a certain way and while it may seem like too much to be doing to me that you view it a different way. I know this industry is iffy and you committing to working mostly for this country’s industry is a lot because of the extra bs that comes with you not being Korean. I let shit slide because of those things. I put aside my worries because of those things, because I’m trying to be understanding. But there are limits.
“You push and push until you push me away. You’ve barely spoken to me for more than an hour in total over the last month. I have to work harder than one should to get proof you’re okay. To make sure that you’re eating and drinking. To ensure that you’re getting the rest that you need. And you don’t give a fuck.”
Throughout his speech Hana felt guilt creep in, but something about that last sentence shoved it down.
“I don’t care? How are you going to sit here and tell me that I don’t care? As if I haven’t been doing my best to keep in contact and as if I don’t always thank you for the things you do to take care of me. I’ve been busy, Yugyeom. You know how much comes up during these months and how much busier I get as tour dates get closer.”
“Fuck that busy shit!” he shouted.
That brought them to a standstill. Not because Hana felt threatened or anything, they cussed all the time so it slipping into an angry conversation didn’t faze her. But the way he raised his voice surprised her a little. It wasn’t scary, but it wasn’t like him to yell even though it had been softer than most people’s.
“Baby…” she trailed off.
Yugyeom’s face shifted from anger to a deep set frown and gentle eyes that told her he was tired and worried. Much more than he was letting on.
“I just… I want to take care of you, and I want you to take care of yourself. I get that you work hard, but you can work hard and also relax. Take moments to breathe. Have some sort of fun. You get into this work mode where it’s like you can’t seem to do anything else, even when there isn’t much else to do. And I get it, baby I do, but there has to be a line.
“And I’m selfish. Outside of you being healthy I miss you. I’ve barely seen you for a month and it’s not like we haven’t crossed paths. I miss being able to spend time with you. Making up dances in the studio just because it’s fun, taking small trips for a day or two, you yelling at me because you hate the way that I cook, and just falling asleep by your side. I haven’t held you in forever.”
As he spoke Hana rose from her seat and moved over to Yugyeom, wrapping her arms around his waist before she pulled him close. She knew she’d not been thinking about herself much and just going with the fact that she felt fine as an indicator on if she needed a break. It worked for her, but it was a dangerous way to live and despite how much she hated to realize it, lack of eating alone was enough for her to know she wasn’t as well as she thought.
That coupled with the neglect of her relationship was a reality check of epic proportions. She’d expected Yugyeom to just go with her schedule without throwing him a bone in terms of even a little affection. Plus, there was the depriving of her own touch and time needs. All of it showed her that she’d been a mess masquerading as someone with their shit together for weeks.
“I know and I’m sorry. I got wrapped up in it all and forgot myself. But even so, I shouldn’t have forgotten your needs. Forgotten that I would have to put in the effort to fix things when I finally came down to reality and not just expected you to be understanding or that I could explain it away. You deserve better than that and I’m sorry I was giving you less than.”
Yugyeom wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tight against him. His body relaxed and so did hers. Not everything was solved, and it was something they would need time to get over, but Hana knew it was the start of a good thing and that she would do better.
After a few moments Yugyeom moved away a bit and leaned down to press a kiss to her lips. It was gentle and came with a spark that made it feel like the first time. A testament to how long she’d been in self-imposed exile of his touch.
As he pulled away from her, she made the mental note to overhaul her planner to work better for herself and her relationship.
“I love you,” he said.
“I love you more.”
Yet another pout took form and as his lips parted to argue the boys reentered the room with the server right behind them.
“Sorry,” Youngjae said.
Hana waved them off. “You’re fine. We’re good.”
“Really?” Jaebeom asked.
“Yes.”
A squeeze of the hand was all she needed to be sure of it.
They enjoyed the meal without the heavy weight of tension in the room and despite how she needed to get across town the next morning Hana went with Yugyeom to his apartment without argument. She said she would do better and that needed to be immediate.
Plus, when she woke up a little later than she’d planned she couldn’t be mad, because being wrapped in his arms was the best night sleep she’d gotten in a while. She planned for it to be a repeat performance for at least a week straight.
Warning: Fluff, truly just fluff surrounded by delusions and hopes for a good Monza race, Charles being a great dad to the reader's daughter, reader daughter (Gianna) is from a previous (unmentioned) long term relationship
A/N: I know I said Logan was next, but... Charles' look in Monza has me FERAL! His hair obviously longer in the back, his smile in all the videos and stuff because Ferrari hasn't fully disappointed him 😫😫😵😵💫🫨. When I tell y'all this man is my husband and I would GLADLY have his children- 😤. This has had me unhinged all weekend and I can't even remember what it was about the post qualifying interview that made me think of this, but I wrote this in a day because Mr. Leclerc has had me hot and bothered all day. Anyway, hope you guys enjoy, whatever it is. Completely unsure of whether or not it's actually good because I'm blinded by my crush on the Monegasque driver. I promise I'll get back to our regularly scheduled programing. Love you all!!!💖💛💖💛💖💛
A/N 2: All of the pictures used for the smau portions are all from pinterest and are not my own product.
A/N 3: man petite souris = my little mouse; Désolé = sorry
____________
“Gianna, baby, sit still. You want your puffs, don't you?” You sit at the edge of the bed with your 4 year-old wriggling around in your lap, messing with Charles’ hat, the object she was nearly screaming for 5 minutes prior. You continue to gently brush back the moisturized dark coils of your daughter’s hair, glad that you had a small still window that allowed you to pull back at least one small portion of hair into a small puff. Once you were done with one side you quickly tried to pull back the other side in an effort to take advantage of your daughter's continued stillness, but just as you were going to start wrapping the elastic around the puff, Charles walks out of the bathroom, and your daughter's attention immediately goes over to him.
“Charles! Mama is putting my hair in puffs.” She runs over to Charles and looks up at him, patting the puff that you have already put in. You watch as Charles picks her up and props her on his hip to carry her back over to you.
“I see, ma petite souris. But you’ve got to sit still so your mom can finish.” He places Gia gently back on your lap and then takes the hat that fell to the floor when your daughter hopped up and put it on. As you expected, you felt a whine start to bubble up in Gia’s chest, but after dating you for just over 2 years and being around long enough to know how to field your daughter's tantrums, Charles wasn’t phased. Once he saw Gia's face start to twist up, he knelt down in front of you two and lifted up your daughter's small chubby hands in front of her. "Well now you've got to hold still for me. I have to practice." Charles then began to use your daughter's hands as the paddles on the back of his steering wheel, making the noises for the car as he does so. You take a small second to watch them, loving the sound of your daughter's giggle, the sight of Charles' bright smile with crinkled eyes. It wasn't until Charles made eye contact with you and briefly cut his eyes back at the child in your lap that you remembered the task at hand. Luckily, this was a tactic used by Charles many times before, and when they played this game, Gia worked hard to stay unmoved from the small amount of pressure being placed on her hands, which in turn kept the rest of her body considerably still, long enough for you to pull the other half of your daughter's hair into a puff and quickly clip red bows to the front of them.
"There, done." You fluff the puffs a bit with your fingers, admiring your quick work and fixing small pieces that you notice.
"No, checkered flag!" Gia bounces in place, staying stagnant in her location until Charles finishes the game. So he does, making noises simulating the car going faster, gently shaking her as he does.
“Checkered flag!” Charles mock screams, lifting Gia’s arms in the air and swiftly picks her up in a smooth motion. “What do you think? Did we finish P1 or P20?” You take the time to clean up the hair items that ended up sprawled out all over the bed at some point, not being able to take your eyes off the cute scene before you.
“P1!” Gia shouts, Charles bouncing her simultaneously with her response.
“Yeah, P1! Do you think I’m gonna win P1 today?” Charles sways the child back and forth, taking a step back when you go to walk in front of the bed, but you stop for a moment to reach around the back of his head to feel the excess hair sticking out from the bottom of his hat. “Quoi, mon amour?” He turned his head to you, wide eyes waiting for your answer.
“You’re gonna need a haircut soon, it’s getting long in the back. Which means we get to see your mom.” You smile, but at your hand that was still massaging through the long hair at the nape of his neck.
“Oh, she’ll love to hear that. I hear at least once a week how much she loves you and Gia. We can go next weekend.” Since your attention was still on his hair, you didn’t see the sweet, domestic grin that slowly presented on Charles face as his eyes danced over your features, heart fluttering at the motherly touch you gave to his head.
“Hey, you were talking to me!” Your daughter began to lightly tap the top of Charles’ hat with her open palm and you both turned to face the girl.
“Ah ah. Hands to yourself.” You were the first to answer, looking sternly at the child.
“Désolé, mama.” Gia pouts toward you, to which you proceed to gently tilt her head down so you could kiss her forehead, earning a smile from the little girl in Charles’ arms.
“That’s okay, baby.” You gently squeeze Gia’s shoulder a couple times, move your hand down so you could run it over Charles’ arm, grinning at him, then finally begin to make your way to the bathroom. “I’m gonna need to start getting in on these French lessons before I’m completely unable to understand my child.”
“I’ll schedule you for Fridays.” Charles laughs, watching you head toward the bathroom.
“Ha! Gee, thanks.” You shake your head as you tuck the hair items into one of the tote bags you brought. “I just need, maybe, 15 more minutes and then I’ll be ready to go.”
“That’s fine. Take your time, mon amour.” You disappear into the bathroom and Charles turns his attention back to the patiently waiting child in his arms. “Now, you. What do you say? P1?”
“Yeah! P1 for the Tifosi!” Gianna shouts proudly, looking expectantly at Charles waiting for him to compliment her use of Ferrari terminology.
“Where did you learn ‘Tifosi’?” Charles lets out a heavenly breathy giggle, smiling and adjusting Gianna in his arms slightly.
“Uncle Fred!” Gianna pokes at Charles’ dimples until she is finally set back down on the ground.
“Ah, I see.” It was Charles’ turn to instinctively fix small pieces of the child’s hair, also taking the time to straighten out the bows clipped to the puffs. “So, you think P1, huh?’ An unhesitating nod from the 4-year-old was all the answer Charles needed, reaching out to gently squeeze the child’s cheek. “P1 it is. Now, let's get some shoes on those feet so we can get to the track.”
________
Charles makes quick work of hopping out of his car after parking it in front of the number one sign in parc ferme and getting weighed, quickly trotting over to you and Gianna while pulling off his helmet so he could kiss you immediately upon reaching you.
“You won in Monza. Again.” Your foreheads were pressed together in the somehow simulated private moment, silence swirling around you two in the midst of celebration. That was until you both hear the small, excited voice of your daughter, hopping up and down while gently pulling at Charles’ race suit.
“You won! You won! Even with the safety car!” Charles swipes her up and nuzzles kisses into her cheek, making your daughter giggle and wrap her arms around his neck.
“I did, man petite souris. It’s because my biggest fan was cheering me on.” Charles didn’t notice exactly how long his celebration with you, Gianna and his team went on, but soon it was his turn for the post race interview and he still had Gianna in his arms. Instead of doing what was expected, and possibly required, of him, which would have been setting Gia down and letting her go back to you before doing his interview, he keeps her in his arms, only setting her down once he’s across from the interviewer, still keeping a grasp on her hand.
“Charles, what a race, especially in front of this crowd, how are you feeling right now?” As the interviewer asked Charles the simple question, Charles could feel the tiny stature of your daughter shift back behind his legs, making him smile wide before answering.
“Amazing. Simply amazing. We truly came into this race wanting to do our best. The car was great today and I can fully say that the team had no missteps. So, I’m glad to say that everything worked perfectly to produce this win.” His words were followed by the roar of Ferrari fans in the Monza grandstands, making the small girl behind his legs cling tighter to him.
“It was just as amazing to watch. And your restart under the safety car was even more amazing to watch. What were you thinking in that moment, Max right behind you?” After the question was posed, Charles felt another shift behind his legs, bending to the side slightly to rub gentle circles on the child’s back before answering.
“Erhm, staying calm. Making sure I had the timing correct. Really I was just trying not to overthink the situation. Once the safety car went in, I told myself to just push to the end. I guess it worked.” Charles lets out a breathy chuckle with his last few words, receiving a small tug to his race suit, the action by your daughter bringing the attention of your boyfriend and the interviewer towards her.
“And what did you think about the race?” The interviewer’s voice gets softer and more playful as he addresses your daughter, who is picked up by Charles after being handed his microphone.
“It was a good race.” She speaks quietly and shyly, moving the mic around.
“Speak into the microphone, petite souris. What did you tell me this morning?” Charles speaks sweetly to your daughter, smiling when she wraps an arm around the back of his neck and bringing up a hand to help her hold the microphone.
“I said that he was going to get P1. And he did! I think I’m magic.” You smile from behind the rope that separated the interview area from the rest of the track, watching the product of 2 years of numerous interactions, of listening to your daughter, of learning about her, pay off in the purest most seamless way possible. “I like seeing the Tifosi happy. I’m gonna drive for Ferrari so I can make the Tifosi happy, too.” Your daughter’s words caused the crowd to erupt in even louder cheers than when Charles initially addressed them. The smile that Gianna had could have lit up a pitch black room and the one that Charles shone toward her could have made the night sky look like the day. Charles addresses the crowd one last time, this time in Italian, before waving and carrying Gianna back to you.
“You were great out there, babycakes.” You giggle to your daughter, knowing the experience wiped out your daughter by the immediate grip her arms had around your neck. You beam up at Charles. “I’m so proud of you.”
“Thank you.” He seems to shy away from your praise but continues to hold eye contact with you, finally giving in to your gaze and bringing his lips to yours for one more long, sweet kiss. “Ti amo.”
“Ti amo.” You give him one last kiss and send him off towards the cool down room before beginning to follow the rest of the Ferrari personnel towards the podium, contemplating if you should make a short stop to lay Gianna down for a nap in Charles’ driver room.
charlesleclerc
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charlesleclerc Love my fans (and my future Ferrari driver) ❤️ 🏎️
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user1 Everyone liked that 👍🏻
yourusername All I am is a fan, huh 🤨
>charlesleclerc No, but want I want to say would not be for the eyes of children 🥵😘
user2 Y'all better have another kid soon because I need Charles to be in his Dad era, pronto
I'm 5 seconds from planning and writing F1 fanfic. Specifically F1 sibling x F1 driver. And I say that as if I have no clue who the sibling will be when it's going to be Hamilton!Reader and she's going to be his American born and raised mechanical engineering sister.
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