k.

LINKS: LIFE PHOTOS THOUGHTS

[ah-ocake-sige]

How is it okay for you to not communicate for over a week.. how can you just do it? How can you act and pretend like everything's okay..

This is not okay. I'm not okay. I miss you, i miss us.. ang sakit sakit na.

[pettymvmi-deactivated20190907]

if you’re reading this i hope you find the strength to get through whatever it is that’s causing you so much trouble or pain at the moment

[wakeupnat]

I don’t understand how I’m so sad all the time, how I feel this disconnected, how I feel so far removed from myself. There’s no word for it. I’ve said it multiple times. There’s a strange, underlying feeling that my life was never supposed to be this way.

[ah-ocake-sige]

Hi. It's been a while.

I never thought I'd get back with re-opening my tumblr.. but, I guess this is one last way for me to escape the horrible reality I'm currently in.

2023 na, fucked up pa rin buhay ko. Hindi ko na alam gagawin ko lol

[hplyrikz]

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”

— Steve Maraboli (via hplyrikz)

[ah-ocake-sige]

“There’s so much more to life than falling in love”

[ah-ocake-sige]

Lord, please guide me to whatever decision I have to make. 😢

[ah-ocake-sige]

TANGINA HINDI PA BA SAPAT?????? Sana naman una pa lang, nagsabi ka na. Na kahit anong gawin ko, hindi ko magagawang higitan yung gusto mo. Sana nagsabi ka para hindi nalang ako sumubok. Sana una pa lang, sinabi mo ng talo na agad ako. Lol I can’t believe you’d be the one to hurt me pa after the trials I’ve done to comfort you and make you feel worthy. SO DONE.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“Please don’t expect me to always be good and kind and loving. There are times when I will be cold and thoughtless and hard to understand.”

— Sylvia Plath

[khadds]

Stay away from people who use what you’ve told them in private against you.

[maiasparx]

Stay away from people who use you in private and don’t claim you in public.

[ah-ocake-sige]

I can’t believe how you’re keeping upset for too long when all I wanted for you was to ask for an apology and an explanation of why you did such thing. I guess you’ve lost interest already that’s why nagagawa mo nalang hayaan na ganito. You’re the only person who could make my heart feel light and heavy in just a snap. Anywaaaaaays, I hope I find things to make myself less upset nalang hehe 😅

[ah-ocake-sige]

Grabe, I’ve never experienced so much heaviness in my heart. Sa sobrang bigat, napapahawak nalang ako sa dibdib ko habang umiiyak. Pero iba eh, iba yung pakiramdam. My heart feels empty and heavy at the same time. Hindi ko alam kung bakit basta ang alam ko masakit at mabigat. Nakakapagod. Ang hirap kapag mag-isa. Although I appreciate my friends trying to reach out to me, iba pa rin kapag physically, mag-isa ka.

[acutelesbian]

A lot of people ask me what my biggest fear is, or what scares me most. And I know they expect an answer like heights, or closed spaces, or people dressed like animals, but how do I tell them that when I was 17 I took a class called Relationships For Life and I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it. That their lover’s once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain. Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life. Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.

[fat-thin-skinny]

this fucks me up every single time

[acutelesbian]

I never expected this to be my most popular poem out of the hundreds I’ve written. I was extremely bitter and sad when I wrote this and I left out the most beautiful part of that class.

After my teacher introduced us to this theory, she asked us, “is love a feeling? Or is it a choice?” We were all a bunch of teenagers. Naturally we said it was a feeling. She said that if we clung to that belief, we’d never have a lasting relationship of any sort.

She made us interview a dozen adults who were or had been married and we asked them about their marriages and why it lasted or why it failed. At the end, I asked every single person if love was an emotion or a choice.

Everybody said that it was a choice. It was a conscious commitment. It was something you choose to make work every day with a person who has chosen the same thing. They all said that at one point in their marriage, the “feeling of love” had vanished or faded and they weren’t happy. They said feelings are always changing and you cannot build something that will last on such a shaky foundation.

The married ones said that when things were bad, they chose to open the communication, chose to identify what broke and how to fix it, and chose to recreate something worth falling in love with.

The divorced ones said they chose to walk away.

Ever since that class, since that project, I never looked at relationships the same way. I understood why arranged marriages were successful. I discovered the difference in feelings and commitments. I’ve never gone for the person who makes my heart flutter or my head spin. I’ve chosen the people who were committed to choosing me, dedicated to finding something to adore even on the ugliest days.

I no longer fear the day someone who swore I was their universe can no longer see the stars in my eyes as long as they still choose to look until they find them again.

[sugar-coatedvenom-deactivated20]

this brought tears to my eyes

[ah-ocake-sige]

a ah putanginang buhay talaga to ayOKO NA

[ah-ocake-sige]

I’m so scared of losing you. 😢

[ah-ocake-sige]

Lord, please guide my heart. 😢

[ah-ocake-sige]

I can’t believe I still have some tears left to cry for tonight’s iyakan sesh after my non-stop mental breakdown slash kaartehan last week. Hahahahaha wala lang putangina ano bang ginagawa ko sa sarili ko, pero k lang kahit hindi na me maghilamos at mag skincare, luha lang sapat na HEHEHS bye