itβs not something he would wish on anyone, but if there was one good thing that came out of being ill, it was how it forced him savour the good days. there are days the monster takes too much space, its destructive presence leaving no room for light or love or laughter. but tonight, the monster is gone and heβs free. tonight, kenan ozdemir belongs fully to himself, alive and breathing to the beat of the earthβs pulse. itβs almost as if heβs staring at himself from a distance, acutely aware, and grateful, of his own happiness.
and whatβs not to be happy about? the further they get dcβs light pollution, the brighter the stars shine, illuminating the dark sky above virginiaβs winding roadways. a new voice croons from the car radio and almost immediately, a smile spreads across his face. hands on the steering wheel still, fingers tap to the songβs light rhythm, and as one of his feet follows along, for a second heβs grateful he isnβt driving a stick shift. despite his open mind, kenan isnβt much of a believer -Β he still hasnβt decided on ghosts or an afterlife or god.Β there is one thing, however, of which he is certain: magic exists ββ but the world calls it music.
eyes still on the road, he says, βi think when i was sixteen i had a fistfight at my friendβs party because this dude told me he didnβt believe in aliens.β there was more to it than that, perhaps some alcohol and a slur thrown at his direction, but the details were left unmentioned. it might have been a bad habit of his: phrasing old stories in a way that made his past seem silly rather than miserable. still, he preferred it that way: it meant people would look at him at face value, not burdening themselves with whatever grief still remained within. if he could look at himself and laugh, maybe everyone else would follow suit. βiβm not proud of that, but iβm still right.β
he slows, taking a moment to savour the scenery. grin bright as tonightβs full moon, he turns to the girl in the shotgun seat.Β βi mean, just look at all of that.β he waves an arm toward the stars.Β βegocentric to think itβs just us.β he pulls the brakes and the car stops. leaning forward, he folds his arms atop the steering wheel, staring at the expanse of sky from behind the frame of the windshield.Β Β βsometimes i get sad because i know thereβs too much of this universe that we canβt know in this lifetime. we might never know what ultraviolet looks like. we donβt know where outer space ends. we donβt know,β he says, nearly laughing at the thought that pops unconsciously into mind,Β βwe donβt know if the girl aliens have titties.β
she laughs a little bit too easily, but itβs in her nature to be amused without difficulty ( when youβre as in love with life as she is, it shouldnβt be very hard ). a little nod lets him know sheβs listening, while humming the tune to the song almost subconsciously; sheβs drawn to music like flies to honey, the sound to her as sugary sweet, and if thereβs one thing kitty can always smile about itβs the little melodies that slip in through the cracks of her everyday.Β βof courseΒ youβre right !β she nods, firm and certain.Β βsuch a shame he had to face the truth the hard way, though ... hopefully he knows better, now.β
as the carβs movement relaxes, kitty finds herself glancing over at him, the boy so full of lightΒ and warmth it rivals even hers ( and sheβs one of the happiest people she knows ! ). sheβs quick to follow his gaze, though, and she lets out an audible gasp; the moon is radiant, hanging over them like a light, and the plethora of stars scattered across the universe twinkle with their own everglow. the ephemerality of their light enchants her to no end, and kittyβs beam grows even wider as she places her chin between both hands.Β βit really is something else.β she murmurs in awe, almost to herself; itβs impossible not to be overwhelmed by it all ββ even more so to look up and believe they could ever possibly be the only creatures to ever experience its majesty.
his words have her nodding again, though a little softer; more thoughtful.Β βegocentric.β she repeats the word to herself, tongue rolling every syllable. creases of sadness threaten to lace her expression, though theyβre quickly pushed away, by more hopefulness, assurance ( sheβd gotten quite good at that, over the years ).Β βmaybe later on, itβll be just like wall-e !β kitty pipes up ββ though that doesnβt sound quite right. her brows furrow. βexcept weβll still be fit and healthy, and the world will still be clean ... ah, well ββ itβll be like wall-e in the sense that weβll get to travel and see everything that goes beyond, one day !β once sheβs satisfied, the singer offers kenan a bright smile, tinged with softness sheβd come to reserve for moments like these. then a giggle:Β βthenΒ youβll get to learn all about girl alien titties.β
her gaze shifts once again, transfixed by the moon and stars that hang above.Β βit really is so overwhelming ...β kitty muses.Β βheyββ if the technology comes around before we pass, i want you to go to space with me !β her tone is excited, cheerful and peppy as kitty always is, but thereβs no mistaking the underlying soft.Β βitβll just be like these drives, you know ? only this time weβll get to pass by stars and planets and all.β
